A/N Its been awhile. Too long really. We're SO sorry for the wait, but things like work and sun and well you know....they just don't wait. BUT if it makes you feel better we are chapters ahead SO (and thats a HUGE so) if you want to review there might be quicker updates. I'm just saying. It could definitely happen. As always we welcome all comments, suggestions and general swear offs :)
Off-the-deep-end continues to rock our world!
***
It's weird, you know, when you spend your entire life sleeping and waking up by yourself… or sleeping and waking up with someone on the opposite side of the bed, curled up as far away from you as possible… and then one day, or morning or whatever, you wake up with a warm leg sprawled over your ass and a soft arm draped over your neck.
And minus the whole sweating aspect, it's just the most amazing way to wake up. To feel all warm and wanted and comfortable first thing in the morning.
I scoot a little closer to her, trying not to jerk her awake, and reach out my hand. I trace a finger so softly over her cheek and try to hold back my laughter when I see the little bit of drool on her face. She's just so fucking adorable.
I tuck a strand of hair behind her ear, letting my finger trail down the side of her face, over her throat. She stirs slightly and I still. I don't want her to wake up yet. I want to just… enjoy this without any of the tension and the fear and everything else that was between us last night.
She was just so sad. So sad and so afraid of hurting me. As if she could possibly hurt me. As if I don't know about hurting people. As if the chances of me hurting her aren't so much higher than her hurting me.
I learned a long time ago about being afraid of hurt and loss. I learned that unless you stick yourself in a sad and lonely bubble, you risk being hurt every single day. I learned that you can try to protect yourself from it by distancing yourself emotionally from the people that you're too afraid to lose.
But mostly I've learned that for some people, it's worth risking. And maybe this is a little premature, but I think Bella is one of those people for me.
She groans this sexy little groan and rubs her cheek against the pillow before opening one eye. I smile at her.
"What are you doing up?" she grumbles and then closes her eye again.
I slide even closer to her, suddenly wanting desperately to feel her body against mine. I tuck more hair behind her ear and rub small circles on her scalp. "Just watching you," I whisper before I can filter the creepy stalker quality of my words.
Her eyes, unsurprisingly, pop open and I try not to laugh. "Seriously? Don't do that. It's just… don't."
And then she turns her face into the pillow and chuckles. It shakes her shoulders. I feel my smile widen as I slide my hand around her waist and pull her flush against me. "Are you laughing at me?"
"I'm laughing so I don't freak out," she says into my neck. "It seems like the better of the two options."
I slide my leg in between hers and slip my hand under the back of her shirt, rubbing it up and down her warm skin. "Don't freak out," I say and press a kiss to her ear. "I just think you're pretty."
She laughs again and my smile is starting to hurt my face. "Are you always this cheesy in the morning? Or is this just a special occasion?"
I laugh with her now and pull back so I can look at her face. "Bella," I say and shake my head, sliding my hands down again, over her ass. Because I can. She hums and presses into me. "It's always a special occasion."
"Then I think this occasion calls for breakfast in bed!" she says and rolls away from me. She almost gets off the bed before I grab her arm and pull her back down.
"I don't want food," I say and put a hand on either side of her head, knees on each side of her hips, and lean down so that our noses are touching. "Morning."
She groans. "There will be no kissing until I brush my teeth."
"That's okay," I say and dip my head, pressing my lips to her throat. "I can kiss other things."
She squirms and looks up at me through her big brown eyes. "I want to do something nice for you, love. There's plenty of time for playing. Let me make you breakfast?"
I put my hand on her cheek and search for her eyes for the reason why she might be pleading to get away and make me breakfast. "Does my breath smell?" I ask her.
She rolls her eyes. "Now you ask? Get off of me, you big ass, and let me play house."
I laugh and let her push me off of her. "By the way," I say when she's at the door. She turns around and looks at me, waiting. "We're going to get that cell phone today."
"You're still on about that?" she asks. "Are you sure it's not going to kill part of my charm? My illusiveness?"
I snort and throw a pillow at her. "Go make my breakfast, woman."
***
I turn the tiny silver object over in my hands. It looks harmless enough. I glance over at Edward who is still trying to charm the salesman into letting us share a family plan. There is a small part of me that doesn't want to have this in common. To share something like a bill because it means something. Something more than just staying the night and wanting to see each other often. It becomes like a legally binding document.
I leave the store, needing fresh air and a legitimate distraction. I blink into the sunlight and flip the phone open. The screen lights up and stares at me, waiting. My thumb takes over and presses in the only number I know by heart.
The phone rings several times and I push through the crowd to an empty bench. The metal is cold, but the sun makes up for it.
"Rebel Diamonds this is Angela speaking."
I smile at the formality of it all. Through the phone you would never know that we mostly come to work in jeans and the majority of our paperwork is organized using cartoon folders.
"Hey Ang, it's me," I reply. I can hear the stuffiness hiss from her voice.
"Where the hell have you been? You do know that you are kind of important to this mess? Like I might actually need you to show up?" she chides. Yeah, I probably should have shown up for work today. I chew on my lip and let the question go answered for a second.
"Yeah, about that. Remember how you wanted me to get out of the office more?" I lead. She chuckles, but it's not light or forgiving. My mind beings to switch gears and enter work mode. I really should have gone in today. Even if it is Saturday.
"True. At least tell me you are out doing productive things like checking the venue and dropping in on the caterers," she pleads. I glance around the street. There is probably a caterer around here, and we're only….29 blocks from the venue. That's close, kind of.
"Sure?" I'm not sure if it's possible, but I think I can hear her shaking her head through the phone. I pull it away from my face and stare at it. It may actually have magical powers.
"So if you're not going your job you must be with Edward," she sighs. I wince. Am I that readable? That can't be good. I knew this damn phone was going to suck away all my mystery.
"I'm actually calling you from my new cell phone," I answer. I hear a loud crash and then a string of curses.
"Ang? You ok?" Panic settles in and I imagine all the worst. The foremost image is a giant lizard crawling across the office.
"Sorry, I thought I heard you say you got a cell phone; made me drop my phone," Angela breathes. I chuckle. There may have been a comment made, several hundred times that I thought cell phones were the unnecessary umbilical cords of society and that no one could really be an individual without them. Or something like that.
"Edward made me," I insist. It's mostly true, but I can't lie. I'm already feeling attached to this tiny thing. Like a small friend to carry in my pocket. I'll have to name him….
"And you try to say that you're not attached. I call bull shit. You bringing your new limb to the event tonight?" Angela rambles. I can hear her multitasking through the phone. Probably because I am a lame ass boss and didn't come in yesterday, or today. I bite my lip and try to catch a glimpse of Edward still in the store. The last time I invited him it didn't go very well, but that was…then and I guess things are different now.
"I don't know if he'd want to come," I offer. Angela scoffs.
"Like hell he wouldn't want to. Is this the same guy who stalks the hell out of you any time you disappear for fifteen minutes? Trust me. He wants to come. And maybe if he's there you will actually concentrate and remind me why you are the boss and not me," Angela replies. She has a point. Maybe I could semi make up for yesterday with that. Let the event be the frosting to cover up the gaping hole in the cake. Besides I kind of like the idea of dragging him with me all over town.
"What were those places you wanted me to check in on?" I ask. Angela lets out a little whoop and I smile. She lists off several places and I struggle to write them on my hand and balance the phone on my shoulder. I keep it there long after she's hung up trying to get the last details onto my wrist. It was a long list. A long shadow is cast over me and I look up to see Edward smiling down at me.
"Saving trees?" he quips. I look down at my hand and my phone slips down into my lap. I hiss and try to grab it before it hits the ground. Of course I miss, but Edward catches it easily in his palm.
"You saved Romeo!" I cheer. He raises an eyebrow and turns the phone over in his hand several times before handing it back to me. I take it eagerly and slide it into my pocket. Perfect.
"I'm a little pissed that I didn't get to be your first phone call," he pouts. I roll my eyes. And shove him a little.
"I don't even know your number," I answer. He places his hand over his heart and winces like he is in pain. So dramatic.
"That's a little pathetic," he replies. This time I gasp in mock pain. I stand and talk away from him, easily keeping from his grasp with the crowd. I grin as I hear him huff behind me as his hand grazes my sleeve and I turn away easily. I'm half way up the block when he takes me arm and pulls me into a side alley.
My back hits the brick wall and I can't help but grin as he pushes into me. He breathes down at me and I feel my heart speed up as he leans down.
"Don't run away from me," he states. His lips press into mine before I have a chance to reply. I moan a little as his hands run up my sides and rest just under my boobs. The noise must encourage him because he moves that final inch and covers them with his hands. I slump a little against the wall as my knees shake. Damn hormones. Edward chuckles into my mouth as he abandons one boob to hold me against him.
I use his arm as leverage and tilt my head up towards his mouth taking his bottom lip into my mouth and grazing it lightly with my teeth. I smile when he groans. His hand keeps grasping and I lift my leg ever so slightly to rub against his crotch. This time his knees falter and I chuckle.
I shouldn't have done that. He attacks my mouth again, both hands holding my face in place as he pushes his tongue into my mouth. I reach around his head to bury my hands in his hair, holding him to me. I suck on his tongue taking his taste in with it. There is nothing else like it. Sweet and savory all at once.
"Mommy, why is that man eating that ladies face?"
Edward pulls away and I look over just in time to see a woman glare at us before pulling her gawking child away. I look back up at Edward and can't help the laughter that spills out of my mouth. I laugh so hard, I have to lean on him to keep my balance.
I wipe at my eyes and take a deep breath. Edward clears his throat.
"You think the kid's gonna have nightmares?" he asks. I roll my eyes and take his arms, dragging him back onto the sidewalk.
"If that's your definition of nightmares, sign me up," I tease. I wrap my arm around his waist and lean into his side. I should feel worse that we could have traumatized that kid, but I can't help but like the fire in the pit of my stomach.
"So where are we going?" he asks. He leans down and his lips tickle my ear as they move. I shudder at the sensation.
"I have some errands to run for work. For that event I told you about? The one that you are taking me to tonight," I answer. I bite my lip and duck my head, avoiding his reaction. The last time I asked and I didn't get the answer I wanted. So this time I took the guesswork out of it. After a couple minutes of silence I risk a look up at him. His eyes meet mine and he leans down to brush his lips across mine quickly.
"I don't remember you telling me about an event," he says carefully. The bottom of my stomach falls out. I untwist myself from his grasp and take a sidestep away. I cross my arms over my chest and half expect to see him reaching into his pocket, but instead he reaches for me.
"Will you stop pulling away from me? I just…don't have anything to wear," he stammers. I stop dead in my tracks. And several people around me swear as they avoid slamming into me.
"That is the lamest excuse ever. No wait, second lamest. After a dentist appointment at 8 o'clock at night," I hiss. His eyes widen. That's right. Don't think I don't remember that whopper. He just stares at me and I stalk past him.
"If you don't want to come, don't want to see me in my best moment, just say so. Don't make things up. I hate that," I yell over my shoulder at him. I don't care that several people are staring. I don't make it far before his hand is over my shoulder and pulling me back into him.
"Bella, for god's sake, I told you to stop running away from me," he seethes into my ear. I twist in his arms. There is a part of me that realizes that this is childish and that adults talk problems out, but most adults probably don't leave their past lives hidden in a closet either.
"I have things I need to get done today. If you don't want to help, don't want to come, that's fine, but I have to do this," I inform him. His eyes slide closed and he keeps me there in place. I watch the people pass around us and flash them an obnoxious grin. Stare away idiots. His breath fanning across my face brings me back.
"I'd like to take you, to see you in your element, okay? And I want to help if that's alright?" The words are slow and full of intent. I bite my lip and think about challenging him, forcing him to tell me his hesitation. But I've had enough of being a street performer for one day so I intertwine my fingers with his and sigh.
"I'd like that."
***
I didn't want to say yes. I really didn't want to say yes. What I really wanted to do was run away from her and her hurt, accusing eyes. Until she started running away from me and then it felt like someone had my lungs clenched in two tight fists. So I said yes. I agreed to meet her here even though I know it's gonna hurt. Even though it's the last place that I feel like being.
The only thing that's keeping me from spiraling into a full fledged panic attack is her.
It was maybe the first time in my entire life when somebody else's feelings took precedence over my insane, uncontrollable fear.
I unravel my scarf and pull the door to the venue open. It's noisy with laughter and music and talking and my comfort level drops to a zero as soon as I step inside. I shove my hand into my pocket because even though I had promised myself that I wouldn't carry it around anymore for Bella, I knew I'd need it tonight.
I pull my glasses off and wipe them on my scarf because they fogged up from the change in temperature. I scan the room for Bella but she's small and there are too many people in here for me to be able to locate her.
I slip my glasses back on and start pushing into the crowd. I don't know anyone here so far and I just want to find Bella so that the anxiety will release from my chest.
I finally spot her standing by the bar with a drink in her hand and her head is tilted back as she laughs at something that guy standing next to her said. While irrational, I want to be the only person that ignites that kind of laughter out of her. And the arm she has wrapped around his waist is… well, yeah.
And then her eyes meet mine and she smiles so wide and so big and I feel my heart start beating again. She waves me over and I start walking slowly through the crowd towards her until I'm standing in front of her and her friend who's looking me up and down curiously.
"You made it, love!" she says and the smile on her face grows as she puts her hands on my shoulders and leans up on her toes to kiss me.
I put my hands on her hips and pull her to me for a hug because I need one more than anything right now. "I'm here," I say and nod.
And then the guy she was talking to clears his throat. "Iz," he says and she looks away from me.
"Oh! Sorry. Edward, this is Jeb. He's on the bill tonight," she says.
Jeb. Jeb the musician. He's wearing tight jeans, a button down white shirt, and a black vest. I swallow and nod at him. "Nice to meet you," I say.
"The two of you are…" his voice trails off as he looks back and forth between Bella and me.
"Together," I say tightly.
And then he grins and says, "Wow, Iz, no shit. He doesn't look like your type at all."
"Just because he doesn't look like you doesn't mean he's not my type, idiot," she says with a laugh and then she squeezes my hand once and steps away, towards the bar, next to him.
Well, that was really comforting. Jeb laughs again and puts his arm around her neck, pulling her close to him. "If you can keep this kid in a relationship for more than four weeks, all the power to you," he says to me.
I narrow my eyes. What the fuck is that supposed to mean? Bella looks uncomfortable suddenly and pulls away from him. She rolls her eyes and slaps his chest and says, "Shut the hell up." He laughs. "Get your ass on stage and make me some money."
"Aright, aright," Jeb says, hands raised in the air. "It was nice meeting you, man."
"Yeah," I say with a nod.
"I'll see you later," he says to Bella and brushes his lips against her cheek.
She turns to me then and says, "I'm glad you're here," before she leans up and brushes her lips against mine for a sloppy kiss.
But I pull away. Because I just met one of Bella's former… lovers? Somebody that touched her and kissed her. And I can't get the image of his hands on her out of my mind.
She frowns up at me and tilts her head to the side. "Since when don't you do PDA?"
Since that douche bag just insinuated a million and one different things. Since he touched you and probably kissed you at some point in a place just like this.
But I don't say any of those things. I just shake my head. "There are too many people here."
She pulls away from me and wraps an arm around herself. The knuckles on the hand holding her drink are white. I can tell I've upset her.
"You dated that guy?" I try for nonchalance but I probably failed.
"I guess you could call it that. He was my distraction for a while, but it was never… it wasn't the same as…" her voice trails off and her eyes scan the room. And then she starts fucking walking away from me. This has to fucking stop.
She turns around though before I can grab her and says, "Maybe you shouldn't have come. You don't have to stay if you don't want. I have lots of asses to kiss and you could go home." And then a painfully large and fake smile stretches across her face.
"I didn't ask for a fake smile and I don't need permission to leave," I tell her, my voice a low grumble. "I asked you a simple question. If you're gonna use some half assed excuse because you don't want me here, you shouldn't have invited me in the first place."
An older couple walks by and stops to congratulate her at the most inappropriate time. She smiles big and fake for them too and thanks them. When they're gone, she turns back to me and her eyes are dark now.
Well, good. I'm glad I pissed her off. I'm pissed off.
She grabs my arm and pulls me into a dark corner before leaning towards me. "I wanted the man I've been spending my nights with here," she says and jabs me once hard in the chest. "The guy who lets me rub my cold feet against his. Not the asshole you came as. Sorry if I didn't make that designation."
I grab her finger so that she'll stop jabbing me with it. "I'm trying to figure out where I fit in here. This… this is sort of uncomfortable for me," I say and motion to the club with my hand, grasping desperately for the words that will make her understand. "And he had his fucking hands all over you."
She rolls her eyes sharply at shoves me further into the corner. "If you want to act like a child, then stay here in the corner like one. I have work to do."
She turns to walk away from me but I grab her arm and spin her back around. I turn so that her back is pressed against the wall. "I'm acting like a child?" I lean in so that my lips are hovering right above her ear.
I wrap my hands around her ribs, holding her in place. "Is that what I'm doing, Bella? Really?" My hands slide down to her hips and I pull her tightly against me. "Because a child is the last thing that I felt like when I saw him touch you. And I definitely don't feel like a child right now."
She wiggles and squirms against me. "What do you want me to say, Edward?" she spits out at me. "You want me to tell you that I've never been with anyone before you? That I was a virgin before you? That I had waited my whole life for you to deflower me? You know that's not true. Just like I know there were others before me. Hell, the fact that I know that Godzilla Bitch was there before me makes it a small miracle that I let you anywhere near me."
She stops and takes a few deep breaths and I don't let go of her even though she just verbally slapped me. "Put away your little green monster; be that man who is mine. Please," she says.
I nod and lean in to press my lips against hers. "I'm sorry." I kiss her again, this time deeper. And fuck, I want her so badly.
Her arms go around my neck as she parts her lips for me. And then she's pushing me away. "You're okay? We're okay? Cause I really need to work now? And if you can handle it you can tag along," she teases and places a quick kiss on my throat.
"Yeah," I nod and run my hand through my hair. I need to get a handle on myself.
The next two hours pass by in a blur of endless hand shaking and fake smiling and drinking. Her smile never falters as she breezes around and charms everyone from people our own age to older men. They all fucking love her. Not that I blame them.
"Izzy!"
My head snaps around at the loud, deep voice that shouts out her name just in time to see her being scooped up in a fierce hug. Her feet are dangling and she's laughing and wrapping her arms around his neck.
"Put me down, you ass. When are you going to learn that I am not a toy?"
He laughs, a booming loud laugh, and presses a kiss to her lips before putting her back down. She smacks his arm and grabs for my hand, which was going for my pocket.
Fuck me, right?
I arch an eyebrow at her. "Friend?" I ask because I'm trying but shit this is hard.
"Edward, this is Chris—the ghost of mistakes of my past. Chris, this is Edward—my reformed pencil neck."
Chris throws his head back and laughs. And the sound is so obnoxious but she called him a mistake and me hers, right? I link my fingers with her and extend my other hand to shake his.
"It's good to meet you, Izzy's reformed pencil neck. Whatever the hell that means. And I am not the ghost of mistakes of your past. The ghost of mistakes of your past is that tool on the stage," he tells her.
And I laugh because, well, I agree.
Bella rolls her eyes at both of us. "Well, I've made a lot of mistakes," she says and shrugs. "It's all part of growing up, right? But I don't make mistakes like either of you anymore."
Chris feigns hurt but before he can respond, Jeb is clearing his throat into the microphone.
"If I could just have everyone's attention for a minute," he says and then waits for the room to quiet down. "I wrote this next song for a very special girl. She's here tonight—you probably know her- she put this whole thing together. Here's to you, Iz."
I feel Bella stiffen in my arms and then I hear Chris snort before he shouts, "Get on with it, Jebby. It's enough that we have to tolerate your music—nobody wants to hear you speak."
And then everyone is laughing and Bella is jabbing Chris in the stomach with her elbow.
Jeb laughs and shakes his head before he starts singing. "Earth to Bella, you think you've got it all figured out. Earth to Bella, everything you know is wrong (well almost). Earth to Bella, I see where you are not listening. I bear the burden of being that voice that let's you know we all grow old. And before you swim you've gotta be okay to sink."
Bella? That's mine. He called her Bella? I look down at her and she's shaking her head. Who the hell does this guy think he is? And why the fuck are my glasses getting foggy?
"Earth to Bella, the world can be an unfriendly place so hold your head up and do your best to save some face. It's not so hard, just undo yourself and see a second sun ascend."
Everyone claps. Well, everyone except for me. I take my glasses off and wipe them on my shirt. I feel like I'm missing something huge. Something that everybody else knows about Bella except for me.
"Fucking arrogant idiot," I hear Bella mutter. "Serious fuckwad."
"I'm gonna have to agree," I mumble back and nod.
"Told you he was a bigger mistake than I was," Chris adds.
"I totally have to second that," a fourth voice adds. Angela is standing behind us now. "Even if you skipped out on her birthday to go to a fucking Mets game. The shittiest team in this country."
He laughs and pulls Angela into another one of his huge hugs. "Where the hell have you been all night?" he asks.
She slaps him. "Hiding from you. Iz, I just came to tell you that I'm gonna head out now. I'll drop off the donation slips by the office on my way home."
"Oh, I can do that," Bella says. "You've been working too hard lately. Go home, relax."
"I can help you relax," Chris says and trails a hand down her arm. She slaps him again.
"You sure?" she asks Bella.
"Sure as shit. Please go home and be lazy so I can feel like I work harder than you even though it's a lie. Besides, Edward needs to cool off a little."
Angela pats my chest and gives me a sorry look. "You have better hair than him," she says and hands Bella the folder.
"I don't need to cool off," I say, because I can't think of anything else and because I don't need to cool off. What I need to do is break the douche bag's guitar.
***
I can feel him brooding behind me. Yes, behind me. This entire trip he's been lingering just far enough behind that it would be hard to reach out to touch him, but close enough that I can feel the anger roll off of him. Maybe I shouldn't have invited him to the event. I knew that some of my past…indiscretions would be there. But I guess the optimist in me hoped that the planets would align and maybe one or two of them could hold their tongues. Obviously that was not the case.
A heavy sigh trembles through me as I push open the door to the office. Things might have been salvageable if it weren't for that damn song. Damn Jeb and his overly romantic mind. Not that I would even call what we had romantic. I met him after a long night with my friend Jose, the bottle, and shortly after Jose's aftermath retreated I realized that Jeb was little more than a puppy looking for a muse. And I was a shit muse.
I flip on a desk lamp and pull open one of the file cabinets. I leaf through til I find the Smurfs folders and then shove all the paperwork inside. There's a slight feeling of accomplishment in that act and for a moment I resent Angela for never letting me in on it. But the moment is fleeting. I'm sure I'll forget the feeling in a second and let her bask in it. She deserves all the little moments she can get.
The slight high serves its purpose and I almost forget about my moping shadow. I turn around and nearly into him. He stands firm, no evidence of any faltering. I steady myself against his chest, but his hands remain firmly at his sides. Once my balance is regained and all chance of tumbling to an awkward heap on the floor is avoided I step around him. This is ridiculous.
I make my way back to the door and realize that my shadow as stopped. I'm tempted to just lock his ass in the office, let him cool down and think about how it's only acceptable for 14 year-old boys to act like a jealous fool, not grown pencil neck men. The key is turned half way in the lock before I turn around to collect my mess. Because despite it all, he is my mess.
While I take the few steps back to him I can feel my anger build up again. The past is my past and obviously them being idiots is why they aren't my present, but there are few excuses for my present. The evening flashes back through my mind like a horror highlight reel and I cringe when I think of who might have heard or seen or exchange. I was at work, the people who could very well hold my fate in their hands got to see the nastiness of jealousy and insecurity played out for free. And somehow I doubt any of them enjoyed the show.
The moonlight spills through the window and wraps around his form. If I wasn't so mad I would want to take a picture. I cross my arms over my chest and resist the urge to tap my foot.
"I'm all wrapped up here so I'm going to head home. I think it'd be a good idea for you to head to yours as well. Maybe take a cold shower, grow up a little…." I trail off at the end and almost feel bad about the bite in my tone, but to hell with it. Honesty is the answer right?
He doesn't turn to face me, but that doesn't stop me from hearing his snort.
"We're back to that again are we?" he sneers. I step back at the venom in his voice. I steel my jaw, take two steps back towards him and put my hand on his shoulder. I try to turn him to face me, but there's this problem in that he's a lot bigger than I am. I dig my fingernails in a little deeper than I need to and he reluctantly turns. His eyes are hard and his mouth is set.
"You honestly think that after how you acted tonight, while I was working, that I would want to take you home and sleep with you? Honestly Edward. You're a smart guy. Don't act dumb," I chide. It's condescending, but it works. His nostrils flare as he continues to stare me down. His eyes send an unwanted fire through me. Damn my traitorous body. He takes a step towards me and grabs my wrist.
"You can't possibly blame me, Bella," he answers. My eyes grow wide with his words. Who else would I blame? The Easter Bunny?
"It would be hard to blame anyone else. Those two; they're just people who happened to be a brief part of my past, barely worth mentioning. Honestly I wish I could forget about them, mostly Jeb, but you…I expected more from you love, you're supposed to be better than them."
The words stutter past my lips coming more softly with each second. I take several deep breaths which is a mistake because it brings his scent that much closer to me, drowning me in his nearness. I take a step back and try to gather my anger. He can't get away with this simply because I can't control my hormones.
"How could you?" And I really want to know the answer. He tears his eyes from mine for a moment and sighs. When he looks back up at me, the hardness is still there, but muted.
"I saw these guys who were all so much different from me…and they all had a piece of you. And I know it's not realistic, but it just ate at me. I want to be the only person who touches and kisses you," he breathes. My face heats up at his admission. He reaches out and grasps my hip, his fingers molding into my skin.
"You are the only person love. But you can't act like an ass when you meet people who have before. I'm not a saint. I've never pretended to be one. Can you handle that? Can you handle knowing that there were men before you? Because its part of who I am and I don't have the patience to let you have a fit every time one of them makes an appearance," I state.
I stand tall with my words. I'm not overly proud of my 22, but they exist. They brought me here to this moment and he should appreciate that. Appreciate that they were part of making me what he seems to like so much. Even if what I am is entirely fucked up.
"I can't promise that," he replies. And I feel another burn take over. I clench my teeth and my fists. Why the hell can't be just read me? Why can't he just see that I don't want those other men? Words fail me and yet he is forcing me to use them again and again. Well screw his way.
I reach out and push him back a little. He stumbles more from the shock of the motion than my strength. I take advantage of his surprise and shove him again. He hits the edge of Angela's desk and glares at me a little. And I'll take it. Being a bully is too much fun. I don't give him time to talk, to react. Instead I shove his jacket off his shoulders and push it down his arms before throwing it behind us. His tie is next to go as I roughly tug it away from the confines of his collar.
Once I have access to his chest I pull the buttons apart and press my palms into his chest. He hisses as my cold hands roam the expanse of his flesh. And then I dig my nails in, creating red paths as I drag them down his skin.
"Can you feel this?" I ask. His eyes are hooded with lust and pain. I lower my head to meet his gaze. I press even harder, careful not to break skin.
"This is me and you. No Jeb, no Jeb's damn guitar and no song. Just you and me. Because this is where I want to be," I state. His shirt falls to the floor and I dive in for his neck. His groans almost distract me as I suck on the skin below his ear. His head falls to the side and I suck harder determined to make my point.
"And that is me marking you. Marking you because I can, because there isn't anyone else I want to wear my mark. Only you," I whisper in his ear. I lick the rim of his ear before pulling away to look in his eyes once more.
"They are the past. And if you can let them stay there then you can be my now," I say slowly. I watch as his Adams's apple bobs slowly. I follow the motion and place my lips there next, tugging and biting on the tight skin there. I can feel his breath as he tries to keep it even. I reach around him and drag my nails down his back this time, loving the feel of my groan under my lips.
I pull away and survey my work. There are several purple spots on his neck and the angry red lines my fingers drew are screaming out from his chest. I reach behind me slowly and pull the zipper of my dress half way down. I slip my arms out of the dress and let it fall to my waist.
I meet his eyes and feel my heart rate race. With just a look, the power this man has over me; and he's fucking worried about two losers I went out with a few times. The cool air hits my bare chest and I shiver a little. And then I wait. Wait for him to return the favor, to take a hint, but he just stares.
I reach out and take his hands and place them over my breasts. His breath hitches and I smirk. Men and breasts, works every time.
"You want me to be only yours? Show me then," I tell him. This time he doesn't waste time. His lips are on my collarbone. I feel all the air in my lungs escapes as his lips suck on my skin. His teeth graze the skin and my eyes roll back in my head. He takes his time on the spot. Licking, sucking and no doubt leaving a nice mark. I keep my hands at my side, letting him have his moment.
He raises his head and smirks at me, leaving me even more breathless. Then he ducks his head and starts in on the skin between my breasts. When his warm breath fans across the sensitive skin I can't hold back.
I weave my fingers into his hair and press his mouth firmly against my chest. His arms wraps around my back holding me to him. My back arches into his lips and in this moment I feel like I could stay like this forever. Forget Angela and Jake coming in on Monday. They can just work around us.
He pulls away and I whimper at the loss of contact. He raises his head and presses his lips to mine. I waste no time opening my mouth to him. I savor the taste of him in my mouth. Everything addictive with a trace of my salty skin. I tilt my head for better access. He pulls away and my mouth unconsciously follows after his.
His lips then rest near my ear.
"Mine."
The simple word sends shivers down my spine. His hands find the zipper at my back and then my dress pools at my feet. He stands and towers over me. I try to reach for his belt, but he bats my hands away, instead reaches under my ass and pulls me up, my legs instinctively wrap around his waist and he groans as our centers meet. He stumbles forward and my back meets the cold glass of the window.
I should be worried about anyone below getting a show, but all I can feel is his hard length against me and the slow rocking movements I can't stop my hips from making. My hands trail down his chest between us and this time he doesn't pretest as I reach for his belt.
He takes my bottom lip into his mouth as I work at his belt. He continues to suck and even bites a few times at my lip. Then I taste it, the coppery flavor, but I don't pull away. I flip open the button of his pants successfully and push them down. He releases my lip for a moment.
"Mine."
Again he says it. I press myself against him roughly and he growls. I resist the urge to chuckle as he turns us and heads back to the desk. He lays me out on top of the desk and I briefly wonder what of Angela's paperwork we are about to defile.
I prop myself up on my elbows and watch as he pulls my underwear from my legs. His eyes flutter up to mine as he presses his lips into my inner thigh, so close to where I need him the most. I whimper as he begins to suck and nip there. His lips move slowly upward, ever closer.
His breath fans over me and I can't help but shiver and buck my hips. His lips get closer and his tongue darts out to part my lower lips. I shudder out a breath.
"All fucking mine," he breathes and just his breath about undoes me. I grab his hair and pull him back up to my lips. I take his top lip into my lip and bite as hard as I dare. I pull him between my legs and press myself even closer to him. I keep his lips to mine and push his boxer briefs down with my feet. I can't handle any more of this dancing around the issue.
His fingers trace down my body and I can feel him inching towards where I want him, but I want something else, something better. I pull his hand away from me.
"I want you. Nothing else," I whisper. His eyes meet mine and then I feel him there. I press my lips then my teeth into his shoulder as he slides into me. There is nothing slow or gentle about his movements. I wrap my legs and arms around him and let him slam into me. The friction is amazing and his movements are stretching me in a different direction with every stroke. I can only be still for so long and I meet his movements.
"I've been thinking about you all day. Wanting you all day. Like this. Do you remember the first time I found you here?" he whispers into my ear. I can only nod, too overcome by every sensation.
"I wanted you then, right here, like this," he adds. I think about that first day and his shiny shoes, but then he thrusts again and all rational thought has left.
Each motion has a tint of pain, but it only makes it that much better. I reach up and bury my hands in his hair and pull his mouth back to mine. Our breaths mingle in our open mouths and I suck his tongue into my mouth.
The burn expands through my belly and I feel his pace pick up even more. A strangles moan works its way through my throat and I feel myself clamp down on him. He groans into my mouth.
"Say it," he demands. He doesn't have to tell me what he wants me to say.
"Yours."
The word is choked out, but it has the same meaning. I'm sure where his hips are meeting mine will have a mark as well, but it feels too good to think about the bruises that will be there later.
"No one else makes you feel like this but me. No one else touches you like me," he tells me. His hands grasp my breasts and I gasp. His touch is firm, demanding, but fucking amazing.
"You're mine now," he adds.
"Fuck." It seems appropriate as I feel him spill into me. I clutch on to him, ignoring the sheen of sweat between us making it hard to keep a good grip.
"No one else," I tell him, my slick forehead pressed to his. He nods. It's a small promise to make, no sacrifice needed. Because no one else has gotten this close. No one else has been in so much danger of being torn apart, but I can't let go just yet. It feels too damn good.
He presses his face into my hair and takes several breaths. I turn into his touch. I whimper when he pulls away and props himself up on his elbows. His eyes meet mine and I smile lazily still weak from my release. Suddenly he flips us over and I'm laying on top on him. I curl into his chest and rest my ear on his heart. As corny as it is it just feels close. Like I can get any closer than we just were.
He pulls me away and traces his fingers over my skin, over the bruises on my collarbone and between my breasts and then resting on my hips. I wince as his fingers press into the tender skin.
"I'm sorry. Baby, I'm sorry I hurt you," he breathes, bending down to kiss the skin there. My brow furrow and I pull his face back up. Sorry? This again?
"Don't fucking apologize for showing me how you feel. Don't you dare," I warn. He keeps his eyes away from mine and takes a loose piece of my hair and twists it between his fingers.
"How badly did I hurt you?" he asks. I sigh and hold his face between my hands.
"How much is none? That was perfect love. It was what we felt. It was you and me, it was the best conversation we've ever had," I insist and hope he knows what I mean. Sometimes you don't need words to communicate. He finally meets my eyes and runs his hands up and down my back. And then the smirk. My whole body warms at the sight.
"Well in that case, wanna go home and have a round two?" he asks. I laugh and slide of the desk, gathering my clothes. I pull my dress on and stop at the door.
"You coming?" I ask. I chuckle as he stumbles around the room searching for his clothes. Just me and him. Just us. I can do this.
***
A/N- song credit is Earth to Bella by Incubus
For some reason I forgot to credit this amazing band originally