A/N- WOW. you guys are the shit. seriously. those of you who reviewed blew us away. AMAZING. you all get cookies and a free audit by pencil neck edward. the rest of you.....come by, visit, drop a review. it's the cool thing to do. you know you wanna....

so moving along.....off-the-deep-end is a rock star. we scream like teenies in her presence. enough of my rambling. enjoy :)

***

She left.

It's the first thing that pops into my head when I open my eyes and find myself in her bed without her.

She left me.

She doesn't love me.

And the ache in my chest is so strong I have to sit up so that I can breathe.

My eyes hurt, my heart hurts, my everything hurt.

I stand up and walk downstairs. I don't want to but I have to.

I find Emmett sitting at the kitchen table and when he sees me he offers me a small smile.

"You hungry or anything?" he asks.

I shake my head and sit down in the seat across from him. We sit there silently for a few minutes until he stands up and comes back with a bottle and two shot glasses. After he fills them, I take mine without question and pour it back, welcoming the burn that takes the attention away from the pain in my chest for a moment.

I slide it back and he refills it.

"I told her that I love her," I say after I take the second shot.

He nods and pours another shot. It'll be my last. For now anyway.

"I told her that I loved her and she got up and left in the middle of the night."

I take the third because saying that out loud hurts more than thinking it does.

"Emmett," I say after a few minutes of silence. I'm tired of hearing myself think. "Why couldn't she just say that she wasn't ready yet?"

He spins the glass around on the table before he looks up at me. "She's…" his voice trails off as he stares at a spot over my shoulder.

"She's what?"

"Izzy had it sort of rough growing up. Her dad left them when she was a kid and her mom… well; let's just say that some people just aren't born with any sort of maternal instinct."

I don't know what that means and he's taking his time with his words so I pull my phone out and check it. Still nothing. I bang out a text message quickly though and then look back up at him.

"Her mom was more into men than her daughter. And by men, I mean a lot of men. Renee goes through boyfriends the way most women go through boxes of tampons," he says and then flinches. I'm sure my face mirrors his grimace.

"And Iz sort of grew up watching Renee recycle men. Love them then treat them like garbage. And I think that she's afraid of turning into her mom. So she always makes sure that she pushes people away before she can hurt them."

I wrap my hand around the shot glass until my knuckles are white. "That's fucking stupid," I say finally. Because it is.

But suddenly everything that she said about hurting me… this is what she meant. If she didn't want to hurt me, all she had to do was fucking stay. I don't need love words, I don't need any of that, I just needed her and she left.

He nods in agreement. "Look, I know she'll be back. She hates it there so she'll come back. And you just need to be ready to fight when she comes," he says.

"Where is she?" I ask suddenly.

He looks uncomfortable. "At her mom's."

"Where?" I press.

"Honestly, in California. But I couldn't even begin to tell you where."

"So I get the shitty job of sitting around and waiting for her to come back," I clarify.

"Look, she needs space. If you go after her now, it'll just make it worse."

***

The time difference makes it early when the cab drops me in front of my Mother's house. I walk around to the back and pull open the window to the kitchen that is always open. It's a small miracle no one else has ever taken advantage of this. I fall to the floor and curse and as I try to lift the suitcase in the same way.

"Fuckety fuck," I whimper as my palm catches a loose nail and it tears a path through my skin. I let the suitcase fall back to the ground. Screw it. I'll get it later. And if someone wants to take it, I'll make mother buy me more. It's not like she doesn't try every time I come home. I stare at my hand in wonder.

The cut is so close to the healed one from the zoo. I use my other hand to trace the pink line and watch as the red covers it completely. The blood pools in my palm and threatens to spill over and only then to I walk to the sink. Mother doesn't like things being dirty unless it's her doing.

The water stings like hell, but the physical pain is a welcome break from the more demanding pain still thriving in my chest. I let the water continue until the red is clear rather than pink. Then I wrap a dishtowel around it. I wander through the rooms seeing the evidence of my mother's new hobby. And she should definitely find a new one.

The color combinations are horrible and the rooms are too full of furniture. When the wooden bench in the sitting room looks appealing I know I have to lay down. I climb the stairs and open the door to the yoga retreat that used to be my room. If you look hard enough you can still see traces of the blue paint that was my walls.

I collapse on a yoga mat and reach for the hollowed out Buddha where my mother keeps her secret to relaxation, Xanex. I pop one in my mouth and hope that it will keep him at bay.

I close my eyes and see his face immediately. The tears come to my closed eyes and I sigh. I chew on my cheek until the pill kicks in and all I see and feel is black. How appropriate.

***

I sit down cross-legged on the floor of my storage room. The record player is in front of me, my guitar is in my lap, and the Dylan record Simon gave me is next to the record player.

I stare at it for a long time before I take it out and place it on the machine. It starts playing and I skip forward until I find the one I'm looking for.

I hold the guitar as the music starts, but even she reminds me of Bella. Bella was the last person to touch Jolene.

"Though I know that evenin's empire has returned into sand/ Vanished from my hand/ Left me blindly here to stand but still not sleeping./ My weariness amazes me, I'm branded on my feet/ I have no one to meet/ And the ancient empty street's too dead for dreaming."

The tears are rolling again, spilling over my cheeks and onto my hands. For everything I've lost. Because it's all been my fault.

I just want to find her. I want her to be here, to wrap her arms around me, to tell me that I can hold her hand. I need her hand. I just… I need Bella.

I leave everything out because there's no chance of anyone finding it now, and walk into the living room. Her dress is still in a heap on the floor so I bend down to pick it up.

I hold it up to my face and just inhale her.

I think I need to get out of here.

***

"I almost called the police you know."

I peel one eye open and look up into the unamused face of my mother. I roll over and pull one of her yoga jackets over me as a blanket.

"First the open window in the kitchen and then the trail of blood. I had a baseball bat, Isabella," she states, kicking my still shoed foot. I groan and sit up. I rub at my eyes and lean against the wall.

"How are you Renee?" I ask with a yawn. She may be my mother, but she refused to be called that in public. She rolls her eyes and straightens her already pristine skirt. I glance down at Edward's now rumpled clothing and know that she is not pleased with my appearance.

"It is customary for people to call when they are going to visit Isabella," she pushes. I'm not sure what the point of this conversation is. Isn't the point of having a home not having to ask to visit? Another one of the many reasons this was never home.

I pull out my cell phone and switch it on fully intending to call her just to be cheeky. The phone powers up and then my stomach drops. Ten missed calls. I drop the phone and pull myself closer to the wall and away from it. That was not part of the plan. He wasn't supposed to call.

"What is wrong with you Isabella? You come home looking like a hobo and bleed all over my house and then pass out in the yoga room. Not that you have ever been normal, but this is odd even for you," Renee states. I don't try to answer because the hole in my chest is like a gaping crevice and everything other part of me is threatening to teeter in and then I think I might cease to exist.

"You said you wanted to see me," I finally stutter out. She rolls her eyes in true mother fashion and throws her hands in the air like I truly am an oddity of nature and not her daughter.

"I'm not in the mood to go round and round with you. Come find me when you are feeling more conversational," she orders and then storms out of the room. Immediately I let my body sprawl back on the floor and my fingers make work of chipping away at the taupe paint to revel speckles of blue.

There is no comfort in this place, no solace. But at the very least there is no Edward either. Except for the pieces of him that I carried here with me. I curl into a ball and find something very appealing about lying on the floor rather than on a bed. Like it's some kind of real punishment, because I should be punished.

The only thing that being here does is shows me what I don't want to be. Why I continue on the way I do. Because I can not become her. I can't be the cold calloused person she is. I refuse to do that. So I will witness her destruction and feel better for sparing everyone. Mostly for sparing him.

I clench my eyes shut and a horrible thought passes through my mind. Maybe I was too late. Maybe I let things get to far before I pulled out and suddenly every memory I have of the men my mother tossed aside has Edward's face and I fell nauseous.

I force myself to curl into an even tighter ball. Almost like I could fold myself into the hole in my chest. I hope he isn't feeling this. Maybe he just went to a movie or decided to do his laundry or…. this is shitty, lying to myself.

My phone beeps from the floor near me and I pull further away from it. I'm not ready, but even the chance of it being him makes my hand reach out without my permission. When the screen lights up in front of my face I dry heave at the words.

'You didn't have to leave. I miss you.'

Yes I did. And no way in hell more than I miss you. And yet even that doesn't stop me from tossing the phone across the room without reply. He just needs a couple of days and then he'll see. See that he's better without me.

***

How did I get here? How did I become the person that loses everyone? I wonder if I pissed someone off in a past life. I don't know what I've done to deserve this.

I love the drive out to Montauk. I love sitting on the highway for forty straight miles. And I love getting off of the highway onto the small town roads in the Hamptons where the air smells like the ocean and nothing else seems to matter.

The only problem with this drive is the quiet. Even with the radio on, I can't stop thinking about her. She responded to my text hours after I sent it and all she sent was a picture of shoes. Shoes.

She got up and left me in the middle of the night after I told her that I fucking loved her, and then she sent me pictures of a pair of shoes.

And I'm pissed.

I left Hannah because Bella made me realize that I deserved more. And now Bella… well, this is worse than anything that Hannah ever inflicted on me. So much worse. Maybe because I didn't love Hannah. Maybe because Hannah shoved me into her little box of perfection and Bella set me free and then left me flailing around in that freedom.

Like a fish out of water that nobody will let die.

A fish wouldn't know how to survive outside of the water. I don't know how to do this without Bella. I don't know how to fucking accept the fact that I love her and she doesn't love me. I don't know what to do with all of this. I don't know how I got here.

I pull up to the house and turn the car off. I rest my head on the steering wheel and just take a few deep breaths. My decision to come here was rash and now I don't know if it's where I should be.

But I'm here now and I can't turn back. And I needed to be somewhere Bella-free. Somewhere with someone that understands better than anyone what it's like to lose the person that you love. Someone who understands me.

I get out of the car and walk up to the door. I lift my fist to knock but it swings open before I can.

I'm knocked back by the force of her embrace and then I just wrap my arms around her and squeeze. The tears spill again because she's so familiar and because she's love but she's memories that fucking hurt.

She pulls away and slaps my arm once hard. "Where the hell have you been?" she asks. "Skye keeps asking if her uncle went to heaven, Edward."

I wipe my face and let out a small laugh. Even as a child Alice had a flair for the dramatics. "I saw you guys a few months ago," I say and lean in to kiss her cheek.

"Well, come inside before those tears freeze on your face."

She wraps a hand around my wrist and drags me in. "Skye!" she shouts even though it's 9 at night. "There's a surprise!"

I hear the shuffling of feet that can only belong to a child and then she's running down the stairs. I scoop her up before she hits the bottom of the steps and crush her to my chest.

"Edward!" she squeals and wraps her little arms around my neck tightly.

I just hold her to me because she's just so small and perfect and full of love. "How's my favorite niece?" I ask when I set her down.

And she's the perfect combination of Alice and Jasper. And looking at her hurts. "I'm your only niece," she says.

"Yeah, so?" I ask with a little laugh and kneel down in front of her. "You're getting too big. Can I have my kiss?"

She puts her hands on my cheeks and leans in and places a kiss directly on my lips. "Al, this kid's gonna be trouble," I say teasingly.

"Long as she's not as bad as you or me or Jasper I think we'll be okay," Alice says with a small laugh. "Aright, brat, time to say goodnight."

"But, mom," Skye whines, "I wanna stay with Edward. He just got here."

"He'll read you a story and tomorrow morning we can have pancakes together," Alice tells her.

I'm still not used to this version of Alice. My aunt always used to shake her head and say that if it weren't for the fact that they were attached, she'd forget her arms in the morning. And now she's a fucking mother, a single mother, and it's just fucking mind boggling.

And then Skye looks up at me through her big blue Jasper eyes. "Can they be star shaped with M&Ms?"

"Whatever you want," I say with a nod.

"And can we read Goodnight Moon?" I nod again. "Twice?"

I laugh and lift her up because I can't say no to her ever. "You'll get bored," I tell her and start the climb up the stairs.

I drop her down on her bed and she giggles up at me. "Edward?"

"Yeah, baby?" I ask and sit down next to her, tucking her into the bed.

"I missed you."

I tap her nose and then pull her into my chest. "You just missed me because I give you chocolate."

"Nuh-uh," she says and then turns to face me on her knees. "I missed you because I love you."

I pull her onto my lap and kiss her forehead. "I missed you too, kid."

She lays back against my chest as I start reading the book to her. When I finish, I tap her shoulder. "You still awake?"

"Yes. Can you read it again?"

"No," I tell her and tickle her. "But I can tell you a story if you want."

"About anything I want?" she asks, and twists her head to look up at me.

"Anything you want."

"Will you tell me about my daddy?" she asks softly and I feel my heart break all over again—for the fifth or sixth time in two days.

"Why don't we save that for tomorrow?" I choke out because I can't talk to her about him, not when it's my fault that she never got to meet him.

"Edward?"

"Yeah?"

"Mama says that you miss people cause you love them. But do you get to love someone if you don't know them?"

Each word slams into my already fractured heart. "Of course," I whisper to her.

"Because I miss my daddy," she says and I've had enough. I flip her around and pull her up to my chest for a hug. "Do you think he misses me?"

"Yes," I tell her even though speaking is becoming increasingly difficult. "I'm sure he misses you. And I know that he's still loving you and watching you."

"From the stars, right? That's what mama says."

"From the stars," I say softly. "It's time for bed."

"M&M pancakes tomorrow?" she asks excitedly, because that's how children are.

I tuck her in and kiss her nose. "Love you, kid."

"Love you more," she says, because this is our ritual.

"How much?"

"To the moon and back," she says and yawns. "Goodnight."

***

"Renee tells me that you work in the Music Industry." I look up over my Long Island Iced Tea at mother's number 2345. Or somewhere close to that number. He seems nice enough, decent looking, old enough to not cause stares, but not worthy of the looks Renee is currently throwing him. I want to gag, but that would waste the healthy buzz I have working. And my buzz is my only friend right now.

Buzz. I almost groan out loud as Edward infiltrates my thoughts again. I flag down the waiter and order a shot of tequila and Renee tisks her tongue disapprovingly. Calm down mommy dearest. I can hold my liquor.

"Renee is embellishing. I run a non-profit for school music programs," I correct. My mother thinks non-profit is a waste of my time and trust fund. Good thing granddaddy didn't put her in charge of my money. 2345 raises a curious eyebrow and glances at Renee who I think is trying to smile flirtatiously. Good Lord there went any thought of eating.

"That's an interesting hobby," he replies and I roll my eyes before standing and pushing away from the table. Several people in the stiff restaurant stare as I make a noisy exit. Freedom is near as a hand grabs me from behind. I spin to see Renee spitting fire through her eyes at me.

"Isabella you come back in here and give Richard the respect he deserves," she hisses. I watch as she smiles and waves at someone she knows and then turns the daggers back on me. This treatment used to bring me to my knees, force me to listen, but now it's amusing. Nothing she could do to me can compare to what I have just done to myself.

"Renee you go back in and get whatever you want from Richard without me. I'm no longer your accessory and you can't force me to watch your mating ritual. Get your hand off of me," I state. Her hand falls away and I turn quickly not caring.

I step into the night air and am relieved that it's warm. I shuffle along the sidewalk liking the sounds of the city that wrap around me like an old friend.

I wander the streets not really caring that I have no destination. The sidewalks here are so isolated and it suits my mood perfectly. I listen to my flip flops scrape the pavement as I walk. Before I can stop myself I am in Balboa Park and I keep going savoring the familiarity and anonymity at the same time. As I pass a bench I hear a mumble and watch as a homeless man turns over in his sleep.

The movement causes his feet to appear from under his blanket and I scoff as I recognize the overly familiar shiny shoes. I pull out my phone snap a picture and send it off without thought. If there was someone walking around with my self-defining shoes I would want to know.

I follow the gleam of the water til I'm at the pier and am pulled in by the smell of pizza. Now far from my mother and her latest victim, I can eat. I wander into the small shop and wait my turn. I dig through my bag looking for cash when I hear it.

"Izzy Swan?" My head darts up and I look into the eyes of the one person who before yesterday was my biggest regret. I drop my purse and things bounce across the floor. I fall to the the ground and begin to gather it back up. Suddenly another set of knees hits the floor and I look up again into the face of the past.

"Luke Campbell," I breathe. He smiles, but it's so small it doesn't reach past his lips. I stare at him unashamed thinking of the feelings he stirred in me at such an early age. Memories of football games and skateboarding lessons and prom. Number one.

"I haven't seen you in years. Are you back in town?" he asks. The question is gruff and I know it's because he doesn't want to ask, but its required when you are older. To act like you liked everyone you knew in high school even if they made your life hell or broke your heart.

"I'm just visiting Renee for a couple of days. What about you? I didn't know you were interested in the Food business. It smells amazing," I offer. Again the fake smile. He stands and looks around warily.

"Campbell you are getting paid to take orders not get numbers." My eyes follow the voice to a pimply kid that has to be at least 5 years younger than us. Luke's face flushes and he rushes back around the counter. My mouth falls open and my world tilts a little.

This was not what Luke was destined for. He had dreams. He was going to open his own scuba store on the beach and teach people about marine life so he could help save it. Not serve pizza and take orders from acne prone college freshmen.

"What would you like?" Luke asks stiffly keeping his eyes on the register. Suddenly I am overly aware of the crowd around me, waiting to order. And they can all kiss my ass.

Yes, I left Luke, but I sent Kelly the resident Cheerleader his way. And they seemed to click, well at least their lips did. My entire senior year the most I saw of Luke was the side of back of his head as the front was attached to Kelly's face. He seemed fine.

"I'll have a slice of cheese," I say because I can't think of the right first question to ask him. Where the hell did his life go sideways? But then I shake the thought from my head. Maybe this is what he wants to be doing, but one look at his stiff features puts that thought to rest.

"$5.50," Luke requests and I hand him a ten. I'm tempted to tell him to keep the change, but then change my mind. That might be insulting. Hell, everything about this situation is bad.

"How are you Luke?" I finally whisper. His eyes raise and he looks at me hard. I try to smile, but it comes out feeling more like a grimace. He glances over to where the pimple idiot is busy with a spill and then back at me.

"Let's not do this Iz. You don't want to know about my shitty life and I sure as hell don't want to hear about all the glamour and ritz that you are living with," he hisses. I rear my head back and cough in shock. Wow.

"You don't know anything about my life," I whisper harshly back. He rolls his eyes and shoves me change at me.

"I know that you were too good for this place and for me and you couldn't wait to get the hell out of here and away. I think that's good enough," he answers. I swallow and look at every detail of him. He still looks the same, but his features are longer, worn. His hair that he once spiked so proudly is shorn short.

"That's not true Luke. You were with Kelly. You didn't even say goodbye," I argue. I tried to find him at graduation. I figured we could let bygones be bygones and at least have a decent send off. No such luck, I stayed long past anyone else and when the skied opened up I still looked.

"Are you finished? Other people want pizza," an angry voice shouts from behind me. I turn and glare at the middle aged man who looks like he could skip the pizza and still get by. Several other people are glaring back as well. But, I'm not ready to be done with Luke. I can't just leave and not know, not understand. I toss a couple of twenties on the counter.

"Pizza for everyone," I shout with mock enthusiasm. Luke sighs and pulls several pizzas out of a warmer and hoists them over my head to the people behind me. It quiets the mob for a moment, but I know it won't last long.

"Can you take a break or something?" I ask. I know it's a lot. He doesn't owe me anything. Hell, if he gave me the bird and walked away I really couldn't blame him. I watch as his fingers curl around the counter and he takes several deep breaths. I hold my breath in the silence and wait.

"Spencer!" he calls and zit boy looks up. "I'm taking my fifteen."

He doesn't wait for answer, simply steps out from the counter and beings untying the apron from his waist. I follow as he weaves his way through the restaurant to the back where there are a few lonely tables. I wait for him to sink down before I pull a chair away and follow his lead.

Again I can't take my eyes off his face. I can't help but remember the way his eyes would smirk when he knew he was doing something that would piss me off or the awkward way our lips bumped together. I was such a different person then. Or was I?

Whatever it was that Luke and I had it was real. I spent months getting to know the most mundane details about him and letting him do the same. The warm sensation that spread through my chest whenever he called is still so fresh in my mind. And then prom. Renee had just torn apart a particularly delicate soccer coach. I spent several nights awake listening him try to play Hootie and the Blowfish on his guitar.

I was excited for the dance. Excited to have a night away from home and away from the emotional disaster my mother was. I hadn't seen her in several days. She always holed herself up in her room after her destruction.

So I guess it was all very fresh to me then. The things that a woman can do to a man. The pain and anguish that can result when someone can feel as a result. So when Luke had said those words, so plainly, so simply, all I heard was the soccer coach on the porch wailing them out of tune.

"What is it you wanted to talk to me about?" Luke demands. I swallow thickly and reach for the parmesan shaker, twisting it in my hands. Again the problem with words. If there was a way to simply extract the feelings and words from his brain without the mundane back and forth, it would be so much easier.

His eyes bear down into me and I keep mine down. Words keep bubbling up in my throat but I keep swallowing them down because they don't sound right. My teeth find their solace in the inside of my cheek. He pushes his chair back like he's going to leave and I panic.

"Do you hate me Luke?" The words are childish and selfish, but it's at the root of what I need to know. He sighs and slumps back in the chair. I force myself to keep my eyes on him. There are other, better questions to follow.

"God Iz. Like anyone could ever hate you," he breathes. I'm pretty sure I could think of a couple of people. Godzilla bitch enters my mind and my chest aches. Not now Edward. He takes a hand and runs it over his head a few times and I want to do the same. Maybe it would comfort me as well.

"I don't hate you. I think I may have hated you for awhile back then, but not now," he states. He adds a smile and it leaks into his eyes a little brining even more of the boy I knew back to me. I nod.

"But you've been happy since then right? I mean you and Kelly seemed really good together and there have been other good times? Better times than when you were with me?" I ramble. I watch his eyes follow my words. It makes more sense inside my head than when it tumbles from my mouth.

"When we were together are some of the best memories I have, except the prom. But sure, Iz. Everyone has good times and bad," he sighs. That wasn't the right answer. But nothing about this is how I pictured things for him. I figured if I ever stumbled upon Luke again it would be with a supermodel wife and a couple of Gerber babies. And he would grin at me and thank me for sending him on his way.

"You're happy now?" I press. It's a personal question. Probably the one question that people should ask themselves more often. I know my own answer, but I'm hoping his is different. His eyes glance back to the counter.

"Not really Iz. I'm working at a fucking pizza place trying to working off a college debt and I didn't even graduate. My dad is dying of cancer and I live in a shit hole," he states. And I can't even blink.

My mind is reeling, placing Luke in each of those pictures and not liking how it fits. I feel my bottom lip tremble and curse my emotional state. Who really wants their life to bring someone else to tears? Suck it up Bella.

And the sound of that name even in my own mind pushes the tears over the edge. Suddenly I'm picturing Edward in all of Luke's places and the pain I feel is indescribable. I hiccup on a sob and Luke reaches across the table to cover my hand with his.

"Hey. Don't blame this on yourself," he insists and I turn my blurry eyes up to him.

"Yes I know you that well. You weren't the best breakup I've had, but you weren't the worst either. And even though I might have thought you were the love of my life when I was 17, I know that I could have never been yours," he says. And I feel my face screw up. I shake my head a couple of times and pull my hand from his.

"I was the worst form of bitch to you Luke. Don't act like I didn't hurt you," I force out. He rolls his eyes.

"Don't make everything about you. But, it's you so," he trails off and I am tempted to storm out of here, but certain people are allowed to insult me, Luke included.

"Yeah you hurt me Iz. I was 17 and thought that it was the end of my life, but everyone gets their heartbroken. You wanted to save the world one song at a time and I was going to try to rescue the whales. Eventually we would have ended. On the dance floor at prom or months later in college," he explains. I've never thought past our end. Never given time to what a natural end would look like. I take a few calming breaths and reach for his hand again. It's warm, but it feels wrong.

"You deserved better," I say to him. The words that I think about every person I have let go and it's true.

"So did you. I knew it wouldn't last. You were, are too big for me. Someone else, a bigger man, would tame you for good," he teases. His smile is real now and I wish I could return it. I'm too busy thinking out the natural ends to all my 22. Emmett's would have been when he found a bossy bitch who he wanted to dominate him. Jeb would have seen a girl on a subway that made music play in his head. And Edward….

When I let him flow into my mind I can see things I've never seen before. He and I in a unfamiliar apartment, a blend of his simple taste and my eclecticness. And then a beach and a simple white dress. My hand covers my mouth when the sob rips itself from me. I choke it back and smile at Luke who is now looking at me like I need to be protected. I don't deserve that.

"Thanks for talking to me Luke. It really was so good to see you," I offer because I mean it not because I'm supposed to. I know I am cutting this short, but I feel like the hope in my chest is exposed and at any moment all my insecurities and lies and going to spill out onto the table and I'm not ready to show them to anyone just yet. I've only just discovered them.

I stand and Luke mimics my action. I reach over and throw my arms around him, letting myself hold him for a moment, but it doesn't help the hole.

"Tell your dad hi for me," I request and he bobs his head. The night air can't come quick enough as I push out of there. I hit the pavement and keep walking til I hit the water.

I stare down into the dark ocean and try force all my thoughts to the bottom of its floor. Luke's words echo in my head, accompanied by the new visions of a…future? A future in which I looked like I belonged. A future that I just tore to shreds.

My phone buzzes from my pocket and I pull it out, welcoming a distraction. I flip it open and almost drop it into the depths when I see the words.

'Do you miss me?'