"The pain. You have to wait for it to pass, hope it goes away on its own, hope the wound that caused it heals. There is no solution, no ready answer, you have to take a deep breath and wait for it to subside. Most of the time, pain can be managed, but sometimes pain attacks you where you least expect it. It hits well below the belt and doesn't let you get up. The pain. You just have to fight it, because the truth is you can't get rid of it and life always breeds more of it."

Grey's Anatomy

James Potter hesitantly walked into the living room, followed by his two friends. The Order meeting was about to begin and they were worried that Helena would kick them out again. They could never have imagined a quarter of the horrors she had suffered. How could they? It seemed inconceivable that she could have been so abused by life.

Yet the marauders believed her, no doubt about it. Her eyes did not lie. The distress Sirius had seen in the depths of her blue eyes, the tears of terror, sadness and shame that had flowed. But the witch had remained proud, she had not moved an eyelash, her voice had not trembled, she had not blinked.

Never had Sirius been so angry at himself for saying something. In a way, he would have preferred not to know. Not to know that Helena Grace had been tortured, raped. It could be considered cowardly or selfish, but for Sirius it only brought back painful memories. He too had been thrown into cruciatus, his parents were conservative purebloods, he had been brought up that way. As for the rapes, the first one he had witnessed was when he was seven years old. His father had raped a Muggle girl in front of him, because it was fun and Sirius had to learn for later. The young man had never been so disgusted.

Never had Remus been so angry at Sirius for saying a sentence. But how could he have guessed what it would lead to? In some ways, Remus wished he had never known that Helena had gone through all this. Because it hurt to see his savior, the one who had made a potion that made it easier for him to endure the full moon, in such a bad way. Never had the marauder seen so much suffering and despair in a single look. And it hurt, because he considered Helena a friend.

Never had James hated Sirius so much for his rushed sentences. Surely James would like to erase these revelations, as if they had never existed. But they couldn't, because they were real, like Helena's past and her flaws. James would have preferred not to know that the witch had been raped and tortured. Because it made her more human, and Helena was no longer human. She was an over-trained thing, who seemed to be able to face anything, to destroy anything, but there was a reason for that, and James knew it now. Helena was a wall of ice, impenetrable, inaccessible. But the discussion of this morning had shown him that nothing was ever inked, everything could topple. And that made James afraid. Because Helena was the ally who would save them all, but her distress had suddenly brought him back to reality. She was not infallible. She was like him, human, and she would make mistakes, crack under pressure. And that made the war even more real. Because the war had destroyed Helena, whereas nothing had succeeded before, or James had not noticed. He now understood the witch's desire to die. And this shocked him. Helena Grace had a death wish and he knew and realized why.

The three marauders were brought out of their thoughts abruptly when Dumbledore called them to join the meeting. Most of the members of the Order were there, even Minerva, which was very surprising, the Headmaster and Headmistress of Hogwarts were both absent from the castle, a rare event that the students should take advantage of, if they knew it.

"You're making a face! Did something happen?" asked Alice, to the astonished looks of the assembly.

"I think we've definitely lost our innocence and naivety" James replied darkly.

Seeing that they wouldn't give any more information, the other members of the Order turned away from the marauders and returned to the meeting.

"Where's Helena?" asked Sirius

"Miss Grace is on the couch in the living room. It seems she fell asleep late this afternoon and Miss Evans has strictly forbidden anyone to wake her" Dumbledore explained

"And Remi?"

"Untraceable" continued Moody.

"What happened on their mission, Professor?" questioned Remus, turning to Minerva.

"Nothing that concerns you. The mission is secret and I'm certainly not going to tell you."

"I don't want to know what the mission was about, but what could have made them so upset? Never..."

"Some unpleasant memories came to the surface, in a hateful form. Remember that everything you see is just a facade. But we are not here to talk about their moods. The mission was successful, that's all that matters. Remi and Helena will get over it."

"Let's move on to the mission reports. Voldemort has not made any major attacks in a long time, so we need to be extremely careful. It's coming soon, and I'm afraid it's going to be very important."

The marauders had stopped listening to Dumbledore the moment he changed the subject. Their concern was plain to see and their friends wondered why, it was even starting to scare them. Whatever had happened, the three friends had always managed to bounce back, Remus' lycanthropy, their animagi, Mary's death, Sirius' imprisonment, Peter's betrayal, but what had happened to make them look like this?

The meeting ended to the great relief of Lily and Alice, who hurried to ask their friends about what had happened. None of them answered and the marauders went to lock themselves in the living room.

"By Merlin, what's happening to them? They look like they've seen a ghost."

"They've seen ghosts before, Lily. Almost every day at Hogwarts."

"It's a Muggle expression, Frank. I don't know what happened. They just locked the door. They really don't want to see us. I hope it's okay. I'm going to make some food, I have to get busy or-"

"I'm going to go crazy" continued Alice, who knew her best friend's phrase by heart.

The two witches slipped away to the kitchen and began to prepare food when they heard the sound of screaming.

Sirius stared at Hermione, not moving. He knew that behind him, Remus and James were doing the same. The witch was asleep, almost peacefully, which was amazing, there was no hiding it. Her black hair was spread around her and her chest was rising at regular intervals, everything was fine, at least in appearance.

Sirius couldn't take his eyes off of her. How could they have missed out on everything she had been through. He owed his life to her, twice, the first time because she had been able to cure him of the spell that had been cast on him at the battle of Hogsmeade and the second because she had managed to get him out of Azkaban, while threatening the minister, for him Sirius, while everyone else, including his friends, he was guilty. If Helena Grace hadn't crossed his path, he probably wouldn't be here.

"We have to do something. We can't just pretend it never happened. I feel so bad for her. I owe her everything! If it wasn't for her I'd still be rotting in Azkaban or even six feet under!"

"Padfoot..."

"We have to avenge her, find whoever did this to her and kill them!"

"Sirius!" Remus snapped. "You're not thinking about it! We don't even know who they are! You know very well how we were with her when she told us she had already killed many people."

"I agree with Moony. Helena is not the type to let her persecutors off the hook. They are probably already dead. And if they were alive, don't you think she'd rather do it herself?"

Before Sirius could open his mouth to reply, Hermione let out a groan of terror before screaming in pain.

"It's only a copy, we don't have the sword, aaarrrhh" she moaned. "I beg you."

"What's this story about a sword?"

"The resistance won't go down, I might die, but Ron, Neville and all the others will still be there,"she screamed. "I may be public enemy number one, but even if I die, they won't make it easy for you!"

She had so much pain, she could not move any more, even the lips. The pain started from her neck and radiated throughout her body.

"Helena, Helena, wake up" James shook her while Sirius froze and Remus repeated public enemy number one without stopping.

Hermione, after several minutes of screaming than shaking, blinked and stood up before giving a big smile and jumped into James' arms.

"Oh Harry, I had a horrible nightmare. You were dead, Ron was dead. Everyone was dead. He had won, I was all alone and Rem' came along, we had to save the world. I was going through horrible things. By Morgana, I never want to do one like that again."

Over his shoulder, James glanced at his two friends who were just as embarrassed as he was. How to make him understand that his worst nightmare was reality? James took him the shoulders and moved away from him. He put his eyes in hers and it was at that moment that Hermione understood, when Harry's emerald eyes were replaced by her father's brown ones.

"Bloody hell. I wasn't dreaming, by Morgana, it wasn't a nightmare" she sobbed.

"Helena…"

"Don't say anything, it's hard enough as it is. Forget what I told you this afternoon" she said as she walked away.

She opened the door and was about to leave when Sirius stopped her.

"We just want to help you."

"You can't, no one can."

She shoved Lily and Alice, who had been pounding on the door since they heard the young woman scream. She fled to the beach and unleashed all her magic in a gigantic fiendfyre, just like when she had her shifter fit. She had the same feeling. Again she had revealed her dark secrets, but this time it was different. She hadn't told Remus, but the marauders. They weren't even friends! She knew she could trust them, but she couldn't help but doubt. Who assured her that they would not tell anyone? Who told her that they wouldn't come back at her with prying questions as soon as they had the chance?

Hermione sighed and let the fire and the waves collide, it was a magnificent sight, water against fire, two uncontrollable elements. Hermione poured all her pain, all her doubts into her fate and then when she was drained, sat on the sand and listened to the relaxing sound of the waves crashing.

She stayed a long time like that, lulled by the sound of the waves, it reminded her of Australia. She remembered with a smile the moments she had spent with Alex and Ella, all their evenings together on the still warm sand.

"It's nice to see you finally smile. A genuine smile. I'm happy to have this privilege."

"You can consider yourself lucky that I had stopped my fiendfyre. You surprised me, you could have been burned."

"I waited for you to finish. I am an auror, I remind you, I have reflexes and a survival instinct."

"I was thinking about my friends. I miss them very much."

"You didn't cry, that means you're starting to grieve."

"They are not dead."

"But you will never see them again, so you still have to grieve, but at least you know they are happy."

"Thank you Prewett."

"For what?"

"For being here. My life is a total mess. You saw me doing dark magic but you still came."

"You can call me by my first name. If you know who I am. Not many people can tell my brother and I apart."

"Gideon's voice is a little deeper than yours and his eyes are lighter. You have a mole on your cheek and on your temple. So yes, I can tell you apart."

"How? Even our sister has trouble."

"I used to be around prankster twins, they were my best friend's brothers, I was with them a lot every vacation, so I learned to pay attention to details, to tell them apart."

"What were their names?"

Hermione paused for a moment, as if thinking about her answer.

"Felipe and Georgio."

"More F&Gs. My sister's twins are called Fred and George. Your friends could have belonged to the club," he joked.

Hermione smiled wistfully as she thought of the Weasley twins.

"They were the perfect example of how to fight for your dreams. And they managed to create the best pranks the wizarding world has ever known. I have to stop talking or I'll start crying."

"You'll be fine."

"No, because it's April, in two days it's Teddy's birthday and Rem' still isn't back, I'm afraid of the state I'm going to find him in, and May the second is fast approaching and I don't know how I'm going to be able to manage myself and Rem' and the missions, she declared in one breath, without taking a breath."

She was still staring at the waves in front of her, but she had let go of a tear that ran down her cheek and was struggling not to let go of the next ones.

"Why don't you tell me what happened to you?"

"I can't, you're an auror. You'll try to unravel everything, you'll know everything, you'll do research."

"I promise to listen to you until the end, without interrupting you and I won't try to know more than you tell me, even if I'm dying to."

"Teddy was Rem's son. He was born on the April the 15th. May the 2nd was the turning point in my life, that was the day my descent into hell ended, I sank into the underworld. There was a battle, a very important battle, against a black mage. It was him or Harry, the prophecy was clear, and it was him. I will always remember the heartbreaking screams that everyone gave, but I didn't believe it, I was in complete denial. It was Ron who stopped me from rushing to his corpse. The battle resumed, and almost all of our friends and allies lost their lives. I was lucky enough to get a few seconds to look at Harry's body, and then we fled. Ron died on the second of May, one year to the day after Harry and the battle. A lot happened that day, but I'm not ready to tell you more. I seriously doubt I ever will be."

Fabian took Hermione in his arms and saw with horror that she was holding back tears. And if there was one thing he thought was worse than seeing a friend or family member cry, it was seeing that person hold back in every way possible.

"You can cry Helena. It's not a crime. It is normal."

"I don't want to. I don't want to be weak in front of you. And if I let one more tear fall, I'll go into a crisis and Rem's not there to handle me. I just can't."

"Hey! Easy, it's okay. I'm here for you, don't forget. I'm going to help you deal with this."

"You can't. I'll have to handle Rem alone. But I'm afraid. I'm afraid I won't be able to, I'm afraid of where I'll find him, I'm afraid of where we'll be on May the second."

Hermione tried to calm herself but nothing helped, her tears had started to flow.

"I'm sorry" she whispered before getting up and running towards the house.

Fabian followed her with his eyes before staring back at the waves before him. The ocean reminded him of Helena. It could be calm, like a lake, and a few kilometers away be more powerful and raging than ever. Just like Helena. She could be stronger than all of them and a few minutes later confide in him about her past life. But what was strength? What was weakness?

The auror had a mocking smile when he thought about it. What was wrong with him? He had never been the kind of person to get involved in philosophical reflections. He remembered his friend's words. How come he had never heard of the Spanish situation? Why had no help been given to Spain, either by Great Britain or by neighboring countries? Fabian wanted to rush to the Ministry and ask to see reports on the Spanish situation, but he did not. Although he was dying to, he had assured Helena that he would not seek to know more and he was a man of his word so he would not.

However, some questions remained. Who was this Harry, Helena's best friend, to be so important and the chosen one of a prophecy? For now, Fabian promised himself to do his best to help Helena. She was his friend, he owed her that much. Fabian promised himself that he would do everything he could to protect her, but Hermione was not that kind of person. She wasn't the one being protected, she was the one protecting others.