Standard disclaimers apply here.
prompt: literature
This is set a little later. The Remains of the Day is by Kazuo Ishiguro. "Walking After Midnight" is by Patsy Cline (I wrote the lyrics like that because I write lines of poetry like that in papers). I did my best to keep the ending of the book ambiguous but had to have it imply things here. As before, the book/song have significance. Thanks for all of the wonderful reviews so far; I wasn't sure about this at all, so I'm glad people like it. Sorry for the delay. I've been busy with papers and an exam...and I sort of lost interest in this, but it's all written, so it doesn't matter, I guess. The last part is done, too, but I don't know, I need to figure out a few things about it, along with whether or not I should add another if I can't edit it to end it satisfactorily. I spent a lot of time rereading and editing this so hopefully it turned out well, but I'm still not sure about a few parts. Feedback would be lovely, and thanks again to everyone who has reviewed so far.
The Remains of the Day
High school English was a breeze compared to college English classes.
Kanda had chosen to go to a college in town mostly because he had been lazy about getting applications out and this was one of his last resorts. Luckily, they accepted him, which saved him from his mother's wrath. (She told him he was going to get an education no matter what; he didn't really want to find out what alternative methods she might have had.)
He was still at home, and while that meant less money spent, it also meant his mother knew he was struggling. She had quicker access to everything, and always had to look over his tests and papers when they were returned. Once, he managed to keep an essay from her, but it slipped out of his bag at some point and his mother found it before he realized it was gone. When she saw the grade, she was resolute.
"I'm going to call Lenalee and this is going to get straightened out."
Lenalee, he thought faintly. He hadn't spoken to her for almost a year. He had one English class senior year because that was all he needed; because of that, he hadn't seen her since January.
At the beginning of first semester, she attempted once more to invite him to see her outside of the tutoring, but he again claimed he was busy – except that time it had been a lie. It wasn't that her brother's weekly threats scared him (what a stupid idea). He didn't know how else to respond.
After that, Lenalee stopped asking him those questions.
They'd said goodbye shortly after Christmas. She had given him a present the week prior to finals, right after they'd come back from break, but he hadn't gotten her anything in return. Half because he hadn't thought of it until a few days before, partly because (he thought) it was too late, and mostly because he had no idea what he would get her. She waved her hand and told him it was okay, but he felt that it wasn't, for some reason.
For her part, Lenalee hadn't shown it; she pushed through and helped him that day as much as any other day - which was a lot. And apparently he needed it again.
The thought of seeing her made him feel almost uneasy, and he couldn't figure out why.
It had been nine months – from mid-January to early October – since he had last seen her. There were only a few things that had changed since then: she was taller (by at least a few inches, at that), and her hair was short. She used to wear it up often, so it was a surprise to see it down; it was straight and just past her chin at that point.
She forewent any normal greeting (at least, in his opinion) and came up and hugged him.
"It's good to see you," Lenalee said when she pulled back, and gave him a bright smile.
"Yeah," Kanda responded after a moment, glancing away. The smile quickly became teasing.
"So I heard you're not doing so well again," she began, and before he could say anything to that, she went on, "Your mother called my brother and asked to speak to me. When she called me - she had to threaten my brother before he gave her my number - she sounded a little…panicked, almost." She seemed amused, especially so when she told him that his mother terrorized her brother (because he was certain that she had done exactly that).
"She worries too much about the wrong things," he muttered, turning and walking toward a table. Lenalee almost tripped in her attempt to keep up and he noticed she was wearing high-heeled boots. She hadn't really grown, then; the boots had added the inches. She saw him looking at them and glanced down as well.
"I got these yesterday," she explained, even though he didn't ask. "I wanted to wear them even though I knew I'd regret it – and I do. My feet are killing me."
"Then why don't you just take them off?" It seemed like the obvious solution to him.
"I can't walk around in public barefoot!" she returned, but it was apparent that she didn't think it was a bad idea. "It's better after I sit for a while; how about here?" It was the first table in the long line of them, and while he would have preferred to go farther back, he set his bag down because of what she had said.
Lenalee sat down and gave a relieved sigh before reaching into her bag and pulling out a notebook. She always brought her old notes with her, in case she needed them, but he never recalled her referring to them.
"So," she stated once he started taking his books out, "what are you reading now?" The book was set in front of her instead of thrown down like the first time they met. She stared at the cover for a long time without saying anything.
"Have you read it?" Kanda asked, assuming her silence meant she was unfamiliar with the book and didn't know what to say.
"Yes, I have read it," she murmured, so quietly that he had to almost lean over to hear her, "This summer, actually. Someone recommended it to me." She didn't say why they had, of course, because he hadn't finished the book, based on where the bookmark sat. "The ending…it's a little unsatisfying, but many things are wrapped up."
"What are you talking about?"
"I don't want to spoil it for you," Lenalee replied, loud enough that it was easier to hear her but not enough to disturb others. "How do you like it so far?"
"It's boring." She laughed a little.
"It is a little long-winded, I suppose, but I liked it. Then again, I read it on my own time, not for a class, so that probably helped." Kanda gave her a look of disbelief; how could she have liked it even if she read it outside of class? "Oh, come on, it's won awards and is a classic in its own time. At least try to appreciate it."
"Whatever," Kanda muttered, grabbing the book and flipping to the spot he had read to.
"No sheets of questions this time around, I take it?" He shook his head and she thought for a few moments. "Do you have your notes?" He opened his notebook as well and showed it to her. "Well, let's go off that," she said, picking up The Remains of the Day where he had set it when taking up the notebook.
"Whatever," he repeated, but leaned over to see the page she had turned to; she set the book between them, and started talking about it.
The next time they met, he was supposed to have read three-quarters of the book. Supposed to were the key words.
"You have to keep up," Lenalee scolded him, and pushed the book into his hands. "If you don't, you're going to fall farther and farther behind. Do your reading now."
"But-"
"No buts; you're going to do it." She was firm in this. "There's no set structure for how these sessions are supposed to go; if you need to read, then you should read. And if you have any questions, I'm right here." She dropped the scolding tone at the end and adopted a cheery one.
"…Fine." He opened the book and picked up where he left off, but kept getting distracted. It wasn't exactly quiet in the library, and Lenalee was rustling around in her bag for a minute or two before pulling out a few schoolbooks and notebooks and settling in to do her own homework.
Except, Kanda noticed, she kept looking up at him. Every five minutes, it seemed, she turned away from her books and glanced over at him. Finally, he put his book down during one of those many times.
"What?" At first she appeared surprised at his tone and the fact that she had been, well, caught, but then frowned.
"I wanted to see where you were in the book," she returned, just as snippily. He grabbed the book and showed it to her. "…Okay, good."
She put her head back down. Kanda sensed her irritation but didn't know what to do, so he continued reading. She said nothing else and kept her eyes on her homework for the rest of the time after that.
When her watch beeped, Lenalee stood right away and put her books in her bag. She gaze never strayed to him while she did this, and she gave a curt goodbye before leaving, not waiting for him to respond.
That night, he finished the book. There was nothing else to do, and he had to read it all by the end of the week anyway.
How stupid, he thought, putting the book down. Spending all that time making excuses and going on about her and not realizing…
The thought stopped there because he felt like there was something he should have gotten out of that, but couldn't figure out what. Even after thinking about it the next day, and sitting through a lecture that had a section dedicated to that part of it, he still couldn't get it.
Lenalee was fidgety when he first walked into the library that Friday. She hadn't waited at the door like she had earlier in the week; instead, he found her at a table near the back of the library, tapping her pencil against her notebook. She didn't seem to see him coming, and jumped a little when he said her name.
"Oh, sorry, I was daydreaming," she explained, setting her books to the side. "Class was let out early today, so I've been here for a while. Did you finish the book?"
"Yeah." He didn't elaborate, so she asked him another question.
"What did you think of it?" He shrugged, and she seemed a little…disappointed at this response, or lack thereof. "Oh. I thought…well, let's just talk about it, then."
"You thought what?" He wanted to know what she meant by that, because maybe she could tell him why he felt like he missed something.
"The ending," she replied after a long pause; he had begun to think she wasn't going to respond. "What she said to him, and his reaction. I thought…I thought it would spark something, I guess."
"Spark what?" Instead of making sense of it, he was only more confused. Suddenly, her mood turned.
"Oh, you're such an idiot!" This surprised him; in the few years Lenalee had tutored Kanda, she had never even implied that he was stupid, nor had she ever said a harsh word toward him. She started piling her books up and began shoving them in her bag. She was silent throughout this, and he couldn't think of anything to do. Finally, she looked at him. "I thought this would make you see something, but I guess I was wrong."
With that, she stood and stalked away, leaving him bewildered and alone.
It was raining when he left the library ten minutes later. It had been overcast all day, and his mother, who watched the weather channel constantly, had put an umbrella in his bag that morning. He opened it as he stepped outside and prepared for the long walk home. The cold wind and his footfalls were all he could hear for a while.
A few blocks away from the library, he encountered her.
Lenalee was standing under a tree that still had most of its leaves; she was shivering in her school uniform and thin jacket, stranded without an umbrella. It was hardly a good source of shelter; the tree was not as bare as the others on the street, but she was still getting dripped on. She had her back to him so she didn't see him approaching. She was talking, and it took him a moment to see that she had a cell phone to her ear.
"…No, it didn't work out," she replied wearily to whoever was on the other end. "I got upset and left." A pause as she listened. "No, I don't think there's any chance...I misinterpreted everything, that's all...I know what I said, and I just told you I was wrong...Yeah, I thought this was the perfect chance, even with the two past turn-downs...No, it was my fault for trying to use a book as a way to get him to realize something. I should have known better, especially since this is his worst subject...I am going to blame myself. I was the one who stupidly fell in love with him and thought maybe he felt the same way..."
Kanda, who had been listening to the conversation from a few feet away, felt his heart start to beat faster. Was that what she meant about the ending? The realization that...
Again, the thought was not finished, because she turned around at the sound of a car driving by. She looked surprised, but it quickly faded into one of irritation.
"I'll call you back later, okay?" She didn't wait for a response. She shoved the phone into her pocket before addressing him. "What is it?" she asked, not bothering to cover up her annoyance.
"I live this way," he replied without thinking. She continued to frown.
"Then go home," she said, wrapping her arms around herself as she shivered. He walked toward her, tossing his bag on the sidewalk (who cared if everything inside it got wet?), and peeled off his jacket.
"I'm not going to go home," he told her. She watched him perform all these actions with a wary expression on her face, but he handed her his jacket nonetheless and held the umbrella over her head.
"What are you doing?" she demanded. "If you're being nice to me because you feel sorry for me, you can stop it right now." He didn't respond. She stared at him for a few seconds, but put the jacket on because she was so cold. "Tell me something, Kanda."
"What?" He had no idea where this was going.
"Is there anyone that you like? Or, to go farther, love?" She appeared to not want to hear the answer, but, after a pause, he hesitantly nodded. He still didn't entirely understand, but, all things considered, he assumed that this was what she meant, and this was what he felt. Before he could say anything about it, she went on. "I see. Does she know?" Again, he took some time to collect his thoughts before he shook his head. "Why not?" He shrugged because he couldn't figure out what to say to her. "Are you going to tell her?" Once more he stood still, considering what to do and say, and had no words. She took his silence to mean "no," and moved to her next query. "Mmm. Where is she, just out of curiosity?" There were so many things he could have said, but he settled on one.
"Here."
"Here as in here in town? Someone you have class with who lives in the dorms now?" She wasn't going to make this easy.
"No, I mean here." He couldn't figure out how to make that any clearer.
"She lives on this street?" She seemed unwilling to believe that it was her anymore.
"Damn it," he growled, sick of this game, "it's you." She studied him for a few moments, and her frown deepened.
"I already told you to stop –" Lenalee was cut off because Kanda seized her; he was tired of listening to all of that. So, to shut her up, he did the only thing he could think of in this situation: he kissed her.
She was stiff with surprise and didn't respond at all. When he pulled away, she had an odd expression on her face.
"Why did you do that?" she finally asked. The umbrella had fallen to the side, and the rain fell harder through the hanging branches of the tree, getting them both wet.
"Damn it," he said again, "are you going to believe me or just keep toying with me?" She looked offended.
"I'm not trying to toy with you," she snapped, more irritated than before. "I've set myself up for disappointment three times already. I know you heard me on the phone, and I don't know whether this is real or if you're doing this because you feel sorry for me." A car rolled up. "That's my brother. I have to go." She took off his jacket and handed it back to him. "I'll see you on Monday."
Lenalee got into the car without another word, her brother speaking to her in the language they used when Kanda first met him. As she got in, and before she closed the door, strains of the song on the radio reached him.
I stop to see a weeping willow/ Crying on his pillow/ Maybe he's crying for me/ And as the sky turns gloomy
The door slammed shut, and the car sped off. He was left standing under - how ironic - a weeping willow in the rain.
It was getting dark, but he knew that it wasn't late enough for him to be home (his mother would be furious if he arrived home early); the evening stretched out in front time him, long and somehow mocking because if he hadn't been such an idiot...
He stood under that tree for over an hour, the wind blowing and the branches waving around him, thinking about how, if he hadn't been such an idiot, Lenalee would still be there.