Standard disclaimers apply here. Do note that the rating went up, but not by much. It's nothing to be concerned about. Also note that this is the last part.
The Age of Innocence is by Edith Wharton. Significance is at the end. The name of this part probably isn't incredibly obvious, but I won't give away the section that has the implications of the title, so to speak. Hopefully it was clear why the other two parts were given the names they have, but eh. Thank you to everyone who reviewed~. This took a while to finish because I wasn't happy with how it initially turned out, and I had two papers due this past week so I had to focus on them instead. But they're done (yay), and so is this. This is probably the most edited of the three parts (been working on it for literally almost a day, save sleep, bus, walking, and class...I'm posting it now because otherwise I'd spend another day reworking it, and I don't want to), but hopefully all of that paid off/it doesn't suck. I struggled a little with how to end it, but I settled on that because it seemed good. Feedback would be lovely.
The Age of Innocence
The weather slowly became colder over the next few days.
Lenalee came into the library that Monday with a smile on her face, and didn't say anything about the previous Friday. Instead, she only asked if he had started the next book for his class, which Kanda hadn't. She proceeded to scold him before he could explain.
Not that he would have told her the reason for it if she hadn't started in on how he "needed to keep up" and so on and so forth. He had been trying to think of something to do or tell her that day. In doing so, he ended up completely ignoring his homework. And despite all the time he spent considering the situation and neglecting schoolwork, he had nothing to show for it. She didn't mention it or even act differently that afternoon, however, and he wasn't sure how to respond to that.
"What are you studying now, anyway?" she inquired once she was satisfied that she had put her point across. She set her bag on the table and shed her new, thicker jacket before looking at him when he didn't answer. He had watched her do this, slightly distracted, but then sat down and pulled out the novel. "Ah, The Age of Innocence. I've heard about it but never had the chance to read it. I'll be right back. Start it now." She said this firmly over her shoulder as she walked away, so he picked up the text and did just that.
Lenalee reappeared with a copy of the book. "I'm going to read it with you," she informed him when he glanced up. After she firmly opened it as an indication for him to do the same (he had shut his edition when she arrived), she settled in and began the novel as well. She focused all of her attention on it, and he realized later that her gaze never strayed from the prose in front of her.
When they met that Wednesday, Lenalee had finished the book. Kanda had made it halfway through – as far as he needed to be, of course.
"Well, that was interesting," was all she said in regard to it. He stared her for a few moments, and she turned to her notebook, apparently fascinated with the notes she took. As she eyed her own handwriting, she hummed, directing a thought at it. Her voice was so low that he couldn't make out what she was muttering; all he caught was, "like real life."
"What?" He usually wouldn't be very interested in the conversations people had with inanimate objects (not that he came across many who spoke to them), but in this case he wanted to know.
"I was thinking about how these books that you've been reading recently are…I don't know," she stopped before divulging what she had murmured to the words on the page. "The protagonists are...well, it certainly takes them some time to come to certain realizations." She was aware of the blank look he was giving her; he didn't understand what she was trying to imply. "Anyway, let's start talking about this." He hesitated, but nodded mutely.
Lenalee's behavior was odd and sporadic throughout the next month. Sometimes she was moody and tired, but those instances were few and far between; for the most part she acted the way she normally did. Even so, it made no sense to Kanda, and was so unsettling when it happened that he started contemplating that, too. He didn't know what to do, especially since she never brought up that rainy day in October. Not that he had any idea of what to do if she did; he still couldn't find the right words.
One cold Friday at the end of November, Komui wasn't waiting for them as they exited the building.
His mother was sitting in the car, squinting out the passenger's side window. When she saw them walk out she rolled it down and waved to them as if she was trying to get their attention, even though they had clearly already seen her.
"What is it?" Kanda demanded when they were close enough to hear each other.
"Drop the tone, Yu," she said curtly, and turned to Lenalee. "You must be Lenalee; it's so nice to finally meet you."
Lenalee, who had been smiling behind her hand at the exchange between Kanda and his mother, let her arm fall, no longer hiding the pleased expression on her face. "I've been looking forward to this," she told her, sounding eager and a little apprehensive. He couldn't figure out why she was so excited to see his mother.
"Well, come on, get in the car." His mother reached to grab the door, and Kanda was surprised when Lenalee immediately moved to get in. "Yu, don't hold us up."
He narrowed his eyes. "What's going on?"
"I told you about this last night," his mother responded, scolding him for not listening without actually saying it, "I invited Lenalee over for dinner to thank her for all her help. And don't tell me you didn't hear me ask you to clean up your room last night; if it's still a mess, we'll eat without you."
"I heard that," he snapped, and got in the back.
"Yu." She somehow admonished him with his own name (he never knew how she did that), but didn't add anything to it. "Now let's go eat."
Lenalee charmed his mother throughout dinner, and they discussed literature during the meal. His mother had been an English major in college, but ended up working in an office for a lab. She declared that she didn't know how she gave birth to a son who was so bad at the subject. Kanda scowled and Lenalee laughed a little, eyes sparkling.
"He's not that bad," she replied as his mother took the dishes into the kitchen; Lenalee tried to help clean up but the older woman refused. "A person can't be good at every subject. I'm not very good at science so my brother has to help me with it all the time."
"Really? I can't imagine that; your report card always has all As on it." Lenalee flushed bright red.
"Is my brother still taking those to work with him? I asked him to stop a long time ago." She sighed and put her hand on her face, trying to cover the blush.
"I can't see why you're ashamed," his mother said to her as she returned with dessert. "You always receive such good grades."
"He does it without my permission. I don't like that."
"Ah. Well, I suppose I understand why you feel the way you do." There was a brief pause as she ate some of the cake she brought out. "Yu, you've been awfully quiet this whole time." He directed another scowl at her; was he ever talkative? But he didn't ask that question because he knew the response would be to not snap at her or lose the tone, so there was no reason to talk at all.
Lenalee giggled, irritation over the previous subject gone. "It's alright, Mrs. Kanda; isn't that normal, after all?"
"Yes, of course; I was teasing him." Kanda set his fork next to the plate, his dessert untouched.
"I'm finished." He pushed back from the table.
"Yu, don't. That's rude," she scolded, but didn't sound as sharp as usual. "Wait until Lenalee is finished. She's our guest."
"It's fine," Lenalee spoke up. "I'm done."
"Well then," his mother clasped her hands together and smiled, "Yu, why don't you show Lenalee around the house?"
After taking her from room to room because he was essentially forced to by his mother, they somehow ended up in his bedroom. Kanda had cleaned it the preceding night after being told to do it, but he hadn't realized that anyone else would actually be in his room, much less Lenalee.
He hadn't remembered that he had left something out that he didn't want her to see. By the time he noticed it, she had, too. Curiosity took her to his dresser, and any notions of privacy were ignored as she picked up the open notebook and started to read what was written in it. This was probably because her name was clearly visible on the face of it.
Her eyes were halfway down the page by the time he found it in him to move, and took it away from her. She looked surprised, and not just because what she had been holding had been yanked away from her suddenly.
"Is all of that true?"
"Why else would I have written it down?" He flipped it shut and tossed it away. Inside were lines and lines of things he thought of telling her that never came out the way he wanted them to. He didn't know why he kept it; maybe to remember them if he ever decided they sounded right. But he was never very good at expressing himself in words, and this was no exception. However, she had seen most of it, and was standing in the middle of his room, completely bewildered.
"You know, I don't know if I understand you," she stated after thinking for a long time.
"What the hell are you talking about?" Irritation from his privacy being invaded (and the fact that she saw what he didn't want to show anyone) made him snap at her, but she didn't react to it.
"You're constantly pushing me away, and when I think that you are sending signals of…something, you turn me down. I thought there was something there from the beginning, since you kept staring at me." She paused, and he didn't want to reveal that he did that because he was lost in thought and didn't know he was doing it until he had been for a while...or was that the truth? Had he really not understood it since the start? "Then I thought maybe those books you were reading would, I don't know, kick start an idea in your head. I'm not sure why, but it didn't do anything anyway.
"Of course, I figured you'd understand what I meant in all of this and either respond or turn me down once and for all; neither happened, which is why I was so frustrated that day and called you an idiot. (I'm sorry for that, by the way; I don't think I ever apologized.) I didn't want to keep going back and forth in my head about it, but there was nothing definite enough for it to stop.
"Then you found me, said some things to me…and kissed me. But I didn't believe it because it felt fake...like there was pity behind it." He attempted to interrupt her there, but she held up her hand and continued. "I've been trying to get over this ridiculous crush for almost a year, ever since I last saw you, but it never wants to go away. And after what happened in October…I went over that day in my mind for so long, and even though I thought it was fake at first, I assumed after that...but it's been the same as always. Except…
"Except there's this now. I see this and I don't know what to think. So let's just get this over with: give me an answer." She stood resolutely in front of him and he didn't know what to do. What did she want him to say? He couldn't think of anything, as usual, and his notebook of rejected words was across the room. She became less steadfast as his silence continued, unsure of what to expect.
In the end, he gave up. "Yes." It wasn't amazing or even very clear, but it was all he could come up with.
"Yes?" she repeated.
"You didn't say what you wanted," he responded. "So that's what it is: yes." She frowned and studied him for a good minute. He didn't back down or look away, meeting her gaze evenly.
She sighed and shook her head. "I can't figure out what you mean by that. 'Yes' could be in response to so many things, but I guess that's the best answer I'll get." She reached into the back pocket of her pants. "It's getting late. I'll call my brother; he said he would come and get me."
"Stop." She did, taken aback by his sudden command. "You're an idiot," he told her, the scene from the previous month somehow replaying with them in reversed roles. Annoyance showed on her features when he called her that, but before she could counter it, he did exactly what he had done the cold October evening: he took two steps toward her, grabbed her, and kissed her. Actions spoke louder than words, after all; he hoped that she wouldn't take this as pity like before because he was sick of all of it.
She didn't do anything, similar to the first time, and when he pulled back, there was the same lack of reaction.
"Is that a better answer?" he finally asked; he still had a hand curled around each of her arms, holding her there. After a long moment, she shook his hands off. All of her words were gone, it seemed; once she poured her heart out, she appeared tired from it and took some time to process this.
She said nothing for a while, but then nodded, and replied, "You know, I think I do understand you now." She reached for him, and he didn't hesitate to meet her halfway.
The dream from almost two years ago played in the back of his mind. Perhaps it was because this was so...similar.
Kanda pushed the door closed – careful not to slam it because of the...other person in the house – but it was Lenalee that took them to the bed.
He pulled away and reached to brush a few strands of hair away from her face. She started to take off her shirt.
"Lenalee!" They both jumped at the sound of his mother's voice, loud and abrasive in the quiet room. "Your brother is here to take you home!" She paused, her shirt almost halfway off. He forced himself to look elsewhere.
Lenalee muttered something in what he guessed was Mandarin – she'd mentioned that she spoke it with her family recently – and smoothed her shirt down. Kanda moved off her, and she sat up and frowned for a moment before she glanced at him.
"Sorry," she apologized, straightening her clothes further and running her fingers through her hair, "I made it clear to my brother that I'd call him, but I guess he forgot." The tone of her voice and her expression indicated that she didn't actually believe that. She lingered in his room when he left, but when he went back to see what she was doing, she stepped out into the hallway. She gave no explanation and moved past him, seeming pleased with herself.
They descended the stairs just as his mother started move toward them, obviously intending to go upstairs instead of calling them again. Komui was watching them, his gaze sharp. He was less concerned with threatening Kanda now, for some reason; not that he ever cared or paid attention to it.
"Lenalee was a lovely guest," his mother gushed when she returned to where Komui was standing, and he nodded, smiling widely now.
"She's always been a wonderful girl," he responded with the same enthusiasm. Clearly this was a favored topic, based on how his face lit up and the liveliness in his speech.
"Komui." Apparently, she was able to attach admonishment to one word, reminiscent of his mother's technique; she followed it with a sigh, but her smile widened. "All right, let's go home." Komui nodded at this as well. She turned to Kanda and said only, "I'll see you on Monday, okay?"
"Yeah," he replied, not meeting her eyes. She beamed nonetheless and walked toward her brother. He held out his arm and she took it with a laugh, looking back once to wave at him.
"She's lovely," his mother repeated once Lenalee and Komui had left. "I'm sure she'll make someone very happy someday. Komui says that she doesn't date now, though." (He hadn't divulged that it was because he scared away all possible suitors.)
Kanda wasn't about to tell his mother anything concerning what had happened, so he didn't reply.
"She does," she continued, "seem to like you a lot, however." How had she seen that when she'd only known Lenalee for a few hours? "I suppose it's too bad that she doesn't date, because you certainly could use a girlfriend."
Kanda left at this, irritated.
"Oh, Yu, it's true and you know it!" she called after him. She sounded amused and matter of fact simultaneously, and he half-wondered how she could achieve that.
He went back into his room and picked up the notebook. Half of what he had written in it sounded ridiculous now; he almost threw it away but couldn't bring himself to. He considered giving it to her, but recanted that idea, wondering why he even thought of it. In the end he threw it in his closet. He didn't need it now.
He noticed belatedly that there was a piece of paper on his desk. It had obviously been torn from the notebook he had just tossed into the closet; it was odd, because it had been in the same place it landed before when he went to pick it up. Nevertheless, he strode over to where it lay and grabbed it. This was why Lenalee had stayed in his room after he left: to leave him a note.
He went and sat on his slightly rumpled bed. As he read it, the corner of his mouth twitched before turning up.
Notes: In The Awakening, there is a love affair, but the two are forced apart at the end. In The Remains of the Day, the narrator (a butler) can't see that he's in love with the housekeeper, and she ends up marrying someone else. In The Age of Innocence, which I never entirely read, the main character is getting married to one woman but is in love with another, but society ultimately keeps them apart. I don't need to explain The Great Gatsby, do I? Walking After Midnight is about a woman going out on midnight walks, like she used to do with her lover. And "The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock" is...hard to explain and apparently quite debated. What I had in mind was Prufrock's difficulty with saying what he wants to say. So it was all an attempt to tease/imply that this would go the opposite what that it did. I'm not sure it worked, but it was fun for me, at least.