Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight; it is the property of Stephenie Meyer. The original characters and plot are mine. I am in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Thanks to my lovely Beta Biddy429 !!!

Chapter 20

Alice

I was so happy and content and I thought to myself that I honestly cannot recall the last time I had spent such a normal, average and ordinary evening since........... I could almost feel the tears forming at the corners of my eyes, no I thought, enough of this, and I pushed away the guilt. She would want nothing more than to see me happy, this was a good thing, besides normal, average and ordinary gets boring after a while apparently. I found Charlie looking over at me obviously taking in the abrupt change in my mood.

We had watched the game and I had chatted with Alice and Jasper at first. Then Rosalie and I really started to rag on Edward being bipolar and what the solution was to that since he can't absorb the medications for it. By the end of the night all of us 'kids' except Edward were wondering how to medicate him and the potentials of shock therapy or sensory deprivation. Yeah we were being cruel and a part of me did feel a bit guilty about it.

Emmet thought that constant "Jasper control" would work if Jasper was up to it. Apparently Jasper can read and control emotions, totally cool but it must be horrid in high school unless he manipulates those around him constantly. It earned him a hug and an apologetic frown, he got a kick out of that. Seriously though the anxiety and kinda hostile environment must be harsh.

"Hey you seem to be going from high to low kiddo, what you thinking about?" Charlie asked and I came back to reality with a soft blush.

"Sorry, I had fun tonight. It was so normal and well, odd to me and I thought about the last time everything was normal in my life..." I said letting my voice trail off. Charlie nodded but he looked grim, I knew he didn't want to remind me what was happening in two days time. We had already agreed that I could do whatever I wanted that day, go to school, stay home, go for a long drive. His only restriction was nothing illegal and nothing he would have to worry about.

I thought to myself, I wonder if Edward would spend the day with me, we could do something "different".

My chest was tight because for a while tonight I had forgotten about her. Not that it's a bad thing but it's only been two years.

Last year I was worried about my father and just let my life revolve around him. Somehow that was okay but now I am so far from her, it's not the same now. Before I would walk down to the cemetery and sit with her for a few hours just to think quietly. Everything here was so different and it's almost like she would just fade away, and that soon I wouldn't even remember her face.

Charlie had stopped the car and I realised we were home. I looked over at him and tears were streaming silently down his face. Reaching over I took his hand in mine and rested my head on his shoulder. With a shuddering sob he wrapped his arms around my shoulders and hugged me to his chest.

"I thought that not talking or thinking about her would be the best way to let her go but I know you miss her. I miss her too, yeah she was my niece but she was special, she was a precious gift that didn't stay with us for nearly long enough. I suppose we can take comfort from the fact that we had her for a short time" His voice was thick with emotion and I nodded trying hard not to let my own tears fall. I hadn't seen Charlie cry since the funeral but I knew he loved my baby sister as much as any of us did.

"She's safe and happy now and knowing that she is no longer in pain is the only way I can live Charlie. It's as though she is well and fine, she is smiling and perhaps playing a game that I don't completely understand, basically she has in my mind just moved to a better place to exist and that's just the way I think of it, the only way I can cope with it all" I laughed quietly to myself at the memories I had of her but for some reason it was a hollow laugh, it really hurt but I couldn't go on like this. We both gave ourselves a shake and cleaned ourselves up and got out of the car and went inside.

****

I sat at my bedroom window looking out into the dark of the night. I was trying to stop my brain from remembering what had happened two years ago around this time. It was one of the few times that I thought I would lose her. She only woke for very short periods and when she did she never smiled, it was so sad. The spark was only a glimmer in her eyes and I felt the first sharp edges of fear creep into my heart since when she was born and mom had died.

I leaned my head against the window pane and let out a shaky breath, I tried to organise my thoughts and contemplated going back to bed and trying to get some sleep. Just then I heard a soft crunch and tilted my head to see something pale and moving in the moonlight. Who would be out at this time of night?

"Bella?" Alice's voice called out to me and I waved to her. Why was Alice here and so late at night? Had she seen me unable to sleep and wanted to help? It made some degree of sense but I hated that she got so worried about me, I was a big girl and I could cope with my emotions, I didn't need to drag Alice into all my troubles.

"What are you doing here Alice, go home and get some sleep" I told her and she chuckled and stood under my window.

"I don't sleep Bella and you seem to need some company" She told me and I blushed and then my mind went to the 'I don't sleep' comment. Vampires don't sleep, ever? "I'm coming up so don't scream or anything okay?" I moved back wondering what she meant. I actually thought for a second that she might jump up right through, and sure enough she did. One second she was standing looking up at me and the next she was right beside me in my bedroom, how cool was that! Oh to be a vampire eh?

"Wow, cool Alice, I wish I could do that" I told her as I sat back on my bed. She smiled at me and then took in my bedroom.

"Did you decorate this room Bella, because I really don't think it suits you!" She said and I shrugged.

"I haven't been here for a long time and even when I did come it was when I was a little kid but it was only ever for a few weeks during the school holidays, don't think Charlie ever really seen the need to decorate it all girly like" I told her as I wrapped my arms around my knees and looked at her.

"I was worried when I saw a vision of you tossing and turning all night and then looking more like a zombie at school tomorrow so I thought I would come over and see what was up. You don't mind do you?" She told me and I replied "No I don't mind at all Alice" I suppose it could have been worse, it could have been Edward that came to sit with me, mmmmmmm would that have been so bad I wondered?

"I miss her so much" I said simply knowing that was the kind of talk she meant.

"It must be hard for you having deal with this grief for the last two years" She told me as she sat next to me.

"That's just it though I haven't, well not all of the time, mostly I spent my time trying to keep my dad together and failed miserably, but it did take up a lot of my thoughts. Trying to sort dad out and be there for him when he needed me was a distraction. I know I needed to move here with Charlie for my own sanity if not my safety but I really didn't want to be so far away from her. That might sound silly to some people and I know that it's just her body that's in the ground and it's really her soul that counts, but I know all of that and still I can't stop thinking about her all alone with no-one near her" I gushed feeling foolish.

"Was it around this time two years ago?" Alice questioned.

"What would have been her tenth birthday is in two... well one day now." I answered and felt the knot in my stomach.

"Oh." Alice sighed and looked at me sadly.

"She was too sick for her last birthday, she was sleeping a lot. And when she was conscious she didn't have the same spark in her eyes. It was the first time in a long time that I feared I would lose her. I hate that I was right to fear it then" I continued tears filling my eyes at the end but thankfully they didn't spill over.

"That must have been so hard, I can't even imagine something like that Bella, I don't remember my human past so I don't know what it would be like to see someone you love become so sick and then die. I can only imagine and I don't like the idea." Alice told me and I stared at her. Here am I moping about what I do remember and how it affects me and there in front of me is poor Alice who has no memories at all to look back on, how sad would that be, I should maybe consider myself lucky that I have some memories, albeit sad ones.

I felt a pang in my chest and leaned over to hug Alice and said, "You're very brave, even though this hurts badly I can't imagine not knowing what I had loved, lost or enjoyed. Heck, I think I would even hate not remembering what scares me. You know what I fear the most? It's being here, not being near her back in Phoenix, I'm scared in case I forget her, in case I won't remember her face and I will having nothing left of her" I told Alice and she smiled and then frowned.

"From the way you talk about her Bella, I'm sure you will never forget her, she is such a big part of you and your life. Anyway, if you paint her picture often then you will have a constant memory of her but Bella, she is and will always be in your heart" Alice told me. I had done many portraits of her but it they were always so painful to look at after, but I could keep them until I was ready or wanted to see them.

"I think I will" I told her and finally I began to feel tired. I yawned and Alice chuckled.

"Bed time for the human" She sang and tucked me in and kissed the top of my head. "Sweet dreams Bella"

"Goodnight Alice, and everyone at your house too" I murmured as I fell asleep.