Stupid paperwork.
Shepard was sitting at his desk, writing a report of the last mission. Usually Miranda handled this sort of crap, but the Illusive Man wanted to have his input.
Input.
He wanted to show his 'employer' what to 'input' and where.
The assassin continuously crept into his mind.
Thane Krios.
Krios was not what he had expected, and yet he was. Enormous discipline and willpower was required of the assassins. You would have to be able to wait for hours, even days for your target. Krios obviously had those, since he was one of the most successful.
His spirituality however, was surprising.
Surprising, because It indicated that he had morals. Murderers who killed for money couldn't usually afford to have morals.
The mission had been a complete success. Thane was recruited and Nassana had joined her sister. He smiled at the thought.
Shepard admired Nassana's competence and ruthlessness, but her ridiculous paranoia finally got to her. It was rather amusing.
Ruthlessness.
Or did he?
He may have admired it in theory, but the reality was very much uglier.
The battle.
He felt filthy.
He felt weak.
Anger.
His personal comm rang.
"Shepard? Are you there?", a female voice asked.
Tali.
Shepard didn't answer, but merely opened the door and stood up. She had barely entered the room, when Shepard began.
He cleared his throat before speaking.
"If this is about what happened on Illium...", he paused, clearing his throat again.
"I'm sorry. I did not mean to make you uncomfortable"
He had sounded more formal than he had wanted, a side effect from trying to calm his feelings.
What was he talking about?
Oh.
"What? No!", she gasped.
She looked surprised, and her fingers were fidgeting against each other.
"I-I mean...that it didn't", she stuttered, only realizing her sentence after it was finished.
"No, I..uh..I-I meant that I didn't even remember it", she looked to the floor sheepishly.
That was a lie. She could remember it clearly. It had felt extremely good.
Shepard lowered his eyebrows, looking at her. She was clearly lying, but he decided not to add her discomfort, and changed the subject.
Hoping that she left.
"If you say so. If that's all..."
"No", she said, raising her head.
"Could we...could we sit down?", she asked, glancing around the room.
She truly felt like sitting down.
Her knees buckled.
"Sure"
Shepard didn't really want to talk to her right now, but he knew that one way or the other, he would.
Shepard showed her a place on the couch, while he took the chair from his desk, and planted it in front of her.
"So, you, uh, wanted to talk?", Shepard asked after sitting down.
"Yes", she answered, leaning backwards.
Just say it.
Her fingers still fidgeted against each other when she continued.
"About the last time we talked...", she said.
She was trying to see, if he remembered too.
"Oh", Shepard said, surprised.
Not now.
"I..", she continued, lowering her gaze.
Say it.
"I'm sorry", she said apologetically.
Shepard wrinkled his brow again "About what?"
"I..uh..I wasn't thinking rationally when I said...those things", she continued slowly, pondering her words, lowering her gaze.
Intimacy.
"I was being stupid and selfish", she concluded, with a matter-of-factly tone.
Disbelieve mixed with the anger.
Shepard sighed.
"What the hell is wrong with you?", he hissed from between his teeth.
"W-what?", she asked, with an unbelieving tone.
Shepard slammed his fist on the table between them. Tali jumped from shock.
"Haven't you already done enough?", he continued, feeling the anger rising.
"W-what do you mean?", she asked quietly.
Shepard leaned in closer.
"Your selflessness is what led into this"
"I-I don't understa--"
Shepard rose up, interrupting her.
"You gave everything to the damn fleet"
He said the word fleet with an intense disgust.
He snorted before continuing.
"And they just..." he shook his head, grinning scornfully "...spit it back to your face"
Tali lowered her head.
What he had said was true.
But it wasn't their fault.
"It was my decision", she whispered.
"Yeah? Like this? You just decide what's best for everyone?", he spread his arms.
Now she rose up.
"What can I say Shepard!?", she yelled, her voice broken. "We can never be together! Not like anyone else! I'm trapped inside this suit forever!"
"Oh, poor you!", Shepard yelled back.
He immediately wanted to take those words back.
He couldn't, because before he could speak, Tali's hand hit his cheek.
His head turned by the force of the impact. He touched his cheek, and kept his head low.
"Tali.."
Tali ignored him, then turned and left.
Shepard stood there alone, his head hanging low.
He clenched his teeth together, feeling his eyes moistening.
Anger turned to rage.
Roaring, he kicked the table in front of him, sending it toppling over.
Glancing around the room in desperation, he felt a single tear falling down on his cheek. He fell to his knees.
The guilt he had felt, couldn't even compare.
How could he?
Tali felt the tears of disappointment fall down her cheeks.
He knew what being inside this...thing was to her. He had just slapped that away.
He was sorry, she knew.
But for once, selflessness was thrown away.
She just wanted to punish him. Hurt him the way he hurt her.
So she left.