Mess hall. Middle of the night. Completely empty. It suited Garrus perfectly.
You're the same, she said. He chuckled at the thought. Garrus could remember Shepard brooding in the mess hall about Tali. Actually, on the exactly same seat as he sat now.
Probably why he had always liked Shepard, had bonded with him. They were so alike, and were not. He was a turian and Shepard was a human. The two species still had pretty strained relations over the 314 incident, so it was pretty ironic that his best friend would be a human.
Best friend. He felt as if Shepard had betrayed him, and yet he did not. Truthfully, he did not know what he felt, except pain.
What he knew was, that Shepard had shielded him, and he was thankful for that. But he didn't care what Garrus wanted. Garrus had asked for something, and Shepard wouldn't give him that. He couldn't trust him. He felt betrayed.
Or did he?
He did not know.
It was easier to have conviction. Kill Sidonis. Black and white, good and evil. Kill the evil, help the good.
He wished it were that easy.
As his team died, Garrus died. He never tried to leave Omega. He wanted to stay there with them.
Then Shepard came. He saved him.
He had gotten a second chance to avenge his men's lives.
But Sidonis was not an evil man, not a villain to be vanquished. He was only a coward and he suffered for what he had done. Garrus would have killed him in vengeance without Shepard.
Now, he only wished that he could have given Sidonis a release. The final rest.
His men would have liked that. Helping Sidonis.
Garrus should have never picked him.
His cowardice was Garrus' fault, his failure.
He had killed his men.
Hopefully, his death would redeem him.
Shepard sat down opposite to him.
"Shepard," Garrus muttered.
Shepard did not answer, but merely looked at the table.
Betrayal surfaced back into Garrus' mind.
He sighed.
"I know why you did it, and it was the right decision. But it was not what I wanted," Garrus said quietly.
"I know," Shepard answered quietly.
"I don't know if I can trust you."
Shepard's eyes narrowed, and he leaned forward.
"I may not follow your every whim, but don't talk to me like I've betrayed you," he hissed.
"Whim? They were my men Shepard! What would you do?" Garrus hissed back.
"The same as you," Shepard said coldly.
So he just admitted it? And only he was entitled to it?
Garrus leaned forward.
"And you just took that from me?" Garrus snapped.
"Yes."
That did not make any sense. Why would he do that? Why couldn't he just let him kill Sidonis?
"Why?" Garrus asked.
"Because you needed help," Shepard answered.
"I didn't ask for it!"
Shepard sighed.
"Sometimes you don't have to," he said quietly.
Garrus did not know what to say. Maybe he had needed help, but he had not asked for it. Maybe he should have.
Failure.
Garrus lowered his head.
"It would have given me a chance to succeed in something Shepard. For the first time," Garrus said quietly.
"What do you mean?" Shepard asked, wrinkling his brow.
Garrus sighed deeply.
"I'm a failure," Garrus said "Everything I've ever done has ended up in a disaster. The army, C-Sec, Omega...and you."
"We did take down Saren," Shepard retorted "I'd call that a success."
And then he left the Normandy in search for glory in the Spectres, where he failed again.
"Yeah, and I left. I left the place where I finally had done something," Garrus said quietly, shaking his head "I wasn't even...I wasn't even there when you died."
Shepard lowered his head.
He started to chuckle.
"Remember doctor Saleon?"
Doctor Saleon. Garrus had almost forgot about him. Justice had finally been delivered to the sick bastard in a form of a bullet. The thought made him chuckle. Once.
"As I said, then I left."
"Let me say one thing.", Shepard said, leaning forward "You've never failed me, Garrus."
"When I saw you on Omega...", he began, staring dreamily at nothing "I was like 'man, Garrus has turned out to be a really tough guy'."
He started to smile, and he chuckled.
"I think I was proud," he said quietly.
Proud. Shepard was proud of him. It felt good.
Proud? The good feeling faded away. He had failed completely. He had accomplished nothing.
"I got twelve good men killed. That's nothing to be proud of," Garrus retorted.
"So did I, at Torfan", Shepard answered.
Torfan. Difference was, that Shepard's men had died for something, the objective was completed. The colonies were safe from batarians.
"You did your job. My men died for nothing."
Shepard looked into the turian's eyes.
"You never had a job. Your men fought for you. All of you knew that you could never win."
His eyes again stared dreamingly at nothing.
"But you still fought. For a cause. For honour."
He started to smile again.
"If I were one of your men...", he started, getting up.
"...I would have died with a smile on my face."
He turned and left, leaving Garrus alone.
His men had been proud, they had been glad to die for the cause Garrus had given them. He had given them hope and a reason. They were grateful.
He just felt inadequate for such a devotion. He wanted to repay it.