Previously:
His expression softened. "I guess that is good. You know, I'm going to be here for you....any time you need me. You know that right?" He said, looking into my eyes intensely. It seemed so intimate that even I wanted to look away. His green eyes glinted as he stared at me.
I nodded. "I know that." I took his hands in mine, "I'm going to live. I've already decided that. This—I'm strong, I cando this, I will do this."
He looked into my eyes once more then dropped his head, "I'm holding you to that."
This chapter is dedicated too!
Lordoftheringergottwilighted
Great review as always! At this point, I'm always looking forward to your reviews!
Bella's POV (One month later):
My throat ached as I bent over the toilet once more. Ever since I started chemo about a month ago, I've been getting violently sick. I know it's common, but damn does it suck!
Edward supported my body as I slumped backwards and rested my head against his chest, panting heavily and wiping my mouth with a piece of toilet paper.
Edward wasn't lying when he told me he'd be here for me any time I needed him. He was the one that was there holding my hair back when I first started chemo. I haven't needed him for that lately though. Within the first week I started losing my hair in big clumps. Any time I would brush it or take a shower, a large fist full of hair would fall out. At first it really freaked me out. It was right after a dosage of my chemo medicine. I was laying down in one of the hospital beds, holding Edward's wrist and waiting for Carlisle to make sure everything was...well, not okay, but as close to okay as could be, when I sat up and ran my fingers threw my hair. When my hand came back into my view, strands of hair were entwined within all my fingers. I mean I still have a little left, but it's so thin and unhealthy, that I normally just wear a baseball cap to cover it up.
Now that I'm thinking of it......
"Does Emmett have any baseball caps I could use?" I asked Edward once my breathing was back to normal and my stomach no longer felt nauseous.
He laughed quietly as he rubbed his hand up and down my right arm. "I'm sure he does. You could probably steal some and he wouldn't notice."
"Okay cool, maybe we can go over there? I need to get out of the house."
He rolled his eyes as he started helping me up from the floor and guiding me back to my bedroom. "Weren't you just throwing up, like five seconds ago?"
I guess he kind of had a point there, but if you were stuck in your house, pretty much all the time, you'd get tired of it too!
I'm sure your all wondering what I've been doing school wise, right? At first I didn't want anyone to know about it. I hate sympathy and I hate attention even more. So, telling people that I have cancer, would most likely mean both sympathy and attention combined. I went to school as normally as possible. Obviously we had to let the teacher's know about it, but I made sure that both the teachers and my friends knew not to say anything to anyone. No matter what anyone said, or any suspicions, they were to act clueless.
Ehh, that all worked out until Lauren came into the picture. For some reason, this chick just didn't like me. I'm pretty sure it was because her boyfriend, Tyler, seemed to take an interest in me. Not that I ever accepted his many movie invitations, but she thought I was trying to steal him from her. She liked to try to embarrass me. She was pretty bad at it until last Thursday.
Flashback
I was sitting in between Emmett and Edward at lunch. Alice, Rosalie, and Jasper were sitting across from us. I wasn't really eating much. Anything that went in normally just came back out, so, what was the point? Especially at school. I was sipping slowly on my ginger ale and nibbling at my Ritz crackers.
Our tables are like big rectangles. About 16 people fit on each side, unless of course they want to squeeze. So, on my side of the table is just me and my friends, while on the other is Lauren, Jessica, Mike, Tyler, Katie, Austin, and Lee. Lauren is sort of like the head honcho of the group and the rest are her followers. More like minions to me. I'm not an idiot; I've seen they are all afraid of her. They don't like her.
Anyway, I started feeling sick, even those few crackers had done it.
"I'll be right back," I told my friends as I started off to the bathroom.
"You okay?" Edward asked me as I was walking off.
"Yeah, fine," I mumbled in an almost incoherent tone.
I rested my palms against the sink as I looked at my reflection. My fingers found their way into my hair. I had bought a kind of half wig. Since I still had some of my hair I didn't need a full on wig, but this was almost like cover up on a blemish. My complexion was even paler than usual. It looked chalky and clammy, but not such a huge difference that people would notice. It's not like people pay close enough attention to me. I noticed my fingers were trembling as I stepped back. I had gotten thinner that's for sure. Even though it had been less than a month, I had loss more than ten pounds due to not being able to keep anything in.
My cheeks puffed up as I threw my hand over my mouth. Great, sick at school...at least no one's in here.
I shouldered the stall door open as I fell to my knees. It wasn't even one minute when I heard the girl's bathroom door slam open and saw big red heels from under the stall.
"Shit," I tried to say as I brought my hand up to lock the door but ended up gagging and lurching my head back to the toilet.
"Bella?" I heard Lauren ask menacingly. She opened the door slowly revealing me at my worst. Her eyebrows lifted as she smirked, "So that's how you stay so skinny!"
She thinks I'd make myself throw up?! She thinks I'm bulimic?!
"No, Lauren, really I--" I started but her whiny, nasally voice cut me off.
"Save it for those who care Swan. Wait until I tell everyone." She started towards the door then stopped and turned around to face me with a smirk on her face. "You think your facade of not being afraid of me is working?" Facade? Don't you mean reality...? "Well, it's not Swan. You think your tough shit, strutting around as if you could care less what other people think." For the most part I really don't care. "What about if all your business is out for the whole school to know? I'm sure you're not going to be all tough then."
I closed my eyes tight as the door swung shut.
She seriously wouldn't tell people that right? Dammit Bella, it's Lauren! Of course she will. I wiped my mouth clean and made sure I wasn't going to get sick again as I walked out into the cafeteria to see Lauren standing on her seat at the lunch table.
"What's she doing?" Edward asked me as I sat back down.
"She thinks I'm bulimic." I whispered. "She saw me throwing up."
His face went bright red with anger and he stood up. Of course Lauren took notice to that.
She smiled. "Nice try Cullen. You're gonna try to stick up for your little girlfriend? Doesn't mean I won't say anything."
By this point all eyes were focused on her as her obnoxious voice droned on. She smiled again, sickenly sweet, "Everyone thinks little Miss Bella Swan is the do good girl at the school right?" A lot of people murmured comments about how true this was. Tyler even wolf-whistled which got him a glare from Lauren.
Edward tried to stand up but I put my hand on his shoulder, "I can do this." I told him. As weak as I am physically, I'm not weak mentally. I truly don't care what people think of me, I don't care about my reputation. Lauren wants to try to ruin it, let her, but I won't let her spread lies.
I didn't want to risk falling flat on my face by getting on the lunch table with her, so I stood underneath her on the ground.
Lauren saw me there, "Swan here," she gestured towards me, "is bulimic! I saw her; she was just in the bathroom throwing up! Haven't you all noticed how much weight she's been losing?"
There was a low rumble from my fellow classmates as Lauren grinned triumphantly at them. She gave me a look as if to say, 'feeling the burn yet?'
I cleared my throat and started to pace up and down the lunch tables.
"You guys believe this?" I asked loud enough for everyone to hear, my voice cracking a little bit. I looked over at Edward who was staring at me. I'm fine, I mouthed to him and he nodded, not quite believing me.
I shook my head and laughed under my breath, "Everyone has thrown up before. Just because you threw up, that means your bulimic?" I looked at Lauren dead on and met her eyes. "Couldn't it mean you were sick?"
I took a deep breath. I hate attention...I really really hate attention.
A small tear formed in my eye but I blinked it away. My eyes closed for a second, but a second was close enough for Edward to be over at my side, his arm around my shoulders.
"Maybe, just maybe, I'm not gagging myself. Maybe I could be sick? Ever think of that Lauren? Ever think that I might be dying? That thought ever occur to you?" There was nothing but silence. I put my hand on top of Edward and squeezed it tight. "That's right people. I'm dying. I have leukemia."
End Flashback
"Bells? Hello? Earth to Bella!" Edward's appeared in front of my eyes as he snapped his finger.
I chuckled quietly as I shook my head, "Sorry, I completely zoned out." I've been doing that often. Just thinking about random things that pop into my mind. Sometimes there's a reason behind why I'm thinking them, others it's nothing related
"Are you feeling okay?" He asked for the millionth time today.
I groaned automatically at the question and threw a pillow from my bed at his stomach. "How many times do you have to ask that? Seriously, I'm fine. Get that through your brain!" I get the face that people want to know how I am, and they are concerned and all that good stuff, but it really does get annoying. Would you like to hear the same thing asked about a hundred times a day? And having to answer the same way each time?
Personally, I don't understand asking 'are you okay.' If you really have to ask that, most cases the person isn't okay. So, what's the point?
I sighed, "I need some air. Can we go to the park or something?" It was one of those rare sunny days, even though it was cold, it was still sunny. I don't like to miss out on those. Besides, after my big vomit session, I've been feeling much better.
He chuckled under his breath, "Sure, sounds like a plan."
Edwards POV:
"Swings are the best thing ever invented." Bella said as she let her head fall back and pumped her legs softly to keep her swing moving. It was times like these that made me love her even more. The way she could act so mature one minute, but the next act as if she were a kid. Pretty much how I act as well.
"You're forgetting cell phones, and computers, and houses, and lots of other things." I told her with a laugh. Seriously though, swings the best thing ever invented? What about cars! I think my Volvo is just a tad bit better than a swing. By a tad I mean a million times better.
Bella laughed softly and was about to say something when a large blue van pulled up loudly in the park parking lot. That thing could give Bella's truck a run for her money! Jeesh, it was rusting even more than hers, and the noise it made sounded like it was going to fall apart any moment!
"Bells, to think Emmett makes fun of your truck! Look at that piece of crap over there!"
Her eyes widened and her mouth made a small 'o.'
"Do you know them?" I asked as four figures started stepping out of the truck. There were two girls and two guys. The first guy, who was stepping out of the driver's seat, had straight dark brown hair that went slightly into his eyes; a heart shaped face, and seemed to be a little shorter than me. The girl coming out of the passenger seat has straight black hair, very tan, and wore black glasses. The other male was very muscular and blonde, and the other female has girly light brown hair and was very petite.
Bella simply nodded without offering any kind of explanation.
It seemed like they weren't quite sure where they were. They all looked around until the black haired girl spotted us and put her hand against her eyes to make a kind of shield from the sun. As soon as her eyes focused on Bella she started running towards us.
Bella followed quickly, getting up off the swing and speed walking over. It wasn't a great idea for her to run; she has been getting out of breath lately and if she fell and the cut got infected that could be serious.
They connected and hugged each other tight swinging back and forth. Who the hell are these people?
The others hurried over. Automatically I got off the swing and approached them. I didn't like feeling left out.
"Oh my gosh Bella! I've missed you so much!" The black haired girl said quietly as a single tear dripped down her skin.
"I've missed you too Angela." She choked out as her own tears filler her eyes. Ahh, Angela.....that's her friend from Arizona.
Okay, I know this sounds really childish of me....but seeing her with her other friends started making me kind of...jealous? Is that the right word? I walked over, smile planted firmly on my face and I put my arm around Bella's shoulders.
The dark haired boy looked at Bella intently and glared at me when I put my arm around her. What's his deal?
Bella laughed as tears fell onto her smiling lips, "Oh, right, everyone, this is Edward. Edward this is Angela, Tracey, Jonny, and Justin."
The gears started to work in my mind. Justin.....that was her boyfriend from freshman year. The guy that broke her heart. That son of a--.
"How are you feeling?" Justin suddenly asked.
Bella shrugged, "Okay, as good as I can feel I guess."
I tightened my grip on her shoulders and when Justin glared at me some more I grinned at him triumphantly.
"Wait, you told them?" I asked her. I mean, it's reasonable and all, I just didn't know that people from her hometown knew.
"Of course, how could I have not?" She said laughing, "I had to."
"Yeah," Angela said smiling, "She knew us before you, honestly, we should have known first."
Uh yeah, I don't think so. I could tell she was joking though, so I didn't make an effort to say anything.
"True," Justin replied as he stepped one foot closer to me. "We know her better too; we've known her for years."
"Justin," Bella warned. We could all tell he wasn't joking. "Stop it." She hissed.
Tracey and Jonny seemed out of sorts. They didn't really say much. I liked them.
Bella shrugged my arm off her shoulder and Justin's face showed pure triumph. Uh...why would she take my arm off? I do that all the time!
She rolled her eyes at Justin's expression. "Uhm, well, I guess we can go back to my house if you all want..?"
"Sounds good to me!" Angela chirped. The others agreed quickly after and I muttered an okay. This should be a long day.
Bella's POV:
I sat across from Jonny, Tracey, Angela and Justin on the arm chair. Edward said in the second arm chair which was angled in between the couch and the one I was sitting on. "So, why are you guys here? It was such a great surprise!" I was so shocked when I saw that blue truck pull up. That truck has been in Justin's family forever! Ever since I knew Justin he had been either getting rides in that truck or driving it himself. Edward tried cracking jokes about it, and I know he didn't mean anything, but that truck has memories. It was the first time Justin and I kissed. Obviously in 9th grade we couldn't drive, but his mom was driving me back home from the movies and had to run into the store to grab something. While she was away, Justin leaned in and kissed me. It had been so sweet.
I'm not in love with Justin anymore, but I still have feelings for him. I texted him when I found out about having cancer, he had been so supportive. And later when I was talking to Angela, she said he had been asking about me constantly and that she really thinks he still loves me.
Jonny was throwing a black and red hackeysack from hand to hand. "Winter vacation, you know that thing due to Christmas coming up?"
"Wait, what's the date?" I asked him puzzled. I've been so out of it lately. I hadn't even realized Christmas was coming up!
"December 12th," Tracey chimed in. "Our last day was Monday; we got ready by Tuesday, and left yesterday!"
"Yeah, we get to stay until the 20th." Justin said standing up and coming towards me. He sat down on the arm of my chair and ran his hand up and down my arm. It felt nice; I was starting to get chilly, so the friction helped warm me up. Edward was staring at him, glaring daggers into his skin.
I rolled my eyes. What's his problem? Afraid I'm going to leave him for my other friends? He knows I'm aloud to have more than one best friend right?
I opened my mouth to say something to him when a roll of nausea hit me. I leaned back into the chair and curled up in a ball. Sometimes this helped settle my stomach.
"Bella? Are you okay?" Justin said, getting down on a knee and looking at me. Edward was next to me in record time asking the same thing.
"I'm fine," I snapped without meaning to. They both just looked at me. I sighed and ran a hand across my forehead.
"No need to get feisty," Justin said putting his hands up in response. "Just trying to help."
"She has the right to be feisty," Edward mumbled to himself. Justin went back to the couch with the others. "Move over," Edward said softly to me. I gently slid over and let him sit next to me. He wrapped an arm around my curled up body.
Justin scoffed under his breath.
Angela smacked him over his head. "Ouch, what was that for?" He asked her.
"For being a jerk." She replied without the need to think.
There he goes with his different personalities. That's why you never know what to expect with him. One second he is absolutely perfect and caring, the next he's getting all pissed at me for snapping at him. Edward's right though...I do have the right to be a little snappy! I'm the one dying over here, as far as I know he's healthy.
Oh looky here, not it was Justin's turn to glare at Edward. This has got to stop. I can't have them hating each other right now.
"You two," I said motioning for Edward and Justin, "Come with me." I looked back at the others and gave them the TV remote. "Put whatever on; get something from the fridge if you're thirsty. I shouldn't be too long."
They followed behind me as I slowly but surely made my way up the stairs and into my bedroom. I collapsed on my bed as soon as I got there.
"Alright, well, I hope you guys know I'm not an idiot, and if you think I haven't noticed the constant stares you've been giving each other, then you're in for something else." They both didn't say anything. They just stared straight ahead. You know, boys are really stupid sometimes. "So......what are you're problems? Especially you Edward...you know, I'm aloud to have other friends."
This made him cringe. "Ah! So that's it! You don't want me having other friends, do you?" What else could that cringe mean? It means I was right! How could he think that?
His head jerked forward and he stood up quickly as he put his put his hand on his forehead. "That's not it Bella!" He said as he paced the room, not sure what to look at. "You told me what this...guy did to you!"
Justin looked confused, but quickly caught on. He knew what he did to me.
"Then, I see him here acting all flirty with you!" Flirty? I guess rubbing his hand up my arm could be considered that....I never thought about it that way. "I can't believe I'm about to say this." He muttered. He came up right next to me and looked at me. "I like you Bella." I opened my mouth to speak but nothing came out. "I like you a lot...more than just friends."
Well holy crap!