Us Against the World
Part 4 - Fresh Air
Hare shriveled into Hatter when another car came into hearing range from behind them. He was the one walking on the street's side, but both of them were unnerved by the number of vehicles passing them by.
"Hatter, I don't think I've ever seen so many people in cars, before! Why don't they just walk?! It'd be so much less dangerous!"
"I don't know!"
"Maybe they're all going on vacation."
Suddenly a woman appeared at the corner, clad in visor and tennis shoes. A cheery looking golden retriever, mouth agape, was scampering along on a leash beside her. Hatter's face brightened.
"Ah! Someone else who finds value in staying in shape!"
"Hiii!!!" Hare swung his arm in a friendly nature at the woman. As she approached, she narrowed her eyes.
"Beautiful weather we're having today, huh?" Hatter tried.
The straight line across her mouth didn't budge as she passed, stepping out into the street and tugging at the leash when the dog tried sniffing them. They stopped to watch her as she departed and looked to each other.
"Well somebody's got sand up their vag," Hatter theorized.
Hare lowered his head and they continued.
"Hatter... I have this feeling that we're kind of sort of getting lost."
"Oh, relax. I bet the store is right around the corner."
The turned the corner of the street and there was no store.
"Okay, the nex-"
"Maybe we should just ask for directions-"
"Men don't ask for directions-"
"Then be a woman for a second and do the smart thing!"
Hatter paused for a moment as they continued to walk.
"...Touche."
A car was approaching. Hatter darted his eyes between it and Hare. He gave him a nudge in the arm. "Well?"
"Well, what? I told you to ask for directions."
"Yeah, but they'll find you less intimidating."
"But, but Hatter, I wouldn't know what to say, I-I-"
"Just wave your arms in front of the car!" Hare hesitated and the car passed. Hatter grumbled. "Good going."
"Oh, you are not blaming that on me, Mister."
"Well who else was I- HEY, THERE'S ANOTHER ONE."
"Wha-"
"QUICK, HARE, STOP THE CAR!"
Hare selflessly swung towards the curb and flailed his arms at the forest green Jeep as it decelerated in front of them. After a pause, the passenger's side window rolled down. Hatter and Hare met eyes for reassurance, then wandered up to the car.
When the two bow-tie clad gents peeked through, the man at the wheel had something on his face akin to a combination of a grimace and impending laughter.
"H-Hello," Hare started. "Do you know where the store is? We've been looking all over the neighborhood and we can't find it."
He chuckled.
"Yeah, if you go down Courtway," he pointed behind him, "until Pendleton, it's to the right, a couple blocks down."
The three shared a moment of silence.
"T-this is Courtway?" Hatter tried to ask.
"A-About how long would that take?" Hare interrupted.
The man made a high grin.
"Are you guys late for something?"
"Y-yes! We haven't had tea for at least 12 hours now!" Hatter swung his hands around in the window frame to help make his point. His mouth dropped when the inquirer started laughing at him.
"You guys are great. Listen, whatever that's for, good luck. The store's not that far away."
Hare lifted a finger. "So you said a right at Pendle..."
"Pendleton, yes." The window rose just a bit.
"O-Okay."
"Have a nice day-"
"Thanks, you too-!" Hare tried as the rest of the window went up. They could hear unrestrained laughter inside the car while it rolled away.
The partnership lifted up their hands and shrugged to each other before continuing on their way.
Eventually they came strolling through the automatic doors of a Walgreen's. Hare noted an employee eying them suspiciously from the Starbucks counter. Hatter on the other hand seemed content to scat-sing past an array of cereals. Two girls that looked about Alice's age were eying their selections when the strange looking men came by, prompting unwavering observation. Before Hatter noticed the attention he was getting, the light bulb seemed to go off in his head upon sight of Lucky Charms, right behind them. "OHHh! We NEED this. 'Scuse me." Before the girls even moved, he leaned forward and yanked a box off the shelf.
"Oh! Good idea, Hatter!" Hare clapped his hands together before Hatter lead him off. "Maybe as an apology we could go shopping for the whole kitchen," he suggested. "I mean Alice didn't even have lasagna, it's the least we could do for just barging in-"
"I told you, Hare, I only have 20 woebucks. I'm not made of money you know, contrary to popular belief."
"Nobody believed you were."
"Oh, perhaps all these years I've misunderstood you taking all of my stuff-"
"-What?-"
"-And never bothering to return any of it, by the way." Hatter raised his finger before he was stopped in front of the meat counter by his incredulous partner. Hare squinted at him.
"Oh I'm sorry. I thought maybe you liked sharing."
"I-" His mouth dropped. "I do. That has nothing to do with this."
A woman with a cart seemed to want in their section. When they noticed that she had probably been eavesdropping, she darted her eyes around. The two decided to wander off towards the tea isle. They were silent, but it was obvious the argument's content in their heads was still swirling.
Hatter eyed a box of jasmine green tea a moment before Hare wet his lips to speak.
"So uh... since you're paying for that... should I ask if I can have any?" Hatter didn't at first look away from the box, but his hands slowly lowered it out of screen.
"Was that supposed to be some attempt at making me feel bad about nothing?"
"Why no, of course not. I just wanted to make sure you didn't mind me taking your stuff."
"I'm buying the tea for the both of us," Hatter replied through his teeth.
"If that's what you want to do," Hare trailed, his eyes to the floor as he hugged the box of Lucky Charms.
"Yes. The cereal is for both of us too! That's all I can afford. Alice doesn't even want us there anyway - this is just to hold us over until her mirror stops sucking at life."
Hare looked down both ways of the isle.
"Alright, alright-"
"How about we not-argue in the store?" He suggested, handing Hare the box of jasmine. He received it rather silently, all the while seeming unsure as Hatter continued browsing.
"...You really wanna get green tea this time?"
Hatter's eyes receded into the top of his head in disgruntlement.
"Is there some problem with green tea?"
"No, not at all, I- we just- it's not usually something you buy." Hatter stepped a little further away from him and grumbled. "Jesus, Hatter, remind me never to take you away from your tea. You need it like medication-"
"-Hey." He asserted. "You knew that already. In fact I think I've told you multiple times in our friendship that it balances out the mercury poisoning. You've sure had your head in the sand, haven't you?"
"Screw you!" Hare screeched, stomping out of the isle and leaving Hatter a little dumbfounded. "I'm not putting up with that! He thinks he can just treat me however he wa-" As he turned the corner, he came into frontal view of a little girl next to a shelf of Hostess products. He frowned awkwardly when she did not seem the most excited to see him, then released an ear-splitting scream that made Hare drop the Lucky Charms to the floor before turning the corner for her (assumed) parents.
Hare did not really know what to do with himself. A child had never screamed at him before. He sputtered incoherently like he was trying to explain himself to the now absent girl. A few passersby were giving him strange looks. Some just all together stopped and stared, wondering why there was a man with bunny ears in the store to begin with. He took note of them after a considerable bout of babbling and crouched down to pick up the cereal, then dashed back towards Hatter with a racing heart. Hatter's stiff posture dropped when the look in his eyes signaled real distress.
"Are you okay? You know I was just being snarky, right?" Hare shook his head fervently. Hatter groped for the right assessment, his eyes landing on the Lucky Charms, which was now being used as a security blanket of sorts. "...You're gonna wreck the box like that!" He complained, prying it out of his tight arms.
Without anything in his hands, Hare began to fidget, whining in the general direction of what had just happened to him, but Hatter just seemed annoyed.
"Okay... Um... " He caught him by the shoulder. "L-L-Let's buy this first, eheh," he tried, leading Hare along, whose fingers seemed to magnetically wrap around his other arm. "Hare, I-I need that to hold this stuff..." They turned a corner towards the check-out stand. "Y-you're gonna make me drop it," he said a little more firmly. With the tea boxes sliding down Hatter's front, their walk became an inch along the front hall. "Hare, I can't walk with both my arms around you!" He let go of Hare and reclaimed his items before they fell down his crotch completely. When he had everything where he wanted it, he gave Hare back one of his arms and they approached the conveyor belt.
The cashier wrung the teas and the Lucky Charms in with questionable pace, taking the time to alternate focus on the register and her...colorful customers. Hatter sighed heavily.
"You know, I hear pictures last a lot longer," he cleared his throat, "I-I could be wrong, I-... If I had one handy, I'd give it to you..." He trailed, then looked down to Hare, who was not much paying attention and instead watching someone buy scratch-its at a nearby counter.
"That'll be... $11.89 please."
Hatter grinned at her a moment before digging around in his pockets.
"Okay, here's a four... and... 5... 6.... 7.... 8... " As he laid the woebucks down, the cashier joked.
"What is that, Monopoly money?" She asked. His concentration clearly interrupted, Hatter's counting awkwardly stopped. He paused.
"...What's Monopoly?"
"Uhhhh-"
"I know we're out of state, but-"
"No-no... um... you know, the game."
Hatter paused, then finally nodded to himself.
"...I don't follow you."
She inspected one of the woebucks carefully. "...In 'The Queen' we trust..." She muttered before snorting. The line behind them were now inspecting the scene curiously. "Eheh... uhm... You have to pay in US dollars. I'm sorry," she tried to inform them in all seriousness. He handed Hatter back his money.
"...We don't have any US dollars."
"Well then you can't buy this."
"But... but we have money!" Hatter insisted.
"But it's the wrong currency; I can't do anything with that."
"So what, you're not gonna let us buy this?!"
"I... I can't," she replied a little guiltily, shrugging her shoulders. Hatter squiggled his lips and leaned forward.
"...I don't think you understand, lady. We haven't had tea... in like half a day. That's like a bazillion house fly years." She crossed her arms. "Okay, so I don't have the money, apparently... But can't you cut two guys some slack here? Can I give you an I.O.U.? I mean..."
"No... I... I can't. And you're holding up the line."
"But this is serious!"
"N-No, it's really not."
Hatter breathed heavily.
"Well this is just... this is just total balls." She squinted at him, which prompted a fist on the counter. "I demand to see your manager!" He felt good about that until a pressure circled his other arm. He looked down at Hare who was glaring at him in some uncomfortable way that he wasn't used to, but all the same, it registered with him. "...A-Another time." He corrected himself, his vitriol dissolving.
"Okay... " She shuffled their items to the end of the table.
Hatter waited a second longer like perhaps she would change her mind, but she turned her back on them to make a call on the intercom. Hatter glared at her all the way around the corner, then continued a deflated walk towards the automatic doors. Hare looked longingly back at the fun letters on the cereal box as it grew in the distance, but his attention was redirected as Hatter lead him whimsically through the parking lot. They stopped at the steps of a Jack in the Box nearby, where Hare lowered to sulk. Hatter did the same.
"I-I can't believe this..."
He looked over to his friend, who was still silent as the grave.
"Listen, Hare, that argument we had was completely pointless. I would share with you no matter what, okay? If we had anything..."
"She yelled at me!" He squeaked.
"-What?" Hatter waited a bit impatiently for an explanation. "Wha-"
"I was just minding my own business and she screamed, hysterically, at the sight of my face!"
"...Who did?"
"Oh God, maybe this is what Alice meant when she said we didn't look fit to leave the house!"
"Oh nonsense! Are you gonna listen to a little girl?!"
Hare's shaking fingers slid down his face, leaving him room to stare at Hatter like he was a dumbfuck.
"You listen to Alice just as often as I do!"
"Well I do when she's around - it's only polite. But you can't take it personally."
"You do take it personally, but that's not the point. I just scared away a little kid... What's wrong with me?! What did I do?"
"You didn't do anything. Calm down."
"Hatter!" He whined. When he stopped letting Hatter look him in the face, he knew his empty reassurance wasn't cutting it.
"Hare..." He touched his shoulder and leaned over him. "I guarantee... there is nothing wrong with you. Alice doesn't think so, even if she got her panties in a twist last night, the Tweedles don't think so... I don't think so..."
Hare's shoulders sagged.
"...Really?"
"Yeah. Rabbit? ...He might be a different story. But he's everybody's critic." Hare chuckled and bit his lip with half a grin creeping up his cheek as he turned in Hatter's direction. "...Kids are nuts," Hatter continued. "Remind me never to have one."
"Okay..." Hare smiled. "I'm reminding you. Hmph!"
Suddenly a guy came strolling out of the Jack in the Box with a drink in hand. He walked around the pair with his eyebrow raised.
"Pardon me," he muttered.
"-You're pardoned," Hatter cut over him.