Us Against the World
Part 6 - The Scene of the Crime
Twenty minutes later, Alice was back in her room, holding Dinah in her arms. She leaned into the door in relief and pet her on the head. "Well... the toilet's going to make it," she said aloud. The cat showed no response, so she sat her on the bed and leaned over the side.
Hatter and Hare were laying down playing Uno on their backs.
"...How does that work?" She wondered aloud. Hatter gingerly placed a card into the pile by Hare's head before answering.
"...It probably doesn't."
As they continued to play, Dinah appeared at the end of the bed as well, and when Hare noticed, the cards went up in the air. This managed to scare the cat enough to send her off to the other end of the room.
"...Mr. Hare?" Hare breathed deep with his back to the wall. "I didn't know you were afraid of cats."
"He wasn't... before yours."
"What's wrong with Dinah?!"
Hatter looked to Hare, wondering if this was the time to explain, when suddenly both their stomaches growled loud enough to wake somebody. Alice groaned. "I suppose you want food again."
"Y-yeah... we tend to need that sometimes..." Hare affirmed.
"I can't keep up with this..." She muttered to herself while stepping away from the bed rather dejected. "...If you guys can just hold off for a little bit longer, I want to go to Wonderland. Maybe I can find out why this isn't working."
They frowned.
"You really think the answer's over there?" Hatter asked.
"Well it's not over here, is it?" They couldn't think of anything to say so she sighed on the way to the usual spot she stood to enter the mirror. "I know you're tired of being here too, and I know you're hungry. I'll be back in a little bit." They waited, with their elbows propped on the bed, for her to leave but her expectant stare sunk them back to the floor. Her shoulders sagged, she raised her arm and, as simple as pie, disappeared.
- - -
Somewhere in the Wonderland forest, a door in a tree trunk popped out and Alice stepped into the sunlight. She patted herself off and started walking, not so enthusiastically, when Dum came wandering by with a bag in hand. "Hey Alice!"
"Oh! Thank God... Someone I know isn't going to screw this up..." Dum looked around awkwardly. "I need your help."
"...Sure. ...What is it?"
Alice thought a moment, wondering if she really ought to be frank. She figured 'why wait?'
"Hatter and Hare are stuck in my room."
"What?!"
"Yeah, I thought the same."
"...How'd they end up there?"
"That's what I'm trying to find out. I need to get to Hatter's house," Alice notioned in a random direction and the pair started walking. "...Did they say anything to you that sounded suspicious before they disappeared?"
Dum laughed.
"I don't talk to them very often- I mean... N-no, I haven't visited them lately."
"Hmm..." Alice tapped her finger on her lip.
Wonderland wasn't that big, so they arrived at the gate in no time. Dum let her inside and they strolled the length of the tea table... half drank cups still laying out with day old crumpets. How they lived like this, neither of them knew.
Alice came to the door and it pushed right open, no lock to speak of. They wandered the living room aimlessly, but nothing seemed out of the ordinary... in Hatter & Hare terms, that is.
"...What are we looking for exactly?" Dum asked.
"A mirror, or a book about mirrors, or something..."
"Something.. Hm... I bet upstairs is a better place to look. That's where they keep all their crap, after all."
This made sense, so up the stairs they went.
As conspicuous as it gets, the first thing they saw, erect in the middle of the room, was an oval shaped mirror, much bigger than Alice's, but probably still not large enough to accommodate Hatter's gargantuan stature. The two came towards it very slowly with their hands tense, as if they were approaching an animal in the wild. Alice's fingers carefully landed on the ridge as she inspected.
"I've never seen this up here before," Dum said from behind her.
"Neither have I. They must have bought it somewhere."
"Maybe they were planning to visit longer than you thought."
"Well they made it seem like they were just popping in," Alice trailed.
There were no books or materials on Hatter's desk that might have any connection with their plans, but as Alice turned to the back of the mirror, a crown with a heart-shaped stone was engraved right in the center. Dum appeared by her side and squinted.
"That's funny. It almost looks like it's one of the Queen's mirrors."
"...Oy," Alice responded with her hand to her temple.
"So you say they can't come back?" Ruminating, she kept her eyes focused on the banister but nodded. "Well maybe... the mirror isn't... positioned in a... harmonious fashion," Dum pronounced carefully. Alice didn't react right away, but eventually she snapped her fingers.
"You mean to say... the mirror could be in the wrong place?!"
"Yeah! Maybe it needs... some fresh air!" He suggested, only half sure of himself. The skeptic in Alice was short lived from desperation. She came to the side of the mirror.
"Well help me move it!"
He obeyed and the two carried it downstairs and past the tea table. A green area outside the fence seemed good, so there it stood, with Alice and Dum adjacent, admiring its sparkle from under the sun-blotched treetops.
Not a second later, both seemed sure they had heard a rustle of sorts in the brush. When Dum turned around he found two black lenses conspicuously protruding from a nearby bush and crouched down to their level. Alice took a more direct approach, catching the cotton-tailed observer from behind.
"Mr. ...Rabbit?" He shuffled out of position. Dum and Alice looked at him like he had a lampshade on his head. He wasn't quite sure how to explain himself, so mid-inhale he thought it better to simply brush off his vest and look at the pair like they had no business questioning him at all.
"...What are you doing out here?" Dum finally asked.
"I was... bi'~d watching," he explained while stuffing the binoculars back in his messenger bag.
"Bird watching," Alice repeated incredulously.
"YyyYYyes, God forbid a bunny's allowed to have a few hobbies..." He tried, rolling away from his hiding place with his arms behind his back.
"I thought the Queen didn't allow you to have hobbies."
Rabbit's brow dropped. "Well when the chores are done fast enough- I-I...." The two were obviously unconvinced. "Ohhhh, alrrright! The Queen sent me he'a~ to... oh dear..."
"What?!"
"Well, Hatta~ and He'a~ are missing, and... she assigned me the job of finding them. By whatever means..." The answer didn't entirely satisfy his interrogators, he noticed. "I thought if I waited long enough they might retu~n he'a~.
Alice and Dum looked to each other with hesitation.
"Now I've answe'a~d yo'a~ question. Now I'd like to know what yo'a~ doing with that mirra~." He pointed to it with squinted eyes.
Alice and Dum were still wondering if Rabbit was the right person to disclose to this type of information.
"We're....borrowing it," Alice started.
"For what?"
Alice wasn't clever enough to think of anything on the spot, so she bit her lip and waited for Dum.
"We're not sure yet. Uh-Dee said... t-take it to him, and..."
Like God hated them, Dee emerged from the bushes.
"Dum! I've been looking all over for you!" The tense trio watched him stroll over.
"Uh! Sorry! We were just getting that mirror you wanted!" Dee's smile, having been reunited with his brother, quickly dropped.
"I never asked for a mirror-"
"Ahahaha!" Dum bellowed vivaciously, patting him on the shoulder. "This isn't the time for jokes, Dee," he said through his teeth, "Uhhh, Alice, we'll take it from here!" Dum placed his hands on the mirror, waiting for Dee with a sense of urgency.
"Now wait a minute, wait a minute..." Rabbit interrupted. "Yo'a~ not going to take that mirra~ without ahsking a~ you?"
"Uhhh..." Alice started. "Oh, you know the saying - it's not stealing if you bring it back before they know it's gone!" Half the group seemed utterly befuddled now. "Well, we'd better be going now! Good luck finding Mr. Hatter and Mr. Hare!" Alice nervously swatted her hands at the Tweedles and they started towards the forest.
"Alice!" Rabbit started again. She swung towards him with a considerable amount of patience lost. "Y-you didn't happen to get any... strange phone calls from either of them, did you?"
"...N-no. I'm pretty sure Wonderland can't call my house."
"Well.... it's-it's... it's quite unimaginable... yesterday mo'a~ning... He'a~ called me to say he was in yo'a~ room with Hatta~."
"M-my room?"
"YyyYyes! An'Ithought...'That's funneh~...' ...And I assumed he was just being the usual pain-in-the-ahss that he's renowned fo'a~."
Alice laughed. "Well! You know Hare." She swirled her finger by the side of her head.
"Y...Yyyes... Well I tried calling him back later but he wouldn't answe'a~... The Queen thinks they're really up to something this time."
"Oh, I'm sure they are... We have to go now."
Although Rabbit still had a finger lifted, the three passed him by.
After some time navigating the forest, hoping to find a place where nobody else was going to intrude, the Tweedles set the mirror down. Dee had an indeterminable look on his face, one Alice knew she had to confront.
"Mr. Dee... " He crossed his arms. "I know this seems really strange... But..." She took a deep breath. "Mr. Hatter and Mr. Hare used this mirror to travel to my world and now they're stuck."
Any deliberate muscle in Dee's face dropped into a disturbed frown when Alice showed no hint of jest.
"...What?"
"That's what we thought," Dum said.
"Well where are they now?"
"...They're in my room... hiding behind my bed."
Dee paced around them with his hands behind his back.
"And the mirror is out here because..."
"We thought it'd get better reception," Dum explained. Dee thought about it a moment before slapping him over the back of the head. "What?!"
"Why would that work?"
"Look, we don't have many options. I'd do anything to get them out of my house at this point."
"I thought you liked Hatter and Hare."
"I do. When they're far away from having real influence on my life." Dee frowned some more. "They're driving me COMPLETELY up the wall. They won't listen to what I say, they left my house and wandered around today and I had to take them back while my entire family was in the house... More than once they've almost been caught..." With every complaint's end, Alice leaned into the both of them for emphasis.
"That sounds terrible!" Dum thought fit to reply.
"I didn't think they'd ever be that rude to you..." Dee added.
"Well..." Alice's eyes trailed the ground a little. "They weren't trying to be rude... They try to follow the rules... they're just so stupid."
The following silence was enough of an agreement.
"What's worse, they keep asking for food! Or tea! Or something equally ridiculous!"
"Well-"
"When I get back they'll probably ask to use the shower!"
"Well Alice, that part's not exactly their fault," Dee broke it to her.
"It is when you consider that they should have asked to come in the first place."
"I agree with Alice!" Dum chimed in, taking her side with a hand on his hip.
"I know where you're coming from, but they probably just got excited. I'm sure if Dum and I knew we could visit you, we wouldn't think we were about to get stuck either." Dee flashed his eyes at Dum, who realized he was probably right. "I doubt Hatter and Hare wanted to inconvenience you."
Alice's shoulders drooped.
"It's hard to remember that when you're being inconvenienced."
"Believe me, we know what it's like to be mad at those two. We just keep our cool."
As if they both knew it was the right moment, they posed back to back.
Even when they're pests,
We try our best,
To keep our ugly sides inside at rest
Though it's hard to be nice,
We just think twice!
The best way to counter idiots is cool as ice
If they're taxing your patience at a very high price,
Then here's a word of advice,
Be cool as ice
Dum finished it off with a few back flips and they eased back into the same position with their arms crossed.
"...That's it?"
"Yes.. The lyricists were lazy today," Dee pronounced, a bit annoyed, through his grinning teeth.
"That's what all the acrobatics were for. To compensate," Dum added.
Alice shrugged. "Well...Do you think I've been too hard on them?"
"We weren't there to judge..." Dee answered. "But if you think you could've been nicer..."
"Maybe you could have," Dum finished for him in that creepy twin tradition.
Alice sighed. "You're probably right. ...If I came here and messed up big time... which by the way would never happen... I'd want to be treated fairly."
The trio smiled to one another and concurred.
"I'd better go back and see if it works now. Hopefully it does. And if it does, I want you to burn this mirror."
The Tweedles nodded awkwardly.
Review if you can! That would make me really happy.
-Lady Bow