Didn't Mean Too
by Castlefan6
Authors Note: This is AU; Kate's mom is alive, and still happily married to Jim. Kate and Rick think about their possible relationship through the words of a song, one at the end of season two, the other at Kyra's wedding. Who will blink first and utter those three words,
I don't own Castle; I only use the characters for amusement purposes, except the ones I create.
Also, we take liberties with the timeline from Canon and use events to make this more believable fiction, thanks. Remember This IS AU, Johanna is alive but there are other surprises and changes to the main story plot. Hope you enjoy it,
NOTE! UPDATES WILL BE SLOWER THAN USUAL,
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Chapter 9
Millennium Premier Hotel
New York Times Square
3 Hours Later
Kate had only a very brief conversation with Rick just as he greeted them, he was like a social butterfly, all over the ballroom. She was still amazed at the number of influential people he knew on a personal level. Most people with connections like his would be name-dropping and riding the status to prove their importance. Rick was a mild, family man, sometimes unaware of his social status, and certainly not trying to leverage it for personal gain.
To his credit, he had personally visited every table at the launch, signed what could be hundreds of books, and written god only knows how many checks. The contributions to the NYPD Widows and Orphans fund were gestures made from his heart, not for publicity. It was his way of saying thank you to those who gave it all, protecting the citizens of his city.
Johanna corralled most of the conversation when she finally got to see him, his rolling eyes just signaled to her, that her mom was a fan, and he would take all the time it needed for her to be happy. He ended by kissing her hand and thanking her for all her purchases at the local Burrows bookstore, he knew exactly what and when she had purchased. Impressive for any writer, but especially since her mom owned everything published by him.
He did manage to say softly to her as she leaned in to hug him gently, "I'll be back soon, you sure you don't mind waiting" She smiled, "I'm not going anywhere except to put Mother in a cab" he laughed as he was summoned away, he turned and mouthed, "I'll be back."
Kate turned to visit the ladies' room only to find Gina standing behind her. "Gina, hello, thank you for inviting me," she said politely, forcing a smile.
"You're welcome, Kate, but Rick has the final say on who is invited, and who is ignored, so you should thank him. Do you have a few minutes to chat? I know Rick will be busy for at least another 20 minutes and you two will be slipping out of here as soon as he's free." She said politely,
"Sure, Gina, where would you like to talk, I mean it's pretty public and loud out here on the main floor" Kate replied, hoping secretly that would be enough to reschedule the chat, no such luck.
"There's a coffee shop just down the hall, don't worry, we'll be back before Rick even knows we're gone, but Paula will alert him if by some miracle that happens," She smiled,
"OK, lead the way," Kate said, not sure what was going to be said, but she knew how deeply Rick cared about his ex-wife, and it would be wise to gain her blessing if that were even possible.
A few moments later she was staring into the eyes of Gina Castle Cowell, in a private room, with Gina as nervous as she appeared to be. "Kate, may I call you Kate? I know you've had some differences with Rick, but I think it's important for you to understand some things. What do you know about his first marriage, or him in general if I can ask?" She didn't waste time or pull any punches.
"Kate is fine, and I tried not to pry, but" she was cut off almost immediately,
"I didn't ask how you learned about his past, just how much do you know to be fact and not journalistic trash dreamed up by some rag magazine?" Gina pushed,
"Only what Martha and or Alexis shared with me when I stayed at the loft when my apartment was bombed. Martha told me he had been in therapy for a long time after the loss of Meredith, and she interjected that the breakup with Kyra Blaine had much to do with how his personal life took shape." She said shyly, almost as if she were being interrogated rather than asking the questions.
"Well, to be honest, I love Martha to death, but sometimes she enjoys embellishing stories shall we say, especially when they involve Rick. She does it in a good-hearted manner, she truly does love her son and in her own way tries to protect him. Sometimes the stories get a little over-embellished and Rick usually sets her straight about two or three times a year, if Alexis doesn't first." Gina said, softly,
"I know how close he is to Alexis, and she is truly daddy's girl at heart. I didn't understand the dynamic between you and her until she asked me, "Kate, you have both of your parents still in your life, right? Imagine what it would be like to grow up with one of them missing, through no fault of their own, but the vacuum it caused was and continues to be real.
"I'm fortunate to have Gina as a mom, a lady with no blood shared, but loves me as much as if she gave birth to me. Part of her and dad's marriage problems was because of me, she wouldn't back down from him, not when it came to me, and many times I knew it caused friction as a couple between them. She wasn't one bit shy in telling me that you were her mom and always would be. I think that you know it, but your daughter is as protective of you as she is of her dad." Kate said softly,
"Well, I got really lucky, even though the marriage didn't work, Rick was kind enough to allow me to remain a part of the family, I don't think he had much of a choice when it came to Lexi, she's as stubborn as he is at times" she laughed,
"Kate, I wanted to let you know, I love Rick, and I guess I always will, but the love we share is not close enough to try marriage again, we both agree on that. Yes, he loves me, deeply, and truly, but he's not in love with me, and up until recently, I would have said he was in love with the ghost of his first wife.
"That changed a few years ago, and now he's ready to let his heart love that way again. I'm asking you woman to woman, if you don't feel the same way towards him, then tell him, don't hurt him, please. I'm not saying how Rick feels, that's his business to convey to you, when you both are ready. I just don't want to see him hurt; God knows he's hurt enough for a lifetime already." Gina said, tears swelling in her eyes,
"Gina, how do you know how he feels about me, I mean we haven't even been on a date, and"
"Kate, you forget I read and edit the love letter he writes to Nikki Heat and pours out his heart in the only safe place he knows, his books. Surely you know he's Jameson and you are Nikki; he can let his heart be free in that world. Please, think about what I've said, and if you don't think he has a chance just shut him down, don't lead him on." Gina was more pleading than speaking,
"Gina, can I make a confession to you? This is difficult telling his ex-wife that I think I've been in love with him since our third case together but acted like an ass to try to keep myself from being hurt." Kate said, her tears pooling in her eyes,
"So, you do have feelings for him, Kate? I mean please be sure, and as for me, don't feel awkward, I love him enough to see him happy with you, then living a lie with me. Alexis will understand and accept you if you DON'T hurt him.
"Just a word of caution, never lie to him, that's almost a deal breaker 100% of the time. If you have told him lies, explain why, and open your heart completely, he can spot a phony a mile away." Gina said as she began to gather her things,
"Gina, why are you telling me all of this? I mean I would never do it if roles were reversed." Kate confessed,
"You'd be surprised how far you would go if you truly love him. I think you want him happy, so it's not that big of a surprise to know both of us want the same goal. We better get back; he'll be looking for you to talk. Kate, please listen to what I've said, make him happy, we'll all be happy, hurt him, and (she paused for a long second) well just don't" she said, with a tone that let Kate know she was serious.
They made their way back to the ballroom, just as Rick was walking their way. His smile never dimmed, he was enjoying this, and seeing people making donations and being happy seemed to be food for his soul.
"There you are, I bet Gina got you out of here for a real cup of coffee, didn't she?" He laughed, as Gina kissed him on the cheek, "Oh, you know me all too well, I know Kate loves her coffee." She smiled,
"Well, Kate do you want to get out of here before I get snagged for another conversation?" Rick asked politely,
"Ready when you are Rick, are you sure? I mean I don't want to drag you away from your book launch." She said trying to show the concern that she honestly felt inside.
"Are you kidding? Let's get out of here if you don't mind, we'll leave using the back entrance" he laughed,
As they walked out into the darkness, she spotted a limo, with a driver standing outside, as Rick guided her toward the big black car. "I hope you don't mind but my driver is also part of my security force," he almost apologized for the fancy car.
"It's fine Rick, stop apologizing, I'm the one interrupting your planned events, and Thanks for making time for me." She said softly.
"Kate, let's set some ground rules can we please?" Her heart leaped into her throat, but she managed to get out, "OK Rick, what rules?"
"First, we start all over as of now, right here, in this car, Hi, I'm Rick Castle it's nice to meet you" he stuck out his hand for a handshake, his smile making her feel comfortable.
"Nice to meet you, Rick, I'm Detective Beckett but my friends call me Kate, I hope you will as well." Her smile matched his.
"So, Kate are you set on Remy's or are you flexible?" Rick asked, smiling even more now.
"What did you have in mind, I love all types of food so surprise me" she smiled, beginning to relax, and believe that perhaps, just perhaps something could come of this night.
"OK, if, you're sure?" He looked at her with his puppy dog eyes,
"I'm sure Rick, now let's go, I am hungry" she laughed this time,
He picked up the phone, said something low to his driver, and then hung up and turned back to face her. "I hope your mother and you had a great time tonight, and I'm sorry to have sprung those 12th precinct pins on you guys without asking but Bob, eh, I mean Mayor Weldon wanted it to get good press." He said softly,
"Rick, that will never be a problem, although I must say I had to retreat to the ladies' room to compose myself, gosh, do you know how much money that is going to raise for such a great cause?" She said, finding his hand and gripping it gently, she almost leaped out of her seat when he gripped hers a little harder and caressed the back of her hand with his thumb.
"Well, I'm happy to do it, I know it will never replace the loved one the family lost, but at least it might make missing the paycheck a little easier." He said softly,
"Well, Thank You, Rick, not many people remember the person after the funeral service, I can't blame them with life traveling as fast as it does for us all, so thanks." She said, returning the soft caresses to his hand. She wasn't letting go of that hand no matter what happened.
"I'm just glad I can help in some small way." He smiled as the limo turned down a narrow street in the older part of the city. David, his driver pulled into a parking spot and said something low to Rick as they exited the car, still holding onto each other's hands.
Rick guided her to a side door of what looked like a converted house, and they were nearly knocked over by a young lady in her early twenties, drop-dead gorgeous, with a figure that would make a model jealous rushed out and jumped into Rick's arms.
"RICK, how long has it been? Never mind it's been too long, how are Alexis, Martha, and Gina doing? She gushed as she kissed his cheek. Suddenly she heard a voice from the doorway, speaking with an Italian accent "Francesca, minda your manners, can't you see Ricky has a woman with him, he's not yours alone, you know, apologize this instant." Mother Concetta Pompilli stated.
The younger girl jumped back, "I'm so very sorry, the last few times we've seen Rick he's been alone, and I just assumed, I'm very sorry." She said to Kate contritely,
"Kate, may I introduce you to Fran and Mother C, owners of the Italian Restaurant, Pompilli's House of Spaghetti, Ladies please meet one of New York's finest, Detective Katherine, Kate Beckett." Rick introduced the ladies. Mother C had made her way to Rick by this time aided by her walker and had him in a bear hug.
"I apologize for my daughter and her lack of manners Miss Kate, but she's had a crush on Rick since she was 11 years old" Mama C laughed.
"Mother! I do not, I mean I didn't well, it's good to see you again Rick, your private room is ready so will you follow me, Miss Beckett," she said, now fully composed,
Kate was once again, awe-struck at how many people knew, and loved him for who he was, as they took their seats, the dinner was magnificent, and Rick was the consummate gentleman. As dinner dishes were cleared, he casually said, "Kate, this room is private so if you still want to talk, I can't think of a better location for privacy.
"Eh, yes, I do want to talk, but could I have a few minutes to freshen up first please?" she asked as she stalled to find her notes and the letter she had written.
"Of course, I'll order some wine, then we won't be disturbed, if that's OK?" he asked,
"That would be perfect she said, once again letting her hand graze his on her way to the ladies' room.
She returned to see Rick, carefully pouring the wine, and smiling. That was a great sign, now for the hard part, she had to tell him how she felt.
He stood as all gentlemen do, assisted her into her chair, and then remained silent except for the sparkling blue eyes and the smile.
"Rick, I know you have accepted my apology, but I wanted to speak to you and, eh, not only explain but also confess. You see after our third case together, you probably don't remember it, but,"
"Kate, how could I forget, it was the Candela case, and your old FBI beau was trying to intimidate me. I'm just glad we had the outcome we did, but I still am sad that a mother would go to that length to punish her husband, deadbeat or not. Now the little girl is missing her mom, and well," he turned a bit red, and for the first time this evening lost a bit of his smile.
"I know, you're right Rick, but the part of the case I was talking about was the night you came back to the apartment, I opened my eyes to find you in your expensive suit crawling on the floor searching for the bunny that Angela had in almost every picture we saw. That was the night, I knew" she said, pausing to take a sip of wine,
"May I ask knew what Kate?" Rick looked at her with a bewildered look,
She took a deep breath and thought here goes everything, "it was the night I was sure I was falling in love with you, that scared the hell out of me, which is probably part of the reason I treated you the way I did. I was afraid you would find out; I mean you're a millionaire writer, known around the world, and I'm just a cop, I mean"
Rick reached out and placed his hand over hers and gently said, "Are you sure Kate? It would make sense now that I know that, almost like grade school kids, except I didn't pull your pigtails, it was you trying to protect yourself against me. May I ask why?" he said, his blue eyes piercing her soft brown eyes, with a look so kind.
"I know it's stupid and I will answer any questions you have but my therapist just opened my eyes a few weeks ago and made me realize how much hurt I caused. I know I won't be able to convey everything in my heart, so I wrote you a letter, stupid I know but"
"Not stupid Kate, just human. I'm flattered and I know how hard it is for you to open up about your feelings. I'm sure being the grieving widower that I was didn't make it any easier, even though I had been married again. I'm sure that helped to confuse you even more.
"I guess you've talked to Gina by now if I know my ex, and she's helped explain some of the things that made us get together, then fall apart. You know the bond between Alexis and her, so I'm sorry that I wasn't totally honest with her going into the marriage, why she doesn't hate me I will never know." He said, losing his smile for the first time all evening.
Kate slid the envelope over, and asked, "Please read this when this night is over, I'm sure it might help explain the split personality you've dealt with at the precinct." Her eyes were filling with tears, just as Rick took the envelope, and placed it in his suitcoat pocket,
"OK, Kate, I will. Now can I ask you one more favor please?" His face didn't give anything away, as Kate replied, "Of course Rick."
The music was a little louder and Kate realized the song playing was one of the selections on her Rick Tape at home, softly came the strands,
You Are the Reason
Song by Calum Scott
There goes my heart beating
'Cause you are the reason
I'm losing my sleep
Please come back now
And there goes my mind racing
And you are the reason
That I'm still breathing
I'm hopeless now
I'd climb every mountain
And swim every ocean
Just to be with you
And fix what I've broken
Oh, 'cause I need you to see
That you are the reason
There goes my hands shaking
And you are the reason
My heart keeps bleeding
I need you now
And if I could turn back the clock
I'd make sure the light defeated the dark
I'd spend every hour, of every day
Keeping you safe
And I'd climb every mountain
And swim every ocean
Just to be with you
And fix what I've broken
Oh, 'cause I need you to see
That you are the reason
I don't wanna fight no more
I don't wanna hide no more
I don't wanna cry no more
Come back I need you to hold me (you are the reason)
Be a little closer now
Just a little closer now
Come a little closer
I need you to hold me tonight
I'd climb every mountain
And swim every ocean
Just to be with you
And fix what I've broken
'Cause I need you to see
That you are the reason
Rick took her hand and asked, "Kate, may I have this dance?"
TBC