Healing the Scars

Chapter 3

I have arrived at this outermost edge of my life by my own actions. Where I am is thoroughly unacceptable. Therefore, I must stop doing what I have been doing. - Alice Koller

Luke starred at the old wooden clock, one of the few things that at survived the fire without as much as a scratch. This little device held time in itself, such as simple device it was as it went on with its ticking, a steady rhythm and an easy way of living its life. He sighted heavily as it showed time being past, second by second.

I need to get a life

A part of him was strangely angry at the clock. It was standing there, letting the apartment being filled with the slowly ticking. However, that stupid clock was constantly showing and reminding him what he could never have and what he was missing, by sitting inside his apartment, scared of a world that he was not used to anymore. The world he had gotten to know had changed, into something he did not like and Luke knew it would never be the same again.

I have to stop what I have been doing and just accept how things are. It won't go away, but I can make a change.

He got up from his chair and walked over the phone that was nearby, while trying hard not think about the business card that was tucked inside his pocket, waiting to be picked up. Ignoring the urge, from the business card, he picked up the phone and dialed the number that used to be his savior, a long time ago. He was hoping it would be again, a small part of him praying that this small connection hadn't been cut off too.

"Hey Cody" He said.

*

He took a deep breath as he stepped out of the car, letting the smell of hay and horses fill his mind. He could already feel atmosphere in his mind change and it had been a long time since he stepped a foot here, but desperate times called for desperate needs.

"Luke"

Luke sprung around as he heard his name being called out; only to meet two blue eyes sparkling at him. Suddenly two strong arms came around him, trying to involve him into a hug.

"It's nice to see you again," Cody said, his hug a little too tight and long, the smile a bit too bright for Luke's liking. "

You too" Luke mumbled back, trying to sound like he meant it.

Cody nodded towards the stable. "She's waiting for you inside"

"Thanks" he said quickly as he passed Cody, wanting to get as far as possible from Cody. He almost ran to the stable, shutting the stable door quickly. He looked up and took in the familiar surrounds and smell.

Home

His mind whispered softly and for the first time since the accident, Luke didn't feel like world was a horrible place to be in, on the contrary, this little moment made it durable to live a little.

He let his gaze travel to Jupiter who was standing a couple of feet away; her brown beautiful head was peeking out from the box. She neighed quietly when she noticed his presence and Luke couldn't help to smile a little at the gesture, so insignificant and yet it meant the world to him. He walked over, following the dirty stable stall walls with his hand and as he reached her stall, he stroked her gently.

"Missed me?" He asked. Almost as if Jupiter could hear him, she pushing him slightly, making him stumble for a moment before regaining his balance.

"I take that as a yes" He chuckled as he kept petting her and was surprised how easily it slipped out from his mouth, without causing any pain.

"Wild Fire, Stop it"

Luke turned around at the voice, but stopped half way in his movement and a little gasp escaped because right in front of him stood the gorgeous firefighter with the blue eyes, trying to get the horse to lift its hoof.

Noah turned around and looked at him with a bright smile as he opened the box door, making Luke's heart pace a little faster as he gazed at him.

"Hi" Luke said, knowing that those words sounded like a tangled mess to his own ear, and that they came out as a small stutter, as the nervous feeling in his stomach refused to disappear.

"Hi"

Luke swallowed as he unconsciously took a step closer to Noah, the smile still there, so damn bright. "Hi"

Noah chuckled slightly as he closed the door softly. "You already said that"

"Oh yeah, I did…" He lowered his head to hid the blush that had started to spread over his face.

Stupid.. Stupid… Stupid…

Another smile was sent his way, and Luke could feel how his heart fluttered a little faster, his steps a little closer to the brunette and he found himself starring into those heaven blue eyes, feeling how he was falling deeper, lost, but it wasn't the same feeling he got when he kept thinking back how his world had changed.

Luke tilted his head as he kept his gaze at Noah, who was starring back at him, his eyes soft and filled with warmth. "You don't look so sad anymore"

"Neither do you" Noah replied back, still gazing at Luke.

Luke shrugged, trying to shake of the emotions that were floating inside of him, the fear, anger and loss, but along all that where also happiness, life and even a bit of love. It scared him because it made him want to run and hide as fast as he could, and yet a part of his heart was beating a little stronger because of the man that stood in front of him, tall and gorgeous. "Well, I've found something worth living for"

"What?" Noah asked in a whisper.

But before Luke had time the stable door opened with a creak and behind them, stood Cody, a smile on his face as he walked through the stable and stopped near Luke.

"Luke" Cody smiled as he faced him.

"Cody" Luke muttered back, trying not to roll his eyes towards Cody, as he held Noah gaze.

"Noah" Cody said, his voice suddenly cold and that bright smile was gone, replaced with a frown.

"Cody" Noah replied, his voice flat as he kept gazing back at Luke, feeling a sense of calm washing over him, those brown eyes had him under his spell, that was for sure.

" So how is she?" Cody asked, making Noah break the connection between Luke and Him.

"What?" He asked, his eye browns furrowed.

"Yeah, I heard about what happened… Is she okay?"

Luke saw how Noah clenched his fist as he starred back at Cody with anger in his eyes.

"Since it's partly your fault, I don't see why this concerns you"

Luke starred from Noah to Cody, confused, and then back to Wild Fire who was standing in her box, eating a bit of hay. "You're not talking about the horse, right?"

Noah glanced back at Luke and as fast as the anger had come, it was gone. The warmth was back as he spoke softly. "No Luke, we are not talking about Wild Fire, in fact, we are not talking about this at all, because it's this is not Cody's business." His gaze returned to Cody, who stood there with a smug on his face.

"I would be careful around Noah if I were you Luke. You can't trust this man because before you know it, he'll have you twisted around your finger with his family drama" and with that he left, his footsteps echoing against the stone floor.

"You too huh?" Luke asked as he once again moved closer to Noah who was standing with his arms crossed and a frown on his beautiful face.

Noah nodded as he brushed a hand through his hair, unaware of what he was going to Luke who stood there, following his hand as it brushed through his hair. "Yeah, me too until he found out some stuff about me, that he clearly didn't like" Noah said with a sight. "After that he started calling me a liar and that this wasn't what he had sighed up for."

"You're telling me you have dark secrets?" Luke asked with a smile, trying to lighten the mood.

"Don't we all?" Noah asked back, but that smile Luke had learned to love in just a couple of seconds was back.

"Yeah, I guess so" Luke replied, nodding.

But when Jupiter neighed, Luke was brought back to the reality that he didn't want to face. "It seems that I have a horse to take care of"

"Yes, it seems that you do"

"Are you heading out or?" Luke asked as he nodded towards the doors that led out.

Noah shook his head. "No I was actually on my way home"

"Oh..I'm sorry, I hope I didn't take up to much of your time"

"Don't worry about it Luke"

"It was good seeing you again" It was clear that Noah had somewhere else to be and for some reason, the feeling of watching Noah leave, left a lump in his throat.

"You too"

"Bye Luke" Noah said as he started backing towards the stable door, lifting his hand to wave a little.

Luke raised his hand too, still trying to hold back the lump in his throat as he saw the door being opened, this was it. "Bye Noah"

When he was gone, and the door closed, Luke leaned back against the wall, suddenly feeling tired.

That was weird… I haven't felt something like this in such a long time

It wasn't sadness, he knew that much, sadness he recognized when it came, and it wasn't lost either because he knew that feeling all to well, it dwelled inside his chest every waking minute. No, it was the same feeling he felt every time Scott had to go to one of his many business trips, the feeling of being separated from someone who meant something to him.

But he isn't even mine…

*

Luke opened the door and stepped into the small crowded restaurant, making sure to roll down his sleeves before stepping inside. The last thing he needed what people starring at him, he was to tired for it, and yet here he was, a public place, which he had been trying to avoid for the last 6 months. He looked around and tried to concentrate on his breathing, reminding himself that people couldn't see the scars he was carrying with him, that they were well hidden and safe behind layers of cloths and his heart.

As he let his gaze travel between the tables, seeing couples and waitresses, a man sitting alone with his back against him in one of the booth caught his eyes, the man's features looked so familiar, his heart skipped a beatand Luke found himself walking closer, an urge he couldn't explain.

What the heck I'm I doing? Just because he looks like him, doesn't mean it has to be him.. This is ridiculous…I'm going insane.

His mind argued wildly as he got closer to the booth, and yet his heart kept beating fast and fast, hopeful and he wasn't disappointed when the man turned around, ready to call on a waiter.

"I thought that was you" Luke said, as he tried to stop his heart from racing, but the fact that Noah was sitting there, with that beautiful smile of his. He tried to ignore the look Noah had given him, the way his eyes had started to sparkle the minute Noah saw him standing there, or how good he smelled.

"Have a seat" Noah said as gestured to the chair. "I could use some company right now"

"Is everything okay?" Luke asked worried, as he sat down.

Noah smiled briefly. "Just work, don't really want to get into it right now" He said, keeping his voice soft.

Luke nodded and they let the subject past away, forgotten as they moved on from topic to topic and Luke found himself smiling more then he had done it a long time, and it didn't hurt. It didn't feel wrong, in fact it felt good to just be able to be for a moment.

Somehow Noah manage to take his pain away with words, smiles and laughter, and those glances that he kept giving him, made his heart doing loops after loops, and kept the sorrow and pain at bay for the moment. Because he knew that he moment he would go back to his apartment, it would only be a moment or two before he would break down again, cursing himself for his actions today, but despite all that, he didn't want the evening to end.

So when the waitress came with the bill, he tried not to sink back into his chair, the moment had come, when he had to say goodbye, again. To feel that lump in his throat that not even he could explain to himself why he felt that when ever time he had to say goodbye to Noah, which is you thought had only been twice.

He reached for the bill at the same time as Noah did, making their hand collide. Luke pulled back quickly, trying to ignore the spark he had felt at the simple yet quick touch.

"I'll take the bill" Noah said as he reached over once again and grabbed it from the table before Luke had anytime to do it.

"Fine" Luke muttered." But only if I can pay the next time"

"That's fine by me" Noah replied, trying to ignore the way his heart jumped when he heard those words. "Ready to head come?`" He asked as he stood up and reached out his hand to help Luke out.

Luke flashed him a smile before grabbing the hand he was offering and together they walked out through the restaurant, into the warm summer night. As they walked by the shops, Luke noticed that either of them had let go of the other persons hand and he tried to hold back a smile at the sight.

To fast for Luke's liking they reached his apartment, both stopping in front of it. He saw how Noah glanced at him and then towards the door, with a hesitant look. Both of them looked down at their entwined hands, Noah's thumb was stroking his hand slowly, sending goose bumps down his spine.

"I had a really good time today" Noah whispers softly.

"Me too"

"I guess this is good night then" Luke said as he looked down at their hands again, trying to hold back that lump.

Noah nodded as he starred down at the floor. "Yeah, I guess it is…" His voice sounded so sad, like this hurt him as much as it did towards Luke. "I call you" He promised as he lifted their entwined hands and kissed Luke palm softly before letting go of his hold. Luke tried not to mourn the loss and suddenly the urge to run inside the apartment and just fall apart, overwhelmed him and he mumbled a hasty before turning towards the door and pulling out the key. He was aware that Noah was starring at him the whole time, but he refused to let himself break apart in front of him.

He thought he heard Noah replied a soft good night back, but he didn't really care as he opened the door and slipped inside before leaning against the door . He let out a deep breath as the tears finally came.

*

Noah starred at the door before turning around to start the walk home but halfway through the corridor he turned around and headed back to Luke's apartment. Just as he was about to knock, he turned around again and started walking towards the exit.

Carpe Diem!

His mind shouted at him as he walked away from the door. Noah sighted as he tapped his fingers onto the door handle, standing between the way out and the way in.

"Oh, what the hell" He mumbled to himself as he walked back towards Luke's apartment, one last time. He knocked softly at the door, impatient even if the door only opened a second later. When he had managed to collect himself to find a devastated Luke standing there, he reacted by pure instinct as he reached out his hand and touched Luke's face, the tears was stilling lingering there.

Luke leaned into the touch as he looked up into Noah's sapphire blue eyes.

Noah felt something inside of him snap at the sight of Luke. He closed his eyes tightly as he raised his hands and pulled Luke closer to him, his hands gripping Luke's shirt tightly. Noah moaned softly into the moist lips pressed against his own. Luke's tongue suddenly darted out, mapping his lips and Noah opened his mouth more, feeling as it swept into his mouth and brushed over his own.

Luke tilted his head further, trying to get closer, trying to feel more. His hips moved rhythmically straining to get contact, his heart pounding in his chest, as he mapped out every part of the soft wet cavern of the Noah's mouth.

Luke moaned, his head and body fully aware of everything Noah's mouth was doing to him. It wasn't enough, it didn't feel enough, it would never be enough. The last string of insanity and the part of him that knew this wasn't the right time, made Noah pulled apart, his lips puffy and red. "Good night then" He whispered before turning around and leaving a very stunned and aroused Luke.

"Good Night" Luke managed to whisper back, trying to grasp what had just happened as he leaned against the wall. Yup, he was defiantly feeling better.