Healing The Scars

Chapter 5

Holding on to anger, resentment and hurt only gives you tense muscles, a headache and a sore jaw from clenching your teeth. Forgiveness gives you back the laughter and the lightness in your life - .Joan Lunden

Luke looked down at their entangled hands, and he couldn't stop grinning has he tugged at their entwined connection, feeling Noah following the movement.

"What?" Noah asked with a smile, raising an eye brown.

Luke shook his head "Nothing…"

No matter how hard he tried, (not that he was trying so hard) he couldn't whip that stupid and, what he image was a silly grin, off his face. There was something about holding Noah's hand that brought him a feeling of home. And the way Noah was looking at him, with comforting blue eyes, made him feel safe.

"Just you being you" He added softly as he quickly ducked his head to hide the blush that was spreading.

"And it that a bad thing?" Noah asked with a chuckle, his eyes sparkling as he pulled Luke closer.

"No…"

They continued to walk in silence through the almost empty park; casting glanced towards each other now and then.

"Truth or dare?"

"What?" Noah suddenly stopped as he looked at Luke, confusion written all over his face.

"Truth" Luke tugged at Noah's hand, as he continue walking " or dare?"

Noah raised an eye brown as he followed in Luke's steps and was about to ask "really?" but stopped when he saw the look Luke was wearing. It was telling him a different story; his eyes were almost begging him to just go alone with this.

With a smile he said "Truth"

For a moment, Luke seemed to be lost in his thoughts, biting his lip in concentration but as he looked up, Noah couldn't help but to notice the seriousness in his brown eyes "Tell me something that no one else on know about you"

"I'm scared of fire" and there was no lie in Noah's eyes as he gazed back at Luke. "I was in an accident a couple of years ago, actually some would call it a lifetime ago" Noah chuckled slightly as he lowered his gaze for a moment, turning silent.

"Then why..." Luke trailed off, placing a comforting hand on his shoulder.

"The why on earth do I run into burning building that could collapse at any moment? Why do I risk my life every day, with fear as my constant companion?" Noah paused. "I was lucky, that's all. I was lucky enough to walk away without a scar on my body, while others as to carry their scars for the rest of their life."

"And you want to save them, to what, return the favor?" He got a nod as reply. "Not all scars as to be visible to know that they are there" Luke said softly as he pulled Noah to a bench and sat down. "But it doesn't mean that they don't hurt any less"

Noah nodded slightly as he sat down, trying to blink away the tears. He hated having these conversations, partly because he wanted to move on and away from his past. He didn't want Luke to see him this broken. "It's nothing compared to your own scars" He whispered quietly, and if the night hadn't been so still and peaceful, the words hadn't been possible to hear. "I know that all too well Luke. It's the scars that are visible that hurt so much more because they are a constant reminder of what happened to you, and they make it harder to forget about the pain and the past"

Luke titled his head in wonder as he looked at the beautiful man in front of him, who was trying his best not to break down in front of him. "Is that what Cody was referring to, when we were at the stable the other day? That he hadn't signed up for you being a bit damaged too..?" Luke asked as he cupped Noah's face to make him look at him.

Noah nodded slightly "A part of it, yes"

There was a trace of sadness in his voice as he meet Luke's intensive gaze that seemed to be saying a million things at once. Things that made Noah run as far as possible, and things that made him never want to leave. With a sight, he leaned into the touch. "I lo-like you for who you are"

Noah lowered his gaze down. "You don't even know me" He mumbled. He was more then surprised when he heard Luke laugh. "A bit thickheaded are we? I do want to know you" He smiled. "Or do you want me to re-read that letter to you?" He asked, tilting his head as he tried to catch Noah's eyes, whose head was down in an attempt of trying to hide the blush. "You saved me Noah. In more way then just one, so if you think I'm leaving because you happened to be broken too, think again." Luke became seriously, even if the resurging smile was still there. "You're making me feel things I've never felt before, not even with Scott, and you give me so much. I'm not willing to give all of that up"

He was met with a silent reply, but he felt Noah shift, pulling him closer. "Truth or dare?" Luke whispered as he looked at Noah under his eyelashes.

Noah raised an eye brown. "Isn't it usually the other way around?" Noah teased the atmosphere lighter. But a look from Luke is all it takes as he changes his mind; those brown eyes were once again begging him.

"Dare"

Luke looked at him, nervously "Kiss me?" He asked in a tiny voice that almost passed Noah, almost.

Noah smiled as he leaned in and kissed Luke. Now this was the Luke he had started to know and Luke forgot why he even was nervous in the first place. Noah is hesitant at first, and Luke can feel the restraint in him, as if he's afraid to hurt him if he lets go. Luke lures the restraint away, tugging at Noah's bottom lip, pulling him even closer with a hand until Noah sighs, just once, like he was letting go.

"You never have to ask" Noah whispered as he pulled way for a moment, his breath hot and warm across Luke's skin. He leaned his forehead against Luke and they stay like so for a moment, between kisses, between change, between time.

"Luke?" An older female voice called out and Luke squeezed his eyes shut as he felt himself freeze in Noah's warm embrace. He wanted to snuggle deeper into it, let it protect and shield him from this moment. "Luke, that is you, isn't it?" The voice was soft to Luke's own surprise.

You should be angry…

He leaned into Noah's arms for a second longer before opening his eyes and turned around to face the woman. "Mrs Jones" Luke greeted her as he felt Noah's taking his hand.

"You're alive" She mumbled astonished as she looked at him with green eyes, those eyes that used to belong to a person he was proud to have called mother, was gone. There no love or any kind of affection in them anymore.

"Yes, I am" Luke had never felt so ashamed for being the one who survived, but standing in front of Scott's mom, was like standing at the edge of hell. The moment he had looked her in the eyes, he saw it, the hate, the anger, the resentment that laid there, a burning flame.

"I didn't see you at the funeral" She said, frowning at him.

"I was still in the hospital, recovering" He replied quietly, feeling Noah squeeze his hand.

"You look perfectly fine to me" She snorted as she looked at him with cold eyes. "Unlike my son who's dead and gone" Her voice cracked a bit as she did her best to compose herself and a part of Luke was glad to see that, it meant on some level, the grief hadn't made her into a person made of stone. "You killed him" The stare was back. "You killed my son"

"I d-didn't" Luke tired, but he was struggling to get the words out. They were there, ready to protest with a strong voice, but were getting tangled in the lump that was starting to form as he tried blinking away the tears. He stood there, helpless.

"You're a murderer, a liar and a cowered!" She yelled as she pointer her finger at him "Stand for what you have done!"

"With all do respect Mrs Jones" Noah stepped forward as he saw how Luke was ready to break down. "Luke didn't kill your son, it was an accident, as you were well informed at the hospital" Noah said, trying to keep his voice soft.

"Who the hell are you?" She glared at Noah, turning the attention away from Luke, but only for a second. "So, this is the man who's replaced my son? You're a slut too, Luke? Did your marriage mean so little? Because it certainly didn't take you long to replace Scott, with this…" She pointed at Noah and paused, trying to find the right word. She went silent when it was clear there where no words left to fill the anger and pain she was feeling towards Luke.

"I have no idea why we ever welcomed you to our family. Now I understand why your mom left you and your siblings" She said coldly, before turning around and walking away and back to where she had come from, leaving a shocking Luke.

"Hey" Noah began, stepping closer to Luke who had started to shake at the moment, reality catching up. "It's going to be okay" He said softly, as he pulled Luke into a hug.

"She's right" Luke voice cracked as he tried wipe away the tears that were rolling across his cheeks. "I can't do this Noah" He struggled to get out of the embrace he wanted to be in. "She's right" He repeated as he stumbled backwards and away from Noah. "I killed her son, I killed my husband and now I'm dishonouring his memory…"

Noah tried catching him, but he ended up fumbling for nothing but empty, cold air. "No, no you didn't Luke. It was an accident; none of it was your fault!"

"Yes, it was" He furiously wiped away the flood of tears, trying to compose himself. "I don't deserve to be happy, not after what I did. It should have been me who died that day, not Scott. If only I had know. He was freaking home! I saw the shoes, I felt the kiss on my forehead and I hear the floor creak as he walked over it! I hear it all, and I let my mind think it was just a dream! ."

"Don't you dare" Noah growled as he stepped into Luke's space. "Don't you dare try apologize for being alive. You told me that I'm your reason to get up in the morning, let me be that reason, and don't push me away" Noah begged. "I know that she brought up everything and all you want to do right now is to run and hide, back to that dark place that you've tried for months, escaping, and now she's pushing you back into that whole." He reached out for Luke's hand and was glad when he didn't pull away. "Don't you dare go back to that place Luke, it will swallow you whole. Don't you dare give up on Us because of what she said" Noah felt his own tears coming. He wasn't going to break down, not now, not when Luke needed him the most.

I love you… I have never loved anyone else.. You can't leave Luke, you can't… I'm not ready to lose you!

"I'm sorry Noah" I'm sorry for making you believe that we could have something, I'm sorry for breaking your heart, and I'm sorry that I can't be the man that you expected me to be…

Luke pulled his hand away, refusing to look Noah in the eyes as he whispered "Goodbye" and with that he ran, as fast as he could back to his own apartment, with Carole's voice ringing in his ears. You killed my son…

He slammed the door shut, making sure to lock all the locks.

None comes in and none goes out…Now… where that whisky bottle…is I know I bought it a month ago, didn't drink it but made sure to hide it from myself…Aaa… there it is.. This should take care of…everything..

Luke starred at the whisky bottle for a moment, hesitantly, but as those word came back, he took the first sip, and then another one.. Hopefully, but the end of the night, he would be drunk enough to go through with his plan…