Chapter 3

House entered the exam room with Matthew following close behind him, one look at the teenage girl infront of him told him exactly what she wanted. He sighed and took a seat on the stool infront of the exam table, this was going to be a long day. Matthew walked up to his father and was promptly picked up and placed to sit on his good leg.

"Who's that?" the girl asked, "Is he your grandson?"

Matthew giggled, "Grandpa," he said looking up innocently at his father and using his best baby voice.

House pulled a face at the boy and turned on the teenager, "No," he told her, "just a midget I found outside the hospital. I watched Austin Powers last night and decided that I want my own mini-me."

"Oh," the girl said rather stupidly causeing House to roll his eyes.

"Now that's over," House said, "I guess you're up mini-me."

Matthew giggled, "What's wrong with you?" he asked pulling a serious face.

The girl looked from Matthew to House and seeing the shared expression began to explain what was bothering her while House rolled the stool over to the corner of the room to get two suckers from his stash and gave one to Matthew.

"Like sometimes I get really sick," the girl started.

"When exactly do you get sick?" House asked, he certain now that he knew what her problem was.

"I don't know," she said, "mostly in the mornings and sometimes in the afternoon."

House chuckled, this girl was an idiot.

"Why are you laughing?" the girl asked, "Does that mean I'm like alright?"

"Na uh," House said mimicking the girl, "that means you're like sooo stupid."

"What?" she asked puzzled.

Both Matthew and House laughted at her expression.

"How old are you?" House asked.

"Nineteen," she answered.

House sighed, "I pity the world for having to deal with morons like you," he said, "do you have a job?"

"No," she answered.

"How about your bf does he have a job?" House asked.

"Well yes," she said smiling, "he works on his dad's car lot."

"Weeell," House said smirking, "better tell him not to do anything stupid to make daddy fire him, he's going to need the money."

"Why?" the girl asked.

"Because you have a parasite," House said.

The girl looked stunned, "A parasite?" she asked.

"Yes!" House said getting excited by the girl's ignorance, "and you got it from you boyfriend too."

"You think my boyfriend gave me a parasite?" she asked, House nodded, "What kind of parasite?"

"The type that grows in you for nine months then comes out and you have to wipe it's ass and it feeds on you for eighteen years," House explained.

The girl still looked confused.

House shook his head indisbelief, "Mattie tell her," he said to his son.

Matthew popped the candy from his mouth and grinned, "You're gonna have a baby!" he exclaimed.

The girl's jaw dropped.

"I'll arrange for the test to confirm it," House told her while he eased Matthew to the floor and stood to leave.

House and Matthew walked up to the Nurse's station, "Arrange for a pregancy test for the ditzy teen in exam room one," House told a nurse.

He turned to exit the clinic holding Matthew's hand, "Dr. House checking out at twelve o'clock," he called over his shoulder.

"Dr. House it's only eleven thirteen," called the irate head nurse after him.

House just kept on walking with his son, "Hungry?" he asked.

"Not yet," Matthew said, "Daddy can we go get the toys now?"

House laughted, "Yeah why not," he said.

They made their way to the elevator and up to Wilson's office. House tried the office door but it was locked.

"Wait here," he told Matthew and headed to his own office.

He walked out to his balcony and stepped over to Wilson's adjoining balcony. Wilson's office was empty and the sliding door leading to the balcony was locked, but it was easier to pick this lock than the main office door.

House entered the office and went to the door to let Matthew in and got a surprise. Wilson was holding a giggling Matthew and looking disapprovingly at House.

"Uncle James it was all daddy's idea," Matthew said.

"Thanks a bundle traitor," House said as Wilson moved pass him into the office.

Wilson carried Matthew over to a toy trunk and put him down, "Have your pick," he told the little boy.

Matthew excitedly began to dig through the trunk.

"So House," Wilson said turning to his friend, "Why did you cancel poker night?" he asked.

"I didn't," House said taking a seat in Wilson's chair behind his desk.

"But...you told me that there was going to be any poker night," Wilson said a bit confuse.

"Nope," House denied, "I told you that there wouldn't be a poker night for you."

"What?" Wilson asked, "Why?"

"I don't know," House said shrugging, "maybe because you sold me out."

"Sold you out?" Wilson asked, "When?"

"Oh please," House said, "act like you don't know."

"I don't know," Wilson said matter of factly.

"Really?" House asked.

"Yes really," Wilson told him.

"So Jimmy," House said, "are you claiming that you have some sort of selective amnesia which just happens to show it's ugly little head every time you sell out your best friend to Cuddy?"

"What?" Wilson asked, "No."

House lifted his leg unto Wilson's leg and looked at him as if he were joking, "Seriously Wilson?" he asked.

Wilson thought about it for several seconds, "Wait," he said, "you can't seriously be talking about me telling Cuddy about you taking the kids to that monster truck rally a few weeks back could you?"

"Well duh!" House said, "That was a breach of confidence, Cuddy gave me eight extra hours of clinic duty for that and she told Cameron."

"Well sorry!" Wilson said, "My bad for thinking that Cuddy deserved to know that her daughter was being dragged to God know's were in the middle of the night, a school night to that."

"I was educating them," House said.

"Right," Wilson said, "what did Allison do to you?"

"Nothing!" House said, "can you believe that, she did nothing. I have no idea how she feels about it."

"Right so because you don't know where she stands you are going to take it out on me," Wilson said, "too bad 'cause I'm going to come to poker night any way."

"You don't even know when it is," House said feeling pleased with himself.

"I'll just ask Allison," Wilson said giving a dopey smile.

House wasn't anticipating that, "So I'll just not open the door to you."

"Mature House," Wilson said, "very mature."

House stuck his tongue out at his friend, "Next time I'll just not take Cat with us and she can stay at home with her boring parents," he said, Wilson only shook his head and headed to the door.

"Later Matthew," Wilson called to the little boy who was busily building some sort of tower with some legos.

"Bye uncle James," Matthew called after him.

House got up and limped over to Matthew after Wilson had gone, "Need help?" he asked his son.

"No!" Matthew said.

House stuck his tongue out at the little boy, "Okay have it your way," he said, "I'm going to build my own and it's going to be bigger and better than yours," he said childishly.

"I bet you can't," Matthew said.

"Well I bet I can," House said easing himself awkwardly to the ground and grabbing some of the legos.

"You're on grandpa," Matthew said giggling.

House chuckled and brushed his son's hair away from his face before beinging to build. Matthew really needed a hair cut.

They sat there for around half a hour, Matthew's structure was coming along nicely and although it wasn't as neat as his father's it was already much higher. House's pager went off, he checked it and saw that it was from his team.

"Sorry Mattie," he said, "we got to go."

"Do we have to?" Matthew asked.

"Yep," House said, "but I tell you what. Let's leave a little surprise for Wilson."

"What!?" Matthew asked.

House stood up and gave his building a good kick causing the pieces to go flying across the room.

Matthew jumped up and excitedly gave his a few kicks, cheering when the pieces flew in all directions.

Father and son left Wilson's office laughing at the mess they had made. They hurried over to the conference room of the diagnostics department to see all three of the fellows gathered and two new symptoms added to the list on the white board.

Irritability

irregular heartbeat

'This is gonna be easy,' House thought. He already knew what the woman had and what the blood tests would say all he had to do was confirm it.