Chapter 2

I think I'm getting better. Everyone thinks I'm better, well not everyone you can't fool Alice. My friends know now what was going on between me and James, I had to tell them they thought someone had died when we broke up. It's been nearly three months since we broke up, James dated Holly Bones for two months they broke up a few weeks ago. I feel better, by that I mean I don't feel like curling up into a ball and crying for weeks on end. I can put on a good act at least.

Now I'm standing in Kings Cross station, I graduated yesterday.

I can see James out of the corner of my eye, he is looking at me again. I deliberately avoid catching his eye and walk in the opposite direction.

He doesn't follow me.

THREE MONTHS LATER

Everything is fuzzy. I can't see properly.

Rosalind and I decided to go dancing, we went to the new club in Diagon Alley.

I feel drunk, but I have only been drinking water all night. I just fell into the bar, I'm going to go outside and sit down. I don't know what is happening.

"Hey sweetness," said a smooth voice next to me. I look up and see a fuzzy face, I don't know him. I push him away. "Don't be like that Dollface, the night is only beginning."

"I-I... go..." I try to tell him to go to hell but it doesn't come out right, I almost fall over again. The stranger catches me, this guy is almost carrying me to the door and my voice isn't working. I look around trying to find Rosalind.

"Hands off her." I hear another voice, I know this voice but I can't...

"Why don't we take a little walk," yet another voice said. I know this one, this voice has annoyed the hell out of me for years, it was Sirius Black. "I'll show you what I think of lowlife who spike women's drinks."

Something moves around me, in fact the entire room is spinning. I stumble again, then I feel something solid. I hold on and it grips onto me. I rest my head, I'm really tired, I really want to sleep. But I have to get outside, I have to go home...maybe I could sleep first. I move away from the wall that is holding me and try to look for the door.

"Shhhh Lily," said a sweet voice. "Don't try to walk, it's going to be okay."

"You...you smell like James," I sighed happily. The wall does smell like James, I lean against it and cuddle in. I miss the smell of James, I miss James.

"Come on," said the voice. "You can sit down outside."

"But that...He is scary...I don't like..."

"He's not going to hurt you baby," the voice murmured. "I won't let anyone hurt you."

"James?"

"Yeah Lily it's me," said James. I can feel myself being carried towards the door. "You're safe now, I promise."

"Hmmmm...because you wouldn't hurt me?" wow my voice is sounding better now. The actual words sound a bit funny, but I think I made my point.

"No I would never hurt you," said James.

I can feel him placing me on the pavement, the coldness feels good it's unclouding my head a little. I wonder if unclouding is a word.

"Ha ha that is really funny," I slur. "Well you wouldn't hit me...I don't think...."

"I would never harm you."

"Uh huh."

"Come on I'm taking you home," said James firmly.

"No...Rosalind..."

"Remus is getting her," said James. "We can wait here for them..."

"Okay."

It didn't take long for Rosalind and Remus for come outside.

"Oh my God, what happened to her?" Rosalind demanded. "Potter, why am I not surprised to find you close by when she is in such a state?"

"I didn't do this to her," said James. "You seriously think I would spike her drink."

"No, not your style," snapped Rosalind. "Get off her!"

"You'll need help taking her home," said James. "You can't carry her home yourself. Please just let me make sure she gets home safely."

"Fine," said Rosalind grudgingly. "You carry her, I'll show you the way and then you go!"

"Okay thank you," said James then he turned to Remus. "Mate make sure Sirius hasn't killed anyone, I'll be back soon."

"Still plenty of time for you to score," I heard myself giggle.

"I'm so sorry baby," I could feel him whisper in my ear.

"I'm really tired," I mumble. I can feel my eyes closing, I need to sleep.

"You can sleep now," James whispered. I felt him scoop me up, and then we were moving. I could smell him, I loved how he smelt, I cuddled into him breathing in his smell. I miss him.

"Rosalind," said James awkwardly. He had just put Lily to bed, she was really out of it. If he could just get his hands on that low life that sneaked a potion in her drink, well it was a good thing Sirius was there.

"Get out James, you've done the good Samaritan act now you can disappear," said Rosalind harshly.

"Look I don't know what you know..."

"I know that because of you my best friend cried herself to sleep for two months, I know that you are the reason why she is still not herself. I know that you are the reason for her being miserable in our last days at school. I know that you broke her, just like we always thought you would. Well most people thought you would, I actually thought that if Lily ever did fall for you that you would calm down and make her happy."

"I...I..."

"Just get out James," said Rosalind. "I'm glad you were there tonight because I don't even want to think what could have happened if you weren't. But it doesn't fix things not by a long shot."

"I never thought I'd hurt her either, believe me I hate myself for it," said James. "Please just look after her, make sure she's alright. If anyone deserves to be happy it's Lily."

"I know that," said Rosalind. "You have to leave now."

"I'm going," said James sadly. He looked longingly at the room he had just placed Lily in, he wanted to take care of her. He needed to protect her, but he couldn't and he had nobody to blame but himself. He turned and walked out of Lily's flat.

The next morning Lily woke up feeling like death. Luckily it was her day off from work, so she took a bath and had a nap. Around mid afternoon she decided to leave the flat, there was a coffee shop across from her flat and she was hungry. She could vaguely remember James carrying her home the night before, she was trying to avoid thinking about it. The only way she could cope lately was forcing herself not to think about James at all, it was pathetic how much she was still missing him. It didn't help that the jacket she had been wearing the night before smelt faintly of him.

But she couldn't think about it. She threw her jacket in the washing and headed out.

"Can I have a large black coffee and big sticky cake of something," she said to the guy behind the counter. He placed her order in front of her. "Thanks."

"I'll get this," said a deep voice behind her.

Her heart stopped, it was James. She couldn't handle seeing him, not now. She wasn't prepared.

"No thanks I'll get it myself," she said without turning round. She threw some money on the counter grabbed her tray and sat down at a nearby table, never looking up. She didn't even look at his shoes.

"Lily," said James. He was standing over her.

"Hello James," she said politely. "I hear I have you to thank for getting me home safely last night. Thank you, it was very nice of you and I'm grateful."

"Can I sit down?" he asked.

"Why?" she said. "I have thanked you, sincerely thanked you for last night. I must have left my drink unattended, I won't let that happen again. I hope you're well and I'll see you at the Hogwarts twenty year reunion."

"Lily," he sighed. "I just want to talk to you."

"About what?"

"Anything," he said. Lily hated the sadness in his voice, what right did he have to make her feel guilty? "I want to explain something to you."

"You don't have to explain anything to me."

"I was an idiot," he said sitting down across from her. She kept her eyes on her coffee. "What happened between us at school, I was an idiot. I didn't think you were ashamed of what we were doing, I'm sorry I blamed you when it was me that was the problem."

"It's not you it's me?" said Lily. "Seriously?"

"It cliche for a reason," said James. "Will you let me explain?"

"Fine," said Lily trying to sound like she wasn't bothered, but she was dying to know what she had done wrong.

"I got scared," he confessed. "I really loved you, I loved everything about you. I loved being around you, I loved watching you even when you weren't doing anything. Then I started to listen to...well that doesn't matter, but we were 18 for God's sake. You're not supposed to settle down when you're 18, everyone tells you that first love doesn't stick, first love is your first heartbreak. I guess I thought they were right, what I was feeling wasn't real it was puppy love and it had to end sooner or later. I guess I just...started thinking that you hadn't told anyone about us and I...built it up in my head and...well you know how I...I'm sorry."

"Well I appreciate you telling me that," said Lily. "I did wonder where it all came from."

"I hate that I hurt you," he said. "I never thought I would be the guy that would hurt you."

"Neither did I."

"I've missed you," he said. "And I...I've been waiting here all day because I wanted to..."

"James," Lily sighed. "It's okay, it was a long time ago. I'm glad you told me why you did what you did. But can't we just leave it at that..."

"What do..."

Lily got to her feet, she leaned over and kissed his cheek. "Let's just leave things the way they are now, on good terms okay?"

"No."