Chapter 114
Rory got home in a rush, having wanted to get there before Logan was due home. But as she reached the door, she could already see the light on inside on the top of the stairs. It was both relief from the fact that Logan was back and nervousness of what she wanted to tell him. She'd grown to understand her insecurities a lot better in the Subway home, having finally felt a moment of clarity.
She closed the door behind her, letting it lock with a snap. It was as she turned around and looked up the stairs where she was headed, she saw Logan standing at the top, looking at her.
"Hi," Rory said, her face lighting up instinctively.
"There you are! I was just about to text you," Logan said.
Rory climbed the stairs in a hasty pace, leaving her a little out of breath.
"I was at Lucy's," Rory explained, letting Logan wrap his arms around her hips and sink down into the back pockets of her jeans. It was a move that Logan didn't make often, it being such a Jess-type of thing.
Rory kissed him in greeting, happy to have him back home. The kiss was gentle, but still passionate, almost as if Rory was asking for some kind of forgiveness or trying to make up for her thoughts.
The kiss broke, leaving Logan looking a little confused. They hadn't left things badly, they'd even talked in the time in between by phone, but still… this felt unexpected. The intensity and the intent of that particular kiss.
"And what is all this?" Logan asked, picking up a strand of her pink hair between his fingers.
Rory had almost forgotten there was anything different about her, and all that worry about what Logan might think of her little makeover had gone right out of her mind as other things had become more prominent.
"Oh..," Rory shrugged, and smiled innocently. "Just girls gone wild," she laughed.
She also hadn't expected to be smiling this much as she was about to address the more delicate subject at hand. But now it was just a challenge to come out of it, it was almost like a defense mechanism.
"It looks nice," Logan said, studying her.
Rory knew it was a little childish, flirty - definitely not something serious someone with the last name Huntzberger was supposed to do with her hair. Same went for her other identity as a political science student who hoped to be taken seriously.
"I'll probably dye it back, it was just this impulsive thing," Rory shrugged and grew more serious. "How was your flight?" Rory asked, getting a flash of reality and growing scared along with it.
Rory pulled away, and headed for the kitchen, wanting a glass of water. Logan followed her, and leaned against the doorway, watching her drink a sip.
"It was alright," Logan replied, but frowned his eyebrow just a little as he observed her, feeling something was not right.
Rory leaned back against the kitchen counter, taking a moment, one of her hands crossed over her stomach, the other leaning by its elbow onto it.
"I have a confession to make," Rory began, pressing her lips against the back of her hands as she held the glass in her hands.
Logan hummed tentatively, thinking of a range of things far worse than this actually was to things quite innocent.
"I had a little breakdown today. I suppose, you could call it that," Rory confessed, trying to make it sound light when it really wasn't.
"You okay?" Logan asked, sounding genuine in his concern.
"Oh just… I'm not handling things particularly well these days. Maybe it's just the gloominess or something…," she said, hating to make all of this about her.
"Is this about what I asked you the other night?" Logan asked.
"No, and yes… I don't know," Rory replied.
"Which is it?" Logan asked, already leaning towards thinking that it had to do with what he'd said.
"I just felt like if I admitted that maybe London wasn't a good fit for me, at least right this moment, that it'd mean I was a failure. That I couldn't make it work and that was my fault. That I wasn't smart enough, adaptable enough… that I would just mold into what everyone who's opinion matter to me warned me about," Rory tried to explain.
"I don't think you're any of those things. I hope you know that," Logan said.
"I just want a chance to have a career, not just some career. I cannot help it - I define success in life through what I do, to how I am valued - not just by hanging out with my friends and dying my hair or popping out babies," Rory said, sounding evidently sarcastic. Both of those examples stung. The more present one, the hair, just felt a little embarrassing now, knowing she was going to have to find the perfect brown shade tomorrow to re-dye it. The one about babies always stung as despite her efforts she still felt like she was disabled, perhaps not even ever able to give Logan that completeness in life, in that part even if the statistics were in her favor still and nothing was proven impossible.
"And you feel like you cannot do that here," Logan finished her thought, having been more perceptive than Rory had realized.
"I feel like… at the very least I should get my feet wet where I have a chance. I want to finish Yale. I want to see maybe I can apply for grad school or some fellowship, maybe I'll find some great entry level job in the States. And it's amazing that you would even suggest it as an option, to go back, I mean, but I cannot tell you that I want to go back on the expense of your career," Rory discussed.
"It's not a career that I'm building here," Logan said, not really needing to explain it. There was nowhere to rise from where he was, not really - taking his father's position wasn't appealing either. It was just more stress and obligations. Logan was responsible for doing a good job, but there was indeed nothing more than internal growth to look forward to.
"So what I am suggesting is that… While you stay here, I'll go back to Yale. It's just a few months of spring semester. I'll graduate. I apply for some things, and then we'll see," Rory suggested, not bothering to mention that she also just wanted to be around her old friends again, Lane especially, and work on herself with her therapist and figure herself out. Maybe there were ways she could find new courage in herself to come back to London even - maybe there were grad school options here that would be more welcoming to her than the job market looking for political science majors.
"No..," Logan objected, not liking the idea of being away from her.
"You're clearly needed here. And you worrying about whether you are home enough really isn't helping you either, you know I'm right. And I just can't live with the idea that you'd throw all of this away because I'm not fitting in," Rory explained.
"I wouldn't be giving it up just because of you, can't you see that?" Logan insisted.
"I believe you see it as that now. But this really isn't a decision you should be making lightly. Giving up something you worked up your courage to ask your dad and to which he gave into, he accepted us… we have to be grateful for him for these things, don't we? So it's not just a decision you can make after, what - three weeks at this side-gig?" Rory continued.
Logan wanted to argue with that, but he couldn't. Could it really be that what he was feeling now was just the thrill of starting something? The thrill of the first success that hadn't been handed to him? Rory did have a point that despite the Dark Lord's worse qualities, he had indeed enabled them to gain their independence by coming here. But that didn't mean he liked the idea of Rory going back to Connecticut all by herself.
"It's just a few months. You'll have time to see where this goes, think things through. I'll have a chance to focus on my education, on figuring out a plan. Because if I am to come back here, I am beginning to see what speech writing won't be it for me here, and I'll just need to figure out something else," Rory continued.
"I hate this..," Logan replied, meaning that he didn't want to part from her.
"We'll visit, a lot. And I promise you lots and lots of naughty texts," Rory assured, sexily.
Logan rolled his eyes. They both knew it wasn't as good as staying together.
"I just can't have you resenting me down the line for needing you to uproot yourself from your family legacy and I don't want to resent you for not having a chance to explore my options. Try to build a career," Rory shrugged.
They both knew people would talk. What newlywed couple would ever decide to move apart, separated by an ocean? But as wrong as it sounded, it did feel like the smart thing to do. No rushing. Just a wise, calculated way to make a decision. Rory was good like that with her pro-con lists and all, she balanced Logan out.
Logan sighed. "Just a few months," he repeated, needing it to truly be the case.
AN: Work's been crazy, so fewer chapters to you unfortunately. But still, eager to read what you think of this development.