Chapter 2: How did we get to this point?
Ok, for those of you who do/did not have the investigative nature to inquire as to how did the boys get to this point... Harry and Neville defeated the forces of evil over Christmas break during their sixth year of school. It had been relatively simple with the aid of the Fat Friar and the Bloody Baron. And to continue the alliterations which abound in HP world (see- I can write canon) Hissy Harry and Noxious Neville took their training to heart and became necromancers of the highest order.
It had been surprisingly easy for Harry and Neville to get to become as powerful as they were in a very short time. Two things made it possible. first was the time turner Neville found in his robe pocket after returning to Hogwarts from their trip to the MoM. Second was the pocketful of gadgets Harry dumped out on his bed after trashing Dumbledore's office.
The first thing Harry and Neville did was go back to the Department of Mysteries and smash the prophecy since Harry already knew what it said. Then they went into the room where the veil was fluttering in the non-existent breeze and cast some spells to see what they could do with it. They decided that the easiest thing to do would be to turn the stones around the front of it into a portkey that would take whomever stepped on it to a holding cell at 12 Grimmauld Place that Moonie used during full moons.
We shall talk a little more about that cell later on. Mainly when I have figured out what all I want to happen. Or, I could just say that the full moon is tomorrow night, and since we have trapped Sirius Black and Bellatrix LeStrange there really isn't a problem. Sirius just gets to turn into his grim form, the werewolf gets dumped into the cell through a trapdoor in the ceiling; and since the werewolf isn't allowed to eat the grim, he gets to use the skanky nut-case lady as a chew toy. See, I solved all the problems of the world at one go. Sirius is still alive, Moonie got a low fat, high protien meal, and Bella got a reprieve from insanity.
So, now the boys have a time turner and a bunch of gadgets that they are learning how to use... They really are lucky little sods because the first gadget they began playing with just happened to be a device Rowena Ravenclaw developed for testing a being for magical gifts. Neville had chucked the little cube at Harry because he was not paying attention to something Nev had been talking about. The cube cut his head when it hit and Harry reached up and accidentally got blood on the cube. Both boys stared in amazement as the cube began flashing a series of blue and red colors. He was so startled he dropped the cube onto a parchment, and then sat in a state of complete awe as the parchment began to fill up with a list of Harry's strengths and weaknesses.
When the cube was finished transferring Harry's information to paper, it performed a self cleaning charm on itself and went back to being dormant. Neville grabbed the cube up, bashed his head with it, dropped a wee bit of blood on it, and then set it down to wait for it to do its work.
Both boys were in awe of the fact that they had aptitudes well beyond what they were being asked to do in school. Neither boy had thought to take Arithmancy, Runes, Demonology, Necromancy, crochet, or aural skills. They decided to handle the easiest part first and go talk to the Fat Friar because he was often seen crocheting.
Visiting the Friar was fortuitous because the big reason he crocheted was to keep up his skills of sewing rips in time and space back together. Ok, so that was not such a stupid skill after all, hum? The Friar took the boys under his wing over the next two weeks and showed them not only how to crochet, he started them on a long and happy career with all the other skills they needed.
The Bloody Baron got involved with the boys' training when he heard the Friar teaching them Gregorian chants. It turns out that it is necessary to learn aural skills if one wants to do summoning and banishing rituals involving demons. Harry has promised not to do any summoning while hissing in parseltongue; in return the ghosts who dwell at Hogwarts has promised to share all their collective knowledge both mundane and esoteric.
So, with the aid of the ghosts and the time turner, Harry and Neville soon became Outstanding young sorcerers. And to the horror of Tom Marvolo Riddle aka Lord Voldemort et al... they specialized in Necromancy. After spending six months in the real world and several more jumping around on the space/time continuum the boys literally and figuratively befouled his play pen, broke his toys, and sent his unhappy wraith-like spirit packing to the seventh level of Hades.
Which leaves us back in the present with two over-achievers who are extremely bored. And you all know what they say about idle hands being the devil's playground... There really is no controlling them. The only thing we can hope for is that they discover sex and decide that it is just the thing they need to fill up an idle hour of their time. Which then leads us to the idea that they should probably collect a few dolly-birds each.
Hermione definitely gets to be wife number one for Harry. Luna probably suits for wife number two.
Neville should start out with a wonderful woman who idolizes power so I think Pansy Parkinson will suit. Maybe Hannah and Susan could work out a package deal for spot number two.
It is probably too much to hope for that Ginerva will be treated like a golf ball, you know, whack her around a few times with a club then stuff her in a hole in the ground.
In case everyone forgot, Neville has gone home with his grandmother and Harry is back at the Dursley house. Just for the fun of moving the plot along (wait, I don't really remember having a plot... ) Neville is back at Longbottom Manor and has decided to face all challenges put forth by his relatives regarding his squibness.
The first indication that life was about to change was great-uncle Algie commenting that it was a good thing that Neville had grown a bit since he would need strength to overcome his almost-squib state. Neville smirked at the old man and asked if he cared to indulge him in a duel. Algie found himself hanging out the same window he had dropped a little boy out of a few years earlier.
Augusta decided that she needed to discipline the young man for dropping his great-uncle. Augusta decided that she would not discipline the young man when he calmly pointed out that she hadn't cared the least bit when the doddering old fool had dropped him out the fourth floor window. She was actually lucky that he was in a good mood and only revived the spirit of the vulture on her hat.
Turning the vulture into an inferi gave him a wonderful idea and before Granny could think of anything to do to him he had dashed off upstairs to his room to collect pen and paper to compose a letter to Harry. He wondered if the two of them could go and visit with Alice and Frank Longbottom and see if there was a chance they could use some of their knowledge to undo the damage inflicted on them.
Augusta gave up all ideas of punishing him when she saw the patronus Nev conjured to carry the message for him. Maybe she and Algie needed to sit down and discuss a few things now that Lord Longbottom was ready to assume his title and duties. It had been a hard fifteen years, but they had been successful in turning him into a fine man and a powerful wizard.
Things at the Dursley house was not quite as comfortable. For one, the Dursleys were still being incredibly stupid regarding just about every aspect of Harry's existence. And, Marge decided to visit. She was not here yet, but she would be making an appearance within a few days.
The first thing that the Dursleys repented of was requesting that Harry not show his face. Vernon relented on his edict that Harry not be seen and had demanded that Harry make himself visible. Harry retaliated by walking around with a corporel body- and no head.
A/N #1 Refer to disclaimer in chapter 1.
A/N #2 Thank you to the wonderful people who reviewed, put this story on alert, and/or favorites.