I am so sorry this took so long! I have been busy like crazy from going to Germany to a million other things. So it might not be great but I wanted to get it up ASAP so sorry if there are some mistakes. I'll try to update soon, but I'm going away again and Breaking Dawn is almost here!!
I claim nothing as my own but the plot. It's all Stephenie's.
Jacob looked slightly flustered as we got into the car
Jacob looked slightly flustered as we got into the car. I thought of asking him what was wrong, but I didn't have the willpower. Willpower was something that seemed to have left me when he left me. So many things left me, like happiness, reason, and my heart. I couldn't go on.
As we pulled out of my driveway, Jacob caught me looking at him. "What?" he said.
I sighed and decided against saying anything about it. "Nothing."
"Bella, I know you and it's not nothing. I can see it in you eyes. Please just tell me."
I conceded. "It isn't much Jacob, you just seemed frustrated or something. I just wanted to know why."
He immediately hardened. I saw a defensive mask take over his face. It was then I knew that he was hiding something from me. But what, I had not the slightest idea.
"Jacob, please talk to me. I just want to help." I looked away, not wanting to see his reaction. But I heard him sigh and as I gazed at him, his face contorted. He looked like he was struggling with an invisible foe.
"Bella," he said but kept looking at the road. "It's not something I can tell you. It's not my secret to tell, I'm sorry. There's so much about me you don't know, that I can't say."
At this last thing he clenched his teeth together, almost as if someone was stopping him.
I knew exactly what he meant though. I was harboring a secret that wasn't mine as well, no matter how much I wanted to tell Jake so that finally, someone could know.
But his secret actually sparked in me some curiosity, which took me a minute to recognize and put a name to because it had been so long since I had felt it, much less anything else. I tried not to feel much these days. But I honestly was interested. Jacob had a secret? Now I wanted to know. I looked over at Jake again.
The little Jacob Black that I knew was gone, I could see that. His skin was still the same beautiful russet color and his hair came to just above his shoulder in thick, silky black strands. However, his face was slightly longer and leaner as well. He had a firm resolve in his gaze, like nothing could faze him. But there was also a sense of wisdom in the way he spoke and a measured calmness about him. Calm, but at the same time he looked like he was always on the defense, waiting for something to jump out and attack him. I couldn't fathom why though.
We spent the rest of the car ride in silence. Holding conversations was not something I tried to do, but with Jacob, it didn't seem as hard. I found myself actually concentrating on the words and their possible meanings. I was actually intrigued. I hadn't felt this alive in so long. Was it because I was back in Forks or was it because of Jacob?
After what seemed like the longest car ride ever, we pulled up in front of little house that belonged to Jake and his dad, Billy Black. Billy must have heard the car pull up and came to the front door to greet us. I saw him wave as Jacob came around to help me down from the car. Thankfully he remembered my clumsiness, otherwise that could have been a potential accident.
As we walked up to the house, Billy greeted us.
"Hello Bella, it's so nice to see you after all this time. I know Charlie is anxious to see you."
"Thanks Billy, it's nice to see you too."
I noticed his eyes went directly to my rounded belly as Jacob shut the door behind us.
"I see congratulations are in order, Bella," Billy said with a smile. I could see the questions in his eyes already. He was no different from anyone else, completely curious and wanting to know every detail. But there was also a compassion beset in his eyes, almost like he could see right through me and know everything. I knew Billy Black wasn't one to judge so quickly.
I smiled and thanked him. "Where's Charlie?" I asked.
"In here," Billy said as he turned to wheel into the living room.
There he was, reclining on the old couch. Charlie was too young to be like this. Five years plus a stroke made him look so much older. There were lines under his eyes and creases at their corners. The left side of his face sagged slightly as a result from the stroke. Despite all that and his pain, when he saw me, his eyes lit up and he half smiled.
"Bella! You don't know how happy I am to see you, kiddo," he said with some difficulty since the left half of his mouth wasn't exactly working yet. But still, that surprised me since Charlie was not a man of many words. I knew he loved me and he must have missed me like crazy. I had missed my dad as well.
"Hey, Dad. How are you?" I managed a smile for him.
"Well, I've seen better days. I just hate not being able to move very much. The numbness is frustrating," he said with a scowl since he had trouble getting out that last word.
Jacob spoke up for the first time then. "We talked to the contractor, Charlie. He says it will only take him a few days to put in a new bathroom for you. We got everything taken care of."
"And you are welcome to stay here until it is finished," Billy added.
"I doubt Bella could manage to help you up the stairs to use the bathroom," Jacob said with a chuckle. I stuck my tongue out at him for that.
Turns out, Billy had already ordered a couple of pizzas for all of us, so I stayed for dinner. I felt so relaxed with the Blacks. It just felt so right, like this was my true home. I was talking and laughing along with everyone else. And Charlie was just so happy to see me and have me there.
After dinner, Jacob and I decided to walk down to First Beach. I hadn't been there in so long. There was a nagging inside me telling me I shouldn't go, because it was going to dredge up memories I had locked away. This had been the place where Jacob had told me the stories and I had first learned about them. I still couldn't bring myself to think of their name or what they were. It was much too painful. But somehow, Jacob kept the searing pain away. His presence seemed to keep me together. I didn't feel like I was falling apart.
"Bella," Jacob started as we walked down the beach. He looked at me with a gentle expression, like his hard shell had melted away for a moment.
"Are you ok? Ever since you've been back, it seems like something is hurting you. Is it still…him?" So Jacob remembered. I wasn't fooling him.
"It is. It always will be. Love like that doesn't go away, Jake. But I tell myself that I have to keep going, at least for my baby." I rested my hands on my stomach and felt a small kick, which continually reminded me to live.
"How can you hang on to that though, Bells? Have you even tried letting go? Moving on?" he asked with a bit of desperation.
"I don't know. I keep living day after day, but my heart still feels like it is missing." I had sat down on a log and wrapped my arms around my stomach. Jacob sat down next to me and wrapped his arm around my shoulder. He was so warm, despite the chill from the night air.
He whispered in my ear so softly that it could have been the wind speaking to me. "Bella, you can never move on if you don't let go. Maybe you should try instead of holding on to something that can never be. And if he left you, then he obviously has issues, because you deserve so much more."
His hand reached across to my face and wiped away the tears I hadn't even realized were coming down my face.
"Well whatever you decide, Bells, I'm always here. I always have been, even though you've been gone."
We sat and watched the sun set. I felt so conflicted. His words made sense, but I could never stop loving him. It was impossible. But he was right I had never tried. I didn't want to. As the stars came into visibility, I wondered if there was more than one reason for me coming back to Forks.
Maybe that reason was Jacob Black. Even though I came back to help Charlie, maybe I was the one who really needed the help.