9/21/08

I'm so so so so so so so sorry! I've been so busy that I haven't had a second to write! College applications and essays and SATs are taking over my life! But I got a severe lecture from my friend telling me to update. So I did.

This one is dedicated to my friend Zee Zee Floppie Fiish who has had the strangest wish to hear Jacob yell "Ridiculous!"

Enjoy!

I was having some trouble breathing

I was having some trouble breathing. I always did when Edward kissed me. And he was kissing me. His breath came out in sweet whispers on my face as his lips left mine and trailed across my jaw line down to me throat. He rested his head on my shoulder.

"Oh, Bella," he whispered. "What I've done is completely unforgivable. I made the worst mistake of my entire existence. And I only did it for you safety, but it seems all I did was hurt you more. I'm so sorry. But Bella, you must know that I have always loved you. I was in agonizing pain up until this moment. There are no words to justify this. And there are no words to say how much I've missed you. It was so much more than just missing you, Bella. My heart is still, yet this felt like it had been ripped out of my chest, with an unceasing blood flow. You have always had my heart, love, always."

He kissed my throat and I shivered. My heart soared.

"I felt the same," I murmured gently. "My heart was missing. You took it with you. How could I have been happy without you, Edward, when you are my happiness? You are everything to me. Please, don't ever leave me. Not again. I won't be able to survive."

The tears started flowing down my cheeks again. Even though he had said he wouldn't leave and he loved me, I was still so scared he would leave. I couldn't shake that fear, and I couldn't shake the nightmare of the Edward-less world I'd been living in. I wept.

"Bella, my Bella, I'll never leave you again. My whole existence is devoted to you, love, now and forever. Please don't cry. I'm here. I have you."

He took my face gently in his hands and kissed the tears away, then kissed my lips again, with a deeply buried hunger that had been shut away for years. I could feel all the memories of past kisses coming back. They were nothing compared to this. He was gentle, yet persistent as he pressed his cool lips to mine, longing to deepen the kiss, but forbidden to. I wrapped my arms around his neck and drew myself as close to him as I could with my huge stomach. Even though the baby was kicking wildly, tumbling and turning like a little gymnast, it couldn't distract me now, but Edward felt it. He broke our kiss and leaned down to rest his cheek to my stomach. His hand lightly rubbed my belly where he had felt a kick and he smiled.

"You know, little one, you have the most amazing mother. Just wait until you meet her. I promise you'll love her. She's the most beautiful creature to behold. And the kindest, bravest, most perfect woman ever."

I sobbed. Edward was talking to my baby. For minute, I could pretend it was his.

"BANG!"

I jumped at the sound of the front door being slammed shut. Edward blurred as he jumped up into a crouching position in front of me.

"Bella?"

I breathed a sigh of relief.

"It's just Jacob, Edward," I said.

"It's just a werewolf," he snarled back, making me flinch. He instantly looked apologetic.

"I'm sorry, it's just that they are dangerous, Bella."

"As I recall, vampires are pretty dangerous too," I argued.

"Bella? Is someone else here?" Jake called from the stairs.

"Oh God, Edward, what do I tell him?" I didn't think of what would happen when Jacob found Edward here, but I could imagine it wouldn't be pretty.

Before Edward could formulate an answer, there was a knock at my bedroom door.

"Bella? I'm coming in, okay?"

"Jake, no!"

Too late.

Jacob's eyes were locked on Edward. His mouth dropped for a fraction of a second then snapped shut.

"Bella, what is he doing here?" he said through clenched teeth. He started to shake.

"Back up, Bella, he's not stable," Edward said, moving closer to me.

"Oh like you care about her safety, you bloodsucker!" Jacob was about to break.

"Stop Jacob," I pleaded. "It's not what you think. Everything's been a misunderstanding. I'm not mad at Edward. It's ok."

"Bella, are you sane?! This is RIDICULOUS! You have been so broken because of this leech and now he waltzes right back into your life like nothing ever happened and you welcome him with open arms! Something is so wrong with that picture." Jacob's face was turning red with anger.

"Listen, Jacob, I mean no harm," Edward said, still crouched over. "Your anger is perfectly justified, but I'd rather you didn't phase in here. Put Bella's safety first, and her child's."

"Bloodsucker, don't you DARE talk to me! I'd kill you right now if it wouldn't hurt Bella so much. And I'm not going to phase, I can control myself. Apparently you can't since you had to come back just to hurt her again."

"I'm not going to hurt her, Jacob. I'm not leaving again. I will not repeat that mistake for as long as I live."

My heart stuttered at that. Edward. Eternity. But I quickly shook that thought from my mind. How could I even begin to think of that possibility when I had a child to think of? But still, he just said he wasn't leaving. I could live with that.

Jacob looked like he was poised to attack, as was Edward, so I knew it was time to intervene.

I stood up and went to stand between them but Edward's arm shot out to stop me, an immovable barrier.

"Please, both of you stop this. Edward, Jacob's only trying to protect me, and Jacob, Edward is here to stay, so please don't be mad. It's all been a big misunderstanding. He left to protect me." It was hard to believe my own words. He had been gone so long just for my safety. That seemed stupid. I was a danger magnet anyway.

Jacob closed his eyes and took a deep breathe.

"I knew you were back. I heard you, smelled you. I just didn't think you'd actually do this to her."

Suddenly I remembered Jacob's face on several occasions when it seemed like he smelled something bad, or he had heard a noise. Suddenly everything made sense.

"So wait," I said to Edward, "You've been here the whole time?"

Edward looked chagrined. "Yes. I always come back every once in awhile to see if you'd ever come home. And you finally did, and I happened to be there that day. So I stayed. You don't know how much Alice is dying to see you. Everyone is, even Rosalie."

"Rosalie?" I was puzzled. She had never liked me.

"Yes," Edward said. "Because of the baby."

"Oh." But I was excited. I wanted to see them all so badly. My real family. Well, almost.

"Hello, I'm still here," Jacob said. "So they're all coming back," he said through his teeth.

"Yes."

"Crap. What am I gonna tell the guys?"

Edward grinned.

"Stay on your own side of the line."