AN: hello there readers!!! So thanks to my fanfuckingtastic beta, ChangedbyEdward, cramming this in we have this chapter yay!!!!

And to my girls for WC'ing with me to light a fire under my ass

Disclaimer: I don't own shit and flashbacks have Twilight and New Moon quotes again don't own them but hot damn do I wants...

on to the story...

EPOV

I watched her, and by watch I mean I was in the highest trees in the yard, overlooking the most bewitching creature I've ever had the pleasure to stalk…er- watch. I had, after all, promised Alice I would watch over her. I was hoping she wouldn't smell or hear me from my vantage point and I could see her just taking in the surroundings, touching little things here and there. I thought back to my earlier conversation with Alice and wondered how long it would be until Bella's memories started to come back to her. The thought made me more than a bit nervous.

"Edward, explain to me why we can't have this conversation in the other room?" Alice huffed at me as I pulled her into the side room saved for Esme's baubles and extra furniture.

"I don't want to have this conversation in front of Bella, Mary Alice. Being the closest to me, I'd think you would understand where I'm coming from a bit more."

"I've been trying to do that and stop calling me by my full name! Edward, you shut me out and you lied to Bella. You left knowing full well what was going to happen, but rather than facing the reality, you just threw it in my face that my visions are 'subjective' and left anyway. How can I understand someone who keeps running away?"

I slumped down along the wall, raking my hands through my hair. She was right. I had shut her out knowing that if anyone could make me see the stupidity in the choice I was making, it would be Alice

"Alice, I fucked up. Big time. And my biggest fear is her remembering and never forgiving me. I know I'm being selfish, but she's my… damn it, I don't even have the words to explain what Bella is to me. I want her to remember everything, and I do mean everything, but at her own pace. I don't want to hurt her healing process by trying to push her too hard. And most of all, I want her to remember me. It kills me every time she has a memory of someone, but even though I was there, it's like her mind glosses over me and keeps me hidden."

"Well, maybe her mind is protecting her, Edward. Have you ever considered that? The night she died, she was running from you, or at least the memory of you. At the party, Angela played a mixed record and when a certain song came on, that's when she ran. I don't even know what song it was, but it must've reminded her of you and she was trying so hard to pretend you didn't exist. I don't even want to think of what possibly could've happened had I not stayed with her, and even that didn't save her. You have no idea how much I lost personally the night Bella lost her life, or how much she really lost. If her mind is protecting her and giving her peace, let it. When it's time, she'll remember. And this time, regardless of the outcome, I hope you'll at least stay. Whatever punishment she might have in store, you deserve, and then some. For now, I think Bella would like to take a walk. I would hate to think she'd be out there all alone."

Alice had a smirk on her face and that was one of the moments in which I wished that I couldn't read minds as images of Jasper and her floated through her head and assaulted my mind as well. Now feeling disgust at Alice, as well as guilt over the situation, I figured the best course of action would be to go outside and actually speak to Bella instead of stressing over it.

"Good. You two don't get into any trouble. Now shoo! I have…things that need my attention." With that, Alice turned on her heel and danced out of the room.

So there I was, sitting in a tree, watching over Bella, both fearing and hoping she would remember me. She walked along the edge of the creek humming to herself, picking up things here and there, and glancing around once in a while. I leaned a little farther out, so I could get a closer look, and in that moment, she glanced up and called me out in the sweetest voice.

"You make a shitty spy, Edward. Why don't you come down from there and be gentlemanly about keeping me company? Where are your manners, Mr. Cullen?"

I stared at her slack-jawed as I jumped down from the tree and went to her side. "Forgive me, Bella, I seem to forget myself around you. May I accompany you this evening?"

She flashed me a smile and nodded her head and I walked by her side in silence. We kept along the river, not straying too far from the house until Bella decided to have a seat on a fallen log. She stared out into the water and I suddenly hated that I couldn't read her mind. I waited, patiently, for her to break the silence as we watched fireflies danced along the surface of the water. She was very still and seemed to be concentrating on something.

After a few concerned glances her way, Bella finally turned her attention to me. My stomach did nervous flips as her nose wrinkled up while she looked at me.

"I would really like to know where you fit into all of this. Your presence both unnerves and comforts me and I feel little tinglys when you're around, as if my body is tuned to yours. Yet, you talk to Alice about me as if I wasn't in the room, you have your private mind conversations with Pretty Boy, and you go out of your way to both stay away from me and follow me around, so yeah, I really want to know why I can't remember you."

"I really don't know how to answer you, Bella. It's all so complicated and mixed up, and mostly my fault, and I really don't want to push you because you run the risk of losing all of your memories completely. We meant– mean-- a great deal to each other, but there's a lot that I need to explain to you and I feel that now is not the time. I would prefer to have this conversation at home, if it's alright with you." She let out an annoyed huff and stood up, brushing past me before I had a chance to gauge her aggravation with me, and started heading towards the house.

"Fine, we'll continue this in the house like you want, but I'll decide if what you have to say is too much for me to handle."

"I didn't mean it that way, Bella."

"Whatever. I want to go in now." She continued her brisk pace towards the house and I had to jog a bit to catch up to her. I had little time to think how I was going explain this to her. The lying, the running away. Leaving her as if she meant nothing… and the hardest part was going to be explaining how my actions were supposed to be to protect her, let her have a normal life. What's worse is that those actions led to this, and it's my fault she would be unable to have that now. She would either listen or tear me apart, or both, and I feared the latter.

BPOV

I wondered if he was always this self- assured and controlling. The nerve of him deciding when it would be okay to tell me the truth, as if at some point it wouldn't come out anyway. I just wanted to get back to the house as quickly as possible and get it over with so I could start putting the puzzle pieces of my mind back together. I knew he was trying to catch up with me, but I seemed to be moving just a touch faster than him, and knowing that he was trailing behind me made move just a bit faster than I normally would have. Just saying.

As the back of the house came into view, faint whispers and moans started becoming clearer, making me stop dead in my tracks. I turned and saw Edward, who was now right behind me, wrinkling his nose in the direction of his home.

"Wonderful. I hoped they'd be done by now." He shook his head and I took a few steps away from him.

"Only someone wound up as tight as you are would be disgusted by the sounds of people making love," I spat at him. I turned around and starting making my way to the front of the house, but as I walked, something about the woods made me uneasy, so I picked up my pace a little bit, almost to a light jog. When the front of the house started coming into view, it was as though something gripped me and struck me with fear. This moment of running towards the house almost seemed too familiar, but not in a good way. I stopped so suddenly that Edward had to swerve to avoid running into me.

"What's wrong? Should we hunt before going back?"

"No. No, it's just… Is there any way to get in without going through the front door? I just… I don't want to go through there right now."

He thought to himself for a second and then sort of sighed. "We could jump in through my bedroom window, but we have to walk back to where we were to do it."

"Fine, let's get out of here. This is weirding me out." We went right back to where we had started and I saw a huge window quite high on the side of the house. Assuming it was his room by the way he was hesitating to jump up, I took the initiative and went before him. As soon as my feet landed on his carpet, the world slipped from under me and when I opened my eyes, I saw a very human me in a very intimate embrace with someone. And when she let go, I was left staring at the same man I've been trying to remember.

Human Bella was laughing and Edward had a faint smile on his lips. He was a lot more attractive smiling then he was scowling like he is every time I saw him now.

"I really hate to burst your bubble, but you're really not as scary as you think you are. I don't find you scary at all, actually."

"Pfft, yeah right," I thought to myself as Edward looked at her in disbelief and then a wicked smile flashed across his face.

"You really shouldn't have said that," he said as he chuckled, then suddenly he was growling, his lips curled back over his perfect teeth. He was half-crouched, tensed like a lion ready to pounce. Human Bella was backing away from him and I couldn't help but chuckle as I saw the amusement playing on Edward's face.

"Why haven't I had the pleasure of meeting this Edward yet? What went so wrong that he is so guarded and nervous around me?" I thought as I watched the scene before me continue to unfold.

"You wouldn't," human Bella said just before Edward leapt and they both crashed into the sofa, sending it sailing into the wall. All the while he formed a mini cage around her with his arms , protecting her from getting hurt. Gasping, human Bella tried to get up, but Edward didn't seem to be quite done playing. He pulled her into a ball against his chest and held her tightly in place. She glared at him again and he looked back at her with nothing but humor shining brightly in his eyes, and a silly grin to boot.

"You were saying?" he growled playfully.

"That you are a very, very, terrifying monster," she said sarcastically. Although, her sarcasm was marred a bit by her breathless voice.

"Much better," Edward said as he pulled her closer.

I wanted to cry at the sweet scene in front of me, but nothing came out other than choked sobs. Why had I not remembered this? Why were we not acting like this now? I didn't want to see any more. I didn't want to be teased with this. I wanted to know what had happened between us and why he felt like my death was his fault. I closed my eyes and willed myself awake from the vision, my chest aching with longing and my mind riddled with questions.

I opened my eyes to see I was now laying on Edward's floor with Alice, Jasper and Edward hovering over me.

"I'm fine. I'm fine. I just had a…vision. Congratulations, Edward, I semi-remember you. But we need to talk. Right now." Alice looked over at Edward, worry written on her face. Edward shook his head and looked back my way.

"It's okay, Alice. She has the right to know and ask whatever questions she wants. I won't lie to her anymore."

"Anymore? What the hell does that mean?" Edward hung his head, looked at Alice, and nodded.

"He made a mistake with you, Bella. It's not my place to explain for him, but I do ask that you listen to what he has to say and maybe it'll help you remember what led us here."

I stared between the both of them. I wanted to remember, but this uneasy feeling crept over me at what Edward said. "I won't lie to her anymore."

What would merit him lying to me? What piece was I missing that held the rest of my memory? I walked to Edward's side and took his hand, willing myself into a vision to show me what I was missing. I may have gotten more than I bargained for.

There were woods around me. It smelled like wet dirt, and rain, and… sadness? I looked a bit further and could see two silhouettes in the distance, and immediately the icy cold feeling of fear ran through my body.

I moved a bit closer, careful that I stayed out of view, watching the couple as they spoke.

"Don't do anything reckless or stupid," he said to her with fire in his eyes. "Do you understand what I'm saying?" She responded with a weak nod of her head. His eyes cooled over, ice now replacing the fire. "I'm thinking of Charlie of course. He needs you. Take care of yourself- for him."

The memories started to crash over me then. Edward left. Alice stayed. We had a party. Rhapsody in Blue started. I ran, from everything. Charlie. Oh my God, Charlie! He found me trying to forget. He's gone. The accident. Alice. Fire. Rain. Searing pain. I stifled a sob as they continued their conversation.

"And I'll make you a promise in return," he said. "I promise that this will be the last time you'll see me. I won't come back. I won't put you through anything like this again. You can go on with your life without any more interference from me. It will be as if I'd never existed."

I sucked in a breath, remembering how my world had shifted in that moment. I squeezed my eyes shut, willing myself back to the present.

I was still holding Edward's hand and Alice had seated herself across from us. I wrenched my hand free from Edward's as I started to walk towards the doorway.

"Bella, where are you going?" Edward asked, ready to follow me out the door. I shook my head. I wanted nothing but to forget and he had even lied about that.

I rounded on him and raged, "You told me it would be as if you never existed! I lost my life because I was so busy running from you. I almost lost every memory of my human life that night and I would do it all over again just so I wouldn't know what I know now. Just so I wouldn't have to relive it and feel like my world is falling apart…again! You took everything from me!" I turned and stormed out of the room, trying, yet again, to run from Edward.