AN: HOLY UPDATE BATMAN!!!! I know guys it's been a minute but I'm having pc issues up the wazoo so mucho perdones for this ridiculous break between updates. I love my Beta ChangedbyEdward for being awesome and not killing me during this break. Amy I loves you, you know this maaaan! And to all the new readers and old thanks for hanging around!! Okay guys that's enough rambling On to the story....

BPOV

I was furious, devastated, and fucking relieved all at the same time. Now that my memories were coming back to me, it was like a movie playing in my mind. Over and over again I could see the night of my accident. I didn't even get to say I love you back to Charlie. The fury that burned within me was enough to leave ashes behind me as I flew through the forest. I could never shed the tears that I felt prick my eyes, I could never say goodbye to Angela, someone who over the past couple of months had become as important to me as Alice. I was stuck in this state of anger and hurt and I had no release. A scream ripped through me so loud it vibrated through the trees, effectively leaving me all alone as I could hear critters scuttle away. That's right you run away now, I'm the reason they leave the cat indoors at night.

I threw myself down upon the earth and just…nothing. I didn't think, I didn't feel, I just shut down. I let the sounds of the forest lull me into a pseudo sleep, where I let the events of the past few weeks play through my mind. Oh, my Lord, I called Jasper 'Pretty boy.' A wave of embarrassment rolled over me and I'm sure if I could've blushe-d, I'd have been flaming red. I shared something truly special with Alice and I couldn't wait to explore the quirky talent I'd picked up, and then that brought me back to Edward.

I ached for him and as sure as I was hurting, I knew he was, too, but I couldn't help the anger that ran through me just thinking about how hard I tried to forget him and he still managed to be what drove me away that night. I missed my father and Angela and even though this was what I wanted, it wasn't at this cost. And though it hurt to acknowledge this as it was, I couldn't even waste my time wishing it could be different, because it can't. I was where I was and all I could do was to deal with what was in front of me.

I said a silent prayer for my father, letting him know I would always be his girl, and again part of me broke knowing he was no longer with me. I sent a wish out to Angela, hoping sub-consciously she'd know I was okay and that she was in fact, a bad ass chick. And I sent out a prayer for me, hoping I could get myself through this and that everything would be okay. But we all know it's not always that easy to make everything better.

The screwed up part was that I wanted him. How I wanted him. I could feel his eyes look at me and in return, I drank him in. I wanted to run my fingers through his hair and watch as the reds mingled with the brown strands and tug it ever so gently as I came saying his name.

Dear Lord, I've turned into a pervert. This is all Alice's fault, the horn-dog.

I laid there fighting with myself for… well… really I didn't know how long, but I knew I'd soon have to go back home before they sent out a search party. That and I knew I shouldn't hunt alone, so I sucked it up, brushed myself off, turned myself away from the little comfort I got from the night and started my walk towards the house.

I wondered what I would say to Edward, if I was even going to say anything at all. And if I chose to, would I actually listen to what his explanation would be? I wanted to climb into a cocoon and emerge after the whole newborn phase was over, so I didn't have to have a baby-sitter, and just start a new life somewhere else. I guessed that even though Edward and I weren't technically a couple, I could still adopt the Cullen name. I looked enough like Alice that we could pass for sisters.

I let my thoughts roam around my head and realized I was getting close to the house when I heard arguing. As soon as Alice stopped shrieking and I heard the muttered curses, I knew the argument was about me.

Way to be the elephant in the room, Bells.

I swallowed against the burn in my throat, making my way into the house and straight into the guest room. I threw myself on the bed in a huff, shutting my eyes and throwing a pillow over my head, trying to find my train of thought in the tangles of my mind. I felt a light little thud next to me and when I felt the weight of the pillow lift from my face, I gave the intruder a scowl.

"Can't a girl deal with her own death in peace?"

"Hmm, no I dont think I could let you just lay here and mope on your own. Besides, we have some planning to do and it involves searching for new digs, so I want you to wash the outside of yourself off and come join me in my bedroom so I can brush your hair and do all the things best friends are supposed to do when the other is upset and hurt."

I rolled onto my side and glanced at her sideways. "Would you help me hide the body?"

Alice flashed me a toothy smile. "I'd have the catsuits ready and a get-away car warming up."

I threw the pillow in Alice's face and rolled off the bed towards the bathroom. As I stretched myself out and risked a glance towards the door, sure as day Edward was standing across from the door leaning on the wall. Feeling spiteful and a little brave, I let the the straps of my tank slide off my shoulder and unbuttoned my shorts. Edward started breathing a bit harder and with the last little bit of courage I had mustered up, I let the shorts fall to my feet then slipped the tank top off and threw it across the room, watching it flutter down to within a few inches from his foot. Before I had a chance to gauge his reaction, I flashed into the bathroom and flung the door, maybe a little too hard, and jumped into the overly sized bathtub.

I waited a few beats just to see if he'd actually ignore the door and burst into the bathroom, but nothing happened. I flipped the water on and let the beat of the water drum against my head and as the room filled with fog, I let my mind wander again.

Alright guys! Hope this gives you a little hit for our vices!!! I'll get the next chapter out as soon as I can! Follow me on Twitter MilitzaG

M~