Zhi could not make out the features of the man sitting at the enormous table that took up nearly half of the room. His head was bent over a scroll on which he made notations, working by the light of a single candle. She waited in the doorway, unsure and wary.
A moment passed, in which she began to think there had been some mistake, when he made a sound of satisfaction, raised his head to acknowledge her presence, and stood. Zhi flinched in spite of herself.
The man raised a hand, palm up, and suddenly numerous candles flamed to life all around the room. She gasped at such an effortless wielding of elemental power. He walked around the table and moved towards her.
As he came into the light, she astonished to see that Sima Yi was quite young, barely into his late twenties. From the manner in which Cao Cao spoke of him, she had expected a man somewhat older than the general. The sorcerer wore robes of deep blue - almost black - embellished at cuff and neck with simple scrollwork embroidery. His broad shoulders and vigorous way of moving did not quite correspond with his scholarly status. In fact, he moved very much like Cao Cao and Zhi did not doubt that he was also an accomplished warrior. His shrewd eyes, incongruous in his youthful, unlined face, burned with power and she knew instinctively that this man was much more powerful than Zhang Jiao and his brothers combined. This was a formidable man. She unconsciously took a step back from him as he neared her.
Sima Yi stopped when she moved and held his hand out beseechingly, like one would while approaching a timid animal. She noticed that his knuckles were scarred from handling a blade but his fingers were callused like a scribe's.
"Please, come and sit with me," he said, his voice mild and cultured; exactly as Zhi remembered while lying delirious in her cell.
"We have much to discuss."
Reflexively, she raised a hand to her throat, touching the woven necklace that clasped her neck and stared at the young sorcerer.
"I do not think I can quite trust you," she said, her voice small.
She saw guilt flash across his face briefly before the calm mask returned. It made her think better of him that he did not like what he had done, but she still could not fathom why he had collared a fellow magic user.
"I do apologize for that, lady, but in appreciation of your not inconsiderable power, it was deemed necessary. In fact, you should consider it a compliment, a testament to your strength."
"Please, my lord," Zhi said, "I think we both know that my powers are unreliable at their best and thus I will never match your strength."
Even as she heard the words spill past her lips, she wished she could gather them back up. She knew that the only reason to keep her alive was the expectation that she would become a valuable magic user and officer in Cao Cao's army. Belittling her own strength, no matter how sincere her intention, would only get her killed. And yet she felt she could not help but to trust Sima Yi, despite her initial feelings of reservation.
Sima Yi, for his part, only laughed. Zhi was somewhat distressed at being laughed at, but she stood resolutely before him, determined not to allow her feelings to show.
"I do apologize," he wheezed, trying to curb his mirth, "But I am quite sure of your strength. I tested you myself."
He stopped laughing finally and looked at her with a sudden gravity.
"Your raw talent, once properly trained, will be immense… and quite able to match the greatest sorcerers in history. It will be my great honor to begin your formal training."
She gazed at him intently for a moment, and then licked suddenly dry lips.
"When will this training begin?" she asked with hesitant longing.
Sima Yi's shoulders visibly sagged in disappointment.
"Unfortunately not until Cao Cao allows it. He wants to be sure of your loyalty before I am permitted to release you to perform actual magic. However," he raised his voice slightly when Zhi looked away in frustration, "We can begin the mental preparations a magic user requires immediately."
"How I am to prove my loyalty?" she asked disconsolately. "It may take years before that man is properly convinced."
"I doubt it; he wants to use you in battle. Times are becoming quite unsettled; even as the Yellow Turbans are scattered," Sima Yi paused to look at her apologetically before continuing, "New sects of resistance are forming."
The sorcerer trailed off and looked deeply into her eyes. She felt her face flame at the sudden scrutiny, but met his gaze unwaveringly. For all his power and allegiance, she still had the feeling that he was a good man. It would be difficult to face off against him once she escaped.
Unfortunately, her trust in him had momentarily blinded her to his razor-sharp mind.
"I know you wish to escape," he said quietly.
She jumped suddenly and could no longer meet his gaze.
"I know this because were I in your situation, I would plan for escape at the first opportunity, while maintaining the outward appearance of fidelity." He bowed slightly. "Believe me, my lady, I do not wish to keep you here against your will; it not only increases the risk to us, but lessens your faith in our cause, a faith you will need if you are to help us fight our enemies. Although you may hate Cao Cao and those of us that support him, know that he is an infinitely talented leader capable of restoring order to the realm."
Zhi felt the burning of tears in her eyes as he spoke. She suddenly felt ashamed to be scheming against him, even though she had every right, as she was, essentially, a prisoner.
I have done nothing but cry since I was taken, she thought angrily.
"My lady," Sima Yi was continuing, "While I cannot release you and know you are kept against your will, it truly is my sincere desire to help you become a sorceress with full use of your power. Is the ability to wield your magic skillfully without pain enough to persuade you to… abandon these thoughts of escape and deceit?"
Zhi stared at him silently, tears falling freely down her face.
Are not order and peace the ideals Zhang Jiao was trying to establish?
"Yes," she whispered, "I will endeavor to truly give my loyalty to Wei."
Sima Yi's answering smile was heartfelt and she let herself smile back.
I am sorry, Liang, she thought. But - peace – is that not the motivation that sent us running to become Children of Peace? Now Zhang Jiao is defeated. Maybe this path has been set before me to allow me to continue the battle we fought together.
Zhi was exhausted when Anli returned her to her room later that evening. After Anli had left for the night, Zhi wandered out onto the balcony and studied the waning moon. Sima Yi had been true to his word and had described and demonstrated various exercises to help her sharpen her mental abilities in preparation for complicated magical weaves – given, of course, that she would be released to use said magic. Ah… theory, a return to basics. Zhi sighed. There was no easier method to torture a person than by expecting him to master the theory behind magic. She yawned and then snorted. Yes, that was about how she felt about it. There was no better way to crush a student's spirits!
She had remained wary of him at first, but as she worked with him, she began to lose that guardedness. He was an extremely gifted teacher; articulate and concise in explanations, patient with her mistakes. She found herself eagerly anticipating working with him in the magic. A part of her wanted to run to Cao Cao himself at that very moment and swear undying loyalty so she could begin immediate work with the magic.
She smiled grimly to herself.
How easily I am swayed to their side, she thought self-depreciatingly. The merest offer of power has made me forget that these people support the corruption of the Han Dynasty!
Zhi found herself buried in self-loathing. She knew she would give her loyalty and magic to Cao Cao and his army. She knew it without any doubts. But she still felt horribly guilty and weak-minded at the ease in which she had been persuaded. Cao Cao had known exactly what to offer her to gain her loyalty; a more adept teacher than she could have ever hoped for. Just one evening under Sima Yi's tutelage had almost convinced her that what he said was true – with his help, she could indeed become powerful.
Scrubbing her face hard with her hands, Zhi dropped all thought of guilt and loyalty. She inhaled deeply of the softly warm springtime air and entered her bedchamber, closing doors and then misty curtains. She eyed her bed - heaped with thick pillows and fresh sheets - appreciatively and fell upon it.
Mental and emotional exhaustion stole into her mind and she slept.
Three days passed quickly. Anli made sure that she could navigate through the castle easily on her own and introduced her to groundskeepers, cleaning staff, and – to Zhi's delight - kitchen staff. These simple people were very much like the folk she had grown up with and made her more at ease in Cao Cao's castle than either Cao Cao or even Sima Yi could have. The folk in the kitchen were especially welcoming, and made sure that Zhi ate well. In fact, she had never had access to so much food in her life and it was somewhat overwhelming. The head of the kitchen, a feisty old matron called Huang Sen, immediately exclaimed that Zhi was too skinny and promptly fed her.
Sima Yi continued working with her on meditations and began to teach her the fundamentals of chess, stating that it was the perfect preparation for instruction in battle strategizing. She was so busy with these things that she almost completely forgot about her actual military training.
Her orders arrived during her instruction with the sorcerer and she read the scroll with some trepidation. She looked at Sima Yi and her expression spoke volumes.
"There is no need to be frightened," he said to her as she felt her eyes widen.
"I can't help it," she said, trying to control the tremble of nervousness in her voice, "What –" She cleared her throat as her voice broke, then tried again.
"What exactly does this military training entail?"
Sima Yi was quiet a moment before answering.
"You will learn basic infantry skills, and some horse and archer skills. But hand-to-hand combat and weapon drills will take up most of your time. I will continue to give you instruction three times a week until your platoon enters their final weeks of training, when you will instead begin work as an aide to one of Cao Cao's lieutenants in order to be given advance training in tactics and warfare. At that point, our sessions will only take place once a week. You will be too busy to be nervous much past the first day. Actually, I think you will probably enjoy the experience and the knowledge you will gain will benefit you greatly once you enter battle."
Zhi was grateful for his calmness and assumed a measure of it herself. Her reservations against the people that had brought her to this point had greatly lessened and she was able to report for duty with a sense of pleasant anticipation.
What ever made me believe this would be exciting! Zhi thought to herself as she doggedly jog-shuffled in the ragged formation of recruits. The day had begun easily enough; she and the men assigned to her training platoon had been issued their basic work uniforms and listened to a rather dull lecture on the expectations of soldiers. Then, the work had begun.
Zhi had never participated in such extreme physical training. Two hours of grueling calisthenics had preceded the seemingly endless run her platoon was currently engaging in. And apparently, the rest of the afternoon would be spent in hand to hand combat training.
Zhi had been surprised to find herself almost completely ignored by the other recruits. This came as a surprise to her; as a woman, she had expected some form of resentment from the male recruits. The drill instructors mostly seemed to discount her and paid no attention to her at all. She was rather grateful for this; falling under the attention of one of them landed the hapless recruit with even more physical punishment.
Somehow, she made it through the rest of the day. She had been assigned a small room in the barracks, apart from the men, and sank into her tiny cot gratefully. No sooner had her eyes closed than she was startled awake by the thunderous shouts of her drill instructor, who slammed the door to her tiny cell deafeningly shut before she could even stumble out of bed and get herself blearily out into the pre-dawn darkness.
Her first afternoon of working with the standard issue pike of the infantry had resulted in extremely painful wrist and forearm muscles; for almost a week afterward, she could barely hold the long weapon, much less work through the forms. As she gained strength and dexterity in her arms, forearms, and wrists, the pike became her favorite weapon by far and the more popular sword forms held absolutely no appeal for her. She was proud of the fact that her weapon skills were as accomplished as any of the other recruits.
The days seemed to drag and they all ran together in one mind numbing haze. The repetitiveness of the drills and exercises made them easy to retain and her muscles gradually became familiar with the movements so that she could perform them without thinking about it. As the weeks passed, she began to notice the newfound fitness of her body and delighted in it. She could run great distances now and could maintain the slow jog that the soldiers used to travel on foot for hours at a time; the air moved freely through her lungs, her sides no longer burned with exertion, and her muscles moved her body easily.
She felt too, the increased fitness of her mind. Her sessions with Sima Yi were fascinating as he worked her through various difficult mental exercises. He also began formally educating her in history and philosophy, as well as calligraphy and art. Some nights, they would have long conversations on simple things – their lives, their likes and dislikes. Zhi felt as if she had gained a new brother. He was very unlike Liang, who had never wasted his time in scholarly pursuits. But he radiated the same sense of male protectiveness that her brother had and she felt very safe with him. Sima Yi was a good man.
Nearly two months after she had begun training, however, the hand-to-hand combat sparring still held great difficulty for her. She was consistently defeated in each contest. It was a great area of frustration for her and she often practiced alone during the times that the other recruits were allowed liberty. She mercilessly drilled herself in the forms and battered the worn target they all used during actual training time. But it was all to no avail, for she could not defeat any of the men unless she was allowed a weapon.
She spoke to Sima Yi about it one evening. She had just been soundly defeated once again and was seething with anger and humiliation. The sorcerer had picked up on her emotions and as she lost her second chess game in less than twenty moves had said mildly,
"Your mind is not on this."
Zhi, too upset to form any sort of reply, only grumbled. Sima Yi smiled and stood, stretching his arms over his head. Then he looked down at her and offered his hand to help her rise from the low table.
"What are you doing?" she asked suspiciously.
"Nothing," he replied, a wide smile curving his lips. Sighing, Zhi took his hand and stood.
"Please, Sima Yi, I am not in the mood for more mental diversions. It's not as if I will ever make any use of this training; he's never going to release me, is he?"
His smiled faded.
"Bai Zhi, why are you so angry with yourself?"
"I'm not angry at myself," she responded grumpily. "I'm just… It's nothing, okay!" She glared at him and he exhaled noisily.
"I cannot read your mind. So until you tell me what exactly it is that interferes with our work here, I cannot help you."
"I don't have a problem."
"Stubborn is one thing, pure mule-headedness is quite another. This… senseless rage you exhibit does not become you. So, I ask again. Is this something I can help you with?"
The rebuke, mild as it was, stung. Zhi felt heat rise in her face and scald her cheeks. With a wail, she covered her face with her hands and cried,
"I am worthless!" She practically howled out the last word, full of fury and sorrow with no place to channel it. Slowly, she sank to her knees, not quite crying, but so full of emotion that it threatened to boil her blood. She felt Sima Yi drop to his knees in front of her a moment before he gathered her into his arms. That simple offering of comfort was enough to allow her tears to finally burst forth. He held her and let her cry – painful, gasping sobs that she could not hold back.
She didn't know how long she cried, but she realized after a while that her tears began to slow, and eventually stop. She remained quietly against him, arms around him, her ear to his chest, and the steady beat of his heart calming her. He spoke, his voice surprisingly deep through his chest.
"You are not worthless."
She didn't want to talk, she wanted to crawl into her cot at the barracks and hide for the rest of her life.
"I miss my brother," she whispered, startling herself. She had not meant to say it. She buried her face in the hollow of his shoulder, embarrassed, and then sat back from him, scrubbing a hand across burning eyes. He was staring at her, a pained expression on his face. He reached out and cupped her face in his hands.
"Oh my dear, we have not done well by you, have we?" He lightly kissed her forehead. "I am sorry, Bai Zhi. We have been heartless with you."
She could not think of a reply; her mind was too numb. But she tried,
"We both knew that it was likely one of us would die in battle. I just didn't expect it so soon and I honestly never expected to survive him. He was so talented and brave. I couldn't even maintain regular control of my magic; much less wield a sword with any sort of aptitude. I have tried to make him proud, have tried to excel in the things that came to him so easily, but I don't think I am."
"Why would you think that?"
Zhi tipped her head forward and opened her eyes.
"I cannot keep up with them."
"Who? The other recruits?"
"Yes; they are all stronger than me; I cannot defeat them in hand-to-hand combat. It's so frustrating and all I can think is that Liang could have done this and excelled. I don't know what to do."
"You have only just begun to seriously use your body for combat. Young boys begin this process at a very young age; most girls – and I am assuming you were one of these – do not. You cannot expect to learn a decade or more worth of training in a single month. Give yourself time. Practice your forms, even when they become tedious; these will further hone your body and allow it react without thinking. This will allow you to become more efficient in combat as you will not be wasting time in thought."
"I know this," Zhi said, exasperated. "I do not think I can practice any more than I already have. There is only a certain amount of time in every day!"
"Then you must think about this in a different perspective. You cannot be your brother. You are a woman, Zhi. Your body is not made the same as a man's."
"I think I know that," she retorted, feeling her face redden again. Sima Yi chuckled.
"What I mean is, overall, men are always going to be bigger and stronger than you. It's something you will never be able to overcome. If you, as a woman, fight like a man, you will always lose. But-" he lifted a finger as she started to object.
"But, if you, as a woman, fight like a woman, you can prevail."
Zhi frowned.
"So I should just go straight for the groin?" She was astonished. She had not planned on cheating.
"Of course not!" Sima Yi laughed. "Although that is an interesting way to look at it and in battle I expect you to cheat. Still, you have low expectations of yourself if that is what you think.
"You should utilize speed, timing, and strategy as opposed to brute strength. A well thought out line of attack is what wins the battle, not the massive show of force. You saw that earlier this spring at Xia Pi."
"So that's it? Just smarter and faster?" Zhi asked with a slight edge of skepticism.
Sima Yi stood and beckoned to her. She rose to her feet and stood before him.
"No, that is not it." He reached out to her, one hand spanning her throat.
Zhi gasped as the necklace around her throat burned hot as fire, and then dropped to the floor. She watched it, the hated collar, as it blackened and finally dissolved into ashes. She slowly raised her head to meet Sima Yi's gaze. His chin was raised; he stared down at her imperiously, daring her. Zhi inhaled deeply to gather power.
Then she stopped.
Sima Yi let out a breath, then grinned.
"Not just smarter and faster, eh?" he asked, eyes glinting with mischief.