February 19, 2017 - Santana
"Three beers, please!" I shout at the bartender, holding up three fingers for emphasis. The place is packed. That's the downside of New York, people even go out clubbing on a Sunday.
"Make it five!" I hear a familiar voice call out, as his hands wrap around my waist, and he kisses me on the cheek.
"Well, movie star, can I buy you a drink or are you about to own the club?"
"I have bigger plans, but I'm glad you're here," I lean against his chest and he starts to smile.
"Of course you have bigger plans, you're the most ambitious person I know, and well...I know myself."
"Oh come on, we're pretty similar in that regard."
"Alright, I'll concede this one, just for tonight. Where's your Lady? I didn't see her sitting at the table."
"Finn, Rachel's boyfriend, and she are coming later. No idea what's holding them up," I shrug as our drinks arrive, which Sam pays for.
"But everything's okay between you two, right?" he brings the conversation back up as we make our way to our table, or rather, push our way through the crowd, standing close together.
"It's okay, it's had its ups and downs. But enough about me, who's the fifth beer for?"
"You know exactly who it's for, you don't have to grin so stupidly," he nudges me with his shoulder, as best as he can in the throng of people around us.
"I'm glad you brought him, really."
For weeks, Sam has been gushing about Sebastian, his boyfriend. Every time we've seen or talked to each other, he's been the topic of conversation, and I'm glad Sam has accepted himself and is happy.
We arrive at our table, where Quinn and Rachel are sitting, as well as Sebastian. At least, I assume it's him.
"Your drinks," Sam places the beer bottles on the table.
"Hey, I'm Santana, nice to meet you," I introduce myself to his boyfriend, who smiles immediately.
"Sebastian, likewise," he even stands up and shakes my hand. A true gentleman. I can already see why Sam likes him. Apart from the fact that he looks really good.
"You've made a good catch," I whisper in Sam's ear as we sit down.
"Yeah, right?"
"I made the catch here, but thanks."
Apparently, my whisper was a little too loud.
"Sam mentioned you're a lawyer, I feel honored that you're sacrificing your free time for me today."
"Who knows, a future celebrity might need a lawyer someday, I'm just making contacts," he winks at me, before we start to laugh. "But seriously, it was important to Sam, so it's important to me too."
"Seb can go to bed at 3 am after a night out and win a case in court six hours later, he's a damn genius," Sam raves about his boyfriend, who even blushes and shakes his head, but with a smile on his face reaches for his hand.
"Wow, someone really knows their stuff when it comes to their job."
"When you enjoy doing something, it doesn't feel like work. I'm sure you give 1000 percent to your job too."
"For diner? Not even 20 percent, for acting probably a million percent."
"You see, it's all about attitude. And with yours, you'll surely have a lot of success."
"I can only repeat myself, good catch, Sam," I toast my ex and his man.
"I have really good taste, both in women and men," Sam puts his arm around me as we start to laugh.
"I love that I didn't even have to look for you guys, I can hear your laugh all the way through the club," Finn's voice surprises me as he stands alone in front of us.
"Where did you leave Britt?" Rachel immediately asks the question that was also on my lips.
"I'm happy to see you too, baby. But to answer your question, she's getting us drinks up at the bar. And now I'd like to congratulate our future celebrity," his gaze slowly slides over to me. Sam lets go of me, so Finn can embrace me in his arms.
"Is everything okay with Brittany?" I can't concentrate on his congratulations; instead, I interrupt him with my question.
"She's fine, don't worry. If you don't believe me, go to the bar, she's probably still there, the line is huge."
"Not coming on too strong, no?"
"I think she's happy to see you, whether here or at the bar. I don't know every detail of what happened between you two, but her joy over your role seems as great as yours."
"Thank you," I tighten my arms around Finn again.
"Not for that."
"So if you guys keep cuddling like this, I'm going to steal Britt," Rachel clears her throat behind us, unable to suppress her laughter.
"He's all yours," I wink at my best friend and then head to the bar. Brittany is still standing there.
She's wearing a strapless, dark blue cocktail dress with black pumps, making her legs look even longer than they already are. Her hair falls open over her shoulders. Since I'm standing behind her, I can't see much more.
"I almost didn't recognize you in that dress," I whisper in her ear as soon as I reach her. She flinches briefly but starts to smile as she notices me.
"And you still don't have bodyguards... I'm happy to offer myself," she puts her arm around my hip, so I stand next to her, "But joking aside. Congratulations on your movie role, I'm very proud of you."
"Thank you, it feels good to know that I have someone with me who always believed in me, even when I didn't."
"Rachel also always believes in you. And I strongly believe that your family always believes in you too."
"That's different. Your belief in me is the most important to me because you are simply the most important to me," I reply, as we take a step forward towards the bar, where the line is slowly getting smaller.
"Come here," she puts her free hand on my cheek and leans down for a kiss. Unlike in the diner a few days ago, she doesn't immediately release me but gives me the opportunity to return the kiss. I don't miss the chance and put my arms around her neck so that nothing can separate us.
"You know what you're doing here, right?" I ask, smiling, after we've parted our lips and taken a few small steps forward.
"Was that not a good kiss or why are you asking?"
"No, because there are countless people here, and you just kissed me. I don't know if you're going to have a panic attack or if this was a dream. I'm confused."
"I don't want you to ever look at someone the way you look at me or talk about them like that. I have to overcome my fears to do that. And I can do that best when you're with me."
"I'm very proud of you. We'll go the way together, don't worry. I can also hold back if it makes it easier for you."
So much physical contact in public might be a bit too much for the beginning.
"No. You shouldn't behave differently. I want the complete experience with you."
"Even if I'll probably be extremely clingy in the beginning? After all, it's new territory for me just as much as it is for you."
"I wouldn't want it any other way. I can't keep my hands off you," she strokes my hip and we take another step towards the bar. Finally, we stand in front of it, so Brittany can place her order. Now we separate our bodies from each other for the first time as the blonde has to carry the drinks. I lead her to our small lounge where she hands Finn a glass and greets the others.
"The cake lady, now that's what I call a coincidence." Sebastian chuckles.
"Cake lady?" I raise my eyebrow in confusion.
"He and his friends were recently at the store for a tasting for a wedding," Britt explains the context.
"I have never eaten such delicious cake in my life. I'm looking forward to the wedding because I know the cake will be so good."
"Think of me when you eat it."
"It will certainly not be the last time we are your customers."
"I hope so."
"Now sit down so we can finally toast," Rachel interrupts the small conversation between Britt and Sebastian.
"Of course, boss."
Britt sits next to Sam and before I have a chance to sit next to her, she pulls me onto her lap.
I probably have the same expression on my face as Rachel right now; I still can't believe this is happening.
Everyone calls out some congratulations, and then everyone clinks glasses and bottles with everyone else. Finally, my bottle clinks against Britt's glass and our eyes meet.
"To you, I am incredibly proud of you."
"Rather to you, I can't even begin to imagine how much courage this is taking you right now. Thank you for that."
I give her a little kiss and then drink from my beer.
Yes, I can get used to this.
/
"Okay, what happened? Why didn't you tell me that you're now flaunting your love in front of everyone else?"
Rach and I are alone for the first time today, in the women's bathroom. Yes, there may be better places for this conversation.
"Because I had no idea about it either. She just kissed me like that earlier."
"Britt is always good for a surprise. How does it feel?"
"I could never have imagined it. It feels indescribable," I rave about this new feeling for me.
"I have never seen you two so happy. If I didn't know you, I would feel sick because you're so cute."
"But she's just so sweet, I could kiss her all the time."
"Go for it, nothing's stopping you now," Rachel wiggles her eyebrows, touches up her lipstick again, and then we both leave the bathroom and go back to our lounge.
I immediately notice Brittany's absence.
"Britt's checking out the outdoor area upstairs, she's never been up here," Finn answers my not-yet-asked question. A little creepy.
"They're open in February? I didn't even notice."
"Yeah, Britt already took your jacket up there, so get going."
"I can wait here too, we're not that dependent on each other."
I really don't want everyone to think that.
"Trust me, it's worth it," Finn insists.
"Okay, okay, I'm on my way."
I raise my hands in surrender and throw myself back into the crowd until I reach the stairs that lead upstairs. The higher I go, the quieter it gets.
"I'm going to kill Finn, if he lied" I exclaim loudly, seeing that the door above is open.
"Don't worry, he didn't," Britt responds with a smile. When I finally make it outside, I see her there. She's actually all alone up here.
"What are you doing up here? Let's go down, it's warm there."
"What song do you want?"
"What?" I'm confused because she didn't respond to my words.
"We have the music system here for ourselves, and I want to dance with you. So, what song?"
"What's going on, baby?"
"Don't question everything, just choose a song," she takes my hand and leads me to the music system where the laptop is.
"Come on, I'll look away if it makes you nervous," she turns away from me, grinning, as I start to search for a song.
"Something slow or something fast?" I ask to narrow down the choices, but the blonde is no help with her words, "I don't care, just choose something."
I settle on "Yellow" by Coldplay, set it to loop. It doesn't take 10 seconds for Britt to recognize it. She reaches out her hand, and as soon as I take it, she pulls me towards her.
"That song makes me nostalgic when I hear it."
"I understand. Do you know when you have a song in your playlist but you always skip it? That was Yellow for me; I always had to think of you when I heard it."
We drove 9 hours to Nashville for the Coldplay concert back then. I'm a big fan, and Brittany could never refuse me a favor. During the drive, she had to listen to every song, Yellow quickly became her favorite, and the last two hours of the drive were just that song.
When the song was played live, the lyrics sat perfectly; she sang every single line for me. We never said we loved each other, but I think it was more than obvious if I think about it now.
"I love you. I love you so much, words can't express it anymore. And I'm sorry I hurt you. You deserve nothing but the best, and I'm sorry. I'm sorry I-"
I stop her apology attempt with a kiss, then lean my forehead against hers, which is a challenge considering our height difference.
"I told you, you don't have to apologize anymore. This is our story, and it's okay. I've made peace with it, after all, we're both here...together."
"Okay, I'll try not to apologize so much, but I'm making no promises."
"I can live with that, now let's dance; I'm getting cold."
We smile at each other and start dancing. It doesn't last long; eventually, we're practically just spinning in circles while Brittany sings along to the song.
"Your skin... oh yeah, your skin and bones... turn into something beautiful. Do you know... you know I love you so... you know I love you so."
"You should sing more often; it seems to make you very happy," I interject, to which she wrinkles her nose.
"You make me very happy. You're the only person I've ever sung to, more than just 'Happy Birthday' was never possible for anyone else."
"You have to stop being so sweet; my heart can't handle it."
"Okay, then I'll make it short and unromantic. I have something else that belongs to you," she lets go of me and takes the small box out of the neckline of her dress that freaked me out a few days ago.
"Good hiding spot," I joke and Britt rolls her eyes. "What? I wouldn't have groped you there, at least not in public."
"You have to get creative when wearing a dress. You're not getting the obligatory knee bend unless you want me to expose myself or the dress to tear. But, here's me asking you officially: Will you marry me?"
The ring glints at me again, just like her eyes. This time, I know better. This time, she gets the answer we both want to hear.
"Yes, of course, I will!" It doesn't take three seconds for me to respond. Her lips curl into a grin as she puts the ring on my finger, and we both admire it.
"I love you."
"I love you too."
/
February 20, 2017 - Santana
"Please don't tell me you're having sex up here right now."
Rachel's voice jolts me out of my trance. Brittany's hand is still between my legs, while I'm coming down from my orgasm and my view of the railing we're leaning on becomes clearer. Of course, an engagement needs to be celebrated. And what better way than on an empty roof with a great view?
"You're 5 minutes late, R, I'm sorry to disappoint you," Britt responds with a smirk and slowly removes her hand from inside me.
"I assume you two are engaged, so congratulations. I really want to hug you right now, but that would feel weird."
"My bag is behind the DJ booth, could you bring us the tissues that are in there?"
"Already on my way."
"Now I didn't get a chance to return the favor," I turn in Britt's arms so that we can look at each other.
"Don't worry, today was all about you."
"Hmmm, thank you very much," I reach up to give her a kiss, which we only interrupt when the tissues are handed to us.
Britt takes one and then hands the rest to me.
"We'll wait over by the entrance," the two of them leave me alone so that I can freshen up in peace. Once I'm done, I toss the tissues in the trash on the way to the entrance and make sure we haven't forgotten anything.
"Congratulations again, Santana!" Rachel bubbles with joy now and hugs me tightly.
"Thank you, you knew about it, right?" I return her embrace, but Britt shakes her head behind her, "Only Finn knew, and that was already one person too many for me."
"Do you see how we're being replaced, San? Finn is now her new best friend."
"He is for a while now" I pout with her.
"You guys are crazy, no one can replace you, after all, you licked me first, so I rightfully belong to you."
Rachel looks at me knowingly, and we both lick one side of the blonde's face.
"I shouldn't have said that... does my make-up taste good?"
"Very tasty, we should repeat that with tequila," I suggest, and while Rachel is immediately on board, Brittany just shakes her head but grins at me.
We take a little detour to the bathroom, and Britt tells the boss that we're back from the roof before we return to our table.
"So? Any news?" Finn asks, who was the only one to know from the beginning. I look at Britt, who nods, so I hold up my hand with the engagement ring. Immediately, everyone cheers as if we just won the Super Bowl, and then we are all pulled into a warm embrace by everyone.
We can hardly escape the congratulations when two guys who actually work behind the bar come over to us with champagne and glasses, directed by Rachel. They set everything down and after about five minutes, everyone finally has a filled glass.
"What are we toasting to?" Quinn asks the group, but no one has an answer.
"Well then, I would say let's toast to all of us," I speak up and hold up my glass in the middle, causing everyone to raise their glasses and clink them to mine in the middle.
"Tequila?" I ask Britt, barely setting my glass down.
"Shouldn't we stick with champagne? You're a lightweight, I already know how this will end."
"Oh come on, we definitely have something to celebrate."
"Alright, lightweight, I'll laugh at you if you end up throwing up."
"That won't happen, babe," I set our glasses down, take Brittany's hand and head to the bar.
/
"Argh, why didn't you stop me?" I whine as probably everything in my body has made its way towards the toilet.
"Because you're way too stubborn," the blonde laughs, handing me the water bottle again. It's my own fault. Britt warned me and I didn't listen to her. I should start listening to her, she's always right.
"Can you help me up? I want to brush my teeth," I set the bottle down and hold my hands out to her. With a strong tug, she pulls me up.
"Can I leave you alone?"
"Yeah, I can handle it," I reply, watching as she turns back to me in the doorway.
"Okay, then I'll wait for you in the room, Leo can keep you company in the meantime," the four-legged companion squeezes past her, climbs onto the shelf next to the sink, and makes himself comfortable there. As I get ready for bed, my gaze keeps going back to my right hand, where the engagement ring is sparkling at me.
We are really engaged. The thought of it makes me unable to stop grinning.
I take a picture of myself, where the ring is visible, and send it to my mother. She will probably be just as excited as I am.
"Her family doesn't support her sexual orientation, let alone your relationship, yet she sees a future with you and proposes to you."
My mother's words still echo in my mind. She's right. Of course, she's right, she's my mother.
Brittany couldn't have shown me a greater act of love.
"I've hit the jackpot, haven't I, Leo?" I ask the cat, who meows and slowly moves from his spot as he realizes that I'm also heading towards the door. I sneak into my room on unsteady legs, with Leo by my side as my companion. I open my door and immediately the cat slips past me, jumping onto the bed next to Britt. She seems to be already asleep. Understandably so, it was an eventful evening and a long night.
I change into my pajamas quietly and then join my fiancée in bed, turning off the light. But as soon as I close my eyes, everything starts spinning.
Well, I guess no sleep for me yet.
/
"Meow. Meow. Meow."
The recurring sound of Leo wakes me up.
"Not now, Leo, I want to sleep."
"Meow. Meow. Meow."
This cat!
I struggle to open my eyes, searching for the source. At first, I notice that I'm alone in bed.
"Meow!" the sound becomes more aggressive, and now I know why. Leo is sitting in front of the closed door, like he's been left there.
"Ugh, you old diva, you won't starve," I complain and slowly get up from the bed so that I don't faint. Together with Leo, I leave my room towards the kitchen. While I still walk slowly because I don't feel very well, the four-legged friend runs as if he hasn't eaten in months.
The closer I get to the kitchen, the louder the voices I hear become.
"Yeah, you know how she is about that kind of thing," I hear my mother say, and Brittany laughs in response.
"Don't be surprised, I have to feed the cat real quick."
"Do you mean the cat or my daughter?"
Glad my mother can make jokes about me.
"I love your humor, Dana," Britt continues to giggle, and now I see what's going on here. They are facetiming. Seems to be my mother's new hobby.
"You're pretty cheeky for your age, Mum," I make myself known. But I scare my blonde so much that she bumps into the table and makes a face.
"What was that?"
The phone is positioned so that my mother can't see what's going on.
"Just my shoulder made friends with the dining table, don't worry."
"And my daughter has risen from the dead. Show yourself, mija, don't think I didn't hear you."
I slowly move in front of the phone and my mother's eyes widen.
"I hope that's just a hickey on your neck and not a bad rash."
I tap the screen so that the front camera is large, and my mother is only small in the right corner, to see what she means. Indeed, a huge hickey adorns my neck. I run my finger over it and feel a slight pain.
"You really couldn't hold back, could you?" I throw a dirty look at my girlfriend...fiancée.
However, I can't help but grin like crazy, after all, this is my future wife.
"It didn't seem to bother you at the time," she just grins innocently and puts Leo's food in front of him.
"Ladies, I'm still here, so please don't go into too much detail," my Mamá speaks loudly and waves at the camera.
"I wasn't planning on it, but what brings Britt the honor of you calling her?"
"You didn't think I would just do nothing after your photo, and since you didn't pick up, I called my future daughter-in-law and had her tell me what happened."
"Said daughter-in-law now has to go shower since she has to work, but it was nice talking to you again, Dana," Britt stands behind me, rests her head on my shoulder so she can also see my mother.
"Yes, we definitely have to do this again soon, maybe Felipe and I will come to New York spontaneously again."
"I would be happy. Say hi to Felipe for me."
They wave goodbye to each other and while Brittany goes to the bathroom, I continue to talk to my mother.
"Pensé que después de tu llamada de ayer sobre el papel en la película, tu sonrisa no podía ser más grande, pero me demostraste lo contrario." ("I thought after your call yesterday about the film role, your smile couldn't get any bigger, but I was proven wrong.")
"Can you believe it? I'm engaged, Mum...engaged. It's so overwhelming."
Even now, I still can't really believe it. It's a good thing I have a ring to remind me that it's not a dream but reality.
"I'm so happy for you, mija."
"¿Crees que Britt también usaría un anillo si le comprara uno?" ("Do you think Britt would wear a ring too if I got her one?")
"Brittany wore the ugliest sweater in the world because you gave it to her, does that answer your question?"
"The sweater wasn't ugly!" I defend my previous fashion taste, but my Mamá just laughs and briefly disappears. She comes back shortly after, holding the cover of the family album in front of my face.
"¿Deberíamos sacar todos tus pecados de moda?" ("Shall we bring out all your fashion sins?")
"No," I reply playfully sulking, "I just didn't like to dress like everyone else, I looked cooler."
"Total cool."
My mother has the same dry, sarcastic humor as Brittany, and sometimes it drives me to despair.
"Are you really coming back to New York sometime?"
It's only been two months, but I miss my parents. And since I won't have much time once filming starts, this would be a good opportunity.
"If you want to."
"Por supuesto que quiero, ustedes son mis padres, me encantaría verlos." ("Of course I want to, you're my parents, I'd be happy to see you.")
"A few days ago, Courtney asked me how you and Brittany were doing because apparently she's not responding to her messages or calls."
We don't talk about her parents, so it's news to me that Britt is blocking her mother's contact.
"I wouldn't respond either if you treated me like that, I totally understand her."
"I understand her too, I told Courtney that. Then we had a very honest conversation and I'm pretty sure she wants to try to fix things with her daughter."
"And George? What does he think about it?"
I can't imagine he'll allow his wife to reconcile with Britt.
"Todavía no lo sabe, lo cual probablemente es mejor. Ese hombre es impredecible, y Courtney finalmente se ha dado cuenta de eso." ("He doesn't know yet, which is probably better. That man is unpredictable, and Courtney has finally realized that.")
"And what is she planning to do now? Did she tell you anything?" I'm curious.
"She wants to come to New York."
It takes a few seconds, but then it clicks in my head.
"You want to play mediator, that's why you brought up New York."
"Santana, no has visto a esta mujer. Sabe que se comportó mal y quiere hacer las paces." ("Santana, you haven't seen this woman. She knows she behaved badly and wants to make amends.")
"But Brittany obviously doesn't want to see her," I argue. No one should interfere.
"Mija, I know you just want to protect Brittany, but I think it would be good for both of them to reconcile."
She has a point. But I still don't like it.
"When?" I give in with a sigh.
"Do you have plans for next Saturday?"
"No, not that I know of...I'll ask Britt and text you, okay?"
"Okay, Mija. I'm going to hang up now, I need to get ready for work. Congratulations again on the engagement, you two are a great couple."
"Gracias, mamá, nos vemos después" ("Thanks, Mum, see you later,") I wave goodbye and end the call. I take the phone with me to the room since Britt still needs to get dressed.
There, I collapse on the bed, feeling the hangover still lingering. I don't know how long I lie there like a starfish until Brittany returns.
"You've really made it far, miss Hangover."
"I agree," I say as I feel the weight on my thighs. I open my eyes and see Britt, straddling me, wearing only a towel.
"Oh, hello," my hands immediately wander to her thighs, my gaze following them.
"I'm up here," she starts to giggle, placing her hand under my chin and lifting my head slightly so we can look at each other.
"Mmm, and you're beautiful, as always," I reply, trying to undo the knot of the towel with my hands. However, the blonde's hands get in the way.
"Oh no, no, no, you're not starting anything you can't finish."
"But I can finish it," I try again to open the towel, but I have no chance against Britt.
"No, I have to get dressed and go to work soon," she contradicts me with a smirk, and after a small kiss, she swings off me and goes to the closet.
I prop myself up on my forearms to get a better view of the blonde, especially after she drops the towel.
"Stop looking at me like that."
"How do you know I'm looking at you?"
"Look in the mirror and you'll know."
Our eyes meet for a few seconds in the wall mirror, both of us with big smiles on our faces, before Britt turns back to her clothes and I watch her.
"Do you have plans for Saturday?" I ask casually. I hope so, actually, I don't want this meeting with her mother to happen.
"Not yet, why?"
"Well, I talked to my mum a bit more and she's probably coming to New York this weekend, and let's be honest, she'd rather spend time with you than with me."
"I think she's coming all the way for you and not for me, but if you want me to come along, then of course I will."
"Great, I'll let her know," I put my words into action immediately and inform my mother.
"Are you going to quit at the diner now or try to do both?" Britt brings the conversation back up while I send the message to my mum.
"I'll quit. The job was only meant for the transition period back then and not forever, I've been there for too many years. I want to fully focus on acting, and I'd also like to have more time for you and our friends."
"You can put me at the back of the line, I won't run away from you."
"No, I definitely won't do that. Without you, I probably wouldn't have even gone to these castings."
After every rejection, Brittany built me up so much that I just couldn't give up...with success.
"Your determination is too strong, you would never give up on your dream."
"I still won't put you at the back of the line. But something else occurred to me earlier when I was with my mom...do you keep in touch with your mother, or was the call on your birthday your last contact?"
I don't want to pry, but if she harbors an above-average hatred for this woman, then she might as well not even try to make it in New York.
"She writes to me occasionally, but I don't reply."
"Why not?"
"Because it wouldn't be good for me. The therapy I'm going through isn't just about my time in the army, but also about what happened before that, with my family. I'm happy to step out of my comfort zone for you, but not for my parents."
"Not ever?"
She takes a deep breath, closes the wardrobe, and turns to me fully dressed.
"What do you want me to say? The thought that I'll never have the kind of relationship with my parents that you have brings me to tears and makes me curse, and sometimes I wish it were different, but it's not. I'm learning to accept that, and it's okay."
"But you haven't completely moved on from it. Who knows, maybe at least your mom will realize how amazing you are, and that your father is just an asshole. Sorry for the language."
"You're right, asshole is too mild of a term, but my mom has put up with it for too long, so why would she understand what's wrong now? Thank you for trying to build me up, but it's okay. I have friends who are like family to me, your family and you, that's enough...and before we get too emotional here, I'm going to work now."
She leans down and kisses me on the lips.
"See you later, my fiancée," she winks at me, tempting me to just drag her into bed, work be damned.
I hope my mother's plan works, I don't want to have a fight with Brittany, even if I don't have much to do with it.