A/N: Hi loves! I'm back with another update. It took me a while to write it because I had writers block BUT I finally got it written. I hope you like it. It's NALEY filled because I promised that this update would be filled with Naleyness hehe. It's kind of shorter than usual, but I hope you enjoy it still. OTH IS BACK IN ONE WEEK. YAY! I'm super excited.

Anyways. Read and Review. I'd really love to hear what you think. And I also think you should listen to the song at the beginning. It's cute if you like oldies haha. :)

lots of love, Annie

Chapter 10// After Laughter

When you're in love, you're happy
When your in an arm, you gaze
This doesn't last always

After your laughter there will be tears

The sound of Wendy Rene's "After Laughter" filled my room as I lay across my bed, staring blankly at the ceiling. It fit perfectly with how I felt. Like this song was made for me. I was the inspiration. It is my story, my song, my emotions. I was happy when he was around me, filling me with unpredictable joy. And now, he so easily brings me to tears, making my insides knot, making me full of sadness. I don't like being like this.

The little journal Olivia gave me was opened on the very first page without a single word written on it. I never got the ability to write anything in it though. Things have been a little confusing lately; I don't think I'd be able to write it down on paper anyways.

I wondered what he was thinking about right now while I was thinking about him. Was he lying on his bed, staring at his ceiling too? Was he listening to his Frank Sinatra CD and singing along to it? Sometimes I wonder if I've ever crossed his mind and if it was a good thought. I know that he's crossed my mind a billion times. There's never a day that I don't think about him; about the way he smiles and laughs, the way his eyes change when he wears a different shirt, the way he makes my heart skip a beat every time he was near me. Everything about him makes my heart ache, in a good and bad way. It feels so unreal. Like what I'm feeling for him isn't healthy at all. It was just an illusion.

My friends all say, don't try to hold it in
But I can't let that guy know how I feel
I'll try to hold back my, my, my tears
But they keep saying


After your laughter there oh oh oh

Yesterday when Jake brought me back to the bakery, I was kind of hoping to see Nathan be a little jealous. Unfortunately, the only thing that I saw was relief. He thought it was thoughtful of Jake to bring me back like I was a lost puppy or something. I wasn't a baby. I could've found my way home.

When I entered the store, I noticed that Zoey was still hanging around like a leech. I still couldn't believe she was still around for so long. In my head, all I wanted to do was pull her by the hair and push her out. But that's totally out of character for me. But it's Zoey Daniels! She's rumored to be a whore and Nathan's talking to her? Why her? Is he stupid or . . .? I'm not even going to think about it.

I'll tried to hide, hide my sorrow
I wonder can I hold them 'til tomorrow
baby I'll hold them for a year
(after laughter comes tears)
but they keep saying
after laughter now you will see those wet little tears
(after laughter comes tears)

"What are you listening to?"

I quickly sat up at the sound of the voice and turned to the door. And there he was, leaning against my door frame with a smirk on his face.

"Oh um," I climbed off my bed to turn off my stereo. "It's just a song." I noticed him nodding his head, and I sat back on the edge of my bed. "How long have you been standing there?"

"Not too long," Nathan answered. "Just long enough to watch you stare at your ceiling." He looked up and tilted his head to the side while he observed it. "Must be something special up there," he smiled.

I rolled my eyes at him and noticed my opened booklet. I quickly put it back on my desk and said, "I was just thinking."

"Thinking about what?" he asked, my back to him. When I turned around, I found him looking at the pictures on the vanity mirror. He picked up the frame with my grandparents and gazed at it.

"Just stupid stuff," I answered as I continued to watch him. He smiled at the picture and put it back down. "I didn't hear the door bell."

"Well, Olivia was on the porch and she told me to just walk in," he answered, finally looking up at me. "She looks good."

Olivia's been feeling a lot better lately. She can finally walk on her own feet without my help. It kind of made me a little less worried about her. Her complexion was brighter and she was eating more; baking too.

"Yeah, she's been drinking a lot of liquids," I said. "Plus that Jim guy keeps coming by to check on her."

"He would do that."

"It's pretty obvious why," I stated, clasping my hands together. I was never this nervous around him before. It's like something changed in my behavior when I was around him. I think it's because I was hurting inside.

"So, what's been going on Haley?" he asked.

"What are you talking about?"

"I feel like you've been avoiding me," he stated, gently leaning against my drawers.

I looked away for a second and started playing around with the things on my desk to keep me occupied.

"I'm not avoiding you."

"Your behavior lately communicates otherwise." Yours too Mr. Flirty McFlirter.

"Well I've been busy," I said, still trying to avoid his eyes.

"Busy with what, work? I work with you, Haley," he laughed. "On breaks, you don't even talk to me."

"Maybe I just don't want to talk," I answered, flipping all the pens over so the caps and erasers were on top.

"Are you mad at me?" he asked, sounding confused.

My hands were beginning to shake as I started flipping the pens over.

"No," I lied. "I'm not mad."

"Then what's wrong?" His voice was now closer to me and I could tell that he was approaching.

"Nothing is wrong," I answered as I started reorganizing the whole desk. It really didn't need any adjusting; I just needed something to keep my hands busy and my eyes away from him.

"Haley," he began. "Would you stop that and look at me?" he asked, now standing beside me.

I paused, swallowed the lump in my throat and closed my eyes for a second. I could smell the sweet scent of his cologne, and I could feel my body heat up. I was getting nervous, so nervous, I felt like running. But I knew I couldn't. He was standing beside me like a body guard. There was no way out.

I slowly looked up and met up with his beautiful blue-greenish eyes again. Gazing at him made me want him so bad, but I tried to hold it back. There was this wall that I just couldn't jump over. I was scared. I was frightened. I can't let him have my heart. It's already been broken. How could I give him a broken heart when it's not whole anymore?

"Nothing's wrong," I said softly. "I'm just being a girl." I could feel the tears approaching, but I tried my best to keep them from being visible.

"Are you sure?" he asked, turning me slowly so that I was looking straight at him. "You can tell me anything, you know," he said softly, his hands against my shoulders. I nodded and he smiled at me.

"Yeah, I'm fine."

Then suddenly I felt his hand move from my shoulder to my cheek. He started caressing me and I could feel my breaths starting to fade. His touch made me melt. His calloused fingers softly stroked my soft skin; it was delicate against my own. It felt almost perfect. My pulse was accelerating and I started to zone out.

"You're not a good liar, you know that?" He smiled as she removed his hand away from my cheek and rubbed my shoulders. "There's something that you're not telling me. I could see it in your eyes," he continued, squinting.

Am I really that transparent to him? I was always the kind of person who was good at keeping all my emotions inside and holding in all my secrets, but somehow Nathan oddly found a way to see through my façade. It was interesting that he could read me so well and I couldn't really figure him out at all. That's what was so intriguing about him. So I admit that he was unpredictable. He's spontaneous and . . . confusing. He was completely different from Aaron. I could read Aaron like a book, that's why I took my chance and jetted off. But Nathan, he kept luring me in. No matter how different he was to Aaron, he was still a guy with a motive. Somehow someone's going to get hurt in the end.

He released his grip from my arms and started walking to the door, his back to me as I strained to find the right thoughts. "So come on, let's take a walk," I heard him say. I looked up and saw him turning slowly on his heel. "We need to catch up," he added.

I let out a deep sigh and grabbed my cardigan that was hanging from the desk chair and followed him out the door. Olivia was sitting on the porch drinking a glass of lemonade and smiled at us as we past. Nathan said he'd bring me home early. She gave me a secret wink when Nathan's back was turned to her. It was like a little good luck charm for me.

-----

"So are you going to tell me what's really going on inside that pretty little head of yours?" he asked.

I glanced at him and noticed that his expression was soft and sincere. He had his hands in his pockets, and his hair was messy again. And I tried to find the right way to respond to that question without revealing anything at all.

"I've just been feeling a little . . .,"I began, touching the top of a white picket fence of a house as we walked. "Weak," I finished. It wasn't' a complete lie, but it wasn't exactly the truth either.

"Weak? Are you sick or something?"

"No, it's a different kind of weak like you want something so bad, but somehow you can seem to grasp it," I explained, looking at him. "I'm just kind of tired of wanting," I added, looking down at the sidewalk as I kicked a few rocks to the side.

"I think everybody's tired of wanting," he said. "But we're human and that's all we do. We want."

"It's annoying," I snapped. "Why can't we just stop being so needy? I mean, it only hurts to keep craving for something you can't have."

"But that's the fun part about life."

I looked at him confused, "Fun? Hurting is not fun."

"Well it helps. Without pain there is no growth."

"With pain . . . there is pain," I emphasized. I felt his eyes on me and he started to laugh. "What?"

"Who would've known that pain was painful?"

"Oh hush, I'm just stating a fact here," I replied, hitting him lightly on the arm. "I'm saying that pain isn't something people should experience all the time just so they could grow up a little bit. It's called common sense. If you want to stay away from something that you know can harm you, then stay away from it." It seemed like I was giving advice to myself in front of him. This whole time I've been debating whether I should take a step forward and let him know how I felt, but then I knew that somewhere along the path there will be damage.

"So what do you want so badly?" he asked as we continued walking down the sidewalk.

"I'm not telling you," I stated.

"Why not?"

"Because this is something I'd like to keep for myself."

"Oh, I see you have secrets now," he said slowly, looking at suspiciously.

"Everybody has secrets," I replied. He was looking pretty retarded right now, but it was cute none the less. "I'm sure you have tons of them."

"Nah, not really. I don't really hold anything in."

"Now you're the one who's lying. Everyone has something to hide and that's including you."

"Maybe I do."

"I knew it, so tell me," I ordered.

"Nahh."

"Just tell me!" I begged.

"I'm not going to reveal anything until you confess yours," he smirked.

I scoffed. "That would be a no," I said. I wasn't going to reveal anything to him about how I felt about him. But maybe this could be a good opportunity. I think I should take it. And another side of me tells me I shouldn't.

"Then my mouth is zipped," he stated, pretending to close his mouth.

"That's fine, I don't care about your secrets anyways," I replied, sticking my tongue out and walking faster in front of him.

"You can't fool me," he called out as he caught up with me. Once he found his place back beside me, he took a moment before he said anything. "So, I heard what Brooke did to you. That was a pretty bitchy move."

"You think? I'd like to steer clear from her for the rest of the summer."

"I highly d-"

"Doubt it," I cut in. "I know I know. I can never avoid anybody here, no matter how hard I try," I glared at him for a second. "I just want to stay away from Brooke Davis for as long as I can. I'm really not in the mood to stress over stupid drama."

I heard him chuckle as we found our way to a little park with a swing set and jungle gym. It made my face light up because it reminded me so much of my childhood. So I skipped off the sidewalk and sat in one of the swings.

"I haven't been on one of these in years," I smiled as I pushed against the dirt to help me swing.

Nathan watched me for a minute before he started walking towards me. "Lucas said you stood up for yourself," he said, standing in front of me with his hands in his pockets, looking almost too sexy for my liking. "I'm glad you took my advice."

"That I turned her into stone?" I joked, swinging forward.

"No, but I'm sure she was stunned which is almost closed to turning into stone," he replied. "But I'm glad that you decided to fight your own battles."

"What can I say? Little Miss San Francisco is growing up," I smiled. "Are you proud of me?"

He stepped closer and pushed me back when I swung forward. "Yeah I'm pretty proud," he said. He pushed me one more time before he decided to take the swing beside me. I felt the swing set lower, when he settled into his seat. He was heavier than I thought he was.

Then I returned back to the thought of him and Zoey. I wondered if he had feelings for her and if there was anything going on between them other than talking in the bakery every single day. So I found the courage to ask him about her.

"So are you and Zoey a thing now?" I asked, looking down at the dirt below me.

He was quiet for a minute before I looked up to see his reaction. It wasn't the face that I was expecting him to have. Nathan looked pretty amused by my question.

"Is that what's going around town?"

"I don't know, is it?"

"Well, to answer your question," he began as he glanced at me – looking me straight in the eye. "Zoey and I are not a thing."

Suddenly I felt like a bunch of weight was lifted off my shoulders. I was thrilled to hear that they weren't a thing but I was still a little worried if they would ever be more.

"Do you like her?"

He chuckled and said, "You mean like her, like her? Or just like her as a person?"

"Whichever," I shrugged.

"Well, Zoey's a nice girl. She's obviously attractive." I rolled my eyes at that. "But she's not exactly my type. I've been with girls like her and know how that goes."

My pulse was accelerating and I could feel the temptation to smile, but I didn't want to look happy by the information that I just heard. I was smiling in the inside though. I finally had a chance and I wouldn't have to hurt so much, even though I had an inner battle to deal with- the kind where I choose to open up my heart to someone without being hesitant.

"You've been with girls like her?"

He nodded. "Just a couple. I thought it would be possible to kind of change them for the better, but they obviously didn't think with their brain."

I laughed. "That is so tragic. I still can't believe you've been with –what- fifteen girls? It still irks my mind," I said as I pushed myself.

"It's not that complicated Haley," he stated. "I counted the elementary girlfriends."

"You what?" I asked, stopping myself with the heels of my shoes. "How old are you?"

"Eighteen."

"So you had a girlfriend every year?"

"I only had two real girlfriends," he corrected. "The others were just dates and flings. And the ones in elementary school and middle school lasted about a week or a day."

"So you're not a man whore!" I laughed.

He started to chuckle at the same time and shook his head. "If I was, I'd probably be with Zoey right now doing who knows what." I couldn't even imagine that in my head. If I did, I'd probably hurl right now.

"What about you?" he asked.

"What about me?"

"How many guys have you been with?"

"Are we telling secrets now? Because I think we're telling secrets now."

"If we are, then let's continue telling secrets. I've already told you one of mine. Now you have to return the favor," he stated. "And speaking of favors, you still have to sing to me."

I let out a frustrated sigh and slowly swung back and forth. "I thought you had forgotten."

"I don't forget," he smirked. "So come on, let's hear it."

"Grr," I glared at him before my thoughts of Aaron and another one of my boyfriends came into my mind. And it immediately reminded me of how much it killed me to be in those relationships. "Just like you, I've only been in two relationships."

"No flings? Dates?"

"Nope, just two real relationships that unfortunately ended in a bad note."

"Tell me," he said softly. "I'd like to hear the story."

"They're pretty tragic," I replied.

"Mine are pretty tragic too."

I looked at him and noticed the orangey light of the sun reflecting over his skin. And I felt like someone was pulling me away from him and telling me to not confess anything about the past. It had only been between me and Olivia. These were stories that I never wanted to tell anyone else. I didn't even tell my mother about the real issues in my relationship with my past two boyfriends. But when I gazed at Nathan's loving eyes, I just knew that he would be that other person I could tell my secrets to.

"I dated this guy once my freshman year. I was young and naïve. And it was my first year in high school, so I really wanted to have a boyfriend. His name was Cameron. He was a junior at that time and he was pretty nice at first," I began, biting my lip as I tried to remember the story. And I stared at Nathan for a second, just so I could see the expression on his face. He was listening.

"He was um . . . a baseball player. I would go to his games all the time to cheer him on and I'd notice him smiling at me while he talked to his friends by the benches. I thought it was because he was happy to see me there. I mean, what freshman wouldn't think he was? So we dated for a few months and he really made me happy. I even thought I was in love for the first time in my life. And so one day when I came to visit him at his house, his parents weren't home so we spent a few hours in his bedroom . . . I told him I wasn't ready, but he didn't listen," I paused and looked down at my fingers, trying to keep myself from trembling. "He kept pushing me and yelling at me because I didn't want to do anything that he wanted me to do. I was scared and frightened, and he kept forcing himself on me. The only thing that I could do was kick him where it hurt the most and I ran."

That was the worst relationship I had ever been in. It was probably the only one that I really wanted to forget, but I knew I couldn't just erase my past. It was always going to be there no matter how hard I tried. When I had stopped for a second to breathe in some oxygen, I felt Nathan grab my hand for comfort.

"Then there was Aaron," I continued. "We dated for a couple of months in the end of last year. He used to be this bad little kid when were younger. He was actually the first guy who has ever broken my heart. But anyways, we both grew up and I oddly found myself attracted to him and he finally felt the same way. So we dated for a while until I realized that he spent more days hanging out with his friends rather than with me. He went to tons of parties and he really had the tendency to lie. But I had my connections, so I wasn't stupid when he said them. He actually convinced me that he was actually a good guy. I mean, he said that there was no one else in the world for him. And I was dumb enough to believe that."

I paused for a second before I said the next part - the one about my purity. It wasn't something that you would just tell a guy, but since I was already confessing my tragic love life to him, it wouldn't be so bad to add in that fact. After my bad experience with Cameron, it was a decision that I made for myself and my dignity.

"I told him that I was going to wait until I actually was in love with someone before I would ever give up my . . . virginity. And he said that he respected that. He said it in the most sincere and kindest way possible. Again, I believed him. I guess, he couldn't wait for me so he decided to release himself to a few girls at a few parties. I was devastated. I hated him for it. I hated that he disrespected me. I hated that he lied to me and made me believe that he actually cared for me. I put my heart out there for him and he crushed it. So I ended it. After those two relationships, I realized that I was never in love with any of them at all," I finished."I was a pretty naïve and stupid girl," I added.

I didn't feel any tears or anxiety. The only thing I felt was the ache in my chest and Nathan's fingers wrapped around my hand.

"You're not stupid," he said. "Those guys are stupid. It kills me to hear that they've hurt you like that."

"Well . . . it happens."

"I'm shocked. I mean . . . it's you. You're Haley. I would've never thought anything like that could've ever happened to you," he stated. "It's surprising to hear that the so-called Perfect Girl is actually really tainted inside."

"I told you I wasn't perfect," I said softly. "Tragic, huh?"

"I don't think it's tragic. It makes you a little bit more human."

R&R