A/N: Before you start reading, i'd like to note that you may notice some slight character changes. This is because obviously Red Dwarf is a comedy series and im writing a graphic non humourous fanfic. A little more gritty then the red dwarf we know and love.

The story may vary from the series aswell, at this point Rimmer is still a soft light hollogram and active crew members include Rimmer, Lister, Cat and Kryton aboard the Red Dwarf mining ship.

Also please note that all characters belong to the BBC. Cheers :D

Chapter 2

Lister stared up at the roof of his bunk, his posters and magazine clippings stared back blankly. Reaching out his fingertips he traced the palm tree on his cut out of Fiji. He'd finally admitted defeat, it was all nothing but a lost dream to him now, what could have been and never will be. His future was now aboard this godforsaken ship, stuck with the most bizzare assortment of crewmates a guy could ask for. Rimmer the hollogram, who also happened to be the worlds biggest arsehole. He'd been Listers bunkmate before he'd gone into stasis and they still shared the same room now. He'd thought about moving into a larger suite but felt more comfortable and less disturbed in his own familiar room. Maybe it was his idea of normality, tricking his brain into thinking nothing had changed. Of course it had, but a small part of his concious could still cling on to the past this way.

Then there was Cat, an evolved version of his moggy Frankenstein before the incident happened with the drive plate. He was a self absorbed pain the the ass but Lister respected him in a small way, at least he was honest about it and made it clear he only gave a shit about number one. Hell, he didn't blame him. The minute crew of four including Kryton the mechanoid, was not exactly the most innocent fun loving group of people in the world. Yes they had their flaws and they bickered but who wouldn't in their situation, four guys stuck alone on a space station and no female company. Unless you counted ingrid that is, Rimmers 'special' inflatable friend.

Lister sighed and rolled over to face the gaping doorway, the smeg head Rimmer had forgotten to close it behind him again. The git didnt even need to use the open door command as he could walk right through the damn thing, he just knew it pissed Lister off royaly.

"How's it hangin' Dave?" Holly, the ships computer popped up on the tv screen. Lister liked Holly, he was probably the most down to earth person on the ship. Well he said person but the fact was, he was a computer through and through and kind of a fifth crewmate.

Lister hopped down from his bunk and sat himself at the small table in the middle fo the room. "Sup Holl."

He reached out and picked up a half empty can of lager, wiping an idle cigarette butt from the top. "Anything interesting happening today Holl? I could do with some entertainment, i think i may get cabin frenzy if i've gotta sit round here much longer." He took a long swig of the flat lager and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand.

"Nah, no updates yet. We're still quite a way from the nearest planetoid, although there is a class A planet which should be reaching us within the week possibly." Holly nodded in agreement with himself. The crew knew Holly was going computer scenile so they took everything he said with a pinch of salt, it was harmless enough but often put them in frustrating situations.

"Oh, no wait! There was this one thing. The moon orbiting the planetoid we're on course for has disturbances on the surface. Looks like there has been a explosion of some kind."

At this news Lister raised his eyebrows in interest and sat up, putting the lager can to one side. "Oh ay Holl, what kind of explosion issat then?"

Holly smiled and shifted his eyes to the other side of the room, "Oh you know, the kinda big explosiony kind with crashing and stuff. All very dramatic."

Lister shook his head and laughed, "You dont know do ya Holl, never mind, i'm sure we'll find out soon enough."

*Beeep beeep*

"Red alert, red alert"

Holly's eyes widened in surprise 'Uhm, one sec Dave im just gonna go check that out.'

"What the hell, Holl come back, whats going on man!" Lister jumped from his chair and ran to the open doorway. The red lights above his head casting an eerie glow into the darkened hallways. He sprinted through the gaping bowels of the ship, the lights flickered on above him as he went. He navigated the twisting corridors with ease and years of practice. Lister reached the drive room only to find the Cat and Kryton were already there huddled over the blinking computer panels.

"Sir what took you so long. The alarms are going crazy, it seems weve stumbled into a private part of space and the occupants are giving us 5 minutes to leave before blasting us to tiny peices."

The cat looked up from the computer screen, obviously distressed. "What he said!"

Kryton looked Lister in the eye, "Sir what should we do, Holly isnt responding and we've minutes to go. I don't think were going to get this old girl turned around in time. Any ideas?"

Lister grabbed hold of his locks and paced the drive room, there had to be someth....."Kryters have u even opened communication with the smeggers yet? We need to buy more time."

Kryton nodded, "I'm on it Sir, i'll open communications now."

Lister walked to the compter screen and banged it with his fist, "Dammit Holl where did you go, whats goin on?"

Hollys frazzled imaged blipped onto the monitor, "I'm routing a new path around this part of space, the ship doesnt have this area mapped so i wasn't to know it was closed to the public, heck, god knows who it belonged to 3 million years ago anyway. I'm almost done, i'll be back with you in a mo."

"Kryters, any luck with communications?"

"Yessir, they are opening up a link with us. Ah, here they are now." Kryton stepped back from the small computer screen so Lister was able to see the smeggers that were threatening to blow them out of space.

Lister recoiled at the creatures appearance, It looked like something that fell out of a Gelfs arse.

Its head was brown and pudgy and it's nose was turned up so much it was almost wedged between the small dark glassy eyes set in the middle of it's face. It's mouth stretched across it's width and large plump wet lips concealed the tips of rows of pointed teeth. Perhaps the most bizzare thing about it was the tufts of orange hair randomly scattered across its face. The alien stared back at Lister and Kryton and moistoned its already slimey lips with a thick black tongue.

"What are you doing in Crenor space, this is a restricted area. Without a Crenor galaxian ship pass you may not enter. I demand you present it at once or prepare to be fired upon."

Kryton and Lister shared a glance, "Appologies for our intrusion, we were unaware this space was restricted, if you would just give us a little while longer we'll happily..."

The small ugly gelf wart slapped its pudgy hand on the communication screen and let out a small growl, "Leave now or face your fate."

The link abruptly ended and the monitor went blank. A moment later Holly popped back onto the screen, "No worries dudes, we'll be out of their hair soon enough, i've opened a new course which should take us safely around the perimeter. Those ugly mouldy jelly baby things sent me over a new course the second the alert came through."

Lister let out a sigh of relief, "Holl what the hell were those things and what the smeg is Crenor space?"

"Oh they sent me that snippet of info over too. It's actualy a glorified housing estate by the looks of it, home of the rich and famous of the local space population round here. Probably why the security is quite high. Those pleasent creatures you just spoke to are the Crenations, seems they are the authority around these parts aswell as a high population of the occupants of this Crenor outpost place."

The cat moved closer to Holly, "Let me get this strait, those bug eyes bozo's were going to blow up my suits cos we got to close to their housing estate? Those guys obviously havent been introduced to my cuban heels with the green suede trim."

Lister shook his head and slapped his palm against the wall, "Holl, just get us outa here will ya. Lets put as much distance between us and them as we can as quickly as possible."

"I'm on it Dave."

Lister flopped into the closest chair and scratched his dreds, that was a close call. He was getting seriously worried by the amount of these close calls they were having recently. They had absolutly no idea where they were going, they were just hopping from planetoid to planetoid hoping to find what? Somewhere to settledown? Hoping to find a friendly civalisation to move in with and play happy families? It was time to admit it, they were the bacteria of space. Everything else had moved on 3 million years and probably looked down their noses at the prehistoric human scum.

Speaking of scum.....

"So Listy boy, what was all that commotion about then eh?" Rimmer strolled into the drive room dressed in his officers uniform, tie swung over one shoulder casualy. "Thought i'd leave you boys to it. I'm sure you sorted out whatever it was fine without me." He grinned his overly annoying grin in Listers general direction.

Lister balled his fists up, dying to give the goit a swing.

"What the fuck Rimmer you smeghead, we were almost killed and all you can do is prance around like nothing's just happened with a fucking annoying look on your face, where the hell were you?"

Rimmer took great enjoyment in winding up Lister, he watched as he slowly became more and more agitated. "Ahhh Listy, Listy Listy Listy. I was inspecting the alien technology Holly brought aboard the ship about an hour ago. Were decontaminating it as we speak, looks like a stasis chamber of some kind."

Lister looked from Rimmer to Holly, "Is e' tellin the truth Holl? Why didnt u tell me man."

Holly looked at Lister guiltily, "Under orders not to Dave, i was going to tell you but that smeg head wanted to keep it a secret so i came to see you instead, but then the red flashy thing went off and this mess happened."

"Rimmer u smegger, which decontamination chamber are u keeping it in?" He felt his temper rising, the heat of anger flushing his cheeks.

Kryton decided it was time to intercept, the rate Lister was going on the git wouldnt tell him anything. "Sir, perhaps you should show us where it is, we may be able to help. Can't be an easy job bringing a stasis pod aboard only using the skutters. You know how they are."

Rimmer seemed to mull this fact over in his mind, the mangled faced mechanoid was right. The skutters were causing him problems and he could do with the help. "Fine, but remember this is my discovery and whatever is in there belongs to me mi laddoes." He rolled onto the balls of his feet and clutched his hands behind his back, all along keeping a sly smirk taped to his face.

"Are you crazy? What if its a living person you git. You can't just claim stake to a person. Anyway, what were you planning to do with them, bore them to death with your picture collections i bet. No Rimmer, we'll go go down there together and run the proper medical scans and see who or whats in there." A grin crept onto Listers face, "Unless of course its one of those beautiful Crenations we've just seen."

He stepped over to the computer screen and brushed a finger across the glass, looking lost in a recent memory. "She had to be about 6 foot tall at least, huge knockers and a drop dead figure. Just your type Rimmeh, if theres one of those in there you can have her. Far too tall and sexy for my liking. You know how it is, i like them a tad rough and desperate." Lister shared a wink with the Cat and Kryton, they'd cottoned onto his game. Rimmers eyes widened in interest.

"Ah! Now your talking my language Listy. At last, my own beautiful alien goddess, i'll show her our customs and teach her things she could never dream of." His eyes glased over while thinking about the hot alien beauty of which he was about to uncover, he reached a fingertip to his lips and blew a silent kiss to the stars. "No rest for the wicked eh chaps?" Rimmer turned heel and shot down the corridor egar to open his prize, he shouted orders at the skutters along the way.

"Sir, are you suggesting the stasis pod may be harbouring one of those furry turd headed aliens and Mr Rimmer is under the pretence its a beautiful young alien woman?" Kryton had a look of absolute glee plastered accross his face. "Haha, now this i cannot miss."

"Mr Rimmer Sir, i'll come and help you." Kryton turned tail and hurried off in the direction Rimmer had taken. The Cat looked back at Lister and shook his head, "Man that guy is Gullible, he's gonna be so pissed at you man. Where's my popcorn." The Cat shot Lister a slanted grin and followed Kryton from the room, checking his perfect reflection along the way.

Lister smiled to himself and let out a collected sigh, at least things were getting a little more interesting today. He was just as keen as his shipmates to find out what was lying in the stasis pod but his stomach came first, they wouldnt be able to crack it open for at least 24 hours anyway. No, it was time for a lager and breakfast vindaloo. He decided he deserved it, after almost being blown up and all.

"Holl, where did you find that thing anyway?" He wandered over to the credit machine and tapped in his breakfast order. The machine made a complained whirr before spitting out what appeared to be a piece of curried roadkill and a lager in a tippy cup.

Holly repositioned himself on a monitor opposite Lister who'd now settled himself in a large comfy looking officers chair, the food now propped atop his bloated stomach and he spooned large quantities of orange browny mess into his mouth, occasionaly stopping for a swig of lager chaser.

"Actualy Dave, it was fortunate i spotted it when i did. It was hurtling through space like no one's business, took me two attempts to bring it in. I recon its come from that explosion thing on that moon up ahead, come to think of it, thats how i noticed it in the first place. It hurtled towards me when i was playing dot to dots with the stars again."

Lister licked his index finger and smudged some spilt sauce into his already stained t-shirt, "Well, i better go and see what all this fuss is about then."

Hopping to his feet he threw the empty lunch carton into the waste disposal unit and cracked his knuckles.