I couldn't take any more of this. The tension in the room was building by the second and I had to get out. I couldn't take the ache in my heart, I could hear it ripping at the seams. I ducked by Damon and walked briskly past Stefan and straight to the door.
"I'm sorry, I have to go." I said quietly. They didn't move. They didn't speak. They just stared at one another. I made it outside and into my car. I was disturbed by the first thing that entered my mind on my way home. I thought about what would have happened if Stefan hadn't have walked in. I tried to to tell myself that it was a good thing that happened, that it stopped me from making a mistake. Mistake? As soon as I thought the word, it just felt wrong, it felt absolutely wrong to think of it as a mistake, because it felt absolutely right, even as I drove home I still felt the burn in my face, the butterflies and my head swimming with the little pictures of his hands on me. His gentle, beautiful face inches from mine. The look in his eyes when he swept me from the ground, violently like a dam had been broken. Then the thought of losing Stefan entered my mind and I couldn't bare the thought. I felt like I was going crazy. I had to have Damon, I had to have Stefan.
Damon sank into the couch, leaning forward he clasped his hands together and hung his head, studying the individual grains of the dark oak floor waiting for his brother to speak. Stefan walked closer and leaned against the small table that served for a mini bar.
"Damon, I thought we talked about this. I told you history would not be repeating itself and now this?"
"I'm sorry Stefan." Damon mumbled still staring at the floor. Stefan's brows pulled together in confusion. He couldn't remember the last time his brother had said he was sorry and meant it. Perhaps when they were still human. Stefan shook his head and sighed.
"I need you to tell me something, and be honest, if you can handle that." Stefan added.
Damon nodded.
"What was that? Was it lust? Were you just trying to prove something to me? Or do you actually love her?" Stefan asked leaning on the table and folding his arms.
"Does it really matter Stefan?" Damon looked up at him.
"I saw this coming, I should have known." Stefan mumbled. "I've seen this since almost the beginning, but ever since I was shut up in the cell....it's just been different." Stefan took a few steps closer to Damon.
Damon stood up. "I don't want to talk about this anymore."
"That's it? Why are you acting so weird anyway Damon? Where's the dripping sarcasm, the hateful, careless brother I've had for so long? I'm starting to think that my life was easier when you were acting like an asshole. Maybe I shouldn't have been so hard on you." Stefan began growing frustrated.
Damon took a step closer. "Well it just so happens you don't have anything to worry about. I don't want her. Correction, I can't ...want her. So you two can just carry on with your lives. Forget all this." Damon turned to walk away.
"What's the catch?" Stefan asked.
Damon turned back to face him. "There is no catch. You've done a lot for me over the years, maybe it's about time I sacrifice something."
Stefan frowned not sure if it was possible to believe Damon could be so charitable.
"Okay, well that's enough Mr. Rogers, vomit inducing sweet talk for me." Damon flashed a wide grin. He walked over and picked his jacket up off the floor.
"Where are you going?" Stefan asked.
"To Elena's." Damon answered pushing his arms into his jacket.
Stefan raised his brows in curiosity.
"Relax....I'm going to set things on the right path. Might as well get that over with right?" He flashed another smile and left.
I walked into the kitchen where Jenna stood making a sandwich on the island.
"Hey Elena! You want one?" She gestured to the dismantled sandwich on the counter.
"No thanks, I'm going to go get some rest. It's been an exhausting day." I said heading towards the stairs.
"Yeah you need to make sure you rest up, there's that dance tomorrow." She reminded me.
"Yep." I nodded making my way up the stairs. I forgot! How could I have forgotten!? I thought to myself. There was the Founders Ball tomorrow. One of the many events that had been going for weeks now. Not to mention Founders Day right around the corner. I hadn't helped Bonnie and Caroline with the float at all. My mind was so clouded it was hard to imagine life even carrying on. I stood for a moment in the hallway staring at Jeremy's closed door. I contemplated trying to negotiate a conversation with him but realized I was too emotionally strained to attempt that. I went into my room and threw my bag to the floor. I fell onto the bed. I awoke what seemed like hours later and instantly noticed my window was open, the curtains blew silently like a ghost. I instantly turned my head and found Damon sitting in a chair not far from my bed.
"Damon." I sat up quickly.
"Sleeping beauty." He replied smiling lightly. My heart instantly picked up and he smiled even wider no doubt noticing it. Everything came rushing in. The butterflies, my head spinning and the torment of my severed heart. I instantly began to choke on tears and sobs escaped before I had a chance to register I was crying. His smile fell instantly and he flashed to my side on the bed.
"No no no, Elena don't cry." He lifted my chin with his finger and ran his other hand down the side of my face. My face burned with blush as my tears ceased. Under his beautiful gaze no tears were possible. I allowed him to stare directly into my eyes for what seemed like forever. The quiet intimacy of this silent communication was almost too much to bare. I reached up and ran my hands through his midnight hair and watched fall back around his eyes that fluttered shut and then opened.
"I'm glad your here." I whispered. He frowned as if that bothered him but before I had the chance to ask his lips met mine so softly it nearly took my breath away. I let his warm kiss take over me. Chills pulsed through me as it became more intense. He laid me down and his body pressed against mine. His mouth ran across my jaw and down my neck. I wrapped my hands around his neck and let out an unstoppable sigh when I felt his hand begin to slide up my thigh. His mouth found mine again and I ran my tongue softly across his lips. He let out the smallest moan and then suddenly he was standing beside the bed. Shocked I sat up.
"What is it?" I asked out of breath. My body was still so weak I could barely form the words.
"I shouldn't have done that. This isn't what I came here for." He replied.
"Why did you come here?" I asked weakly. He stood silent for a moment seeing to think about what he was going to say and then sat back down on the bed.
"I came here to tell you I'm sorry." He answered quietly running his fingers over the pattern of the lace at the bottom of my sundress.
"Sorry for what?" I asked confused. His brows pulled together seemingly troubled again.
"I can't do this." He whispered still staring down at the bed, blatantly avoiding eye contact. It felt like I had been punched in the chest.
"Damon, I know this isn't easy but there has to be something we can do."
"What? What Elena? What do you suppose we do? Are you going to walk away from Stefan?" His eyes became severe and were now boring into mine. I filtered his question, but had no answer.
"You want Stefan and I to share you, just pass you back and forth?" His face twisted into a strange expression of what seemed to be anger. "Your not Katherine, your better than that. More precious than that."
I touched is face lightly and watched him involuntarily lean into it. " I want you Damon." I whispered. His expression was now pain.
"Please don't say that." He replied and then he moved my hand from his face. It hurt so horribly to feel straight up rejected by him suddenly.
"I thought you loved me." I said. His head dropped suddenly and he stared at the sheets. I wanted to cry so bad, but the lump in my throat was so thick I couldn't manage to let it go. "Was that a lie?" I asked. When he looked up the pain on his face was almost unbearable to look at. Tears began to stream down his face and I firmly believe I quit breathing. I still couldn't help but to be shocked to see him that way. This Damon who was soft, and vulnerable.
"I do love you Elena. I love you like you will never understand. But -" He squeezed the bridge of his nose with his fingers and inhaled slowly.
"But what?" I asked.
He put his hand down and stared right into my eyes. The tears began to wail up again seeming to make his blue eyes lighter.
"But Katherine ripped my heart straight out of my chest Elena. I loved her. I sincerely loved that girl. I should have seen straight through it but love makes you do stupid things, and it makes you so blind. I can't make that mistake again. I can't go through an end again. I might actually lay down and die if I should." He spoke these sincere words through tears.
"But I'm not like Katherine, you said that." I began to feel the tears forming in my own eyes.
He ran his hand gently through my hair. "No, no your not. I promise that. But you have the power to hurt me, worse then she ever could have. I couldn't survive it and I can't take that chance. I'm not even a good person. I don't deserve you. Stefan does. He's the good one, he is truly a good guy and he loves you just the same."
I bowed my head and began to cry. I didn't want him to leave my side ever. But just with the mention of Stefan's name I again couldn't bare the pain.
"Elena, even through all of this I haven't let myself go. I haven't let my guard down. If I was to do that, once again....and ….I just can't." He shook his head. He lifted my face up again and kissed my nose. "I have to go." He whispered. I noticed the hint of pain in his eyes. I began to sob. He sighed.
"Elena please. I can't do this." He reached out to touch my face again but stopped and retreated. He got up and walked to the window. I watched him with tears spilling out of my eyes like a tap.
"I'm sorry." He said with a twisted pain on his face. "I can't." and he was gone.
Suddenly from deep down I sobbed so loudly it almost startled me. The pain took over me and I fell into the bed sobbing even louder. Suddenly Jeremy flew into the room.
"Elena?" He asked looking very concerned. I acknowledged him but the sobs still came. He walked to the bed and sat down running his hand on my back.
"What happened?" He asked. I couldn't help but to think that the only way I could get Jeremy to talk to me was to be severely heart broken.
"He doesn't want me." I managed through the sobs.
"Stefan?!" He asked.
"Damon." I answered. Jeremy's eyes popped open in pure surprise.
"What about Stefan?" He asked confused.
"I'm right here." I heard his voice in the room suddenly. Jeremy look up and nodded towards Stefan's voice.
"I love you sis." Jeremy whispered and then he was gone and suddenly I was looking at Stefan. Standing awkwardly by my bed, his face flat with sadness and concern. He kneeled by the bed and slowly slid his hand across the sheets. He touched my face wiping away the tears. He began to pull his hand back but I reached out and held onto it.