Oh dear, I'm so terribly sorry. This is really about two and a half weeks late and I'm terribly sorry. It's quite hard to write with school and I've been horribly busy with projects and writing around my birthday didn't work out either. But, no more excuses because I am quite late. DarknessGryphon begs your forgiveness! I'm on spring break now so I've had time to finish on a sort of caffeine boost. Arizona Green Tea with honey and ginseng is very, very full of caffeine, which I shouldn't drink because I don't really react all that well to caffeine…
Anyways, before I go caffeine-induced ADD on you all, I humbly and graciously thank:
otakufan03
SweetCandyXx
Raging Inferno
Wish on a star6
Aesira
Mez10000
Liu Barrowin
brandy mallory
PrincessKaina2
Thank you so very much! I love you all!!! I'm both tired and energized and I don't quite remember if there's anything I should warn you about before this chapter starts… so forward, MARCH!
Chapter 10 Secret Agendas and Unwanted Pity
Zelos' orange wings beat furiously as he tried to escape from the people, or maybe the entire city of Flanoir and everything bad that seemed to happen there by out-flying it.
The people were fools.
He was marked as a traitor still.
Flanoir was where everything that could go wrong went wrong.
But most of all, Zelos didn't want Lloyd's pity.
He didn't want Lloyd's pity.
Fresh tears threatened to escape from his eyes. Zelos hated being pitied. He had been pitied by anyone and everyone for his entire life.
"That poor chosen boy, look at his parents. The kid must not get a moments' peace."
"Terry, go play with that boy; he looks dreadfully lonely."
"Here, Zelos. You'll fail the course if you don't do the homework, so here, copy this."
Not one of those people could be bothered to actually care for him. Everything was about being on his good side; being on good terms with the Chosen so they would be saved. Not one person had shown him genuine compassion until he met his friends. Zelos had been quick to learn that those who pitied him didn't love him.
No one who pitied him cared. He didn't want Lloyd to pity him; to be one of those fakes that were kind to save their own asses.
He wanted Lloyd to care; he wanted Lloyd to love him.
These thoughts had chased him past the city's limits, energy and urgency diminishing as it began to snow. The depression he had left at the terrace wrapped around him and pulled him down more effectively than a weighted net, although in his state, either would have felled him. The redhead dropped to his knees, beyond tears, and pressed the heels of his palms to his eyes.
In the darkness behind his eyelids, Lloyd's eyes stared back at him in pity.
Unable to function above the basic need of breathing, Zelos sat back, getting wetter and wetter in the rapidly melting snow underneath him, staring catatonically.
He didn't notice the shadow approaching him.
-
Kratos was running after Yuan, who was swiftly making his way to the inn. Nobody seemed to want to get in the blue-haired seraph's way, but they closed in after him, leaving Kratos to curse and push through the wall the crowd formed. Desperate and worried, the swordsman roared and literally tossed people out of his way.
He lost sight of his lover for a few moments, but managed to catch at least the corner of half-elf's cloak as it flicked around their room's door before it slammed shut.
Finally reaching his goal, Kratos hesitated, hand on doorknob. After a moment or two, with no noise coming from within, the swordsman decided that he could wait no longer. The door yielded when he turned the knob; Yuan hadn't locked it in his haste. The war god peeked into the room cautiously, half expecting Yuan to punch him in the face the moment he got past the doorway. The dual sabreist hadn't bothered to turn any lights on and was lying on the bed, back facing Kratos who approached warily.
"Yuan?" He shook the seraph'd shoulder lightly, "What's the matter Yuan?"
Kratos could almost feel the annoyance radiating off of the half-elf who continued to ignore him. Squaring his jaw, the swordsman climbed onto the bed and sat with his legs folded under him. He radiated annoyance back at blue-haired bladist. It was a technique that only he had perfected and was certainly an effective one.
Yuan's resolve crumbled under Kratos' furious gaze. He turned over, glaring at Kratos.
"I told you to stop bleeding everywhere." This nearly broke Kratos' concentration; he'd forgotten about the wound which was starting to bleed into the bedcovers and had stained a large portion of the purple leather that Kratos so treasured. Unperturbed, the auburn-haired seraph cast first-aid, still stubbornly radiating annoyance at the dual-sabreist. Their eyes locked in a heated staring contest that would have no winner.
"What do you want?!" Yuan snarled. Something in those words wounded Kratos, but it was more likely the words that Yuan hadn't said that pained him.
"Human."
Kratos was plunged back into the feelings of long ago, when it had just been the four of them. He had felt like an outsider, hired help for Yuan, his fiancé Martel, and her heroic brother Mithos. No matter how Yuan had assured him otherwise, no matter the 'you-are-loved' looks that Martel shed upon him, no matter the blatant admiration that Mithos lavished upon him, Kratos was the outsider. He was the only human in the midst of a band of half-elves and already outcast for being an orphan, for having magic, for being unloved.
His face must have betrayed him because Yuan's expression faltered, and his features softened.
"I'm sorry Kratos. It's not you, you know it isn't. Please, I'm sorry." He pleaded, suddenly repentant.
Kratos was wearing that expression; that closed off, leave-me-the-hell-alone look that was another of those things that only Kratos had mastered. Feeling even more terrible, Yuan knew it was his fault that Kratos pulled back into himself. He regretted forgetting for a moment that Kratos wasn't one of those humans. Worried for his lover, and above all, friend, he got up and wrapped his arms around the swordsman who didn't fight him, but didn't give him the slightest acknowledgement either.
"Kratos, Kratos… I'm so sorry. You know how much I love you. I didn't mean to fault you for being human; it's one of those things I love about you. But you know how I get when I see people like those so-called faithful of the Church of Martel. They refuse to stop and think of stupid they're being, and although they know of their blindness, they do nothing about it. I was just mad. I didn't mean to project onto you…" Yuan whispered, feeling absolutely dreadful.
Kratos was the only human who'd ever suffered the constant torment and ridicule of half-elves. Yuan remembered how Kratos never lifted a finger against them, no matter what they said or did, unless it was absolutely deserved. If there was anyone with more of a reason to dislike Yuan and his kin, it would be Kratos. But in his anger for those humans who had tormented him and others like him, Yuan had forgotten that Kratos understood him better than anyone else in all of Symphonia, Welgaia, and possibly even the universe. Almost unbearably sorry, Yuan hugged his swordsman close, a errant tear picking its way down his face.
And suddenly, Kratos was holding him, and stroking blue locks that had somehow escaped their binding altogether.
"Don't worry about it, Yuan. I was just feeling…strangely nostalgic. Perhaps we should go to sleep now, it has been a rather exhausting day," Kratos absolved wearily, sounding every bit of his four-thousand-and-some-odd years.
Yuan smiled at his lover fondly, thrilled to have his Kratos back. He shoved the swordsman into the bed gently and removed the seraph's boots and blade. Tenderly, he tucked the slightly perplexed man in, smiling the whole time.
"Goodnight, my starling. I'm just going to take a walk to clear my head and to see if I can't possibly have my faith in man restored," he gushed, tapping a disturbed Kratos on the nose.
Suddenly very sleepy from something Yuan had secretly slipped him, Kratos waved at him drunkenly, "'Night Yuan. Don't come back too late. Don't you dare…go clubbing… or…. you'll 'ave… to blame…yer fagrmnn…"
The last word just might have been "fate."
Certain that Kratos and would remain so for quite a while, Yuan opened the window and leaped out into the night, translucent purple wings making him seem as substanceless as they. Still smiling, he closed the unconventional exit behind him and took off with urgency to the edges of the frozen metropolis.
-
The shadow shook itself, as if to settle its heavy cloak or to get rid of the quickly accumulating snow. It took a deep breath that was fraught with anxiety and worry. Raising a gloved hand, it placed it on the frozen former Chosen's shoulder in what was supposed to be a comforting gesture.
"Zelos…" The redhead came out of his stupor wearily.
"Yuan," he identified. The seraph bowed his head in acknowledgement, creating a puff of snow as he knelt down next to the pink-clad swordsman.
"Come, Zelos. Let's go back. Lloyd's probably worried sick over you."
Tired, sodden, and frozen, Zelos' wanted to go with the seraph, but his mind refused, and instead he hauled his carcass out of the snow and away from Yuan.
"Forget it. If you think I'll go back and watch you and Kratos try to set Lloyd up, you're gravely mistaken. I'm not gonna be an accessory to your stupid plot. I'll just fly back to Meltokio like I shoulda in the first place." the bitter edge in his voice was impossible to mistake. Yuan stood, putting them on level ground, but taking no steps to close the gap between them.
"You like him, don't you? Lloyd, that is…"
Unexplainably afraid, Zelos whirled around, sending snowflakes flying. The look on his face said it all for the half-elf.
"It's alright, but it seems a shame to ruin what you have by leaving," Yuan assured, voice devoid of conviction, expression unreadable.
"What do you know?!" Zelos spat, turning again and upsetting more snowflakes.
"I know that I've been watching you and Lloyd together," Zelos turned again, scandalized, "And I know that he likes you as much as you like him, even if he doesn't know it yet."
"Says you."
"Yes, says me. I've had four thousand years to practice reading people. I think I know what I'm talking about."
Zelos set his jaw and crossed his arms, "Experience does not necessarily indicate aptitude."
Yuan shifted to mimic the former Chosen's stance, "I agree with you entirely, but it's in your best interest to believe me."
The redhead narrowed his eyes, suspicious of the other's motives.
"Oh, is it now?"
Yuan averted his eyes from Zelos' glare, "Do you want to be with Lloyd? I can help you and even get you Kratos' approval."
Zelos exploded, "I don't want your pity! I don't need it! Besides, What's in it for you? A good laugh when Lloyd rejects me?"
Yuan look into Zelos' eyes steadily, explaining to him with complete sincerity, "I just want you and Lloyd to be happy. It took Kratos and I four thousand years to figure to see eye to eye and were lucky to have this time to make things right. I don't want the same thing to happen to you two. You might not get four thousand years to puzzle it out."
This time, Zelos averted his gaze, "How do you know? How do you know that he likes me?"
His voice was small and desperate, like a lost child's. Yuan smiled benevolently then, and closed the gap between them. He opened his wings for the light they produced, not even noticing the parallel that he was making as he brushed the errant strands of hair from Zelos' face.
"It's in his smile, the one he gives only to you; how his face always brightens when you touch; how he never seems to want to leave your side; how lost and sad he looks when you do. He loves you and he doesn't even know it."
Zelos trembled a little, dismissing it as the cold finally starting to get to him, "I always used to think you were a jerk and an idiot Yuan, but you're turning out to be quite the guardian angel aren't you?"
Yuan blinked in surprise before laughing, "I guess so. Just don't start think that this makes it alright for you to call me 'Momma Yuan' or anything like that or I might retract my offer."
The redhead regained his usual spark with a grin, "Wouldn't dream of it, Yunnie. Now, how about we head back?"
The swordsman clapped the shocked seraph on the shoulder and launched into the air before Yuan could recover and murder him.
"Wait a second, Zelos! HOW DID YOU FIND OUT ABOUT THAT?!"
-
Lloyd was lying on his bed, really the only bed in the room, and staring at the ceiling, hoping that Zelos would come back. He was almost trying to will the redhead back to the inn with the shear amount that he was concentrating. The whole affair put so on edge that he shot bolt upright when he heard the tumblers in the door lock falling into place.
A tired and soaking Zelos stepped over the threshold, closing the door behind him. Not caring about the rather soggy state that the swordsman was in, Lloyd leapt up and pulled him into a firm embrace. Zelos put his own arms around the shorter man in response and Lloyd could feel the redhead's smile even though he couldn't see it. They broke off after a few moments; Zelos slightly warmer and drier, and Lloyd sporting a wet front and two damp spots on his back to show for it.
"Feeling better, Zelos?" Lloyd asked, knowing the answer already, but wanting to hear it from the former Chosen.
"Yeah, bud. A lot better." Zelos replied in a cheery, but fatigued tone while idly changing into something dry. He started to set up the couch in the room, regretting that he hadn't cheated the coin toss for the bed earlier that day.
"Glad to hear it, Zelos," Lloyd smiled, putting on a clean shirt of his own. Zelos could sense the unasked questions in the air probing for the details of why he had been so upset. He was intensely grateful that Lloyd wouldn't ask for more information than Zelos was ready to give him.
"I was just a little stressed earlier because of those idiots at the church. I wasn't ready for them to be so… harsh," the former Chosen offered hoping that it was enough for the red-clad hero. Thankfully, it was.
"Just remember that I'm here for you. We're family, remember?" Lloyd reminded him sheepishly. Zelos blinked, recalling the night that seemed so far away but that couldn't have been more than three days before.
"I'll be your family…"
Zelos smiled, "I guess I forgot, Bud. Sorry. Next time, I'll come straight to you. You can slap more sense into me than melting snow could any day."
Frowning a bit, he sat down on the couch and before he could swing his legs up, Lloyd was calling him back, "Um… Zelos?"
"Yeah, Bud?" He looked at the twin-swordsman who was fidgeting with the hem of his shirt uncharacteristically.
"Well… It's pretty cold and since I'm sure you've spent enough time in it today… d'ya… do you want to share tonight?" he gestured absently towards the bed. Lloyd's eyes were fixated on the piece of shirt still clutched in his hand as though it had the most fascinating stitches he had ever seen in his entire life.
Glad that his friend was not looking at him, Zelos paled so fast that he was sure that someone had stabbed him and ripped out his kidneys. A million thoughts, non of them completely pleasant, filled his head.
'Goddess, has he figured you out?
SAY YES ZELOS.
Oh no, what if you have one of those dreams!
SAY YES ZELOS.
Don't take this as an opportunity, you'll scare him.
SAY YES ZELOS.
Screw Yuan, Lloyd doesn't like you and this is all purely platonic.
SAY YES ZELOS.
Goddess, I'm going insane.
JUST SAY YES ALREADY ZELOS.
No!
YES.
No!
YES!
NO!
YESSSS!
FINE! SHUT UP ALREADY! I CAN'T HEAR WHAT HE'S SAYING!'
"What was that bud?" Zelos forced out, breaking his warring chains of thought.
"Huh? Oh, I was just saying that it's alright is you don't want to. I'm mean, you are already set up an-" Lloyd started to repeat miserably before he was cut off by the pink-clad swordsman.
"Actually, Bud- Lloyd- I'd love to share," he sliced in quietly. Lloyd looked up at him, thrilled and grinning.
"Really?" the twin-swordsman demanded excitedly, almost jumping with barely contained emotion.
"Yeah, I would," Zelos grinned back. The red-clad hero pulled back the covers with vigor and the two all but cannon-balled onto the bed. The pulled the covers together and turned to face each other, both of them warm and comfy, inside and out.
It was a cold night in Flanoir, but neither man had trouble falling asleep, nor did a single negative element enter the dreams they had of each other.
Whew! I'm beat. I stopped typing about halfway through last night to go to sleep, hopped up on caffeine as I was, and haven't eaten yet today, even though it's almost 5 PM.
Once again, I'm very sorry that this wasn't up around my birthday, like I promised. But even so, you'll review as a late birthday gift for me, right?
Also, I was looking at some of the earlier chapters and I realized something: I need someone to beta my stories because goodness knows I'm too lazy and impatient to do it myself. This would also mean that you would get the chapter slightly earlier than everyone else, so please, help me, at least for this story. So, if you're interested, pm me, or put it in your review, okay? I'll just pull names out of a hat…
Much love, Gryphie out.himhim