The Broken Reason

Alice felt icy fear running up her back, while deep guilt tore in her stomach. These both persons in front of her, who she held dearly, suffered so much. Somehow she must have been the cause for this; something made something happen and did something to her friends. But who or what was responsible for this something?

Who or what could be powerful enough to bring them to her world, subjected to major transformations?

Alice started to think but her reason was very uncommunicative right now, it was probably in a snit because it was proven to be wrong about Wonderland after all.

She thought about the late Red Queen and her Knave but although both of them were rather evil and capable of gruesome things, she highly doubted they could fabricate anything like this. Even if so, there wasn't any way to see where the advantage of banning the Hatter and Mallymkun to her world would be.

"But what will we do now?" she said quietly, not really asking and neither only thinking it.

"Well, isn't that obvious?" the Hatter said, "We go back."

"How? Do we know a way back?"

"She does," said the Hatter and gestured towards Mallymkun, who in that moment looked as proud as ever:

"Of course I do! I'm an experienced swordswoman and not only do I know the art of fighting but also of localization!" she boasted "I've found an opening on the far outside, near the hedge. However…" the last part she mumbled, not comfortable speaking about overly sensitive things "I had the feeling that we couldn't pass through without you."

"When will we go?" Alice didn't even waste a thought about not going. She had to, first it was her due for hurting her friends, second she would finally see a lot of friends again and find out whatever happened here, at last and at the most important position, she could finally escape Reason, who was taunting her all the past time.

"Now, of course..." said the Hatter in a tensed voice, looking at her with an expression like she really should know better, as he already stated: "we have no time."

"The earlier we go, the faster we will be ourselves again," added the dormouse "However I don't know what you are supposed to become again."

The sting hurt, but Alice knew that through all anger Mallymkun was a loyal, trustworthy friend who just was undergoing hard times. She still remembered how she felt when her body consistently shrunk and grew, was bended and stretched. She could hardly imagine how it would be to be a dormouse, so it made sense that Mallymkun was very unhappy about finding herself as a human.

"I can't go right now…" she began but was interrupted by the Hatter

"Of course you can, nobody holds you and there are no bonds around your feet."

She took a deep sigh and answered: "I can't. There are still questions I have to answer. Things I have to do."

The Hatter stared at her and Alice saw something broken inside him where she didn't thought there was anything more left to break. His eyebrows lifted, his eyes seemed bigger, corners of his mouth sank: "Not this again…" he said, not the same words as when she left him the last time.

He brooded, seemed to implode into himself just for a short moment, then suddenly his figure spread some kind of darkness when he radically unfolded into a standing position, jamming his fist to the table:

"NO! NOT again! Come –with- me, Alice!" he blustered; his green eyes had turned into a rather fiery amber.

"Not like the last time! You said you would come back, Alice, you promised! But you lied, you didn't come and so I came for you," he offered his hand in a more daring manner "Come. With. Me."

Alice gulped, stricken by the determination in his eyes. He sounded full of hot anger, dark and dangerous and others might have been terribly frightened by his current demeanor, but he couldn't fool Alice Kingsley. She could see behind the curtain, as she could before And I should have done it, she scolded herself. Determination was the main factor in this; it wasn't anger as much than fear of being left behind, left alone again. When they had met again, they were both outsiders of society. They had found friendship because they understood each other. When she had gone, she had been selfish – it was all too clear now – not considering his state, not thinking about what would become of him. It had been cruel but at that time she had no other choice, just as she hadn't now. She understood his feelings, through. He was scared and it was obvious that he wouldn't let her go if his call counted.

However it didn't, she had learned to prevail among men and she wouldn't let herself be submitted by command, on the other hand through she wasn't fond of hurting him out of defiance.

She took his hand carefully and then she pulled him slightly closer to narrow the distance between them, looking him into the eyes and whispering in a calm but irrevocable manner:

"I can't. Not now, not this evening. I have a family I need to see off. But I will come with you tomorrow. Just let me go now."

The Hatter wasn't thrilled about her pulling him closer in the first moment, he was skeptical during her short speech but slowly calmed himself, his eyes becoming dark green.

When Alice had ended, he put his other hand over hers and caressed her fingertips "Tomorrow, then." he said and with a slight tint of orange around his pupils and a large part of japing: "If you don't show up, I will get you."

Alice smiled when she held his gaze, watching him fight with his own emotions more successfully than she ever saw it before. "I'll allow you to get me, then," she responded.

Tarrant led her to the front door, opened it for her: "You'll come back?" he asked again.

"Yes." she didn't feel the need to say more and strode past him, yet turned around at the last stair step "A good night, Hatter, Mallymkun." The latter had stood near the Mad Hatter, watching her suspiciously but turned away now. Alice however still looked at the Hatter, whose gaze still lay upon her. "Don't be afraid," she whispered really quietly, hardly enough to reach the Hatters ears.

His nodding wasn't visible either, but his eyes told enough. He stepped back in and closed the door.

Alice was alone with her thought now, as she walked over to Manchester property. The life on the streets had come to a halt again, only that around this time it was less suspicious, the sky had already turned dark and if Alice wasn't mistaken that wasn't solely because of the set sun, it seemed that a storm was coming.

Later that night the storm was there, thick rain splashed against her window, blinding lightning was accompanied by earsplitting thunder. A real monstrosity of a storm, yet the youngest of the Kingsley sisters couldn't care less.

She sat on top of her bed and wrote the approximately seventh version of her goodbye, the former versions lying scattered among the floor. She had really tried to tell her sister she was going away during supper, yet her sister was very desperate about her coming back early with no dinner. She interpreted it that things had gone very bad and she was happy to see her sister well, yet her new hopes were gone and the sorrow about her sisters' future back.

Margaret didn't really listen to her and even if, she was too depressed, so Alice hadn't the heart to tell her about her leaving face to face.

She needed half of the night to finally write a letter that expressed her feelings somewhat adequately, not ungrateful for her sisters kindness, considering her all encompassing worry and love for her, but decidedly stating that she would be gone for a time with no definite time of return – assuring her that nothing bad happened and she would be well even if she hadn't the possibility of writing her soon. She wanted Margaret to not worry too much and know how much she loved and thanked her for everything.

In the best case Margaret would accept it and through probably worry, feel the best for her. In the worst case she would probably think that she had eloped with Hatter, through Alice decided that wasn't too bad at all, as Margaret would maybe feel right about her Chosen One.

She slept a few hours, but in the early morning she was awake and full of energy. Alice couldn't remember the last time she felt that, the thought about going back to Wonderland wasn't too bad anymore. She sleeked her sheets flat, putted the bedspread on top and the letter on top of the bedspread, now safely kept in an envelope addressed to her sister and her sister alone. She had written something about her money in it, a part of it should be for Margaret, just in case her husband finally called nuts if she didn't come back… her sister shouldn't be alone and helpless.

Quickly she packed what she would really need in Wonderland – comfortable clothing, hard shoes, whatever. She wasn't really thinking about it as the nervousness rose from her stomach towards heart and head. In a hurry she plucked her hair into a handy braid and smiled the last time at herself in the mirror. Goodbye mirror. Goodbye room. Maybe this is the last time I see you.

Without a sound she stepped out of her room and closed the door, she flew down the stairs

Goodbye stairs, Goodbye house,

She sneaked outside, the air felt almost fresh for the city and the breeze was quite cold, she stood on the highest step for a moment.

Goodbye, Margaret. I love you.

She swallowed and felt the tears shoot into her eyes, a tickling feeling in her upper nose. She stood still and took a deep breath till the feeling was gone.

With a courageous look on her face she grabbed the handle of the suitcase more tightly, flitting through the garden to the front gate, turning around the edge when she was finally covered by the hedge.

The first sunbeams rained over the horizon and fought their way through trees and buildings until it filled the landscape with orange-redness.

Alice stood in front of the Hatters front door, solely engulfed by the freezing shadow of his house, all around her everything was touched by bloody red warmth, steadily turning into golden light.

She drew a breath and knocked.

TBC

A/N: I hope you enjoyed this chapter. I wasn't sure about the Hatters changing eye colors. Personally, I'm really fond of that trope, however I've heard more than enough rants about it. Then I read up on the character in Burtons movie, Johnny Depp as well as Burton himself have described the Hatter as a living mood ring, so I think it will be okay when I go with it. I promise it isn't just a gag; it will become important in the future.

In the coming chapter I plan to explore some thoughts of the Hatter and show more about the things that happened in the past year.

RnR, please *smile*