2023

It's been six months. Six months of talking on the phone every night. Of texting all day long too. They used to do that when they were married before it fell apart. They would be in constant communication. Henry finds himself scrolling through Zillow. He wants to be closer to her. Taking the train down to DC every other weekend is taking its toll. He misses her. He misses his kids, Jason is moving back to DC for his grad program. So they'll all be there again, his whole family. Stevie and Kyle are trying for a baby and Allison has met someone. He's ready to be back home. He's done running. Done hiding. It's time to move forward. For all of them. He tells her so when she calls that night.

"Hey babe." He answers on the first ring like always.

"Hi." He hears the smile in her voice. He knew Babe was a risk. He's taken the friendship route seriously. He hasn't brought up romance or pet names. He's kept it tame. That's what she wanted. No pressure. Just friendship. But she's smiling at it like she's found something new. Something different.

"How was your day?" He asks her.

"Oh, it was all right. A lot of undergrad questions about nuclear threats with Russia/Ukraine. And China/Twain. Honestly, talking about it made me realize, how happy I am that none of those things are my problems to solve. You?" She asks him.

"I'm looking at houses in DC. I miss being close to you, and the kids." He pauses and lets her process. She's afraid to feel good about him moving back to DC. One thing that has helped them keep the boundaries they have in place, is the fact that they don't live close to each other. Having him close to her. Having him be a short drive from her. It will change the dynamics. She'll want more from him. She'll want him to hold her at night. She'll want him to kiss her. She'll want him to marry her once again. And that still scares her. It's not just the fear of losing him. Not really, but the idea that they will fail again, and this time, they might both be to blame. She won't be able to blame it on her job, or Conrad, or if she's pissed, just Henry.

"Being closer to the kids will be good for you and them." She puts it back on the kids.

"And closer to you." He pushes against her walls a little harder. He thinks it's time, he thinks she can handle it. He thinks they've rebuilt enough for him to be able to encourage her to tear down the first layer of bricks.

"Yeah, closer to me too," She takes a deep breath. "Maybe I'll let you take me out." She takes the risk, and he smiles, because she means a date. Not two friends at a bowling alley or in a bar. But a real date. Dinner and hand holding. And if he's lucky maybe a kiss.

"That would be nice." He says. His heart is racing. He's nervous but excited.

"So when are you thinking about moving?" She asks him.

"About a month, at the end of the semester." He smiles when he hears her slight exhale as she smiles. He may not be able to see her, but he knows that face she's making right now. The one she gets when you hand her a bowl of ice cream or a glass of wine. The one that says I love you, without her having to say a word. They talk for a while longer. He loves hearing her voice. Hearing her laugh. He feels like he should tell her how much she means to him. How happy he is to finally be moving back. But he doesn't. Because he knows she'd shut him down. And to be honest, he wants to do that in person.

…

"Henry's moving back to DC." It's the first thing Elizabeth says when she walks into Dr. Sherman's office. She wastes no time. She needs this full hour today, to figure this out. This whole situation has her head spinning. She tries to think clearly, to separate her feelings from her mind. But she can't. Her thoughts run wild. She loves the idea of him coming home, but she hates it too.

"Okay, how're you feeling about that?" She asks her.

"I don't know. I'm happy, but I'm also scared." She admits to her.

"What's scaring you?" She asks her.

"It's hard to explain. I know what I want. I want to be with him. I want to jump back in head first. But I know I can't. I know that it wouldn't be good for either of us. The distance has been good. It keeps the boundary. He comes here, we spend time together. We talk every day. But he can't stay. There's no possibility of a relationship, at least a real tangible relationship."

"So, being around him doesn't scare you, and being with him doesn't scare you. So, is it the possibility of not having him in your life that scares you?" She asks her.

"Yes. I don't want to lose him again. And if he stays away, if we just stay like this, there's no possibility of losing him."

"Elizabeth, we've talked a lot about your relationship with Henry. You brought him here when you were struggling in your marriage. You cried in here when he moved to New York. But these last few months, you've been happy. Re-Building your friendship with Henry seems to be making you happy. What I'm saying is, you are moving past the hurt. I would be concerned if you weren't apprehensive to take it to the romantic level. But, it seems to me that you both have done a lot of healing on your own. That you two are communicating in a very healthy way. So the only barrier right now is the one you're placing in front of yourself. If you both have learned to trust one another, to communicate effectively, then there shouldn't be any issues with moving forward."

Elizabeth thinks that over. She thinks about the last few weeks. About her conversations with Henry. They've been so open with one another. She's not afraid of him. She's not afraid of being with him. What's scaring her is that she thinks she should be afraid. And that's what's stopping her. She looks up at Dr. Sherman.

"I think you're right." She tells her. "I love him. I have always loved him. Which sounds so stupid."

"Why do you think that sounds stupid?" She asks her.

"Because realistically, the concept of soulmates, is a little ridiculous, isn't it? But I truly don't believe I could ever remotely love someone the way I love him. I'm not saying that our relationship was always easy, I mean there were times when it required both of us to put work in. It's just… What if I'm like co-dependent or... something."

"You're not." Dr. Sherman says plainly. "If you were, you wouldn't be so scared of this. You would have fallen back the second he apologized. You would rely on Henry to take care of you, and you don't. You take care of yourself, you don't need him in your life, you just simply want him there. You two share a connection and a bond, which yes, is rare. But it's not co-dependent. Don't forget, I worked with you for years. I've watched you work through some pretty intense things. If you were co-dependent, I would've told you that. And wouldn't just happen with Henry, it would be other relationships in your life too. And lastly, you wouldn't be worried about it, because you wouldn't realize it."

Elizabeth takes a moment to digest that. She knows Dr. Sherman has never been shy about diagnosing her, not with PTSD and not with the adjustment disorder. She's never sugarcoated anything with her. She's always said what needed to be said. And while that can be painful sometimes, it's also comforting. She trusts her completely. So she looks at her.

"Okay, so it's not that." She swallows.

"Elizabeth, you need to permit yourself to be happy. You and Henry are building something new. It's not the same relationship it once was. Quit getting in your own way," Elizabeth nods. She understands. She feels defeated, but she knows deep down what Dr. Sherman is telling her is true. She's been holding herself back.

…

Henry was bothered about her initial reaction to his news. He's wondering now if maybe it's too fast. Maybe he made this decision selfishly. He knows he didn't get her input first. So he decides, maybe he could use a tune-up therapy appointment. He needs to make sure he's doing the right thing, not just for himself, but for her too. He can't take any chances with their lives. It's not that either of them is fragile they are both pretty strong. But there is only one way to be completely certain.

"I'm thinking about moving back to DC." He tells Dr. Cooper. Henry watches closely for his reaction, he's ready to see a face saying that's not a good idea. But Dr. Cooper maintains his neutral expression. "What do you think?"

"It doesn't matter what I think, it matters what you think. Why do you want to move back to DC?"

"Well, mostly my kids. Stevie is trying for a baby, and I want to be close to my grandkids. And well, Elizabeth too. I mean, I've been taking the train down there every other weekend to see her for a while, now. But I want to move closer."

"Have you talked to Elizabeth, about how she feels about being part of the reason you want to move back?" Dr. Cooper knows Henry's history with Elizabeth. He's aware of their marriage and divorce. He's aware that they've both served their country and came out with irreversible psychological disorders. PTSD, depression, anxiety. He knows that Henry's love for Elizabeth can overwhelm him, and he knows the guilt he feels for leaving her. And he knows that sometimes when Henry is overwhelmed by emotion, he can act irrationally.

"Yeah, I've talked to her about it... I think she's nervous. I'm a little nervous too. We've been talking every day. We talk about everything. It's so easy with her. It's different than it used to be but in a good way. We've both changed so much. We've both had our fair share of trauma and I've finally been able to share with her how I felt about Dmitri, and more than that. Desert Strom and Tommy too. She was understanding, surprisingly so. She understood the guilt… She's been there too… she's been responsible for people's deaths too. She was in the CIA and the Secretary of State… She's been through her fair share of all of that with her career choices."

Dr. Cooper leans back in his chair. He listens intently as Henry talks.

"It's just, I'm ready for more. And to accomplish that. To be able to talk with her about that seriously, we need to be in the same city." Henry says this last part softly. His words are full of hope. He wants to be able to tell her anything, without fear. And he thinks, living near her might help.

"It sounds like you've thought it through. I am concerned about your guilt playing a role, in your need to fix your relationship with Elizabeth, though."

Henry nods slowly, thinking about that. Does he still feel guilty? Yes. But he also knows that his guilt doesn't have to control him or dictate his actions anymore. He's learned how to live with it, and find peace.

"I'll keep an eye out for any signs of my guilt driving my decisions. But the thing is, I know hurt her. But I also know I can't go back and undo that. The only thing I can do is start over. Start fresh. We've grown so much since then. And I'm sure we'll grow even more. We're both older, wiser, and stronger. But the love we share, that's still the same, hell it might even be stronger than it was. I think we can make it work."

Dr. Cooper nods. He wants to agree, but he doesn't. His hesitation is obvious. He sits silently for a moment, holding his breath. Then he clears his throat. "Have you thought about how you are going to feel if Elizabeth says no to more?"

Henry sits for a moment. How would he feel if Elizabeth continued to say no? What would that mean for him?

"I would understand. I'd be devastated. But I'd understand. And to not even try, because she might say no...Well, that's just... It doesn't feel like an option. Uh... Helen Keller once said 'What we have once enjoyed we can never lose. All that we love deeply becomes a part of us'. Elizabeth is a part of me, and it would feel like I'm failing both of us if I don't at least try."

There is silence between them. It's filled with Henry's thoughts and Dr. Cooper's own. He's thinking about how Henry's words sound. Henry is his hardest client to decipher, maybe because he's extremely smart, or maybe because he feels too deeply.

"If you're going to move forward, it's got to be for the right reasons. This would have to be a new relationship, not an extension of the old one. You can't take her back into your life, as if nothing ever happened. That's not healthy. There would be changes and adjustments. You have to build something new, for it to be real, you can't rely on just the love you have for her. She has to feel the same. You need to explain to her, exactly what you want from your relationship with her. Bluntly, she either is on the same page or she isn't. But this delicate dance you've put yourself in is not helping anyone. Elizabeth needs to know where you stand. Not just in general terms, but specifically."

Henry is quiet for a long time as he thinks over Dr. Cooper's words. He takes a deep breath, exhaling slowly, and looks up at the doctor, meeting his eyes. "Thank you, Dr. Cooper." He stands and turns toward the door. "I appreciate your advice."

He decides to walk home, he stops by a bookstore and finds himself inside. He picks up a copy of Shakespeare's Sonnets. He once relied on this book to woo Elizabeth. It makes him smile. He texts her.

I want to be very clear with my intentions of moving back to DC. I hope you will feel the same. I would ask that we discuss it face-to-face. I can come down tomorrow.

She replies almost immediately, already knowing what he plans on saying to her.

I think that's a good idea. I will see you soon.