*~I DO NOT OWN TWILIGHT....I OWN 'La Pomme D'Armor'~*
*~THANK YOU for the reviews!!~*
*Bella*
It was around one am in the morning – I, on my way home from a gruelling night at 'Beau Lace' was feeling the effects of my heels on my feet...I opened the door to Edward's apartment with Alice's spare key to find it empty...No noise coming from the inside of it – the contrast from the outside a strange comfort.
The kind of comfort that I shouldn't be getting used to. Who was I kidding? I was never going to be good enough to live in a new country and start a life...There was nothing keeping me here but a great idea that could never come true, seeing as my parents would want me to come back home at some stage – they had no idea that Maureen was dead and that I was not living in the house that they had sent me to....What would they say? Have more shame on their daughter because she had tried to be independent? Edward had his own life to lead and did not need a weight around like me to hold him down.
As I got to his bedroom, the smell of him still lingering in the air...I got out my suitcase from the bottom of my wardrobe and took out my wash bag from my drawer...Finding the note that Carlisle had sent me...I shoved it at the bottom of the suitcase on the bed and started to pack my clothes.
England was the best place for me – I had always been protected by my parents and there are some things that people can't do....I was a burden to Edward since first meeting him...The only time he ever makes decisions is either because of me, or he is too busy thinking about my feelings and I do not want that for him. Edward has the ability to go out and make something of himself...Settle down and have an amazing family who will love him unconditionally and will always want to have him around. He and I, are just friends....Friends in life come and go and there is nothing that anyone can do to stop that...For once, I am thinking about his feelings and my own...By going back to England I can plan my life again...With or without my parents say and input if I wish not to have it and Edward can have the chance to be stubborn and take things in life for himself and himself, only.
After managing to pack all my things...I kept out a spare outfit...Making a mental note at the same time to burn my outfit that Carlisle had given me, and that I had to walk home in because some idiot must have stolen my other plain clothes!!
I walked into the bathroom with my wash bag...Opening the cabinet...I took out my moisturiser and various other things that belonged to me and put them in the bag before turning on the water to the shower, stripping myself of the outfit and the memories that came with it and stood still and motionless under the water.
The noise from the shower water running made it easier to let out my sobs that had overtaken me from the thought of leaving this apartment and these people that had been so amazingly kind to me inside it behind me...I guess a few years down the line, if I had a proper job then it could have been possible to live here and buy my own place keeping these people always in my life and in contact but....Carlisle was never going to leave me alone – I had enough money to get a ticket pack to England as well as leaving behind two months worth of rent money to cover me...That was all I wanted, to get money to pay Edward back and I have done that, already.
I refused to have sex with Carlisle...Refuse to be intimate with someone who did not feel the same way about me in return...I need a man in my life who cares about me, wants to help me, protect me and support me in whatever I choose to do and finding that here....Is like finding a needle in a haystack!!
Lathering up my hair took slower than usual due to my shaky hands and silent sobs trailing down my face entwining with the shower water and falling down the drain beneath me....The scent of my shampoo usually made me feel okay about the little things but, I was too occupied with wondering how everyone was going to hate what I was about to do.
This decision is not about them....They have all been fantastic with me and patient when I have asked about the usual French customs that I still don't have any clue about...Mum and dad were right...As much as I hate to admit it, they have won...They told me that I was never going to make it on my own and it's true – the only way I was going to make it on my own was to get paid for being a whore and my experiences tonight with Lucy were too much on my emotional state to make it into a full-time, everyday job.
After washing away my shampoo, conditioner and body wash...I took the half empty bottles out of the shower and put these last remaining items into my wash bag before wrapping my towels around me in the usual, all so familiar way, grabbing the skimpy clothes and stepping back into Edward's room...I changed into my proper clothing quickly so as not to get stepped in on by any of the guys, Sebastian and Edward being the only ones due home at some point...I dried my hair just as fast not drying it to the bone as I was always so adamant to do due to the natural frizz...But seeing as I was going to be on a plane at some point, today...It didn't matter what I looked like.
I packed away my hairdryer and took one look out on the balcony for the last time.
"Bye France....You sure know how to scare the hell out of an overseas woman" I said to the air with a smile – even though, inside...I was going to miss it.
When I got back inside the room...I took out a pen from a side zipper of the case and dug around for Carlisle's note.
To my amazing friends
No words will ever begin to describe how blessed I have been to have you all in my life...I have put two months' rent money inside this letter...The letter being the reason for why I cannot stay here and burden you any longer.
This is not about ANY of you....It's just something I have to do to get my life back on track again and spread my own wings another way.
I love each and every one of you and I hope will all of my heart that you can forgive me, maybe not now but in the foreseeable future.
All my love...Always
Bella
X
I wiped away the tears from my face putting the note on the duvet cover running my hand along it just once before picking up my suitcase...I also dug my pills out of the bedside drawer and popped them into my handbag once it was around my shoulder....Sniffing, I put the notes I got from my heels inside the letter and closed the door of the balcony.
This was the last time I was going to be in this room....It was really sad but I was doing the best thing for everyone...With me, gone...Carlisle can never touch anyone else who had nothing to do with him.
There was one thing I had to do before walking to the Airport....I had to go and see Lucy, who had given me her address and fortunately I had remembered it in my head because I had no paper to write it down.
I walked out of the door to the apartment and shut the door putting the key through the letter box and making my way in much more comfortable shoes to Lucy's...She needed to know why I was not going to be at the club tomorrow night and she also needed to give Carlisle the money that was going to be more than enough to pay him back. I could not pay him back any other way – at least not in the way that he was expecting me to.
This was a good thing....It had to be, there was no other way....Edward will never think badly of me and my friends would get used to me not being there soon enough.
"Bella....What are you doing here?"
Lucy was in her pyjamas when she opened the door to me....I felt a little bad that she had been asleep and that I, in my haste to get to the airport had woken her up.
"I'm sorry....I have come to say goodbye"
"Goodbye?"
"I am going back to England...Where I belong, I stopped around to say that I will not be at the club tomorrow but here-" I fumbled around in my handbag and pulled out the other small pile of notes and handed it out to her "this should be enough for Carlisle...Tell him that I have gone back home...He will not be paid in the way that he wants...Unlike other people there, I have to be intimate with someone I really care about and really caring about someone and them caring about me in return is something that in my opinion, means more than any amount of money"
"What about Edward?" Lucy asked taking the money from my hand.
"He's at work...Hopefully I will already be on the plane when he realises that I have gone"
"Bella...He cares about you...Does that not mean anything?"
"It means the world...That's why I have to go...Carlisle will destroy his life and he can destroy mine all he wants but Edward, Edward has nothing to do with this...This is my problem and seeing as there is no way Carlisle is going to get his comeuppance...It's pointless"
"I can't make you stay?"
"No...There is no one who will be able to make me stay; now...I was stupid to think that I could ever make a life here. Thank you for everything you have done for me...I wish you all the luck in the world with your life – wherever you decide to take it"
"In that case, you go and spread your wings, Bella...You are far too good for France...Can you just tell me one thing?"
"Of course, what is it?"
"If Edward told he loved you...Would that make you stay?"
I thought about the question...My instant reaction telling me that it was absurd and of course, in the real world it wouldn't happen but hypothetically there was another feeling washing over me as I stood in silence for a few moments in my contemplation.
"I don't know...It will never happen so, I can't say for definite"
"Fair enough....So I guess this is goodbye"
I closed the distance between us and wrapped my arm around Lucy – the friend who had meant just as much to me as my roommates in just a tiny amount of time.
"Don't forget about me" Lucy whispered hugging me back.
"That's not possible" I answered releasing her and stroking her face with my hand before taking a hold of the handle of my suitcase. "Au revior, Lucy"
"Au revoir ma Bella" Lucy answered with a smile.
I turned away from her doorstep pulling the suitcase along behind me.
As I reached the fountain fifteen minutes later...I took one coin out from the pocket of my jeans and held it up in front of me....I decided that making one last wish is customary seeing as I would never be here again, the memory of my first meeting with Edward still so strong in my mind.
I wish that Edward WILL live a long and happy life
Throwing the coin in...I brushed my hair away from my face and walked the same route back to the airport as I had done on my first ever night in France with Edward...Passing the bench that we had sat on and approaching the entrance to the departures entrance...The amount of people much less and also my passing them and being around them less daunting than before.
I approached the desk easily with there being no line.
"Good morning, can I help you?"
"Hello...I need the next available flight back to London Gatwick"
"For one?"
"Yes"
"The next flight is boarding in an hour"
"That's great...I'll take it" I pulled out the rest of my money from my handbag along with my passport and handed them to the woman..With a few clicking sounds of the computer she weighed my suitcase without any problems and handed me bag the passport and my new boarding pass tucked inside of it.
"Have a nice flight!"
"Thank you" I replied...Turning on my heel and making my way up to gate number '15' shown on the large television screens above my head.
There was something to be grateful for...My house was only about half an hour from the airport and I had already recovered the emergency English money from my suitcase and put it in my handbag...I could afford a taxi home.
I couldn't help the loneliness that washed over me as I sat in the boarding lounge...It was dark outside in the air and I should have been relieved that I was going home and making an escape from the pig of a situation that I had put myself into in France but my new friends had all been such a major part of my life that it was going to be so hard to let them go.
I just hoped that they didn't hate me.
*Edward*
I pushed Sebastian through the door of our apartment as he had continued to wind me up about Bella...He stopped in his tracks when he was upright and picked something up off of the floor and holding it up.
"A key?"
"Must be Alice's" I replied taking off my coat.
"I shall go up and get the beautiful girl!" Sebastian had been drinking, he had not been so nice as to invite me out with him when he had finished work early.
"No...Let her sleep"
"Nonesense...I want to see her, I need to speak to her!" Sebastian ran up the stairs before I could stop him...I, in his absence walked into the living room and pulled out my bed for the night...I also closed the curtains to shut out the night air.
"Edward?"
I turned at the sound of my name being called and saw Sebastian with a shocked expression on his face glancing at a piece of paper in his hands.
"Seb...What's that?"
"It's Bella"
*Bella*
*(One and a half hours later)*
"Please ensure that your seatbelts are fastened securely for take-off"
I tied my seatbelt around my hips...I had an empty two seats next to me and it only took a couple of hours...One hour on a good flight to get back home.
I wiped away the tears from my eyes and glanced out the window...
Goodbye France.....
Goodbye Edward....
:( !
Thanks for Reading!
*Samantha*