Chapter 16

Three days later, I had finished a particularly long and tiring Quidditch practice – but damn, was it destressing – and I showered in the changing rooms. I had slipped on some jeans and was drying my hair with my wand when James came barreling in with a huge grin on his face. His eyes darted around, finally spotting me in the corner, and his ebullient expression froze on his face as he took me in.

What was…?

Oh. Bloody fuck. I wasn't wearing a shirt! James could see my breasts! Fuck. FUCK.

As this thought registered in my mind, I flushed and covered my chest with my arms. James had a dazed expression and his eyes were fixed on my boobs. Lovely.

"James," I muttered. "What the bloody fuck are you doing in here? I thought I said I'd meet you outside!"

He rubbed his neck nervously. "I'm, er, sorry, but I got a letter from a Puddlemere scout and I wanted to tell you first!"

My expression softened. "Oh," I said, a grin spreading on my face. "Congratulations, James."

He smiled but flushed when he noticed I still wasn't wearing a shirt and I still had my arms across my chest. A strange expression crossed his face. Oh, shit. I should probably fix that.

"James, I love you, but if you don't get out of here now, people are going to talk."

He gave a nervous laugh and backed out of the room hurriedly, covering his face with his hand. "Okay, okay, I'm sorry. I'm going."

"And he just rushed out?" asked Char with a rapt expression, bouncing on her bed.

"Yes, I already said that! He just rushed out like he was going to be killed or something," I said in annoyance.

"He definitely fancies you!" she declared, a huge smile on her face.

"I doubt it," I said morosely, picking at a loose thread on the bedspread. "He acted as though he were burned."

"Hang on a moment," said Miranda. "It might not be that. I mean, come on, you're his best mate. Have been for his entire life. He just saw you topless, for Merlin's sake, and he's probably flipping a shit right now."

A flicker of hope passed through me.

"You think?" I asked hopefully.

"Probably. I think he's really confused right now, between the so-called kiss on your birthday and .. today. It's a lot to go through and he's having a shit fit," Miranda said sagely, nodding.

A frisson of excitement passed through me and I smiled. "I bloody well hope so. I don't know how much more I can take."

"I for one think he fancies you already!" said Charlotte crossing her arms.

"I don't think so," I said. "He still sees me as his best mate, unless the sight of me has now repulsed him and we'll be enemies from now on."

Char threw her arms around me. "Don't say that. I'm sure he wanted to shag you right then and there."

"Aw, you're sweet, but don't get carried away, please. I'm going through enough as it is. Maybe I should just up and go to Brazil and clean horse dung at a zoo. Maybe this whole love business is ridiculous and hopeless at best." I shrugged, a grim expression on my face.

Miranda rolled her eyes. "Please, you don't need to be so melodramatic!"

I threw a pillow at her. Goodness, what friends I had!

Char began to braid her hair. "Listen here, you're perfectly lovely and gorgeous and if James can't see that then he doesn't deserve you and YOU can have my checklist since apparently that's gone to hell when I decided to fancy Ben out of the blue. At least someone should benefit from that list that took years to make."

I rolled my eyes. "Thanks a bunch. A useless list makes me feel so good."

"Shut up, bint."

Bullocks.

I hadn't spoken to James since The Incident (as Miranda liked to call it) and I was feeling rather insulted by his avoidance of me. I mean, I wasn't that repulsive to him, was I?

Of course I was a bit embarrassed by the whole sordid ordeal. James had never seen me without a bra at least and it was my best mate who saw me topless. Although, better my best mate than say some random Slytherin. But still, I was slightly mortified, but I was more humiliated by the fact James hadn't spoken to me since the event.

During History of Magic, he had Charlotte sit next to me instead of himself, which was what happened normally. Really insulted by his refusal to speak to me, I purposefully "dropped" my quill next to his chair and hissed at him, "James, could you get that for me?"

His face had apprehension written all over it. Bugger. His jaw was tense and his lips were a grim line as he bent over to pick up my quill, quickly depositing it in my hands before whipping around to face the professor and … to take notes? I watched in fascination as he scribbled down notes on the Goblin Rebellion of 1092.

WHAT THE FUCK. James never took notes. Ever. Especially in Binns' class!

He steadfastly refused to look at me for the rest of the class, and as soon as it was over, he gathered his stuff and made for the exit. I grabbed my bag and hastily strode after him to catch up. Damn him and his long legs!

"James!" I shouted, grabbing his arm.

He turned around, his Oxford shirt unbuttoned at the top and untucked as usual. He looked so bloody adorable even though I was in a weird place with him. Ugh.

Agitation flashed across his face. He ran a hand through his tousled hair and avoided my eyes. "Not now, Milla. I, er, have to go," he said, and before I could respond, he left and I was left completely in shock.

What the hell?

The next day he continued to behave curtly and give me the cold shoulder. At lunch, he sat on the opposite side of Luke instead of next to me (as was the norm) and refused to look at me except when he thought I wasn't looking when he would shoot me furtive glances.

Argh. This was really fucking frustrating.

"James," I said loudly, looking at him pointedly. "Pass me the potatoes, would you?"

He passed the bowl to me and when my hand touched his as I reached for the bowl an electrical current passed between us and I could feel the tingle up my arm. James's eyes locked with mine until he broke the stare and looked down. I felt my face blush and I silently ate, Ben watching us curiously.

"Could we talk later, James?" I asked hesitantly, knotting my hands.

His brow furrowed. Shit. I knew what that meant – he would automatically try to avoid me at every turn. Now came the lame excuse: "Oh, er, sorry, I can't. I have to … plan a Quidditch strategy for the Hufflepuff game."

I rolled my eyes. He flushed a little. He knew I knew he was bullshitting me.

"Whatever, James," I said, a flash of anger passing through me. I stood up to leave, pushing away my plate. "I'm going to … go."

I turned and strode out of the Great Hall without a backward glance.

Later that evening I sat in the common room fuming. How dare he ignore me? How dare he avoid discussing this when he was the one in the wrong – he saw me topless!

I sat staring unseeingly at my half-written Potions paper on bezoars. I picked up my quill and wrote so hard that I stabbed the paper. Great. I angrily retrieved my wand and fixed the hole in my parchment. God, I hated fighting with James. It always made me extremely upset because he was first and foremost my best friend – and fighting with him deeply shook me. I sought solace in the sarcasm of my favorite authors. Cynicism was the best cute for a case of rage, I'd learned over the years.

I didn't even know if I was fighting with James. I didn't understand what was going on. I felt like we were between a rock and a hard place – some terra incognita. It was strange. And it was starting to worry me.

Miranda plopped down next to me, all sweaty after her evening jog (which she even did during the winter – bloody hardcore runner).

"How was your jog?" I asked.

She smiled. "Great. Don't know what I'd do without those things."

I laughed bitterly. "That's like Quidditch for me."

"What's wrong?" she asked worriedly.

"James." It only took one word for her to understand. She nodded in comprehension.

"Listen, Milla. If he can't bloody behave like a seventeen year-old than he can fuck himself, to be honest. It's his own bleeding fault he's behaving like a moron. You're amazing and he'd be lucky to have you. I love James, but if he can't see that then he doesn't deserve you."

I nodded, biting my lip. "Thanks."

She smiled and put her hands on her knees to push herself up. "Okay, listen. I'm going to go shower. I'll be down in a bit, yeah?"

I nodded with a small smile and she left, bounding up the stairs.

I sighed and turned back to my half-finished essay. Some time later, I heard the portrait hole swing open and familiar voices laughing and talking. My head whipped round – James was with Luke and he had a huge grin on his face. He caught my stare and the smile froze on his face, a panic entering his eyes. Suddenly a determination to have this out came over me. I stood up, abandoning my egregious essay and marched over him, a fiery expression on my face and hands on my hips.

"James," I said, yanking his arm and dragging him with me outside the portrait and out of the common room to a corner of a darkened corridor, "We need to have a chat, hmm? Sorry, Luke, we'll only be a moment."

Luke raised his brow but shrugged, nodding. I turned my irate gaze back to James, who was looking at me with a mixture of expectancy and apprehension. I took a deep sigh and pushed my hair out of my eyes.

"Why have you been avoiding me?" I asked bluntly, just cutting to the chase. I was tired of this circumvention and bullshit.

James's mouth was set in a thin line, his jaw tense. He squared his shoulders, as though ready to defend himself. "I don't know. It's been awkward since… well, you know."

He shrugged.

"Then why couldn't you come to me and talk about it?" I demanded angrily.

James didn't look at me. He ran a hand through his hair, and rubbed his neck, which had a spattering of freckles on it. "Because you're my best friend and I fucking freaked out!"

That was no excuse. "That's no excuse! If anything, the fact that I'm your best mate should make you come find me so we can discuss – as almost adults – what happened! You don't need to hide from me! We've been mates since we were born, for fuck's sake! Don't I deserve more respect than that?" I asked, my voice breaking at the end.

James face contorted with concern and fondness. He finally looked me in the eye. "Of course," he said softly. "Milla, you're my best friend. That's why I freaked out, when I found out I –" he stopped abruptly, his eyes widening.

"Because what? Because after all these years, this – our friendship - means nothing to you and one little thing makes you ignore me for two days and not talk to me?" I said, my voice rising.

James looked pained. "You know that's not true! You know you're my bloody best mate and I don't know what the fuck has been going on lately."

"Well you didn't act like it earlier!" I said, my voice bordering on shrill. "Even though you walked on me and shouldn't have, you didn't have to avoid me like I have dragon pox! Am I that repugnant to you?"

"Repugnant," James spluttered, looking incredulous. "That's rich!"

I felt my face contort with hurt. "You don't need to rub it in," I snapped.

"Do you have any bloody clue what you've been doing to me?" James demanded.

"What would that be?" I said angrily. I knew I wasn't at my most brilliant at the moment in terms of arguing skills, but I was too irate and hurt to try to formulate logical arguments.

"Ever since that … that day, I can't think. I can't sleep. I can't focus on anything. I can't even bloody do Quidditch strategies, which you know I live for. You've been cropping up everywhere – in my dreams, in my bloody thoughts, during lessons. It's been hell, Milla!"

"But you –" I sputtered indignantly. "Wait. What?"

"Never mind. Forget that," said James in horror, backing away.

"Oh no," I said dangerously. "You're not getting off that easily."

"Fine," said James feelingly. He took a step forward, his hands cupping my face, and one finger stroking my cheekbone. I felt tears spring into my eyes. His dark eyes bore into mine and I felt the breath leave my body. "If you must know, I find you the opposite of repugnant."

And then in a moment's time I had my arms around his neck his hands settled at my waist, pulling me to him. His lips roughly captured mine and I felt myself lean into him in complete rapture. Our lips moved in perfect tandem and I couldn't breath, but I didn't care. The feel of James against me was indescribable – it was perfection. I felt his tongue slide across my lips and I groaned, opening my mouth. His tongue explored my mouth, the kiss an open-mouthed expression of pure passion. His hands gripped my waist, and my hands slid into his hair, gripping it tightly to pull his head closer to mine as we kissed.

He groaned deeply and backed me against a wall, gripping my hips and pulling me to him. I instinctively wrapped my legs tightly around his waist, savoring the contact. I felt his chest against me, muscles rippling as he held me up against the wall, not once breaking the kiss. I ran my hands through his hair as he moved his mouth from mine, trailing kisses along my jaw, and planting hot, open-mouthed kisses on my neck. Oh God. I never knew anything could feel so good. As he nipped gently at a hollow on my collarbone, I shivered in delight and pulled him closer, threading my fingers in his hair.

"You have no idea," he murmured, kissing my neck and trailing up to my ear, "How long I've wanted to do this."

I moaned in response. He bit my ear gently, causing me to arch my neck to leave more room for him. I experimentally kissed a spot just under his jaw and he shuddered. I nipped him and kissed him down his neck, finally moving back up to his ear, kissing it gently. "I'm sure I have wanted to for longer," I whispered into his ear, and he shivered.

His mouth met mine again and my tongue delved into his mouth, sending frissons of excitement through me. I thought I would die.

"James? Camilla?" came a startled voice. We broke apart abruptly and I looked to see Char gaping at us. Well, rightly so. This was a rather odd situation.

James quickly removed his hands from my waist and disentangled my legs from around him. He stood looking down, avoiding my gaze, his face flushed and his breathing erratic and hard. My chest was heaving and I'm sure I was a mess too. Char was staring at us wordlessly and I said shrilly, "Fancy seeing you here, Charlotte!"

"Shall we talk?" she finally managed to say and I nodded silently. I didn't look at James as we walked away.

Fuck. What now?