Look Into the Past, Take a Step Forward

They were indeed waiting for them.

Alice had no chance for private time between the dusty training grounds and the Oval Room, therefore she didn't feel quite fresh.

However, 'fresh' wasn't to describe General Boldpunch and some of his men, either. Even Mallymkun looked a bit ruffled.

"How nice that our special guests finally grant us their attendance," sneered the General, bent over a draft-map. He exchanged an intensive glare with the Mad Hatter which was proof to anyone who hadn't already realized, that they felt no sympathies for each other – yet they respected each other enough to not make a move on it, for the sake of the country.

Alice felt a pelt on her tongue for the unnecessary thick concentration of male competition in this room, it made her uncomfortable and she hoped that the two men would come back to the business of this meeting before an already slightly shaking one of the present White Knights would burst into laughter.

Luckily for that knight, they did.

"We know, young lady…" he began and looked at Alice as if she maybe could have missed the reference to her, "that you had nothing worth calling a training and keeping you in this mission lays entirely on the will of our beloved Queen. Be sure what will come will not be something you will ever wish to have heard or seen. If you decide to get out of this, this moment is your exact last chance." He looked at her sternly, not leaving a doubt that he would prefer to leave her here at the castle and that thought –was- probably the sanest one. However nobody in Underland was entirely sane, Alice had really given up on that.

So she straightened herself up, moved the chin a bit forward to look more confident and said was everyone was expecting her to: "I won't back out and I will be a part of this mission. I will do everything I can to free the people of Marmoreal from their hardships." She actually had probed for a sentence like this.

Alice couldn't see it, the Hatter stood sideways behind her back, but his eyes gleamed shortly with a streak that can only be described as proud – yet thankfully almost unnoticeably a spark of red danced within them.

Faux Boldpunch seemed satisfied with her reply and turned over to explaining their further approach to the problem at hand:

The populace was scared because of scary to horrible things happening in the country and therefore fleeing. Those events were caused by beings which were only described at 'shadows' or 'shadow creatures'. Where those beings were sighted, they had found magical talismans and suspicious rag dolls. All in all they could follow the prominent evidence back to a deserted area connected with an old legend of the Witch With Red Eyes which was said to having led a terror-regime based on her magical powers. However they had made out that the evidence they had was spread that directly leading to a certain part of that area, it could be nothing else than a trap.

A knight rolled out another map that showed the once country-triangle in a bigger focus, some colored lines had been added with needles and thread.

"We decided to do it this way," he started acknowledging the Hatters involvement with a nod, "we actually will go in there with a part of our troops, some of the chainmail will be empty, however, to led our troop seem bigger. You will all come with me there; it will be deadly dangerous, that I can assure you. So be careful to look after each other but first save your own ass and let the professionals handle any situation we might run into. And we will. As we have come to agree about, this will most certainly be a trap and our trap will be the bait with everyone in it the enemy seems to care about."

He changed to another color "We will be secured by two flanks here and here, re-enforcements will divide from the main troop on our way there and make a curve to the northeast. We calculated that this is the direction from where our enemy most probably will take part in any event they prepared for us, so he has to have some sort of base in the woods. By turning this curve we can attack the enemy from behind hopefully before he attacks –us-, so the main-troop and the flank-troops can turn into battle with a known enemy."

He turned around and looked at everyone in the room with a gaze mixed off determination, motivation yet also desperation "It is our only option if we don't want to sit here and wait until the shadows kill us in our sleep. We have to intervene, we have to take this lead and turn the situation to our advantage. We WILL have to fight with all means and some of us will lose their lifes, but it will be for the greater good of Marmoreal! Are you with me?"

His voice had risen and sounded more powerful, the General knew how to encourage his men no matter what he felt inside. This way, nobody opposed the plan, instead the knights cheered on their General, while Mallymkun and the Hatter seemed satisfied to their own plans.

Only Alice stood above all this, she didn't care for the show the General had given, only for the plan itself. They were bait. SHE was bait, from all the persons going there she was the only one who had no other function than to stand there with a I'm-the-champion-come-and-get-me-mark attached to her. What if she didn't make it? Would they win? Probably… hopefully. But what would become of the Hatter? That was the most important question now. She was sure that the army was able to fight of anything as soon as they were not scared by shadows anymore, she was sure Underland could go back to peace again without her help or moral uphold. The Hatter, on the other side, wouldn't get over losing her – he hadn't yet about the last time, and that hadn't been forever.

How could she go there? How could she fight in what could be a real war? Whatever –could- she do to the best of her, her friends and Marmoreal?

The choice lay behind her, she couldn't back away now and she wouldn't. She was never so happy for that moment she didn't think, because if she had to make the same decision now, she wasn't sure she would stand up for the battle. But now what was done was done and as she listened to the Generals further elaborations, they would move out in three days – after the first troop had been sent out, leaving her with a joke-time of preparation and rejuvenation.

After the meeting was over, Alice looked out for the Hatter. Sneakily he had already steered towards a dark corridor, Mallymkun on his hat.

"Hatter," she approached him.

For a moment his posture was open and inviting, but then closed up again. "Alice…I have… things to do."

"I want to talk with you."

The Hatter was clearly hesitating, his back and forward movements made the dormouse on his head kind of dizzy "It is really important that I…" he started to evade.

"I want to talk," Alice posture was adamant; her facial expression didn't seem to accept any resistance.

"You have heard him! We have a really important appointment with… the White Queen! So will you please let go, you two can…" started Mallymkun to defend her friend.

"As you wish, Alice, let's talk."

"Oh! Great!" snapped the dormouse "Just stab me in the back! That's what I get for helping you out!" disgruntled she climbed from the hat and jumped to the floor, lifting her nose "I'll find my way!" demonstratively she walked down the corridor, waiting for an apology that didn't come.

The Mad Hatter looked at her expectant.

"Not here," said Alice and lead him into a separate tea room she had found mostly empty days ago. Instead of sitting down when she sat herself at the table, the Hatter went straight through the room to the next window, looking out of it and avoiding visual contact. Alice sighted inside, this really was unusual behavior, the Hatter she knew at least tried to be a bit polite around her since they met again, not so for the gone week. A day before yesterday, she had hoped to finally warm up with him again but it didn't happen. However she could let this drag her down, she had a mission: Finding out what it was with that puppet and to the best: Whatever upset the Hatter in this awful way.

"Hatter, what is it with you?" Alice asked. "You have been so distant in the past days, I know something upset you, I know it has something to do with these… puppets," she stood up and walked slowly towards the window where the Hatter stared unto the kingdom of Marmoreal. There was no answer.

"I know that the puppet you had with you at the fountain isn't one of the General's," there was still no reaction. Carefully she laid her hand on the lower arm of the Hatter. "You said something about everything burning to ashes… yet we know it isn't the Red Queen. Are you… still suffering from back then? But what has the doll to do with it?"

Now she could clearly see how the Hatter's face grew bitter and how his lips pressed firmly together.

"Tell me, Hatter, what happened there to you? Tell me, maybe we can help y…"

"SHUT UP!" Suddenly he shoved her to the side and ripped his arm free, taking a few steps away, turning around and again, walking in a circle "Ah cannae! YE CANNAE! NAEB'DY can!" his eyes had turned into a fiery orange and his voice was more of a growl.

Alice didn't back away but walked with him, instead of fleeing she made eye-contact:

"I want to know what is happening to you! Why do you think that, uhm…nobody can help? Have you had anyone try it? Why are you turning your back on me?"

He had tried to turn away again, but now came back with a growl "D'ye no ken? Ah wantae protect ye!"

Alice needed a moment to make out what he just had shouted at her, she frowned "… protecting from what would that be?"

"Ah dinnae ken!" he growled while gesturing wildly.

"Do… you mean that you don't know?"

He stood silent; therefore Alice guessed that she was right with her interpretation. She came near although he was still growling.

"The curse again?" she tilted her head to read his face "No… it isn't, is it?"

"I don't know…" the Hatter said quietly avoiding her gaze.

"Please… tell me what is troubling you, tell me what you think you can," she tried to lead him back to the table, but he didn't let her yet.

His big, green eyes looked really deeply troubled, he thought about how far he could go, if he could risk it at all. He had no answer to the question he didn't know. How could he tell her what he felt deep inside and couldn't find words to describe it to himself, not to speak of at all?

Would she even understand it? And what was won if she didn't, or did?

Slowly he sat down. Alice waited for him patiently – at least she looked like that on the outside.

"Everytime I close my eyes…" he croaked "I… see only redness. Everything around me… Sometimes I feel heat and then… then I hear scream… that is all."

He took a deep breath "I don't know more about this, I only… know that something horrible has happened and… that I'm responsible for it."

"But Hatter, how can that be?"

"I wished I knew that," he replied in a quiet voice, shaking his head "I wish I wouldn't feel what I feel it is… that feeling is…" his fingers started to tremble, "it is the death of my family all over again…"

He laid his hands on his face, shook his head once more and abruptly stood up.

"I know it was my fault, but I don't know what! I have that feeling that I'm a grave danger for everyone around me…everyone who is important to me, and you are." he sounded panicked.

Alice reached out for him "Hatter, you…"

"Don't touch me!"

"Hatter, you said…"

"AH told ye dinnae…!" he growled again but Alice rose:

"Don't give me that!"

"It's everything! Everything around me burns down and becomes dust!" he shook. "Everything becomes dust and ash and dust and ash… until nothing lives anymore! Nobody is left, the whole clan Hightopp, burned to the ground!"

"The Red Queen is gone and the Jabberwocky too, they can't hurt you anymore, or anyone!"

But the Hatter couldn't hear her.

"When nothing lives anymore…. when everything burns, turns to dust, turns to ash… nothing's there anymore…" he breathed sharply and shook in a fit of panic.

Alice gasped with wide eyes "Hatter! HATTER, STOP IT! Your skin… you are turning again… oh my Lord, HATTER!" she screamed.

At last he heard her and snapped out of it. Confused he looked around, how did he come to the middle of the room? Hadn't he just sat over there? And why lay the smell of burnt wood in his nose?

Alice looked at him in shock; she had seen the Hatter in bad situations but never in a breakdown like that.

Slowly Tarrant realized what Alice had said and touched his cheek, somehow he felt different. Indeed, the paleness had faded again for a more natural skin tone and his hair had looked darker for a moment, but changed back then. The curse was working again, Tarrant could feel it.

"Hatter, are you…"

"I'm fine," he replied Alice's worried question. They both needed a moment to calm down.

"I-I'm sorry that I have worried you," said the Hatter nervously.

"I'm… only worried about you. That just… I was …"

"It won't happen again," he said decidedly, but Alice shook her head:

"You can't know that and… don't be ashamed of it. You can trust me and whatever you do, I will be there and I won't ever be scared of you. How… how long has that been going on?"

The Hatter looked down at the table plate, frowning and intensively thinking about it "I'm not quite sure if it hasn't been there before but I think it started when I found that rag doll, which as you noted is a different one than those of the General."

"Where did you find it?" Alice investigated.

"I found it in the house of a family the shadow creatures have murdered… in a village not far from here," he winced "I'm terribly sorry, Alice, I don't want to scare you but I think the shadows already protruded to the vicinity of the castle."

"That is terrible, Hatter. Have you told the General about that?"

He snorted "Yes, I have. Not that it helped him making any move any faster. However I did mention I found proof of the shadow creatures near…. not the doll."

"Why not?"

"It didn't feel right."

Alice didn't feel right, too. Was the Hatter only relying on his feelings and instincts? Couldn't that be a horrible mistake considering the lacking parts of his memory?

"What does this rag doll mean to you?"

He closed his eyes for a moment like in pain "It reminds me of things past."

"What things?"

The Hatter stood up "Look, how the time flew by! I still have that appointment with Queen Mirana, really, I do. This isn't a lie, I would never lie to you, I really have to go now!" he headed for the door.

"Oh Hatter, don't turn your back on me again!" she followed and he turned around a last time:

"I won't, you listen, Alice? You showed me it was wrong to hide, but we have no time for this now and no time to think about it, we will move out in a few days and Alice – you should prepare for it. Stop worrying about me. I'm fine."

He could see that this woman wasn't happy about being cast aside "I will meet you for your last training tomorrow, is this alright with you?"

She sighed "It is. Just go now…"

"Alice I…"

"GO."

His eyes turned into a dark green and even his clothes seemed to be sorry, before he closed the door behind him.

Alice was left behind, she desperately needed a moment to decide that between screaming of rage and crying out of desperation she would do none of these and head for something useful. She couldn't deny, through, that the situation left her frustrated – in a way she could understand that the Hatter didn't want to talk to her about it, she really didn't understand it. But she would try and she would find out what exactly tortured him. She owed him that.

Later that day, she had an appointment with the White Queen herself. The Queen had invited her earlier for dinner and Alice attended in a dress that had been brought and designed by Queen Mirana's favorite tailor.

After some casual chit-chat with which the Queen tried to lighten up the mood – futilely – things went down to business very fast. Alice told her that she had talked to the Hatter but left out the delicate details.

"It's just how he is," the Queen explained "Tarrant can seem so light and easy to go, but everything he does is dedicated. He is a patriot and I greatly trust him as one of my most loyal subjects, you have to understand that he is very dedicated to the military preparation right now."

"That is exactly why I'm worried…" Alice started, "Everyone is concerned with the preparations for the great attack, but I can't help. I still don't understand how I can be of any use for this task."

The Queen twitched with one eye-brow like she was getting a migraine. How could she admit to Alice that the Oraculum had actualized itself and shown her on this mission right into the Western Red Woods. She didn't have good experience with the Oraculum the last time; she didn't want to dispirit her.

"Trust me, you will be of use. Don't underestimate your keen mind and don't let them intimidate you with military jargon." You are of importance, without you, we won't find out who attacks us and how to stop them.

Alice knew these were only nice words, but they did calm her a bit. Yet she was worried about another thing.

"Queen Mirana, your Highness… do you know what happened to the Hightopp clan when the old castle was attacked?"

"What are you talking about?"

Alice was irritated by the question "I don't know much about the time before the Red Queen, the Hatter said that when the Jabberwocky attacked, he killed his clan…"

The Queen laid down her fork and looked seriously "He did say that?"

"Yes, Queen Mirana."

"I don't know what to make of this," the Queen said in thoughts and explained: "As far back as I can remember there was only one Hatter at the court at one time. Tarrants father and when he stopped making hats, Tarrant took over… I think. At least that was what was told me, I was far away from hat-wearing then. However…" she looked surer now:

"There never was a Hightopp clan at the court."

TBC

A/N:

If anyone asks him- or herself what Hightopp clan I'm referring to – as canon beside the movie I also use the novel by Sutherland. It adds some details and explained that among the people we saw burn in the movie was the entirety of what was called the Hightopp clan.

I usually don't write out accents much, however I thought it fit with the rage of desperation the Hatter felt here. I hope I did it right, hunting down some Scottish slang dictionaries, books and movies. Not sure about the Glaswegian, through, I looked up that "ken" was especially used in Glasgow for "to understand something".

ETA: Now with advice of a real Glaswegian, big, big-hearted thanks to koukatsukoneko!

If I can make anything better in the dialogue, feel free to point it out. Or anything else, I'm glad about concrit!