Chapter 6: Blinded by a Ferret's Behind

By the time classes were over, all three of the houses had lost a huge abundance of house points, but no one really cared much. It was simply too much fun seeing Pansy and Draco's faces grow red from their classmates' audacities.

The Slytherins and faculty tried to erase the changing words on Pansy and Draco's backs but nothing worked against Hermione's and the twins' prank.

Hermione grinned widely. "Spitters are quitters- I swallow" displayed unashamedly against the back of Pansy's clothes. Hermione heard Harry and Ron choke and cough at the insinuation of the message causing her to laugh at their large disbelieving eyes. Pansy, oblivious to the change of the message, lifted her head up haughtily despite the loud chuckles from those around her.

"Merlin, Mione. Who thought of this?" Harry whispered.

"Fred did. I helped with finding and manipulating the spells. He and George thought of the different messages," Hermione replied happily.

"I don't think I'd ever want to get on your bad side ever again, Hermione," Ron muttered, head shaking in utter disbelief at his best friend's deviance. Harry chuckled. They watched as Draco joined the dark haired girl on her way to the Great Hall. On his back "Will flash for a ferret treat" shone obnoxiously.

The Gryffindors stopped and watched as some of the not-so-heterosexual boys of their school strode up to Draco, meat treats in hand. The two Slytherins stopped as well.

"Here," one of the boys offered happily to Draco who glared at the boy. "Now, flash!"

"What is this filth? I don't want it! What are you talking about? Flash what?" Draco replied, eyebrows knitting in confusion and disgust.

"But, Draco," one of the other boys purred making Draco grimace, "You promised!"

"I promised what?" Draco's voice rose.

"You'll flash us for a ferret treat, of course!" the first boy answered.

"What are you-" he began but stopped upon realizing what was going on. Pansy leaned backward to read the message and scoffed.

"It's a joke, you nancies. Now get out of here!" She shooed them away. The group of boys whined in disappointment and lifted their feet to leave, but found they couldn't. Draco continued to walk, but also found his feet stuck to the floor.

"What the-"

"Draco, come on!" Pansy grabbed his arm. She yanked, but he wouldn't budge. "What are you doing, Draco?" Suddenly she looked surprised. "Do you want to show them your willy?"

Draco shot her a withering look. "Of course not, you daft bimbo!" His body jerked as he tried to lift his feet. "Care to help me, Pansy?" Pansy grabbed his arm and pulled with all her might, but Draco remained stuck. "How am I supposed to get-" Realization dawned on him. "Bloody hell." He glanced helplessly at Pansy who had tried every incantation she knew- dark ones included. Pansy shrugged.

The boys who knew what was coming smiled greedily at the blond. A wolf whistle came from somewhere amongst the crowd causing chuckles to break out amongst the students. After a minute Harry, Ron, and Hermione watched in surreal fascination as a reddening Draco unzipped his pants and pulled it down far enough for the boys in front of him to see.

The males of the crowd shifted uncomfortably upon seeing the normally composed Slytherin's private parts. On the other hand, the females watched in avid interest, Hermione among them. No matter how hard she tried to avert her gaze, it was as though her eyes kept magnetically dragging over to Draco's stark behind.

"Hermione, what's going on-Oh!" Ginny had pushed herself to the front of the crowd where the three of them stood. Her jaw dropped open upon seeing Draco completely exposed.

"Ginny!" Ron exclaimed, covering her eyes immediately.

"Wha-Ron! Stop it! Take your hands off!" Ginny tried prying her brother's hands off, but failed in doing so when George sidled up next to them.

"Hermione!" a voice from behind her chided before her whole world went dark.

"Hey!" she slapped the body behind her. The scent of his aftershave flooded her senses. "Fred! What are you doing?"

"I'm saving you from being blinded by that ferret's pale arse of course!" Those around them chuckled. "Besides," he finally let go watching as she sighed in disappointment when she saw that Draco was now fully clothed and stomping away from the scene "Yeti Crotch" emblazoning proudly on his back. "I don't think I fancy seeing you so avid on seeing his wobbly bits." He crossed his arms.

Hermione rolled her eyes, but chuckled at the "Rides faster than the Knight Bus. 7 sickles a ride." decorated on Pansy's retreating back. She turned to face Fred. "Well, it's not as if you're my brother or anything, so I can do whatever I want to. If I want to look at Malfoy's wobbly bits," Harry, Ron, George, and Fred cringed, "then I will!" Fred glared at her and turned to walk toward the Great Hall in a huff. She stared confusedly at the redhead's back, but shrugged it off as she followed behind him.

By the time she and the rest of the group reached the Great Hall, the hype around Pansy and Draco had somewhat died down. The spells had run its course and left the two Slytherins joke free. From where she stood, she could still make out the bright red blush on Draco's face as many of the students wolf whistled and hollered at him. Pansy simply ignored the jibes, the clenching of her jaw the only indication of her embarrassment.

"Food!" Ron exclaimed as he barreled in behind her and hastened to find a seat at the Gryffindor table. Hermione and Ginny rolled their eyes as Harry and George followed suit. As she scanned the table for the last red head, her eyebrows knotted.

Fred sat at the table amidst a large group of girls, many of whom were known for being in an unofficial club devoted to the twins. Angelina sat to the next of him, laughing at something he said and swatting his arm. Hermione frowned.

Ginny sighed seeing her friend's distress but tugged Hermione to the table regardless. Dazed, Hermione sat down in between Harry and Ron, the latter of whom was shoveling piles and piles of food into his mouth. Ginny snapped her fingers finally catching Hermione's attention.

"Are you there, Hermione?" She tapped Hermione's forehead from across the table. Hermione stuck her tongue out childishly and swatted Ginny's hand away.

"Yes, I'm here. I'm fine."

Ginny stared at her in disbelief. "Really? Are you now?"

"Yes I am." Hermione pointedly began eating to cease the girl's questions.

From a few seats down, she heard the piercing shriek of laughter come from the babble of girls around Fred. "Fred you are so funny!" one of the girls exclaimed followed by Fred's deep chuckles. Hermione's palms began to sweat.

"Is anyone else hot in here or is it just me?" She fanned herself and upon seeing her friends shake their heads no, she unfastened her robes.

"Granger!" George exclaimed in between bites gaining Hermione's attention as well as Fred's. "I know how much my presence makes you all hot and wet for me, but honestly, right here in the Great Hall? I didn't know you were so kinky, you dirty little nun!" George winked as Hermione's jaw dropped. Harry and Ron choked on their dinners; Ginny snorted into her pumpkin juice.

"George Weasley!" Her face grew red as her whole body heated up in embarrassment. She narrowed her eyes at the chuckling twin trying in vain to ignore the heated gaze Fred was sending her from his seat. "I can't believe you kiss your mother with that dirty mouth of yours!"

"Oh trust me, you don't even know dirty." George replied seductively before returning to his meal. Before she could respond however, the clearing of the headmistress' throat sounded over the noise. All heads turned to the wide faces woman in her purple and pink suit.

"Good evening, children. It has come to my attention that someone," Professor Umbridge's eyes flickered over suspiciously toward the Weasley twins, "has been violating school policy and is using magic and other means against other students. We have yet to catch whoever is responsible for these horrific incidents, but let me remind you that any student found using magic against others will be punished appropriately. That is all." She smiled widely before sitting down again.

Ron snorted loudly into his food.

"Really, Ron, I know you're a glutton for food, but please keep your piggish tendencies to yourself," Hermione reprimanded lightly causing Harry to grin.

"Hermione!" Ron exclaimed in protest.

"What?" She feigned innocence.

"Fred!" Angelina's voice squealed in the distance. Hermione froze at the sound and cast a sidelong glance in Fred's direction. He had poked Angelina much like how he would teasingly poke Hermione. She grimaced and dropped her spoonful of her chocolate cake. For once in her life she didn't find any comfort in the beloved dessert.

As she stood from her seat, Hermione still didn't quite acknowledge Ginny and George's knowing stares, so she swung her bag around her shoulder and grabbed her robe. Ron and Harry turned in surprise.

"Where you going, Hermione?" Harry asked around a mouthful of chocolate cake.

"Detention and then the common room. I need to study for the OWLs. After all the time I've spent with the twins the last few days," George grinned proudly, "I haven't been able to study as much as I would like to, so now is the time for me to study. I suggest you two do the same soon." Without another word, she walked out of the Great Hall trying very hard to block out the group of girls around Fred. She didn't notice said twin watch her leave from the corner of his eye.

Hermione didn't know what on earth was wrong with her. Did she like Fred? Did she? And what was all that about how he liked someone else and not Angelina? Well, he made it perfectly clear at dinner that that was a total lie. It's not as if he told Hermione that he liked her and not some other girl. But even if he had said a name and it wasn't hers, so what does it matter? He was just a friend- a very flirty friend, but a friend none the less.

He didn't mean anything more than that. Why didn't she have problems like this with George? She and George didn't have problems. He was almost exactly the same as Fred except George didn't give her that uncomfortable feeling in her stomach akin to stomach indigestion or those shivers up her spine every time he touched her.

The answer was clear and simple. It was common sense, but she refused to acknowledge it, absolutely even-if-it-meant-saving-the-world-from-total-destruction refused to.

She felt herself suddenly shoved up against the wall, hands covering her mouth preventing her from being able to scream. Her eyes glared upon seeing the grey storm clouds glaring back at her. She moved her leg up to knee him, but he easily blocked her advances. Draco sneered cruelly.

"I know it was you." His voice was the coldest she had ever heard from him and it caused her heartbeat to pick up speed. He trailed a pale finger down her face. "I know it was you and those blood traitors. You don't have me fooled you stupid slag." He suddenly gripped her chin, nails digging into the flesh there. Hermione winced. "I'm going to make you pay so much for what you did. I'm going to-"

A rush of color appeared before her and the next second she saw Draco sprawled on the floor, a furious Fred Weasley pointing his wand steadily at the blond Slytherin. Draco touched his bruised jaw gingerly before smirking up at the redhead.

"What are you going to do, blood traitor? Hex me? I'm so scared I'm shaking in my expensive dragon hide boots."

"I would watch what I was saying if I were you, Malfoy," Fred replied, his tone low and menacing. He stood tall, strong and protective placing himself between her and Malfoy. Hermione felt her heart skip a beat. "Wouldn't want the whole school to see you crying for your mummy. Oh, but wait, that's already happened, hasn't it? I'm sure being in your nappy made you feel right at home again."

Draco glared at Fred before his eyes flickered over toward Hermione's half hidden figure. "Figures, mudblood, that you're screwing a weasel. Made of dirt; associate with dirt."

Hermione's eyes flashed. "Castreo!" she exclaimed with unexpected fervor. Draco yelled loudly in pain as his crotch felt like someone had repeatedly stomped mercilessly on it. He rolled over groaning, hands between his legs and eyes watering heavily. His breaths came short and his body huddled into the fetal position.

Seeing him vulnerable, Hermione moved around Fred, wand ready. "You're lucky I'm not a stuck up heartless little pansy like you, Malfoy. I warned you last time the next time you touch me I will castrate you with my bare hands. Don't take that warning lightly. You don't deserve another warning, but you're just lucky I have a decent heart."

Suddenly her grip on her wand tightened and her voice came out menacing, "Fred is a thousand times the man you will ever be. He's intelligent, loyal and protective- everything you could never be. If anyone's dirty, it'd be you. You who are laying the way you are on the floor beneath us where you will always be, you pureblooded swine. This is your last warning." Her hand gripping her wand began to shake in her anger. Fred watched in supreme admiration for the girl in front of him. "If you ever say one more word against the Weasley family or touch me without my express permission again, I will not hesitate to hex or cut your willy off. Oh and that's a fact. And if you're considering about telling anybody about our little discussion, think again. I'm sure the rest of the faculty will love to hear where I got my injuries from." Fred followed her as she walked over the huddled Slytherin and continued on toward her destination. He "accidentally" stepped on Draco's hand earning a yelp from the younger boy.

All was silent in the corridor now except for Hermione's harsh breathing. Everyone was still idling around in the Great Hall. Fred sidled up next to her, completely impressed and admittedly turned on by the small witch in front of him. He grabbed her arm halting her footsteps. "Hermione, I-"

It was as if his voice turned on a switch because when he spoke, Hermione cringed and turned her eyes away from him, afraid of the unexpected hurt reflecting in her chocolate orbs. She turned to walk away from him.

"Hermione," Fred repeated as he grabbed hold of her hand this time. He didn't want to let go. His eyes widened when she jerked her hand from his. He opened his mouth to respond, but froze upon seeing her rub her eyes on the back of her sleeve.

She sniffled and heaved a breath before gaining the courage to look up at him. "Just leave me alone, Fred. I don't want to talk to you right now." He raised his hands to stop her, but she stepped back shaking her head and took off down the hall to Professor Umbridge's office.

He groaned upon seeing the empty corridor and leaned back miserably against the wall not knowing what to do.

A/N: Thanks to martshi3 for beta reading this. You are fabulous! Also to all of you who took the time to review, favorite, or alert this story- you are all absolutely amazing! I really enjoyed reading what you had to say and I'm so happy you're enjoying my story! I hope this chapter doesn't disappoint!

Now, for something different... To my readers: Do you have a prank you want to see me include in this story?

It can be for Draco, Pansy, all of the Inquisitorial Squad, Professor Umbridge—whoever! Leave it in a review and I will choose one, or maybe combine some to make it even better for the next chapter!

Don't forget to review! The more feedback, the faster the update!