Chapter 20

"Okay," I said hesitantly, fiddling with my champagne glass.

"Shall we?" said James, grabbing my arm and gently leading me away from Char and Miranda. "We'll be back in a bit," he added to Char and Miranda over his shoulder.

His hand on my arm burned like a brand, sending tingles through my body. I frowned slightly. It irked me how me could affect me so much and so damn quickly with so little effort.

He led me up the stairs to his room and shut the door. I stood silently by his dresser, waiting for him to speak.

"Okay, we need to talk," he started, his lightly freckled face showing his anxiety and concern and … something more. I couldn't quite put my finger on it.

"So I gather," I replied, still waiting.

"I know … I know we've been a bit off since, well, the whole thing when you and I … you know. And then the whole episode with the mistletoe, it's just been a disaster," he said, grimacing.

Great. He was going to give me the "you're my mate and I love you, but just not like that" speech. I would have to accept his friendship and maybe he would forget this whole ordeal. And we could move on. Hopefully in twenty years or so.

But I couldn't live like that. He needed to know. I needed to tell him.

"James," I said, wringing my hands. "I'm going to talk and you need to listen. Without speaking or interjecting, as I know you usually do. What I'm going to say is difficult for me, so I'd appreciate it if you just let me get on with it. And even if at the end you are completely freaked out and want nothing to do with me …. Well, just listen."

He looked a bit alarmed. But mostly perplexed.

I forced myself to look him in the eye.

"James, we've been best friends for a long time. Since we were little. And I want nothing to change that. You're my closest mate and you know me better than anyone," I began nervously.

He nodded somberly, still confused.

"But lately, I've developed feelings for you" – I forced myself to keep facing him – " and I haven't had a clue what to do. I've … I've fallen in love with you," I said quietly, looking at him, unshed tears forming in my eyes. "And I'm sure I'm completely obvious about it and I'm sorry that I now am inundating you with this burdensome information and I'm fucking up our friendship, but I had to tell you. I'm sorry," I said, my voice thickening with emotion.

James was looking at me intensely. "Milla –"

"No, James," I said sharply, my voice breaking. "Please, just listen to me. I need to say this. I know you don't feel the same way about me. I understand. You don't see me that way and –"

"Milla, listen, I –" he interrupted.

"James," I said, tears threatening to fall. My embarrassingly pleading voice shut him up.

"I think," I continued, "it would be best if you left me alone. For the sake of our friendship, if anything is left or can be salvaged. Maybe in time … I won't feel this way anymore and we can try to go back to the way we were."

Tears began to fall. I couldn't hold them back any longer.

"Please, Milla, will you just –"

"I'm serious. Let me talk," I said. "So what I'm asking you to do … for your sake, for both our sakes, is to leave me alone. We shouldn't talk for a while or see each other. I know it'll be hard because of everything we've been through and our mutual friends, but I think it's best that we –"

"Camilla," he said, taking a step forward, his eyes smoldering. "Shut up and listen to me."

I shut my mouth, tears flowing down my face, bracing myself for his agreement to what I said. I swiped furiously at the tears.

"You won't let me speak," he said … almost tenderly, his eyes never leaving mine. "You've got it all wrong."

"What?" I said, confused.

"Milla, I could never not speak to you. You're my best mate. You're my family, for fuck's sake, as much as I love the circus I live with."

"But –" I interrupted.

He gave a small laugh. "Shut up, you stupid bint. The reason you're wrong is that ever since you're birthday I've realized I fancied you. And ever since we kissed, I realized I'd somehow, inexplicably, fallen in love with you."

I looked up at him in wonderment. His expression was so loving and intense that I felt the breath leave my body. "You do?" I breathed.

"I do," he whispered back, so close I could feel his warm breath on my face as he said the words.

With that, his lips captured mine and I wrapped my arms instinctively around his neck. He put his hands on my waist, pulling me to him. His tongue explored my mouth and I groaned into the kiss. Where in the hell did he learn to do this?

Oh, God.

My breathing hitched. I twined my hands in his hair as he began to lightly kiss my neck and he nipped at the hollow of my collarbone. He moved his lips back up my neck and nipped at my ear.

"I love you," he said in a low tone, and I shivered in delight.

I responded by kissing him firmly on the lips. I pulled away slightly, looking at him intensely. "I love you too."

He smiled and I kissed him again. He groaned deeply and pulled my hips to his. I wrapped my legs around his waist, still snogging furiously. He emitted a growl, cupping my bottom. He walked over to the bed, me still attached tightly to him, and pushed me down, and leaning over me.

I put my hands on his shoulders and pulled him down to me, crushing his chest to mine and kicking off my heels. I groaned at the contact. I kissed the underside of his jaw and he started to breath raggedly. I ran my hands along his shoulders and his back, feeling his taut muscles I'd been so avidly admiring for weeks. The material of my dress was fanning widely around me.

He buried his face in my neck, breathing hard.

I pulled his face to mine and kissed him again. His hands ran up and down my body. His fingers lightly treaded over my breasts and I gasped. Bloody dress, if only I could take this blasted thing off….

Then I remembered that we were at a party. Fuck.

"James," I said, panting. "We should probably get back before they wonder if we died."

He pulled away slightly and nodded. I felt a bit smug that he looked disappointed that we were going to end this snog session so soon.

"So," I said with a wry smile. "Does this mean we're fuck buddies?"

James looked a bit alarmed and uncomfortable. "What?"

"I'm kidding, you dolt. We're an item, yeah?"

James's face relaxed into a grin. "Of course."

He kissed me one more time and pulled back, smiling.

"Okay," I said, tapping his shoulder. "We should get out of here."

He reluctantly got off me and stood up. I briefly admired his broad shoulders and (sexy) body, and he caught me looking. Too bad I was still in my dress and he was in his formal attire…

"Like what you see?" he said smugly, eyes flashing with amusement.

I threw a pillow at him. "Shut up, idiot," I said. "And I don't think you were exactly complaining about me, were you?"

I pushed out my chest to emphasize the particular bit he liked best and his smirk quickly was gone from his face.

"HAH," I said, snorting.

He put his arm around me. "Shut up, Milla. I will be by later and you will pay for that comment."

"Later?" I said.

He raised a brow. "Yep. I was think I'd drop by say, when everyone else is sleeping."

"Ah," I said. "I knew it. You only want me for my body."

James looked shocked. "Of course not! Milla, I –"

"I'm joking, you twat," I said affectionately, smiling widely.

"You will pay for BOTH those comments later," he said, pulling me to him.

"Alright, let's go! They'll really be wondering where we are."

"Are we going to tell them?" he asked.

"Um, maybe our friends. We can tell our parents tomorrow."

I put on my heels again and grabbed my cluth. As we walked through the corridor, I looked up at him inquiringly and asked, "So when did you realize you didn't just fancy me?"

James laughed. "I told you already. I fell in love with you when we were snogging. That time after we fought," he clarified.

I smiled giddily. "I love when you say that," I said.

"I love you."

I kissed him hard on the lips. "Me too."

"How about you?" he asked with a glint in his eye.

"Huh?" I said stupidly.

"When did you realize?"

"When I started thinking about being Milla Potter," I said laughingly.

"Marriage already, eh?" he said. "I can smell Charlotte all over that and also, who would want to marry you?"

I balked slightly but then I saw his joking face and I said immediately, "I realized when I was talking with Ben on patrol and it was just so clear to me."

"It was after we snogged," I added. "The first time."

"Both were good though," he said grinning.

"Yes, they were," I said, beaming as we arrived at the bottom of the steps. James's arm around me, we walked to where Miranda and Charlotte were standing, chatting with Ben and Luke.

Charlotte caught my eye and I grinned widely. Her eyes lit up and she screamed. Ben looked curiously at her and then us, and an understanding look flashed across his face.

"OH MY GOD! HOLY SHIT! You're together!" Char squealed.

"Shut it, Char!" said Miranda. "Everyone is going to know."

"Oh," she said sheepishly. "Sorry."

Ben laughed. "Congratulations."

"When did it happen?" asked Luke.

"Just now. We went to talk …. And now we're going out," I said, beaming up at James.

"Did you snog?" Ben asked. Char smacked him.

"Oh shut up, darling," she said. "Can't you just see how romantic it is and stop being so crude?"

To goad Char, Miranda asked, "Did you feel her up?"

James flushed. Miranda smirked.

"Drinks, anyone?" asked Luke. "James, come with me."

As they left, I couldn't help but feel radiant and I beamed at Char and Miranda.

"Isn't this fantastic?" I said, smiling uncontrollably.

"It is," said Miranda, grinning at me. "Who would've thought in three months we'd all be paired off?"

"Certainly not in this way," I said, gesturing toward James, who was talking with Luke animatedly.

"Fate does funny things," said Char, taking a sip of her champagne.

"That is true. I wonder what will happen in a few years," said Miranda pensively.

"Who knows? Sometimes it's best to leave things. Look what happened to me," I said, still unable to believe my good fortune. James was mine. My boyfriend. My best friend. Mine.

"Hello, you lot," said Ben, arriving with Luke and James.

"Hi," said Char affectionately.

James handed me a cocktail and I smile gratefully. "Told them everything?" I asked.

"Yep. They grilled me," he said laughing.

"And you'll be over tonight." I whispered in his ear. His eyes were smoldering.

"So," said Miranda. "To us." She raised her glass in a toast.

"To us," I echoed, looking at James.

"To us," he said, his eyes meeting mine.