Chapter 24: Edward Elric the Sophomore (AU)

Ed was walking down the hallway of Arakawa High school. He was angsting because he had just failed his chemistry test.

"Why are you so down?" said a feminine voice.

"I failed my chemistry test. I studied all night, but I still didn't pass because I'm a moron." Ed said.

"Would a kiss make it better?" The feminine voice said.

"Yeah!" Ed said like a drooling idiot. Ed walked towards the girl who you probably thought was Winry, but this is an alternate universe where nothing makes sense. The young girl turned out to be Envy. Yes Envy is a chick in this universe. He's not a large mass of souls and bodies or Ed's half brother, Envy is a chick.

"Come on. We better get to class." Envy said after...she finished making out with Ed. The couple walked to class 140B.

"Everybody sit down and shut up, or I'll fry yo asses!" Roy said even though he realised that he this is high school and teachers aren't allowed to threaten people like that. "Did anyone forget to do their assignment?"

"My dog ate it sir," Riza said. In this universe Riza is Ed's age because the fanfic author prefers seeing Roy hit on a child.

"That's okay. Meet me after class in my private closet without your clothes...I mean with your assignment!" Roy said, "Okay, who wants to present first?"

"I will!" Armstrong said.

"Nerd! Loser! Overly huge Freak!" The class chanted.

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO TALL THAT THEY HIT THEIR HEAD ON THE ROOF OF THEIR CAR WHEN THEY GET OUT?!" Armstrong yelled as he sparkled, because in this universe tall people are ridiculed instead of midgets.

"Shut up, and present your project," Roy said as he eyed Riza, who was feeling her boobs. Armstrong pulled out his project which was not perfect at all.

"Behold! The inability to create art which has been passed down through the Armstrong family for generations."

"Stop shouting and calm down!" Roy said as he pulled out a porno magazine even though he's in a classroom.

"This is my show and tell project! It's my family crest!" Armstrong said as he pulled out a rubber chicken.

"F" Roy said without looking up from his magazine. "Next"

Lin walked up to the front of the class. He was a foreign exchange student who could actually open his eyes.

"Zisblash, tadash, hanilosh gosh!" Lin said in Xingeese.

"Oh, he's so dreamy! How could he possibly be single!" All of the girls in the class said because all chicks think that Foreign exchange students are hot.

"F" Roy said, "I can't even understand you. Learn english."

Then Ed walked up to the front. "This is my project." Ed said as he pointed to a bloody limb. "It's my old arm. It would still be attached to me if it weren't for my dumb jock of a brother! I hate him! He killed mom!" Ed said as ran over to Al and began beating on him.

"Your just jealous because I got my body back," Al said as he pushed Ed off, "You're also jealous because I'm the varsity quarterback, I get laid daily, and I'm constantly drinking alcohol."

"F" Roy said as he popped in a porno dvd into his portable dvd player, "Next."

Scar walked up to the front of the class, "This is my project," Scar said as he pulled off his jacket. A bomb was strapped to his waist (1). "Since I'm dark skinned I'm automatically a terrorist, so I decided to blow myself up today," Scar said as he detonated the bomb. Everyone died.

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Alternate Universe Ed and every other alternate universe character get the darwin award for being over abundant and annoying.

(1) Fu is too cool to kill. I decided this after he attempted to blow himself up along with King Bradley. Epique Awsomeness!