Chapter 28: Alex Louis Armstrong
'Twas a beautiful day for the fanfiction community. The children were being released from the educational facilities (also known as hell), the birds were singing, and a man was seen walking up the driveway of the Armstrong Estate. Now, this man, although never mentioned, had actually had a very active role of this fanfiction. No, it wasn't the author, nor the Norwegian man in the library with the knife. No, this man...well...this man was...important. So important that the plot centered almost completely around him. Oh...wait...no, that's a lie. This character was just fabricated for the plot, kinda like arufonz...I mean Alphonse.
"God I hate my job," The man said as he began to wipe his feet on the Armstrong's doormat, "This is number seven of the week."
The door to the estate opened swiftly right as the man began to reach for the doorbell.
"Why hello my good sir!" Father Armstrong* said rather gleefully.
"Oh! Ummm...sorry, I was just...uhh..."
"Is something the matter?"
"No! I mean...yes. Err...well...I have some news for you." The man said as he looked towards the ground.
"Well...why don't you come on in?" Father Armstrong said as he motioned for a maid to bring him and his guest some drinks. "So, you mentioned some news? Does...does it involve my son?"
The man continued to look down towards the ground.
Father Armstrong looked at the man with an intense glare, "Why are you so quiet?"
"...I...it's...just..."
"LOOK AT A MAN WHEN YOU'RE SPEAKING TO HIM!"
The man looked at father Armstrong immediately and noticed him crying.
"He's...dead isn't he? My...my only son? First Olivier and now Alex?"
"...yes...suicide..."
"Suicide! You're telling me...that he committed suicide? Why?"
"Well...I can tell you how it happened..."
Only three days ago, Armstrong was sitting outside in his garden, planting some beautiful white roses.
"PLANTING ROSES IS A SKILL THAT HAS BEEN PASSED DOWN THROUGH THE ARMSTRONG FAMILY FOR GENERATIONS!" Armstrong yelled rather passionately.
Only seconds later a neighbor yelled out at Armstrong and threw a brick at him, "SHUT THE HELL UP!"
Armstrong caught the brick. "THE ART OF CATCHING BRICKS HAS BEEN PASSED DOWN THROUGH THE ARMSTRONG FAMILY FOR GENERATIONS!"
"AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!"
A few moments later the front gate of Armstrong's residence opened. A small man began to walk towards him.
"Hello? Are you Alex Louis Armstrong?"
"Why indeed I am!" Armstrong said.
"YEAH! THAT'S THE JACKASS THAT WONT EVER SHUT UP!"
"Pardon my neighbor's bad attitude, he's been very cranky lately."
"I'LL SHOW YOU CRANKY YOU STUCK UP PRICK!"
"Ummm...anyways, I have some news for you, Mr. Armstrong."
Armstrong look up at the man, "Well why don't you come inside. It would be wrong to force you to wait out here!"
"Oh! Why thank you." The man said as he followed Armstrong inside.
Armstrong showed the man to the living room.
"So, my friend, what news do you have to bestow upon me?" Armstrong said as he pulled out a notebook and a pen.
"Ummm...well...I really don't think you'll need that."
"Of course I will! I always draw portraits of my visitors as they sit in my chair. See! I have many pictures all over the walls!" Armstrong said as he looked at the man very sharply.
"...well...anyways...I need to tell you the news."
"Sure, what is it?"
"Your...sister...she...died."
Armstrong dropped his notebook. "What?"
"...she's...dead..."
"That's what I thought you said." Armstrong said as he stood up and walked towards a cabinet.
"I'm...sorry for your loss..."
Armstrong reached into the cabinet and pulled out a box.
"...what...are you doing?" the man said as Armstrong started sticking needles into himself.
"Overdosing on muscle enhancers."
"WAIT! WHAT?" The man said as he stood up.
"My sister always wins everything! She won my parents favor! She won the promotions! She always got first in our cooking competitions! She even wins at dying first! Well no longer! I'll win for the most manly death! FOR THE ART OF MANLY DEATHS HAS BEEN PASSED ON THROUGH THE ARMSTRONG FAMILY!" Armstrong said as he fell to the ground.
"...but she jumped into a frozen pool of water...and froze to death...I'm pretty sure that took more balls then injecting steroids into herself..."
Armstrong looked at the man weirdly and then became angry, "DAMN IT! NOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Then he died.
"So...yeah...that's how it happened."
Father Armstrong got up and walked towards a replica statue of armor.
"Wait...don't tell me."
"My children were both so...brave! But they know nothing of manly!" Father Armstrong picked up the sword being held by the armor, "Real men cut their bellies!"
"WAIT! WHAT ARE YOU THINKING!" The man said as he ran towards Father Armstrong.
"Seppuku!" Father Armstrong yelled as he cut his belly, "Now that's how it's done!"
"...I hate my job..."
Armstrong is given the darwin award for being a steroid addict.
Father Armstrong (don't know his full name) is given the darwin award for being a retarted twat.
Well...it's over. Thank you for reading the FMA Darwin Awards. Hopefully this chapter met expectations.