Here's the fourth and final chapter for everyone to read. I wrote this after the season finale with my story in mind. So it's a bit different than the other stories showing up about the season finale. I've really enjoyed reading a lot of them. I would say chatting with other fans about Castle, reading the fanfiction, watching the fanvideos and the season finale helped inspire me to write this chapter. I also found some great songs that I felt were very Castle/Beckett when I heard them and inspired me to write as well. I hope to write more fanfiction of Castle. It was amazing feeling to write about Castle. I hope I find another plot idea to write about soon, even if it's not about Castle and it's just original. I just want to write. Kind of like our favorite writer, Richard Castle.
I want to thank so much, my betareader clcummins12, that has helped me look through my fanfic for improvement and edits, and also looked over this last chapter. In this process, I feel like I've become friends with her and a few other Castle fans on Twitter and this chapter goes out to them. This chapter ended up being really long so I was thinking about posting it into two chapters but I think it will be okay as one. It also doesn't let me do double spacing like I want on fanfiction . net.
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended... I also mention the songs that I used in the bottom "end notes." Those songs don't belong to me either, I just enjoy them.
He was driving away from the city with someone he wasn't expecting. Castle was silent while he was driving but he had the radio on. A Carrie Underwood song was playing, "This Time." Gina had never seen him like this before. It was like he didn't have any emotion. It was good to drive, it helped him think about everything but the more he thought about it, the more it hurt him. He saw Beckett stand there looking hurt when Gina interrupted their conversation. He wanted so badly to tell Gina to leave but he didn't. Castle still thought that she was still with Demming, so he kept up the act that Gina was fun to be with and the whole time it wounded him to see her hurting. Why did he do it? It didn't make any sense. Why did he invite Gina? That's right to help him finish his book. Sure, it was great to talk to her for hours; it was a nice distraction from the hurt he had been feeling. Something was telling him he shouldn't be leaving the city with Gina but he kept going even though it was hard for him.
Beckett was still standing in the same spot after Castle had just left with his ex-wife on the trip he had asked her first. Why, she wondered, did it take her so long to tell him how she felt? Now it was too late. She broke up with Demming, she found a new place a week ago, and she was all alone now. All she wanted to do was to go to her new apartment and go to sleep because it was better than standing here, feeling her heart break.
Esposito, Ryan and Captain Montgomery helped clean up the party leftovers while Lanie came up with an idea to help Beckett. As she watched them clean and saw Beckett standing there hurt, she couldn't figure out what to do but help her friend get home and help her in whatever way she could.
Before Lanie knew it she was in front of Kate. "Honey, how about I take you home?"
Kate heard Lanie speak but she was still in a daze. It took her a while until she finally found her voice in order to respond. "It's okay, I'm going home right now. You can stay."
"No, girl, I really want to help you. That's what friends are for," Lanie said. She gave Beckett a hug and held onto her while they walk out the precinct.
When they were at Kate's place, Lanie didn't know what to expect from Kate. She looked at Beckett who was walking through the apartment and went to where Lanie expected her bedroom was. Beckett closed the door, and Lanie decided she was going to stay the night on Kate's sofa in hopes that she can help her friend in need.
Several long hours later, Richard Castle and Gina arrived at his beach house in the Hamptons. It was already past midnight. Gina had tried to cheer him up but all Castle did was stay silent. He grabbed their bags from the trunk and took them inside. He dropped them in the living room and he went into his bedroom. Gina was about to go with him, but he pushed her away.
"What's going on, Richard? Since we left, you've been acting different. Does this have anything to do with Kate? If so, you need to stop. You've got a book to write," said Gina.
Richard looked to her, stone-faced.
"It is about her and I want you to leave me alone. I'll give you that damn book soon," said Castle tired from the long trip.
"Leave you alone! Really? Well, you haven't been able to write before this, I think I should be here so you'll finish this book or you never will," said Gina angrily.
"I sure can't write with you bothering me…" said Castle looking into his room. He just wanted to go to bed. Maybe it was all a dream.
"What do you want me to do, Richard?" asked Gina tired.
"I've already told you," said Castle pushing her away again and walking into his room.
"Maybe you just need a good night's sleep…" said Gina.
He closed the door and cut her off by saying, "Goodnight, Gina!"
Finally he was alone. Castle didn't even have the energy to change out of his clothes and just fell into bed. It was probably the first time, in a long time, which he fell asleep after 2 seconds on top of the mattress full of covers.
The sunrays were shining through his windows. Castle wasn't ready for another day, especially one filled with Gina. He locked the door; got changed, and looked around the room. He noticed that some time during the morning Gina had left him with his laptop on his desk in his room. He sat down at his desk ready to work, and looked out the windows. They showed a wonderful beach morning, and didn't even describe how he was feeling. He wanted to see a stormy beach with gray clouds but this had to do.
He started to write again, and somehow words were appearing onto the page. Castle wrote all day, and then it was 6 pm. He heard the door open.
"You know it's not good to write with an empty stomach?" said Gina smiling. She was happy that he was finally getting to work.
Castle scrunched up his face. "Didn't I lock the door?"
"Yeah, you did. It took me all morning and afternoon to find a spare. I've brought you some food. I'm glad you're working on the book now," said Gina.
"Thanks, Gina. Just leave it on the dresser. I'll eat soon. I've got to work some more on this chapter," said Castle. He ruffled his hair with his hand.
"Sure," Gina said still smiling, "I'll just close the door again, and you can keep on writing, just don't forget to eat. I'll be in the other room working on some things, if you need me."
He heard the door closed and he sighed in relief that she was gone again. He looked out the window and noticed that the weather had changed. His writing must have distracted him from noticing the gray storm clouds that were coming. He went back to writing. After 30 minutes, he stopped and looked at the food that Gina had brought to him. He closed his laptop and moved it out of the way. He picked around, eating what he wanted and placed the tray outside the door.
She was lying in her bed, almost all day. This wasn't her. She should be working. The only time Beckett had gotten up that day was to turn on her radio. The whole day she had been listening to the same radio station. She didn't want to move. She knew Lanie was worried about her but she hadn't come in all day to give her space. It was already getting late, she thought, looking out the windows. She also noticed that there was a storm coming. Just what she needed. The radio had been placing songs that were exactly how she was feeling. It was like everyone knew.
"I remember years ago/Someone told me I should take/Caution when it comes to love/I did…"
As she heard the last lines of the song, "Impossible" by Shontelle, it sounded so much what she would say at this moment. Like another song she had heard earlier, 'when a heart breaks, it doesn't breakeven'. She was hearing all these songs that she hadn't heard before because she was finally taking time to listen to them and not working. Why wasn't she working? Oh, that's right. Her favorite author came into her life; rewrote it but forgot to give her a happy ending. Then there was this other song she heard. She didn't like the rapping but she did like the first few lines of the song.
"Can we pretend that airplanes/In the night sky/Are like shooting stars/I could really use a wish right now…"
She really could use a wish, at this moment. Then again she would need a lot more than one wish. She wished she had said "yes" when he asked. Beckett wished that Gina didn't come in when she did. She wished it was a dream and he wasn't in his beach house, but sitting outside her door begging her to forgive him. She had to be realistic, those things would never happen.
Beckett even heard the song, "Bulletproof," sounding like something she would do. Close herself off when he came back. But she didn't want to, she didn't think she would be able to. He would walk into any room and she knew whatever she tried to do, he would break down the walls once again.
Even though she was lying on the bed, she could tell Lanie was coming back into her room to check on her. Maybe this was a good time to get up, change and go into work, even if it was just for a bit. It's not like there would be a lot of things for her to do. She had already finished most of her paperwork, and unless a case came in, she would likely be sent home.
"Kate, I'm really worried. You've been home all day. I decided not to go to work, just in case you needed me. I don't know what to do to help you," said Lanie.
Beckett sat up and smiled at Lanie. "Thank you for being here."
"No problem, girl. What are friends for," said Lanie smiling at her but still looking concerned.
Kate Beckett went to her closet for new clothes to change into. "You should go home, I don't want you to be worried about me. I'm just going to take a shower, change, and go into work for a bit."
"Are you sure, Kate?" said Lanie still having a worried expression upon her face.
"Yeah," said Beckett smiling to her and waving her to leave.
"Well, I'll let the boys know that you're coming in so they know," said Lanie starting to leave.
"Alright," said Beckett as she was took her clothes with her to the bathroom.
After 30 minutes she had finished showering and changed. Realizing that she hadn't eaten yet, she decided to pick something up on her way to precinct.
She arrived with coffee just like he liked it and drinking it was making her feel a bit better. It was almost like he was there, even if he wasn't. Beckett noticed Esposito and Ryan looking at her as she came in and sat at her desk. She wasn't going to think about what had happened. She came in here to work. After a few minutes she found a rhythm while going through paperwork. If she had known how much paperwork made her feel better, she would have done this earlier.
Over where Ryan and Esposito's desks were, they were talking about maybe telling Castle what had happened and hope he realized how much he hurt Beckett. They also knew a new case came in, but they didn't want to tell her because they knew she would want to bury herself in the case. They knew that it wasn't something she needed right now.
"Ryan, you stay here and watch her. I'll call you if I need any information or if I get any," said Esposito.
"Sure, while you're at it. You should call Castle. I can't since she might notice," said Ryan.
"Good idea, and remember if she's here more than 4 hours, try to convince her to go home," said Esposito.
Ryan looked to Beckett and then to Esposito. "What if I can't?"
"Then tell the Captain, I'm sure he will convince her." said Esposito. "But I'm sure you can bro." Esposito padded Ryan on the arm.
Ryan went back to working on his paperwork, while looking over his computer to see how Beckett was doing. Esposito grabbed a few things off his desk and left.
Beckett couldn't handle the silence. It seemed like everyone had already left for their three day weekend. She looked online for a certain song she heard some time today. What was it? It has something to do with "release me." She finds the song and played it loud enough that Ryan could hear it.
"I don't know why I want you so/Cause I don't need the heartbreak…"
Then she realized that it might bother him and turned it down.
"It's okay, Beckett. It wasn't bothering me. I'm just doing paperwork. You can turn it up if you want," said Ryan smiling at her.
"Alright, as long as it isn't bothering you, Ryan," said Beckett. She smiled back at him, turned up the music, and began to work again.
"I don't know what addictive hold/You have on me I can't shake/No, I'm not in control/So let me go/Release me/Release my body/I know it's wrong/So why do I keep coming back/I say release me/Cause I'm not able to/Convince myself/That I'm better off without you…"
Before she knew it, it was midnight and the rain began to pour hard.
He looked up from his laptop hearing the rain hit the window. What time was it? He looked back to his laptop for the time. Midnight, already, he thought. He had been writing a bit more. It was like writing was helping him deal with everything. It made her closer to him, even if Beckett wasn't. He looked at the rain. It was so nice. He laughed, Gina won't be happy about it. She never did like the rain.
He hoped that Gina was in her room, he wanted to get out of his room for a bit but not get bothered by her. As he walked out, he noticed that the coast was clear. He walked to the kitchen and grabbed some milk and cookies to take back to his room.
He was so glad that during the time he was writing, Alexis and Martha had called to check in on him. It was really nice to hear their voices, especially when he felt alone. Sure, Gina was here, but he was kind of surprised because she wasn't bothering him while he was writing. Good, he thought, maybe she actually heard him last night about not bothering him. Yet he was still nervous thinking that she might pop out and surprise him any minute, telling him that he needed to get back to writing.
He got back to his desk in his room and placed down his "Richard Castle" coffee cup filled with milk and a plate of sugar cookies. He didn't seem to have any oatmeal raisin and he wasn't sure why. He didn't mind. He wasn't picky. He was tired of silence, even if he liked hearing the rain. He placed his headphones into his computer and started to listen live online to one the radio stations he normally listened to. It sounded like he got on during the end of the song.
"…release me/Cause I'm not able to/Convince myself/That I'm better off without you."
Suddenly he felt this feeling in his chest and as quickly as it came, it went. It caused him to look at the ocean, the waves crashing onto the shore. He stamped out of it when his phone started to ring. He answered it right away because he didn't want Gina to hear it.
"Castle," he said while walking to his door and closing it.
"Hey Castle…" said Esposito a bit angrily.
"What's up? Is there anything wrong?" said Castle getting a little worried.
"There is actually and it's because of you," said Esposito getting angrier.
"Wait, what did I do?" said Castle confused.
"Beckett hadn't come in all day and she just came in when she shouldn't. You know why, Castle?" said Esposito.
"I bet she was with Demming. It doesn't have anything to do with me," said Castle with a sad voice.
"No, she actually broke up with him. Didn't she tell you? At least that's what she was planning to tell you, according to Lanie. She has been trying to help Beckett all today because Beckett hadn't eaten any meals, she was just laying on her bed listening to music till now and now she's at work," said Esposito.
Castle didn't know what to say. He was happy that she wasn't with Demming anymore but it didn't seem like her to act this way, and what did it all have to do with him. He let Esposito keep talking.
"You hurt her, Castle, by leaving and going off with your ex to the Hamptons," said Esposito.
Something in Castle snapped. "What? But she doesn't feel that way towards me."
"Well, she just realized it when you left. You broke her, and be careful. It won't be just Lanie wanting to kill you when you get back," said Esposito.
"Just let me explain," said Castle.
"Fine, Castle, I know it wasn't your fault. I just don't like seeing her hurt. No one here does," said Esposito calming down.
"I know. I don't want her hurt either. I didn't know that she wasn't with him, so I invited Gina. I don't know why. I kind of told her to stay way from me since I got here," said Castle. "I didn't want to be here alone, and if Beckett wasn't going to come then I thought to bring Gina to stop her from bothering me and because Beckett was planning to go with Demming on vacation."
"Well, man, what are you planning to do?" said Esposito.
"First tell, Gina, that she can leave. I can finish the book without her. Then I guess call Beckett, if she answers," said Castle.
"Sounds like a good plan, Castle. I've got to go. I'm working on a case with Ryan right now so I don't have much time to chat," said Esposito.
"Sure, talk to you and Ryan later," said Castle. He was already thinking of his next step in his plans.
"We'll keep you updated. How long are you going to be out there?" said Esposito.
"Just for the summer, I still think it would be good idea to work on my book on my own for while. I'll be back in the fall. I don't think I could completely leave Beckett…" said Castle.
"I know, but you need to tell her that," said Esposito.
Castle ended the call. He went to the room that Gina took to stay in. "Gina, " he said waking her up.
"Yes, Rick, what do you need that you woke me up for?" said Gina.
"I just wanted to let you know that you'll be leaving in the morning," said Castle.
"What? Why, Richard?" said Gina confused and still sleepy. "I bet you just need a bit of rest you'll change your mind in the morning."
"No, actually, I wanted you to leave right now but since it's getting bad outside, I'll let you stay for the night. I'm serious and I promise that I'll stay here all summer and finish the book, even work on the next one," said Castle.
"You are serious. Fine, I'll leave but I'm still going to call and you better answer. I expect to get more updates on your writing," said Gina.
"I promise I'll answer, and I'll update you," said Castle urgently. He wanted to move on to his next step before he lost his courage.
"This is about Kate, isn't it? Well, I hope you call her to resolve whatever issues two have. The faster you do, the better for your book," said Gina.
"Already on that, Gina," said Castle with a smile. The first real one he's had since he's gotten there.
"I'll leave early in the morning. It will be like I wasn't even here," said Gina.
"Thanks, I'm really sorry about all this," said Castle.
Gina just pushed him out of the door so she could go back to sleep.
He went back to his room, closed his door, and got onto his bed to make his important phone call.
When she heard the phone ring beside her, she knew who it was. Part of her didn't want to answer it but her heart wanted him so she did.
Before he made that call, he heard the music coming from his computer. He forgot to turn it off when he left. He goes to turn it off and hears the last part of the song.
"Don't you know you have my heart/And I could never walk away."
But he did walk away from Beckett. Why did he? He never wanted to hurt her, and without even trying, he did. When he got to the line, "All we've got is love left to lose," he knew he was doing the right thing by calling. He decided, just to turn down the music and not turn it off. It might help motivate him to call. Why was it so difficult? He's called Beckett many times before, but this was different.
He looked at his phone and speed dialed her number. This was it. He hoped she answered.
"Beckett," she said, and he was able to breathe correctly again.
"Hey, this is Castle. I know right now you're mad but you've got to let me explain," he said.
"There's nothing that you need to explain," said Beckett calmly on the phone.
"Yes, I do. I know I didn't know that you had broken up with Demming but it wasn't right for me to quickly ask my ex-wife to come with me, even though I didn't want her here," said Castle quickly in fear she might hang up.
She listened, she didn't know what to say. Beckett was hurt, and she wasn't willing to forgive right away but she was going to give him a chance to talk. The silence she was giving him was killing Castle.
"You can continue, Castle, I'll listen," said Beckett trying to sound strong but he could tell she was hurting. It was his entire fault. He couldn't dwell on it. He needed to explain.
"Gina, is leaving tomorrow. She really isn't helping me. She actually has just been in a different room since we got here. I've gotten some work done. I'm going to stay here this summer to get my book done but Gina won't be around," said Castle.
"It doesn't matter to me if Gina is around or not," said Beckett.
"Yes, it does," said Castle. She doesn't respond to that. He continued, "Even though I'm gone, I've asked Esposito and Ryan to keep me updated, and I hope you and I can keep talking on the phone."
She wonders why he's asking. Why he wants to talk to her? She wasn't important. It was like he could read her mind.
"You are important, Beckett. I can't do this book without you. So will you call me every Tuesday night at 9 pm?" said Castle.
"Why? Why do you want to talk to me?" said Beckett.
"Remember when you told me that you liked having me around?" said Castle.
Beckett smiled at the memory. He could picture her in his mind right now. "Pigtails," she said.
"Yeah, well, I need you. You're more than just an inspiration for my novels, you are more than just a partner and maybe even more than a friend," said Castle. "I know this summer is going to be hard but we need it. We need this distance, and before you know it, fall will be here."
"To be honest, Castle. I don't know if I can do it," said Beckett.
Castle's smile began to fade. "What do you mean?"
"I don't think I could keep coming to work without you here bothering me, bring me coffee, and just being you," said Beckett.
"I'm glad to know I'll be missed," he said.
"Castle!" she said smiling even though annoyed.
"I know it will be tough, it's been tough for me too. You've just got to find something that will distract you, but don't let it control your life too. I want you to have fun, Beckett, just not too much," said Castle smiling again. "Maybe you can hang out with Lanie or something."
"Thanks, Castle. That goes the same with you. Though I hope you aren't hanging out with any women while you're there," said Beckett.
"Jealous?" said Castle jokingly. She knew it too.
"No, it just would be a distraction to you. Relax by listening to music, going out to the beach, and talking on the phone with people you care about," said Beckett.
"I like the last one," said Castle. This was just what she needed. Who knew one phone call would help her feel so much better.
"I think you're right, Castle," said Becket.
That cheered Castle up. "What did you say?"
"I'm not going to say it again. If you didn't hear it then you're out of luck," said Beckett.
"Darn," said Castle. He was finally feeling better. He knew if they kept up with the calls it would make this distance more bearable. "So what was I right about?"
"You know, having phone calls. I think I'll call you, next week, same day and same time," said Beckett. "If I don't, you better. I might be a bit busy but I'll find time."
"I'm glad that I'm able to work into your schedule," said Castle. "I will call, if you don't."
"Good," said Beckett. They were both grinning on the phone. Ryan could tell the difference, and knew who had called. He was so relieved. He went to go call Esposito, and Lanie to let them know that Castle had called.
After this call, Castle and Beckett had many other calls during the summer. They looked forward to their day, each week, and made the summer better than they had hoped. Castle and Beckett still hadn't told each other their feelings but these calls were a step in the right direction. There was still much they had yet to go through and that was going to happen in the fall.
By the way, I also sent this fanfic, with a letter and an envelope for an autograph to Nathan Fillion. I really wanted him to read it and enjoy it. Sadly, I sent the last chapter unedited. I wish I waited but I'm glad I sent my package anyways. I told him if he was still interested he could check it online here or on CastleTV . net
I hope you enjoyed the chapter and the story!
Here's the name of the songs I was listening to or mentioned while writing this chapter (plus the songs I listened to that ABC had a list of from the Castle episodes)…
"What are you waiting for" – My Favorite Highway
"Love Left to Lose" - Sons of Sylvia
"That's what I'm here for" – Jason Castro
"Release Me" –Agnes
"What you waiting for" - Mizz Nina feat. Colby O'Bonis
"This Time" – Carrie Underwood
I also listened to the song "Crash and Burn" by Lifehouse. I love it now, but it has meaning because it reminds me of Richard Castle.