Never the Same
January 1st, 2016
4:00pm
NERV HQ testing cages
Misato sat with her arms crossed in the corner and watched the current synch test. It was Shinji and Asuka's first test since the incident. Asuka's ratio seemed unaffected, but Shinji's was lower than usual. It was still above the borderline, but the abrupt drop was alarming. She was concerned about the boy, it wasn't like him to get that attached to anyone, and she feared that this trauma might cost him his life in battle if he weren't careful. She knew she had to do something, but she couldn't figure out what.
Ritsuko too noticed the change. She too was worried, though for different reasons. They couldn't afford to loose a pilot at this point. According to the prophecies from the dead sea scrolls, there were only six angels left. As close as they were, they couldn't afford any of Shinji's emotional problems getting in the way.
4:23pm
Locker Room near Terminal Dogma
Shinji was sitting on the bench, pulling up his pants. As he put his buttoned them and guided his belt through the loops, he stared blankly in the distance. For the last six days he had felt, hollow, empty inside, like he was being held under cold water. Misato had taken up the cooking, but he had eaten very little. In school he would keep to himself, even when Toji and Kensuke would try to have him eat lunch with him.
It had gotten to the point where he had even stopped doing his chores. He had been washing the dishes, and in the process of washing a cutting knife, the thought had crossed his mind to take it to his wrist. Since then he kept to himself in his room. He would sit on his bed for hours on end staring at the ceiling. Just the act of living had begun to feel like the greatest burden to him lately, EVA aside.
He wasn't sure he would be ready to fight next time an angel appeared. He didn't even want to be in Tokyo-3 anymore. The only thing he really felt like doing was going deep into the wilderness, curling up in a ball, and hoping he would just simply disappear, cease to exist. All these emotions flowed over him like a heavy stream of hot water. He continued this train of thought as he buttoned his shirt. All of a sudden, someone tapped his shoulder, and a masculine voice said, "Come with me Shinji, we need to talk."
5:48pm
Misato's apartment.
For the last few days Asuka was acting normal. In her mind, she had just blown it off. So what if she had given her innocence to that little worm Shinji, it wasn't that big of a deal anyway. She still had her Kaji, sweet mature Kaji, he would have stood up for their love. She went about her regular business with the intent to give Shinji a harder time than ever, but recently he had hardly left his room. At first she made masturbation jokes, but nothing seemed to phase him, and loosing interest she began to just ignore him period and find other ways to entertain herself.
It didn't even phase her that Shinji wasn't in yet, but Misato was quite worried. It wasn't like him to be late. Even with his usual behavior lately he had always been home on time. She was afraid he had run away again, or worse, he had tried to end his life. She couldn't wait for him any longer. It was 5:52 and he wasn't home, so she called NERV Intelligence. They took a few minutes, then told her that he had been seen leaving Terminal Dogma with a male personnel member, and that there wasn't any apparent danger.
Misato wondered who he would have left with. Shinji didn't really interact with many of the officers. Maybe Hyuga or one of the control room personnel decided to take him out and talk to him. But then of course Hyuga and the others didn't really have a personal relationship with Shinji, so that was out of the question. Then a shocking thought crossed her mind, maybe they had come to take Shinji away, maybe he was being decommissioned and sent back to his old teacher, and she wouldn't have a chance to say goodbye.
6:17pm
Hoshihikari Café
For the past hour and a half, Kaji had been sitting next to the silent teenager. Shinji had just sat there, staring into his tea with the same vacant expression he had on his face on the trip over. Kaji had just sat there and waited for him to say something. Out of the blue Shinji said, "Why does it hurt Kaji, I didn't even care about girls till I got to know her. Before then I just kept to myself, they were like everyone else to me, but when I met her, I felt all these feelings that I had never felt before, but now that its over all I feel is pain."
Kaji sipped his bourbon and said, " Well Shinji, when you really love someone and they reject you, all you can feel is pain. Part of living, part of being a man is learning to get over that pain, and move on with your life." "You make it sound so easy, but I just can't get over her." Shinji sighed and sipped his tea, then grimaced, for it had become cold while he had sat. Kaji smiled and laughed at the poor boys little mistake.
Shinji began to return to that vacant stare again, so Kaji said, " Your pain is a little like the tea, it will soon loose it's heat, and when its gone it will leave a bitter taste, but then you can just pour it out. Its never easy however, you always have to wait." Kaji's words were not the best, but Shinji understood them. "So after a while it will hurt less. I understand, but I don't think I can ever move on, I don't think my life will ever be the same."
Kaji laughed again and said, "Shinji, there are plenty of people out there, you'll move on soon and find someone you can hold on to and who can hold on to you. Till then, you just need to keep living." A look of shock came over Shinji's face as he realized how small this could be, then a smile. "Thanks Kaji, that helped me straighten things out." Then Shinji noticed the time and realized he was late and Misato was probably looking for him.
6:30pm
Tokyo-3 Train Terminal
Misato had arrived just as a train left. As she stepped out of the car her eyes welled up. Crying wasn't a good idea, she had told Asuka she was picking up groceries, but she couldn't help it. Over the months Shinji had become like a son to her. After a few minutes she noticed a steady flow of people leaving the terminal and realized it wasn't a government train.
7:03pm
Misato's apartment
Misato crashed through the door and ran into the living room. The apartment was filled with the smell of cooking. Kaji was sitting on a futon and Asuka was fawning over him. She turned and asked Misato where the groceries were. Misato just walked past her and entered the kitchen.
Shinji was at the stove, stirring something in a boiling pot. She wiped her face, then asked him in a cheery voice, "Dose this mean your feeling better?" Shinji turned, slightly startled, then smiled and answered, "Yeah, much better." "Good, we were beginning to starve, what with your moping and all." , said Misato with a smile. Shinji laughed, then directed his attention to the pan. "Oh, by the way, Kaji is going to stay for dinner.", Shinji added.
8:30pm
As Misato walked Kaji to the door, he asked him where he had been with Shinji. He told her, "I brought him to the café to have a drink and a man-to-man talk. I helped him put things in perspective." "Well next time call me, I am his guardian." Misato said in a slightly annoyed tone. As Kaji walked away she added, "Thanks, thanks for everything, he's going to be much better."
Kaji said, "It's no problem, Ill be glad to help you anytime."
Then he whispered,
"my love"
To be continued
*there might be greater spaces of time between chapters, I just began class again and my schedule is getting crazy. I appreciate your support though.
** I am also going to be producing another fan fic called "Yui's Memoirs", so that will contribute to chapter time spacing. Hope you love it just as much as you love this one too. If you have any questions, please feel free to enter a thread in doggy-kun's world, my personal forum here at fan fic. I await your questions eagerly. ; ) gomen nasai.