Penname: javamomma0921

Derivative Fiction

Rating: M; Contains reference to traditional vampire violence.

Disclaimer: All copyrights, trademarked items, or recognizable characters, plots, etc. mentioned herein belong to their respective owners. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without their express written authorization.

Prompt: However

However

We were in love. I knew we would be, but watching it happen and experiencing his love for me was so new and amazing. I could have stayed hidden away with him for the next hundred years, just the two of us loving and exploring each other and it wouldn't have been enough. Now that he was here, I found I was more than ready to wait in finding our family. Selfishly, I wanted him to myself. But I already saw we wouldn't have an eternity on our own. No, I couldn't see a time, but I knew we would find them soon. Too soon.

It was ironic. I had waited my entire existence to find him and then go find our family and now that I had found him I felt I could wait forever for the rest to happen. Knowing he felt the same way and yet also felt the obligation to find our family filled me with a sense of happiness and completion that I couldn't explain.

He had give up so much in order to be with me. He had given up his solitude, which he insisted he gave up gladly and freely. Somehow I knew it was not given up as freely as he would have me believe. I knew it was difficult for him to allow his life to be directed so fully by someone else; I felt it was one of those pieces of the past which I didn't know yet but which still haunted him. That was the other thing he gave up. When he chose me, he gave up his freedom. He silently agreed to allow me to lead us using my gift. Of course, he would always have a say; I would never take away his will. But I knew innately he would allow me to lead in most cases.

Perhaps the biggest sacrifice he had made for me was his diet. I knew it pained him to do without human blood. After having consumed it for so long, it was very difficult for him to turn his back on that craving. He hid his pain well, but knowing him as intimately as I did, I could feel it. I felt it in his stares on the rare occasions when we walked through populated areas. I felt it on those nights after being near humans when he would make love to me with a ferocious desire under the stars. I could feel it in the tension of his neck. And yet, still he fought to deny himself…for me. It was beautiful and indescribable and mysterious all at once. I hated to see him in pain, but I worshipped him for his sacrifice.

However…

I saw it as I sat in the trees waiting for him one night. He had gone for a run on the rare occasion when he asked to be alone. I could tell the demons from his past were plaguing him tonight so with a kiss and a gentle reminder of my love, I sent him into the night to run away from the demons. I should have known better than to let him go. I should have been more prepared.

The vision hit, almost knocking me out of the tree with its intensity. There was a young girl, perhaps sixteen, wandering through the woods. She was crying and angry at her family and she was looking for escape. She would cross his path at the worst moment, at his weakest time, and he would take her.

I leapt from the tree, sprinting and flinging myself through the trees in a desperate race to find him in time. However…I could already see I would be late.

Still, I ran. The leaves whipped by me, branches breaking and snapping in my wake. I was determined not to let this happen to him. I wanted, for once, to stop fate. I wanted to be wrong.

I found him in the clearing and the fear and despair wrenched my dead heart. He was stalking her. I could hear him as he whispered to her like a lover and I could feel the waves of calm he threw out over her.

"Shh, lovely," he crooned. "It will only hurt for a moment and then you won't ever hurt again."

She went willingly into his arms, opening her arms to him as I had done so many times before. He crushed her fragile body to him and sunk his teeth into her neck, his grunts of pleasure so like the sounds he made as he loved me. I sank to the ground, my legs unable to hold me any more.

I watched as he drained her, lifting her feet off the ground near the end to get her closer, ever closer. I watched his ruby lips working against her pale throat…so like the way he would caress me with his lips at night. I saw the flash of his bright teeth against her skin…so like the way he would nip me in love. And I watched as his large hands held her head and his fingers worked in her hair. I couldn't rip my eyes away from the scene and my stomach churned in anger and despair. I knew it was not love I was watching. I knew he was still mine. I knew she was nothing more to him than food. And yet…my heart cracked open watching him with her in his arms.

When he was finished with her, he gently laid her body down. I saw him coming back to himself. Suddenly, he lifted his perfect face to the air and sniffed. His eyes wide, he looked around to see me crumpled and staring at him. In a flash, I was in his arms which smelled of her and he was choking over his apology.

I pushed feebly at his chest. I didn't want the smell of her on me. But I could not push him away. Finally, I was able to listen to him.

"Please," he was begging. "Please, don't leave me. Please forgive me. Please, I love you. Please."

"Shh," I soothed him, finally winding my arms around his body. "I would never leave you. I love you, too."

"But…what I did, your face…Alice I felt what you were feeling. You felt betrayed, angry, disappointed."

"Jealous, mostly," I admitted, ashamed of myself for not feeling pity for the dead girl. "I hated to see her in your arms like that."

"You know…"

"Of course I know," I said. "Still, it hurt."

"Please, forgive me for what I've done," he whispered. "I'll try harder."

"Shh," I said. "I never expected this to be easy for you. It was a mistake; that's all. We'll fix it and move on."

He cradled me and rocked me and I began to feel soothed. I had already forgiven him.

However…

I could never forget that sight.

A/N: Figured I might as well get that out of the way early since we knew it wouldn't be long before he messed up. I guess I ought to explain a little bit why I made his kill so sexy. I imagine for a vampire such as Alice who has never killed a human that to watch her mate take a human would be extraordinarily painful. I remember in one of the books that Jas and Em tell Edward that the only thing more powerful than sex is the consumption of human blood. I wanted to show that. I also wanted to show how it looked to Alice. And, I imagine, she wouldn't be feeling much sympathy for the girl at that moment, only jealousy at seeing her mate so connected to another person. I hope it was tastefully done and didn't gross you all out.

Also, I mentioned in an earlier chapter about the Tennessee Flood relief fundraiser that a number of authors in the fandom are participating. I've gotten more information on that. So there are over 80 of us participating. All you need to do is donate at least five dollars (or that equivalent in food/clothing) to the flood relief charity of your choice (Red Cross, etc.), e-mail a receipt to the fundraiser organizer, and on June 5th you will get a secured link to an e-book compilation of ALL 80 author's contributions. That's a lot of fic. I know for myself personally, the story I write WILL NOT be published anywhere other than this compilation. So, if you want to read a sexy one shot about Edward the Jazz pianist and his encounter with the lady in black, I suggest you look into the fundraiser. Honestly, this is just our way of giving you a great big fandom thank you for your support of the relief efforts. Any help you can give will be a huge help to those who have lost so much. :) Thanks again! ~Jen