A/N here's chapter 4 I really hope u like it constructed criticism is always welcome
Disclaimer: I don't own The Outsiders I'm just borrowing the characters
Think Ponyboy think. Think. Think. Think. So know one can see me that doesn't mean anything and so my hand goes right through things psh I bet that happens to plenty of people. And I don't feel the need to eat or drink. What does that mean? That I'm not hungry or thirsty, duh. And so I don't feel the need to sleep not tired, hello. And I don't have to breath umm I actually haven't come up with a good explanation for that one yet.
I'm losing my mind. Wait. Can ghosts lose their minds? Wait. I thought that I decided I'm not a ghost cause ghosts don't exist. I'm getting a headache not really but if I could feel pain I know I'd have a headache right now, one so bad I'd probably have to down a whole bottle of aspirins to get rid of it. I wish I could go home. There's know place like home, there's know place like home, there's know place like home. I chanted to myself.
What? Why you looking at me like that? You find that crazy but not me arguing with myself about me being a ghost or not.
What the hell I'm I gonna do, excuse the language. I guess I should probably go back home see whats going on. I really don't wanna go back to that house because i know nothing has changed.
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I stared glumly up the small white house. My house, my home the place I grew up in. I walked slowly to the front porch and made a grab for the doorknob and I of course gripped nothing but air. Oh yea I can't touch anything solid. I walked through the door yes literally walked through the front door and into the living room. The living room was empty except for Darry. He was sitting in his armchair staring straight ahead. He was gripping the arms of the armchair tightly and I could tell he's been crying for awhile.
The thing that scared me most was the look in his eyes the emptiness, the hopelessness, a look I've never seen in his eyes before. Ever. It scared me it scared me bad. I had to look away. I couldn't stand to look at him like this. I knew he would never let anyone see him like this. So...so vulnerable, so helpless. His usual stone face was so full of emotion it was tearing me up inside. I wanted to go over to him and at least let him know how much I loved him, and how much I appreciated all he gave up for me and to apologize for how ungrateful I was. I always thought of him as a robot someone who wasn't capable of loving anyone besides Soda. Someone not capable of feelings in general, and seeing him like this now I realize how wrong I was. He was my oldest brother, my protector. I don't even remember the last time I told him I loved him. Did it really take me dying to realize how purely selfish I was. I wanted to walk over to him and wrap my arms around him and let him know that I did love him I just didn't know how to show it.
I could hear soft whispers coming from down the hall and I knew that's where I'd find Soda and probably Steve. I walked down the hall and stood outside the bedroom door. I couldn't force myself to go in I knew how hard it was seeing Darry like that it would be impossible to see Soda now. I couldn't stand to see Soda in pain he was my happy go lucky brother and to see him torn up would be like ripping my heart out and stomping on it assuming i still had a heart.
I had to get out of here. Why did I think it would be a good idea to come back here. I quickly made my way back outside. The pain I was feeling right now was like know other pain I felt before. My heart-ached it ached for my brothers. It wasn't fair. They already lost two parents why did they have to lose another person. Damn them Socs damn them to hell. I hated them I hated them with a vigor with a passion. I wanted to hunt each of them down and make them pay. How dare they still be alive after the pain they caused my brother's the gang. I want them dead.