A/N I know its been forever since i updated i'm horrible i know i don't even have any lame excuses. And this is really short...but i'll update quicker i promise...hopefully no one holds me to that promise lol kidding
I was at the park again. Its where I've been spending most of my time lately. Its been almost two weeks since the accident. I relive that moment all the time, I should of been able to save him. Its all my fault hes dead, all my fault my best friend is gone. The guilt I feel when I think about him is gut wrenching. Sometimes I have trouble breathing just thinking about it. I can't even look at Darry or Sodapop anymore. I don't even go over there anymore. Can't take being in that house. The gang seems to feel the same way.
I take the whippings from my old man almost gratefully I mean I do deserve it. If I would've done more that night then Darry wouldn't have that constant sad, haunted expression on his face. But I'm even more worried about Sodapop he just couldn't take losing Ponyboy. His parents and his little brother in less then a year was just too much for the poor guy.
During a visit from the state Soda talked on and on about how Ponyboy was just in Maine visiting in Maine. I don't even think they have an aunt in Maine. He just can't face the death of his little brother.
And Dally's serving time but nothing new there. He got picked up on car theft, one of the Brumley boys thought it would be funny to steal one of the Soc's car then trash. Dally got picked up on association to a crime or whatever. Two-bit hasn't cracked a joke in I don't know how long. Steve hates the world even more now. Even dead he has to compete with ponyboy for sodas love. Wow that sounded cold.
I just want my friend back. Is that so wrong?
I didn't know what to do anymore. The days just dragged on slowly. There was nothing to do to kill the time. I have myself almost convined that I am dead. Then I'm questioning it. Maybe this is what happens when everyone dies. I don't know. The lonliness is the worst. I just wish I had someone to talk to. The thoughts that have been consuming me daily are becoming too much. I just wish I didn't feel this pain. Not phycical but the emotional. I had to stop going around the gang to see what they were up too. It was like I could feel what they were feeling. The ache that I feel deep within me is always there reminding me of what I left behind. Sodapop hes the worse. Its like I can feel his pain no matter how far away from him I am, I'm carrying the weight of his pain everywhere I go. I wish he would just let me go but how can he let me go when I'm here hovering between life and death. Its like hes the one who's keeping me here by holding on to tight but that's impossible...isn't it?
A/N: next chapter will be longer.