My misery with the formatting of the text continues but I hope that it won't be too difficult to read. The poems are by Elizabeth Browning (1&3), Robert Burns (2) and Alexander Brome (4).
Enjoy!
Chapter IX
Ever Thine, Ever Mine…
96, Harley Street, London
-- Aug 1853
Dearest John,
My heart skips a beat as I write your beloved name. I thought this moment will never be, when I can call you my very own, my heart's dearest, my John. Thank you for your most affectionate letter. I am most grateful to Mrs Thornton for her generosity, as decidedly unworthy of it as I am, and I most sincerely assure her that I'll do my all to make her son happy and deserve his love. I thank her for the kind invitation, and Mrs Watson for her hospitable offer; and would love to have the pleasure of their company as soon as Aunt has given the dinner in your honour. Would Tuesday a fortnight suit your plans? I can hardly wait to tell the world how happy you have made me. I only wish dear papa and mama could be here; they would have been so proud, and papa especially, as you were such a dear friend to him, and in many ways, if I may say so, he looked upon you as the son he lost. And Frederick – how I wish to introduce him to you! He was greatly vexed and disheartened that circumstances prevented him from thanking you for your friendship & kindness to us all. He is my only family now and he's so far away! Sometimes I think I'll never see him again – but I try to be cheerful for his sake; he is happy and safe and that is the most important thing. – Aunt has worked herself and Edith in a frightful state over the dinner; what did you tell her? All they talk about is the menu, table settings, and the guest list; I believe they are as excited as when Edith got married; and I am in a most serious jeopardy of being overwhelmed. – Oh how I long to see you, John! I repeat your name over and over again. I have read your letter at least an hundred times, and I have upset Edith, for I wouldn't let her read it. She is so impertinent at times, just like a little girl! She is always accusing me of not loving her enough and for the first time she is right. My heart belongs to you, and you alone! I think of you all the time. I hold the letter and imagine your sitting at the dining table writing it. I repeat it to myself, line by line, each word so sweet and precious (even the saucy ones that make me blush). By and by, I give you leave to call me to your heart's content as long as it is agreeable to my beauty and qualities, for I am sure you will soon ascertain how little I possess of either. And pray do not tease me in such horrid manner, for I have not changed my mind and never will! I love you, and have loved you for so long, and want to be yours before God and man, for eternity. Please write soon to the one
most tenderly and lovingly yours,
MH
PS Did I tell you that I loved you? mh
M'borough Mills, Milton
-- Aug 1853
My dearest, sweetest Margaret,
My heart swells with tender passion at the sight of my name written by your delicate hand. Tuesday fortnight cannot come soon enough! I shall not say what I told Mrs Shaw but I'd gladly eat the entire dinner myself, and ask for seconds, if it would make the good lady more inclined to let me take you to Milton. – Went to my sister's this morning; but the news had reached her already! It must have been one of the servants. I almost lost my temper – for I admit I have one – and left her early, for fear of doing something regrettable. Against all my best intentions and efforts, she can bring the worst out of me; and without much effort, too. I have always tried to do right by her but I've failed her, and at times I wonder if she likes me at all. – Still, the rest of the day was much better spent. Called at the Mart and the Exchange; the news from there make me cautiously optimistic about securing several orders; in spite of the sluggish demand. The market is not yet recovered from the failure of the American houses last winter but there are other opportunities, in particular as we appear to be heading towards another engagement abroad. I shall start the mill slowly; with a few of my foremen and Higgins's round-robin, for I have learnt my lessons with the Irish. We need to keep the costs down and ensure that we recover the capital invested in the machinery. – I write to you in my room, love; your father's book is on my desk, and the precious note it came with; the only thing that assured me that the last two years have not been a dream; that an angel came into my life, unworthy as I was of her, and made me see myself in ways humble and unknown thus far. How many nights did I spend looking at this scrap of paper! How I imagined caressing the small soft hand which wrote it and wishing I could take the slender fingers to my lips and kiss them slowly, one by one! Oh, Margaret! You needn't pledge to my mother for you have already fulfilled your pledge. You broke me and you made me anew, a better man, a happy man. You showed me marks and features in my character unknown before, and eve if you censured my declaration once before, I shall declare it again, as it is even more so now than then, that all the gladness in life and the pride of honest work I owe, and shall henceforth forever owe, to you, my love. – Please forgive me for I haste to send this with the last post, and until I write tomorrow, I remain
most ardently yours,
JT
PS I'm not sure; tell me again. jt
96, Harley Street, London
-- Aug 1853
My darling John,
I woke up this morning and your letter was waiting for me. What a delightful surprise! My heart was going to burst with excitement; I could barely contain myself; I'm still so excited, my hand won't keep steady as I write. – Surely you cannot be reproached for your conduct towards your family. Whatever Mrs Watson said, must have been brought about by the suddenness of the intelligence. Do not judge her too harshly; we younger sisters may, in the passion of the moment, speak thoughtlessly; but we mean no harm. I'm sure true regret would soon atone for whatever words were spoken in haste. – War is a dreadful thing! I do not see how any good can come of it, and profiting of other people's misfortunes is unchristian and most objectionable. If only men were to expend the same energy in finding a common understanding as they do in avoiding it, there would be a lot less suffering in the world! Surely even the Russians can be brought to reason, even if Henry says they are rather wild and godless people. Edith is on pins and needles about Capt. Lennox being sent; despite all the assurances the gentlemen provide to the contrary. – Henry has not been himself lately. He seldom speaks and when he does, he is rather subdued and without his usual wit. I wish I knew what troubled him; for he's been such a good friend to Fred and me. But he was very warm and sincere in his congratulations and wished us every joy and happiness. (I am sure that Edith told him, she is such a gossip, although she stubbornly denies it.) – The dinner preparations have escalated to a crescendo and I fear I may not last to enjoy the event. I am not consulted, except re: your likes and dislikes, and to add insult to injury, I am not believed when I profess my ignorance. It is curious, is it not, that we can feel so close to one another, like two halves of a whole, and yet know nothing of such little everyday points? Do you have a favourite food, or colour? I like raspberry jam a lot, and my favourite colour is yellow, like the roses in Helstone. – Edith and I have taken to a new hobby; it is called scrap-booking, which is really a fancy name for a keeping a remembrance book. Edith's friend Helen Gibson has just shown us her scraps – very froufrou – and Edith is determined that we make ours as well. I have already put in mine your letter and have pressed the roses you gave me (and I hope you don't think me coarse and impertinent when I say that I would like very much to pay you for some more). – I am counting the days, my darling, until I see you again. Please do not think badly of my letters, short and poorly written as they are, as I know not how much one ought to write; and I fear I'm already taking too much of your precious time with trivia and girlish silliness. But I want to hear from you and learn more of your plans for the mill, so please do write soon to the one
eagerly & lovingly awaiting your letters,
MH
PS: Had I any talent in poetry, I would have written the below for you. mh
How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of Being and ideal Grace.
I love thee to the level of everyday's
Most quiet need, by sun and candlelight.
I love thee freely, as men strive for Right;
I love thee purely, as they turn from Praise.
I love thee with the passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints,—I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life!—and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death.
M'borough Mills, Milton
-- Sep 1853
My Sweet and Precious Pearl,
I fear I do not have your sunny predisposition, nor your forbearance and patience, for my sister's shenanigans rub me to the core. Fanny has not many redeeming qualities and is unlikely to acquire any in the future, chiefly because she does not care to apply herself. She seldom regrets anything but the loss of some trinket or other. All she ever did was spend and idle, and I'm rather obliged to old Watson for getting her off my hands. But she was my responsibility so her failures are mine. I was too busy with business, and satisfying Fanny's every whim was easier than showing her the true kindness of companionship. Perhaps things would have been different, had she known sisterly affection, for women are always better than men with matters of the heart. But what is done is done, and I shall reap the bitter fruits without much grumbling. – War, dreadful as it is, is very good for business. The hard reality is that there is always suffering, and when it comes to business, it is best to operate under sound economic principles and not under any moral laws. I know we'll disagree on this, my pet, and I think I already know how indignant you shall be of my position, but I cannot be liable for what happens to my products once my customers have taken possession of them. My responsibility is to make good, reliable products and sell them at profit to keep up the business. We shall have to wait and see the developments in the next few months but I say war is inevitable. However, Corfu is quite a distance from the Crimea so I would imagine there is little cause for concern on Mrs Lennox's side. – As to Lennox, I cannot speak for him but I shan't be surprised if he did not hear the news but rather deduced it himself. He is a very discerning young man. As to his 'troubles', as you call them, I can only conjecture about the cause, and I believe it to be a disappointment of the heart. You do not have to tell me and I do not wish to know anything more than what I was told some time ago, which was that he had taken an interest in you; and if that were to be the case, his hopes would have had to come now to a bitter end. Women are often said to suffer a great deal when disappointed in love, but a man, regardless how strong-willed and cool-headed he is in other matters, suffers no less violently when his affections are not returned, for in addition to his broken heart, a man must deal with his injured pride. But Lennox strikes me as a sensible and cool-headed man, free from uncontrollable passions and excessive pride, and those qualities will help him overcome his disappointment, if indeed that was the cause. And there, we shall discuss no more of Lennox's affairs. – I have been following some developments in America in an attempt to assess the opportunities there. Their domestic supply is insufficient and they seek to import; but they demand low price at expense of quality and I would rather not engage the name of M. Mills on such a premise. In general, the Americans are too risky for my liking. A country based on ceaseless exploitation of opportunities is prone to volatility in extremes – both in the rise and fall of their fortunes – which is very much like speculation is, and therefore requires constant attention; something I learnt to my cost. However, if I can find way to exploit the opportunities on the rises while limiting the extremes of the falls, it would be a capital place to invest. But, as I said, this would require some effort and free capital that could be thus risked, and would therefore have to wait until after our main business here at home has picked up to a steady and secure level. – I have complete confidence in Mrs Shaw's menu. I'm not a dainty eater and I'll eat anything as long as it is dead, hung and cooked. But to oblige the good ladies, I'll say that I do not care much for mushrooms and I am yet to discover something more loathsome than crème d'asperges. I like very much mulberries and chestnuts. As a little child, I spent a lot of time climbing the mulberry trees in the garden and eating the fruit by the handful. Mother was not best pleased for many a shirt was ruined, and I got once or twice a rather nasty flogging from my father for ruining my Sunday best. In the autumn we roasted chestnuts and I sate with Fanny and picked the biggest chestnuts for her, and peeled them while still scalding hot, and she'd blow on my hands so they wouldn't get burnt. It's almost chestnut season now; I'll roast you some when you come; they are delicious. – Alas! I have no more roses but I could not refuse your offer (and I hope it won't be your last); I'll search for something worthy of your book. I sincerely hope, my darling, that you would find yourself at ease to write to me as often, as much and on what ever matter as your heart and mind desire. Your letters bring me such peace and happiness that words cannot do them justice. I longingly wait for your next letter and remain,
Yours ever loving,
JT
PS. I would also borrow the poet's skill, for I cannot do you justice otherwise. jt
O MY Luve's like a red, red rose
That's newly sprung in June:
O my Luve's like the melodie
That's sweetly play'd in tune!
As fair thou art, my bonnie lass,
So deep in love am I:
And I will love thee still, my dear,
Till a' the seas gang dry:
Till a' the seas gang dry, my dear,
And the rocks melt with the sun;
I will luve thee still my dear,
When the sands of life shall run.
And fare thee weel, my only Luve,
And fare thee weel a while!
And I will come again , my Luve,
Tho' it were ten thousand mile.
96, Harley Street, London
-- Sep 1853
My beloved John,
Please forgive me the liberty I take in saying that I cannot bear seeing you reproach yourself about your conduct towards Mrs Watson. I beg you do not! No one could ever say that you have not been a good and kind brother and that you have not fulfilled your obligations with care and affection. Brothers and sisters may not always see eye to eye, and while Mrs Watson's fortune in having a most dutiful and obliging brother will deny her the perspective of someone who has been deprived of brotherly affection, you can nevertheless be sure that the ties of blood and kindred love are stronger than any disagreement, and will heal any disappointment. I have always wanted to have a sister and I hope that soon Mrs Watson would have not only an excellent brother but a very good sister as well. However, I will be mortified to think that I am the cause of any disagreement between you and her. Pray, if not for your sake, then for mine, do not let it be so. I shan't rest to think that my visit will cause any discomfiture to Mrs Watson's household; I'm sure that there are some perfectly good establishments which can offer adequate comforts to myself and Dixon. I care little where I stay as long as I am close to you. – And while we are at the topic of brothers and sisters, I received the most wonderful news this morning. Frederick and Dolores are expecting their first baby. I am so excited at the prospect of a little baby Hale! Mama and papa would have been so happy! I am sure that, wherever they are, they are smiling upon my dear brother. And as to my being an aunt, I cannot express my delight. Would I ever see my nephew or niece? And yet, I console myself that this would have never been possible in England. – Your dislike of asparagus caused quite a commotion. I'm afraid that Aunt had planned the offending vegetable into the menu as it is quite de rigeur for the occasion. I'm confidently informed that the French serve asparagus in all courses of their engagement dinners. My Aunt was in quite a state but it's all been resolved as I write, and you shan't see a sliver of the repulsive thing. – Edith is constantly fussing about my dress. Our likes are so very different that they are almost opposite. All my choices are too plain for her. She'll have me from head to toe in lace, bows and ribbons! I'm in very real danger of ending up like a pea-hen dressed for dinner. – It will probably surprise you that I do not think anyone can be expected to be ultimately responsible for the use of the product of their labours but nonetheless I think this should not be used as an excuse to relinquish the moral responsibility of the manufacturer altogether. To your beloved northern independence this will probably come as too much of a southern paternalism, but surely it is one's Christian duty to prevent the suffering and misfortunes of others whenever and however one can. Still, do not find me impertinent; I do not wish to argue over things I know so little about. – Only a week left now. Can you not come few days earlier? Is there not something you need to discuss with Henry or some other business to arrange? I can hardly wait to see you. This letter-writing business is so unsatisfactory. There are so many things I dare not write. Please come soon and write sooner to the one
Most adorlingly and yearningly yours,
MH
PS
If thou must love me, let it be for nought
Except for love's sake only. Do not say
"I love her for her smile--her look--her way
Of speaking gently,--for a trick of thought
That falls in well with mine, and certes brought
A sense of pleasant ease on such a day"--
For these things in themselves, Beloved, may
Be changed, or change for thee,--and love, so wrought,
May be unwrought so. Neither love me for
Thine own dear pity's wiping my cheeks dry,--
A creature might forget to weep, who bore
Thy comfort long, and lose thy love thereby!
But love me for love's sake, that evermore
Thou may'st love on, through love's eternity.
M'borough Mills, Milton
-- Sep 1853
My dearest, sweetest Maggie,
You have the biggest heart in the world, but I beg you to have mercy on me and let us discuss Fanny no more. I'm still very sore from what she said; it will pass and I'll forgive her, as always, but this time the wound is deeper and it will take longer. – Please give my heartiest to Mr Hale & my best to Mrs Hale. And I promise you that you shall see your nephew or niece when the happy event occurs. – I am not sure how far one can reasonably expect the manufacturers to prevent 'suffering' and 'misfortunes' of others. Surely you cannot and would not hold responsible a rope manufacturer for the suffering and misfortunes of the family of a hanged man, would you, love?! Would you have the manufacturer's moral responsibility extend to the preventing of crimes that, if committed, would have a man condemned to death? If the cotton we make in M. Mills is used for our war efforts, I'll sleep well at night knowing full well that men are well-clothed. These men are at liberty to do what they chose, without my moral authority being extended thus far. – With all the fuss about the dinner, I am surprised that there are people mad enough to brave a second engagement! If we are to follow the French at all, I could think of a few better practices to choose from than dinner arrangements. Am I to expect snails for seconds, frogs for mains and my head off for dessert? I hope at least there would be some cheese. I like good strong cheese. But if I am in earnest, I don't mind asparagus if served with some strong sauce to improve the taste; but the soup is very thin and tasteless and reminds me of water-porridge, and the latter I've eaten more often than I care to remember. However, it will take significantly more than a plate of water-porridge à la française to prevent me from finishing this dinner and taking you to Milton! So pray do not distress Mrs Shaw any further on the topic. – Speaking of dinners, my mother bids me to ask whether you might not prefer her giving a dinner instead of your paying individual calls to Milton's finest. You know our dinners and my mother would change whatever you find wanting; but if you prefer to pay your calls, my mother would be happy to accompany you.— I remember the white dress you wore to our dinner two years ago. You looked so graceful, so unrivalled, a goddess among mortals; a pearl among pebbles; a diamond to common glass. I was a moth to your flame. I wished that everyone would just go and leave me alone in the sanctity of your presence. You shook hands with me then, the first time we touched, and the sensation of this innocuous gesture has lived with me ever since, sweetness and sorrow in equal parts. Oh, how I long to see you, touch you, embrace you, hold you close to my heart; it is all too much to bear! – I could probably find some business in London and come earlier; is meeting my landlord not good enough an excuse? And why should I need an excuse? – I leave you now, as always,
a slave to my love for you,
JT
PS.
'Tis not her birth, her friends, not yet her treasure,
Nor do I covet her for sensual pleasure,
Not for that old morality
Do I love her, 'cause she loves me.
Sure he that loves his lady 'cause she's fair,
Delights his eye, so loves himself, not her.
Something there is moves me to love, and I
Do know I love, but know not how, nor why.
Thank you for reading. Please let me know what you think.