CHAPTER 2

Nathaniel's dreams were odd, to say the least. He dreamed of … talking darkspawn? Surely those didn't exist, did they?

Slowly, Nathaniel started to regain consciousness. He had a splitting headache, but even with that, years of training had taught him to appear fully asleep until the last possible second. All the better to surprise anyone who might be trying to attack you while in your sleep. He overheard a conversation as he quietly came back to the real world.

A deep, gruff voice, with a little bit of slurring: "How are you holding up, Commander? Last I saw you, you...weren't looking so good."

A sultry, feminine voice that Nathaniel recognized as Elissa Cousland's replied after a moment. "I'll … I'll be all right. I had thought we would discuss things, work something out, but he was right. It would have been dishonorable for him to have a wife and a mistress, no matter how common it is for many of the nobles, and he and I would have eventually resented each other if that sort of … arrangement … had come into being. But it took a while, Oghren. I'll not lie. I'm not really over it, even now."

"I thought for sure you would have died on the rooftop of Fort Drakon. You had the look of someone who wasn't coming back."

"I didn't want to come back, but things don't always work out as well as we plan them. Apparently I still have some purpose here, and even after … even after everything, I couldn't risk having him die."

The deep voice rumbled threateningly, "I guess, Commander. But still, if that pike-twirler shows his face here again anytime soon-"

Cousland interrupted, "You will treat him with the respect he deserves. Just because he and I have philosophical differences doesn't mean that he hasn't already earned our respect as a good ruler."

"Aye, aye, I understand. Except for that philosophical thingy, whatever THAT is."

"Thank you, Oghren. You should get some sleep – it looks like we're going to be busy instead of taking time to recruit and train new people properly."

"You going to be okay with the kid over there?"

"I'll be fine," and a low chuckle, "after all, I survived you and Zev, didn't I?"

"Damn elf." And then the muttering gruff voice disappeared down the hallway, coming up with obscenities that even Nathaniel had never heard before in all his time in the Free Marches.

Cousland spoke again quietly, "You don't have to pretend you're sleeping any more. You're good, so I couldn't tell how long exactly you'd been awake, but I didn't want to scare Oghren."

Nathaniel opened his eyes to find himself in the bedroom he had lived in when he last inhabited the estate. "You're the first person I haven't fooled, I think," and slowly got up. Andraste's blood, was his head pounding!

"I made you some tea. You didn't take long to wake up, which is good. That means your body should adjust a lot faster to the blood you drank. When you're ready, let me know. There are some things I need to tell you about being a Grey Warden, most of which you probably are not going to like to hear. But you need to know about them, so you can be informed going forward."

"So this IS a punishment then?" Nathaniel asked, holding his head and moving over to the table where Elissa was pouring tea.

Elissa finished pouring the cup, and moved sugar and milk to where Nathaniel sat across from her. "I know it doesn't mean much coming from me, but no. I don't believe that a person's parentage determines who that person is and how they are going to act. I do believe, however, that you don't have all the information you need to decide about your father's and my actions over the last year and a half. Based on what I already have learned about you, I think you might feel differently about how I chose to resolve the … issues that I came up against."

Nathaniel raised his eyebrow as he drank his cup of tea. "Then why conscript me? After I admitted that I had been planning to kill you, regardless of whether or not I'd changed my mind? For all you know, I was lying and I could steal into your room later and finish what I'd originally set out to do?"

Elissa shook her head. "That's not who you are. You, Nathaniel Howe, are NOT your father." She said it so emphatically that Nathaniel actually looked up at her in surprise as she continued. "You are honest to a fault. You are honorable, intelligent, and skilled in battle. You obviously have excellent mental and physical fortitude to have weathered what amounts to solitary confinement for three days and nights without looking like you were about to tear your own hair out. I need good people who have those qualities to join the Wardens, and you need a purpose, a place where people will not judge you based on what your father did."

Nathaniel narrowed his eyes and studied the Cousland for a moment. She looked back at him, her eyes clear and open except for the sadness that seemed to be ever-present. He gave in first and shrugged. "You seem to know everything about me. Yet you only met me earlier this evening and clearly didn't remember about my presence before that."

Elissa shrugged herself. "I'm good with people, or so I'm told. And you have learned a great deal about me as well. We people-watchers recognize our own kind." She poured herself a cup of tea and sipped it. "Anyway, I need to tell you what I know about being a Warden and what it means to have the taint in you."

After a brief explanation, where she informed Nathaniel about his shortened life span, the ability to sense darkspawn, how an archdemon was usually slain and the difficulties in having children for Wardens, and lastly what little she knew about the new threat of talking darkspawn, she ended with, "I'm sure you have questions for me. Do you want to ask them now?"

Nathaniel thought for a moment. "Yes, I do. One is … personal, though," and he paused as he was reluctant to continue.

Elissa correctly interpreted the pause, "Yes, about King Alistair. You no doubt heard the rumors and at least part of my conversation with Oghren, so I'll give you the short version. Yes, we were involved with each other. Yes, it ended. After the Landsmeet. Alistair feels that he needs to produce a child as part of his duties as king of Ferelden, and since two Wardens together having a child is unheard of...well, you're a smart man." She stated this as a matter of course, but with the sadness in her eyes intensifying.

Nathaniel cleared his throat, "Ah, well, thank you for the explanation. The other question is what makes you think I'm honorable?" He was genuinely curious about this, since her only knowledge of his actions thus far was that he had broken into what was now Grey Warden property and had been planning to kill her.

Elissa actually smiled a bit and chuckled. "Well, a few things. You take the dirtying of your family's name very seriously, for starters. I thought you were going to try to take my head off when I suggested that the entire family was to blame when it was only your father who did serious damage to the Howe name. You passed that test nicely, by the way."

Nathaniel looked up. "You were...?" He shook his head. "I shouldn't be surprised I guess."

Elissa continued. "Also, your lockpicks weren't among your personal effects. Since you are clearly a highly intelligent man, I presume you did not leave them behind to break into the estate? And I also presume you learned the same trick I did, that you hide your lockpicks in your hair in case of being caught?"

Nathaniel's hand automatically went to the back of his head, where his braid was gathered to continue down the back of his head. The lockpicks were, indeed, still there. Elissa just chuckled. "I thought so. It's a shame the Wardens who caught you were clearly not the best we offer. I would have thought that the Orlesian forces would send some of their best. Anyway, I think that in this case, choosing to wait a possibly ignoble fate when being caught fair and square indicates a high level of honor."

Elissa rose up from her chair and walked to the door of the room. "This will be your room. It seemed to suit you. Oh, and the next time you think death is preferable to an empty life," she looked at Nathaniel knowingly as he rose an eyebrow in acknowledgment, "don't try to goad someone who understands the concept entirely too well. You have a dual purpose now, to be a Grey Warden and to clear the stain your father put on your family's name. That will have to keep you going when things get difficult. Take it from someone who has been there." She quietly exited the room, gently closing the door behind her.

Nathaniel stayed up late into the night, thinking about what Elissa Cousland had said. She truly is a very strange woman. I can't decide whether I trust her or not. I need to learn more.