"There is nothing like looking, if you want to find something. You certainly usually find something, if you look, but it is not always quite the something you were after."
J. R. R. TOLKIEN
Cupid's Chokehold; Chapter Three. Bella.
Jake and I said awkward good-byes after our quiet dinner with Billy. Charlie looked up at me from his position on the couch, "You were at Jake's?" for the past month or so my visits to Jake hadn't last this long and I had never come back without rain clouds above my head.
"Yeah. I think we made up. Sorta," I cleared my head and rolled my eyes, "I don't know. It's confusing."
"Did he explain why he was such an ass to you this past month?" I stared at Charlie, he liked Jake. My look wasn't missed by Charlie, "I just don't want you to get hurt again, Bella. I know you've promised not to ever go back to those zombie days, but you didn't see yourself then. You were a mess. I thought we were going to have to do something drastic, even more so than sending you home to Jacksonville. I was talking with Dr. Snow about feeding tubes and anti-depressants. I don't want to have to go through that again.
"I was so happy when you started seeing Jake. You finally resembled something I knew as Bella. But then when he deserted you last month, it was terrible. And Billy wasn't backing me up at all," Charlie took a long look at me, "I just don't want you to get hurt again," he repeated, "You have a very big heart and you never think ill of anyone if you don't have to, just remember, some people deserve to be disliked."
"Dad, Jake's not one of those people. It's a long story, Jake explained everything to me," I said honestly, hoping that Charlie wouldn't have me repeat the story to him. I'd be checked in to a mental institution before my alarm went off in the morning, "Just trust me."
"I do," he said, turning back to the TV, "it's boys who intend to be friends with my daughter that I don't trust."
I sighed, crossed the living room and kissed his cheek, "Good night, Dad."
"Dinner?"
"I ate with Jake and Billy. You did eat without me, right?"
He looked startled when I turned around, "Yeah, of course," he wiped his hands off on his jeans. I continued my way up the stairs and smiled as I heard him turn the volume up on the TV and make his way to the kitchen.
I took my time in the shower; the hot water felt nice against the tense muscles in my neck. I hadn't realized all the pressure had built up there. I slipped into my room and turned the computer on before putting on an old pair of sweats.
I logged in and began twisting my hair into a braid, wondering why Charlie wasn't paid more money as a Chief of Police. I wasn't much of a computer person, but with the looming senior project coming up I knew that working computer would soon become important.
I began organizing the papers on my desk as the computer connected to the phone line. I twirled in the chair, humming to the annoying tune of the computer. The connection was made and I opened up the screen.
I clicked on the first item, 1 down 996,000 to go. I scribbled down anything and everything that caught my eye. Silver bullets, silver or iron jewelry, phases of the moon, being drawn to lust.
Hours passed before I turned the ancient box off and fell into my bed. But exhaustion and tired eyes didn't stop my mind from racing around everything I had learned today.
Jacob was a werewolf and he had now devoted his life to me. He would do anything for me, answer any questions, anything I wanted was mine. I didn't like having this kind of power over someone.
I thought I did once. I thought I had had someone who would always be there for me, through everything, no matter what. But I had learned, in the end, that it was all a lie. A façade. I was a mere plaything for a short amount of time.
I rolled over facing away from the one darkened window in my room, I was just being bitter. There had to be some sort of real emotion behind what Edward and I had had. I couldn't have been the only one feeling whatever that was, the pull, the draw, the ache.
It was a magnified feeling of what I had felt today when I saw Jake.
I had felt something when I first saw him today; it was mostly anger. But that anger disguised my own draw to him. Sleep pulled me under and I brushed it off as sympathy for his unreturned feelings.
&
Over the next few days I busied myself with spring-cleaning. If I were back in Phoenix I would be packing away all the snow gear: boxing up the tire chains and heavy jackets and blankets, reprogramming the heating system. But in Forks, spring-cleaning consisted only of putting away the heavier jackets and sweeping the last bit of dead leaves into the gutter.
However resentful I was about leaving the sunshine of Phoenix I wouldn't change it for anything, even after everything that had conspired in the past few months.
"Bells, you and Jake made up, right?" Charlie asked Wednesday night after dinner.
"Um, yeah. I think so," I picked up his dish and placed it in the sink with mine.
"Then why haven't you gone over there?" he asked, raising his left eyebrow. I hated when he did that. When I was younger I had spent hours in front of the mirror trying to get my own eyebrow to do that, I had failed with only sore eye muscles to show for it.
"Uh, well, he's just been busy and he had his spring break last week. He's in school for most of the day and then he's working on his cars," and protecting his tribe from God knows what, "I don't want to get in the way. I've been keeping busy here, the dust bunnies were getting dust bunnies under them."
"Bells, there's only so many times you can dust. Besides, your busy schedule didn't keep you two from getting together before- everything. Why now?"
"Dad, it's just different," I shrugged, I had forgotten how to lie to Charlie with ease, "It's just awkward, you know? He was like my best friend and then he hated me, it's just hard to get back into the swing of things, okay?"
"Okay," he said, unsure of himself, "As long as nothing bad is happening."
Read Read Read: I finished Breaking Dawn last night and once I accepted everything and got into it (around page 400) I really enjoyed it. Just a note to those who are waiting to read or can't get ahold of the book; I will be adding small details and bits of information from Breaking, just like I am from Eclipse and the last portion of New Moon.
This is fic is only an exercise on the way time flows through out a story (that's why a lot of the chapters have dates at the top) that's been my biggest complaint from reviewers so far. It's also an exercise in handling plot lines. I want more than one and pulling from another story will help me juggle that. Nothing big, just small things. I would never ruin a book for someone on purpose, someone ruined HP5 for me and it was a pretty sucky feeling.
A Note: Expect an update around Wednesday or Thursday. I'll do my best to get the quotes out to everyone who reviews it just gets tricky being on two different computers. If I didn't get to you last time I am sorry! I'm gonna try and do updates as I write so once I finish chapter 20 I'll post chapter 4. c:
PS. Sorry that these chapters are so short, they do get longer around chapter 15. Promise.
Happy reading!