Thank you to Skylow for writing these articles and some of the phone messages! It feels so much more authentic than if I had done it.
Amelia stares at the picture on the screen. It's from earlier that day; not even twelve hours ago. The exact site is unfamiliar to her, and the exact details hardly matter. The semantics of the gossip site aren't the important part.
It's nothing fancy, just some bolded text with a picture underneath, but it's that picture that concerns her. It's taken from a bit of an odd angle, but Her Majesty is easily recognizable with their hair gleaming in the sun and flowing behind them, and their tentacles flared out in a protective but somehow elegant ring around them.
Her Majesty isn't the problem, obviously. No, the problem is that Amelia can see herself. She's mostly covered up by Her Majesty's tentacles, but they fail to completely obscure her. Her coat is still visible, as is her hat, and even a flash of her face.
It doesn't help that with a bit of scrolling she can see other pictures that show much more, like one of her lagging behind Her Majesty, being pulled by a tentacle to hurry her up with her hat blowing up on her face, showing her surprised expression to the world.
###
Breaking! Secret P.I. Finally Revealed!
Our contacts in Edinburgh have revealed Her Majesty Ina'nis Ninomae taking an unscheduled visit to the local Cathedral with an unlikely companion! Pictures taken of The Queen have been circulating on social media showing Her Majesty with, who we here at The Sol believe is, the special detective brought in by The Crown!
Our special sources have done extensive and thorough research to bring you the identity of this mysterious woman! Her name is Amelia Watson*, a private detective from the greater London area. Most of what we've found about her leads us to believe that she's a small-time investigator, handling local cases.
This just makes us all the more interested in why such a nobody suddenly has the interest of not one, but both of The Imperial Couple's attention! If you weren't in the know, our inside sources inside the Royal Palace have previously reported that Her Highness Gura Ninomae has scheduled numerous one-one-one meetings w…(cont. On Page 8)
*Name has not yet been officially confirmed
###
They managed to get her name so quickly. All they needed was a picture. Amelia always thought she did a good job of keeping herself hard to find, but a certain amount of public knowledge is necessary for her to pull in more regular customers. Her only consolation is that her home address is not tied to her work website, not even through links. She doesn't have any social media for people to look at or find her house through. Her internet presence is limited to her official business.
(She's afraid to look at her email now, or worse, her voicemail.)
Amelia keeps scrolling through news sites. Her eyes catch on another article. Her eyes skim through it, latching onto the middle of the article.
###
Empress Ina'nis and Unknown Detective
Appear in Edinburgh!
…anonymous Police Officer of the Edinburgh Police Force reached out to us at The Royal Business for comment. "She didn't even do anything. Just gave some comments as Her Majesty sped everything along. Her Majesty even seemed a bit done with everyone, and I doubt the 'detective' did anything to help."
Another tidbit that bystanders noticed was that The Empress had no other escorts besides the Unknown Detective. Many online users have speculated why this was, but the prevailing theory was that the woman was simply normal-looking enough to pass as human.
Still, many still wonder why such an out-of-nowhere visit to the city had such an unusual path, and speculati…
###
Her eyes slide off the article, darting to the titles of others. Why are they all about her? Why is she so notable? Surely Her Majesty has been seen with other people before, right? This can't be new or that surprising, can it? Or does she just stand out so badly that everyone can't help but notice?
"Wah." Bubba whines in her ear, and pulls at it with his tentacles. "Waaah!"
"It's horrible Bubba." She whispers, unable to pull her eyes away despite his attempted insistence.
"Waaah!" He continues to protest. With determination, her tako crawls onto her face and firmly sticks himself over her eyes. She gently pries him off, ignoring his chirps of indignation.
"Bubba I-" She's cut off by one of his tentacles getting in her mouth. "Bleh, Bubba, stop!"
He bites down on her hair, forcing her to take a moment to dislodge him. He continues to vocally express his unhappiness the entire time, whining and chirping and curling his flaps in anger.
"Bubba! Down!"
"WAH!"
Her tako continues to struggle. Amelia manages to pull him off her hair, but that only leads to him wrapping himself around her hand and continuing to make a nuisance of himself. No amount of scolding gets him to stop.
"Do you want a snack, is that it?" Amelia asks somewhat desperately. First the articles, and now this? Even her own pet doesn't like her anymore. She must be a terrible owner. "You want a, uh, cracker? Cookie?"
Bubba growls and pulls on her hands, and Amelia reluctantly stands. She allows her tako to lead her out of the room and to her bedroom, where he petulantly sits her on her bed.
"What is it Bubba?"
"Wah." He flops in her lap. His flaps flail as he chirps at her. "Wah wah, wah! Wah waaah. Wah wah, wah wah wah wah!"
"I don't understand."
Bubba pouts, curling up his flaps again. He floats off her lap towards her bedside table and grabs the phone off it, which he then brings to her. Amelia stares at it blankly, then up to Bubba who-
"BUBBA NO!" She yelps as he starts pressing numbers on the phone; she frantically tries to grab him but he darts around her fingers, pressing buttons with utter determination. "Stop, stop!"
"WaaAAaah!" Bubba insists loudly. "Wah wah wah!"
At first it looks like Bubba is pressing random buttons, and it's only when he suddenly stops and Amelia has a chance to glance at the phone's screen that she sees what was dialed.
She… doesn't recognize the number? It looks like an actual phone number, she recognizes the area code, and the call seems to be-
"Hello?"
Amelia freezes when she hears a familiar, calm voice over the speaker. Her hands clench around the phone, threatening to break it. That can't possibly be…
"Who is this?" Her Imperial Majesty's voice murmurs over the phone. While most voices tend to be distorted over the phone, Her Majesty's feels as if she's in the room, whispering directly into Amelia's ear.
Amelia can't speak, her voice is lost to her. Bubba, on the other hand, has no such issues. "Wah!"
That sends a jolt down Amelia's spine. She can't be letting her takodachi bother the Empress like this! How is she ever going to explain that her tako insisted on making a prank call and she just stood there and let it happen!?
Maybe she should just hang up? That's probably the smart choice, but what if Her Majesty has some sort of magical monitoring to her phone calls, and she knows Amelia is on the phone right now and is waiting for her to take responsibility for her lack of action?
"Wah, wah-waaah!" Bubba says into the receiver. "Wah wah, wah wah. Wah!"
Her mouth opens and closes uselessly while her mind is paralyzed with indecision. Maybe she should hang up? But that would be even more rude than calling without context!
"Ah, hello Bubba." Her Majesty says; her voice transitions to the coo most people use when talking to takodachies. However, Amelia is a bit more startled by the fact Her Majesty can understand takodachi speak. What is Bubba even saying!? "How are you?"
"Wah!" Bubba replies. "Wah wah, wah wah wah! Wah!"
"Oh really?"
"Wah, wah-wah. Wah! Wah waaah."
"Oh dear. Is she there?"
"Wah!" Bubba turns towards Amelia and pokes her nose with a tentacle. Quietly, he whispers: "Wah."
Amelia can understand when she's being prompted to speak, and it's that sense of obligation that finally gets her to speak. "Y-Y-You're Majesty, I'm so sorry-!"
"Detective." Her Majesty cuts Amelia off. "You have seen, I presume."
"I- uh-" She doesn't- no, no, she has to focus. Her Majesty is talking to her- no, not to her, to the Detective. She needs to be the Detective. "Seen what, Your Majesty?"
"Waaah!" Bubba protests, slapping Amelia's nose with his tentacles. "Wah!"
"The headlines, Detective. Bubba tells me you have." Her Majesty says.
Oh Baelz, Bubba snitched on her. She frowns at him, and he huffs back at her, puffing up his body like a balloon in indignation. "Y-Yes, I have seen them. I stood out too much."
"Detective, that is hardly the case. Myself and Gura are photographed and cataloged wherever we roam." Her Majesty explains softly. "Within our company, your exposure to the media was inevitable. I failed to consider such a thing in my anticipation of our outing. The fault lies with me."
The Detective recognizes the attempt to placate her for what it is. Her Majesty is trying to excuse the Detective's failings in some misguided attempt at kindness. She ducks her head despite the fact that Her Majesty (probably) doesn't have eyes on her. "No, Your Majesty. It does not. I was not-"
"Detective." Her Majesty says firmly, interrupting once more. "This is not open for debate."
Her mouth snaps shut. "U-Understood, Your Majesty." She squeaks. She should know better than to back-talk the Empress.
"Good." Her Majesty says. "If the media bothers you directly, please, make us aware. As an employee of the Palace it may do to have screening and protections on your avenues of contact."
That makes so much sense. She was a fool for not thinking of it. Her utter incompetence and lack of foreplanning resulted in this phone call, because even Bubba could see her inability to come to the logical conclusion. "Yes, Your Majesty. Of course, Your Majesty."
It's subtle, but Amelia thinks she can hear a sigh. "Do try not to worry too much Detective. Nearly anyone who associates with us will gain some temporary media attention. It should pass with time. However, as an employee of the Palace, you may have to deal with attention on occasion. Try not to be too alarmed."
Amelia doesn't think it's that easy, but she's already talked back to the Empress once, she won't make the mistake of doing it again. Her Majesty didn't gain her position by being wrong most of the time. "Yes, Your Majesty."
"Wah." Bubba chirps happily.
"Thank you for taking care of our Detective, Bubba. Keep doing a good job." Her Majesty praises, because of course Bubba deserves praise. He kept a cool head when she was incapable of it. Bubba is more of a professional than her.
"Waaah!"
"I will see you tomorrow, Detective. Schedule allowing." Her Majesty says. "Good night."
Her heart jumps into her throat as Her Majesty hangs up with a soft 'click'. She stares at the phone dumbly while Bubba settles himself onto her head. She's going to have to see Her Majesty tomorrow? Again?
"Wah." Bubba chirps again. If a takodachi can sound smug, he does.
Amelia reluctantly returns to her laptop and forces herself to close the articles open on it. She has to stop reading. Her Majesty would be upset with her if she kept reading. She should… erm… other work. Yes. Work. She can work. Surely there must be some new case requests she can look through. There's usually a few. Even if she doesn't have time, at least it's a distraction, right?
She opens up her business inbox, blinks once, then immediately closes it. She doesn't want to think about how she got over fifty emails in one day. Something else.
Voicemails maybe. Yes. Voicemails. Not used as frequently, but still, she gets a few messages here and there, especially now that she isn't in her office to pick up calls. She puts her laptop down entirely, pulls out her cellphone, and dials up her voicemail.
"Hello there Ms. Watson, my name is Oliver Wood from The Sol, and we'd love for you to do an exclusive interview with us! All you need to do is-"
"How DARE you try and get with The Royal Couple! Trying to ruin their sanctity with your imp-"
"Hello there Ms. Watson, my name is Arthur Harris from The Royal Business, and we'd love for you to do an exclusive in-"
"I know that someone as smart as you will take this deal, Ms. Watson. Don't worry, you'd be well compensated for even the most frivolous of information."
"Hello there Ms. Watson, my name is T-"
"A beautiful woman like you would have much more fun working for me~ I think th-"
"Hello there Ms. W-""Hello th-""Hello-"
"H-"
Amelia sits numbly on her couch listening to the voices speak into her ear, hearing very little of it. It's only when Bubba starts trying to pull the phone away from her that she snaps out of her daze and quickly hits the 'end call' button. She shoves the phone back into her pocket and stares straight ahead at the television, currently off, as if it can somehow save her from this madness.
"Waaah?" Bubba asks, latching onto her cheek. One of his little tentacles reaches out to poke her nose. "Wah!"
"Bubba…" Amelia mumbles.
"Ah-wah-wah-wah!" Bubba warbles in reply, and taps his tentacles on her face, tickling her. "Waaah!"
"What am I supposed to do, Bubba?"
"Wah." Bubba says, and crawls over her mouth until he can look (as much as he can look with his eyes closed) into her eyes. "Waaah~"
"Buffa, ah cont tok lik dif." Amelia tries to speak, her voice muffled.
Bubba's tentacles stroke her face. "Waaah. Waaah. Waaah!"
She doesn't understand what his intent is, but whatever it is, it's very cute. With an internal sigh, she reaches up and gently strokes Bubba between his flaps, and he coos in response, leaning into the action.
It's hard to get work done with Bubba crawling all over her, so Amelia doesn't. It's not like there's much she could do with her inboxes full of prank calls and spam anyhow.
###
"Waaah."
Amelia's eyes squint open. It almost feels strange to not be assaulted by sunlight; at least, until she hears the rain pattering against her roof and window, and the faint chill permeating the air as a result. A groggy glance at her clock tells her she's woken-
'12:00' flashes on and off, signaling there was a power outage at some point that reset her lock. With a groan, she reaches for her phone, only to find it hovering in front of her face a moment later, held in the mouth of her adorable tako.
"Wuh!"
"Thank you Bubba." She pats his head with one hand while taking the phone with another, and checks the time properly.
6:00. That's her usual alarm time.
"Good timing."
"Wah!" He bumps his head to hers. "Wah."
"You're very chatty today too."
"Wah-wah! Waaah!" Bubba flails his tentacles happily. He floats around the room at random, chirping all the while. "Wah wah-wah! Wah! WaaAAaah!"
It's a bit easier to get up with Bubba there dancing around her bed. They share a simple breakfast (apple slices with peanut butter and some bread), pack lunch (another cheese sandwich for her, crackers for Bubba), grab an umbrella, and set out.
Amelia keeps her hat lower on her face than usual as she moves to the train station, casting furtive glances at anyone who comes too close. Bubba has no such compunctions and happily sits on her shoulder, letting his flaps flutter in the breeze made by her walking. With careful steps Amelia mostly manages to avoid getting her stockings wet while moving across the soaked ground, deftly side-stepping large puddles in the uneven pavement.
While she doesn't like how much more noticeable the rain makes her footsteps, it's somewhat compensated for by the constant hiss of rain around her. If she slides her foot to a stop with each step rather than coming straight down she can mask her steps even more, but it consequently kicks up more water and increases the chance of tripping if she's moving at any sort of speed.
She always hated rainy days back when she was blinded. Her echolocation could only do so much, so she often ended up finding puddles when she accidentally stepped in them. Maybe if she'd had a cane she could have felt for them somehow, but she didn't. At least a few of her scars are from stumbles and slips during her blindness.
Her usual train arrives on time. She can hear it vibrating the tracks long before anyone else notices its lights appearing in the distance. She knows where to stand on muscle memory, and enters with her head down, listening for the hiss of the sliding door just like she used to without her sight. She shuffles to her usual spot, sits, allows Bubba to settle in her lap, and puts a hand on his head so she can stroke between his flaps as the train moves. His whole body wobbles with every slight shake of the vehicle, rippling like waves of jello.
"WaAaAaAaH." Bubba says, his voice wavering in time with the rumble of the train as if he's speaking into a fan. He's speaking quietly enough to not bother the other passengers, but with her sharp ears Amelia can hear him just fine. "wAaAaAaAh."
The best part about having a pet is always having a distraction, and company, on her way to and from work. She doesn't have to look out the window and pretend she has something to do, instead she can stroke Bubba's head and flick his head flaps and yelp when he pouts and 'bites' the offending finger with no force whatsoever.
Stops fly by, and Amelia doesn't look up. She's used to listening to the announcements instead. When the call for her station sounds, she scoops up Bubba and navigates her way out without taking her eyes off him.
Amelia does, however, eventually raise her eyes to navigate the crowds. That doesn't last long, because she very quickly notices a few pairs of eyes directed her way and ducks her head again.
Every step she takes, she can feel eyes on her. They burn into her head, her neck, her back, like little coals being pressed into her skin. She stops at the light, and swears among the quiet murmuring of the cult city and the patter of the rain she can hear her name whispered. Every step she takes, she can hear it sliding into one of her ears, pricking the edge of her hearing.
It's enough to make her duck off the main street and down an alley, just to get away from the whispers. Amelia knows there's a good chance they're just in her head, but getting away soothes it anyhow.
The alley she's ducked into is for the dumpsters of adjacent stores. It's just wide enough for a truck to fit down even with dumpsters on each side, though Amelia has never actually seen that happen. She doesn't know if that's an intentional design choice or just coincidence.
The rain doesn't do much for the smell back here, but that's to be expected. Bubba squeaks his annoyance and flattens his flaps? Does he not like the smell? Can he smell?
With soft steps she navigates the puddles on the uneven pavement. She can sometimes hear noises behind the doors on either side of the alley. A call from one, the sound of something heavy being put down, the shuffling of feet…
She reaches the end of the alley too soon, but at least the next street is marginally less packed with people. It's a familiar street. She bought a magazine with a picture of Her Majesty here before. She spies the same magazine and news stand within seconds with the same elderly Atlantean manning it.
Amelia was by no means planning to talk to him. She likes him well enough, yes, but she is on her way to work, and she isn't sure she could stomach looking at another headline after yesterday. However, despite her efforts to look away, she can see herself on the cover of one of those magazines. She didn't figure it would be that fast! She can understand that sort of speed for online articles, but physical ones as well?
She shouldn't look. She knows she shouldn't look. Bubba is trying to push her face away.
But she has to know. Somehow an actual magazine article feels more real than something made in ten minutes online, and despite Bubba's best attempts she parts from the orderly lines of the cult city and walks to the stand.
"Ah, you again lass, been a few weeks hasn't it?" The man says with the same wrinkly smiles as last time. He's out of the rain due to a canopy over his stall, but the rain seems to be doing him well either way. Where rainy weather tends to make some humans cramp or mopey, this man seems more energetic than before. It must be an atlantean thing. "Made a bit o' a name for yourself in the meantime, haven't you?"
"I-I didn't mean to…" Amelia mumbles, tugging her hat low on her face and fiddling with her umbrella. "I didn't expect to get any attention."
"That's your first mistake lass." The man chuckles. "The gossips are relentless. They'll grab at anything to make a story out o' it. That's two prongs of media's trident. News travels fast, for better and for worse, no matter how minor."
Amelia nods mutely. She should have known this already. This is an obvious truth that she somehow missed out on. "What's the last prong?"
The man inclines his head, as if Amelia has said something smart. "Spread o' information in the first place. World's a different place for it. Back when I was a young shark, internet wasn't a big thing. Fewer cameras, phones, and the like. Newspaper was the best most people had. Even less in Atlantis because we didn't have paper. We relied on town criers and word o' mouth. Waterproof media ain't as big an industry in most o' the world, because most o' the world ain't got gills."
"Really?" Amelia blinks. "You have gills?"
The man laughs. "Indeed lass! They're on the neck. Hard to notice when we're on land because they flatten down real good." He tilts his neck and for just a second, flares his gills, showing that he has three horizontal slits on his neck. When he sucks them back in, they become almost perfectly flat and smooth with the rest of his skin.
"Woah…"
"Humans don't tend to notice." Her chuckles. "Not often relevant on land, 'an it ain't always safe to use our gills in pools or streams due to chemicals and such. More of a deep-sea thing."
That explains a lot, actually.
"Anyhow! What can I do for ya today, lass?" The man says, standing up straight. "Magazine? Newspaper? Just browsing?"
"Yes." Amelia says, then mentally kicks herself at how stupid that sounds. He asked what he can get her, and she said 'yes'. What a brilliant response. "Uh, that one." She says, equally dumbly, pointing at one of the magazines on the front before remembering she could just pick it up and show it to him. "This one." She says after finally doing what she should have done nearly a minute ago and showing him the magazine.
It takes less than thirty seconds to pay for it and leave. That entire embarrassing fiasco could have been avoided if she just picked up the magazine or never went to the stand in the first place.
"Wah." Bubba huffs disapprovingly. Amelia cringes sheepishly, but flicks the magazine open to the correct page while sliding back into the lines of the cult city.
###
Royal Couple's Secret Lover?
…along with the frequent secret meetings that Queen Ninomae has scheduled with Watson, without a single guard or escort to attend! Couple that with the photos showing Her Majesty keeping the Detective shockingly close as they made their way through the city, and many fans of the Royal Couple have been eager to find out if the rumors of a mistress are true!
Our inside sources are reporting that tempers are flaring in the Atlantean Court! The possibility of their Queen being interested in a "Low-Class human" is not falling on deaf ears! Our reporters tried to get a word in directly from the source, attempting to ask Queen Ninomae as she returned to The Ancient's Palace.
Videos captured at the site showed the Queen getting visibly upset and ordering the Royal Guards to force the media to leave the Royal Grounds all together! We think that she has something to hide…
Why else would a nobody suddenly be so close to The Royal Couple after such little time? Send your thoughts our way!
###
Amelia stares blankly; first at the title, then the article proper. She reads it once, twice, three times, making absolutely sure she isn't misunderstanding.
"How…" She thinks, eyeing the title. She swallows. "Lover?! They're married! I haven't been that close to them! I would never- I could never get between them! Why would anyone think I could? I'm not- They're- And they bothered Her Highness about it!? Oh Baelz, oh Baelz- what if it's- no, it is my fault! If I was better at hiding, these articles never would have been made, and Her Highness wouldn't have been harassed, and-"
A crackling noise shakes her out of her stupor. She's gripped the magazine so hard that it crumpled in her hand. She forces her hands to relax their grip and smoothes out the glossy paper while trying to ignore the same zoomed-in photo of her and Her Majesty dominating the entire left page.
(Every article she's seen has used the same picture. Someone must have gone around and sold it to everyone they could. She doesn't know why anyone bothered paying for it in the first place; it's just Her Majesty dealing with an incompetent employee.)
She hopes that Her Majesty hasn't seen any of these articles. They're probably too busy and important to read something like that, right?
(Oh Baelz she hopes so. She's not sure she could handle the shame of knowing Her Majesty read something so foolish; something that implied she might in any way be a fitting companion for an empress.)
How can she be expected to look her employers in the eye after something like this?
At least the other articles of the magazine don't have anything to do with her. This is apparently an Atlantean magazine; as in it is based in Atlantis, and so it naturally has a large focus on Atlantean politics. The article on herself and Her Majesty is only relevant, she imagines, because of the association with Her Highness.
That said, she does find a few articles involving Her Highness more directly. One is from a recent military demonstration. There's a small picture of Her Highness in full military regalia walking in front of a row of Poseidon M2 Tanks, accompanied by… some other military officer (Amelia doesn't know ranks by badge all that well).
The article blathers on about something related to the military, so Amelia doesn't pay much attention to the details. That's Her Highness' area of expertise.
"And when they got back from their incredibly important military business, they were harassed by reporters about their wife pulling around their idiot detective and making baseless claims about infidelity." Amelia remembers. She quickly folds the magazine and shoves it in her pocket, hoping she'll forget it by the time she gets to the palace.
(If only she should be so lucky.)
She's never been more happy that she doesn't have to use the front entrance. She slips in through the side entrance, scans her employee card and ducks into the nearest service stairwell, and takes the concrete steps quickly to the second floor, and power-walks from the stairwell to her office a few doors down. She's memorized the path that will expose her to the fewest eyes.
Amelia opens the door and-
"Ah, Detec-"
She shrieks and grabs at her gun. She has it out and aimed before even registering who she's pointing it at. Once she realizes, she promptly drops her gun and then drops to her knees and bows her head to the floor. "Y-Your Majesty! I-I'm so sorry! I didn't mean- I never- you- I-"
Amelia's voice dies in her throat when she hears footsteps running down the hallway to her position, as well as the shout of guards. This is it. She ruined everything. She pointed a gun at the Empress. She's going to be thrown in the dungeon and Her Highness is going to hear about this and they're going to come and remind Amelia that they gave her multiple chances, and she still somehow managed to fuck it up in the most low-pressure situation possible!
The next thing she hears is a noise she's only heard in movies before; the sound of a takodachi hissing. Considering that sound is directly above her head, she can only assume it's Bubba.
"HOLD." Her Majesty's voice says loudly. They do not sound angry, they sound calm, firm, commanding. "Thank you for your prompt response, but you may return to your stations. I have the situation under control."
"Your Majesty, with all due respect-" A voice protests.
"Dismissed, soldier." Her Majesty cuts them off. "Thank you for your service."
"Yes Ma'am!" A pair of voices (one being the individual who just attempted to speak) respond sharply, accompanied by fading footsteps.
Silence fills the hall for a moment. Unusual silence. Her ears should be able to pick up something, but all Amelia can hear at the moment is her own heartbeat. She can faintly feel Bubba landing on her head, and only then does he start making a quiet whining noise.
"Detective…" Her Majesty sighs after a moment, and Amelia tenses. Here it is. She's going to get fired, or thrown in the dungeon, or killed, and she won't even be able to argue with it. She has no excuse. "I apologize."
Amelia jolts. Such is her surprise at those words. She looks up before she can think better of it.
She doesn't know when Her Majesty got so close, but Her Majesty is now standing in the doorway rather than sitting inside the room. Their tentacles are flared out, temporarily blocking off the entire hallway. Are they what is suppressing the noise as well?
"Do come inside, Detective. We should not be obstructing the hallway."
Amelia hastily scrambles to her feet, but then realizes she can't actually see the doorway. Her Majesty's tentacles entirely prevent her from moving past them anyhow.
What is she supposed to do? Does she say something? Does she push past them? Surely she's not allowed to touch the tentacles. That's got to be a crime of some sort! Is this some sort of test, to see what she'll do? If she'll obey orders or if she'll ignore them so as to not do something illegal?
"Detective? Is something wrong?"
"N-No, Your Majesty. Of course not." Amelia says on impulse. She takes a hesitant step towards the Empress. Is this the right move? Is she supposed to-?
"Wah!" Bubba's call is directly in her ear and she tenses before recognizing it. "Waaah!"
"Ah, yes, of course." Her Majesty hums. They part their tentacles, creating a path for Ame to walk through. Apparently Bubba noticed the same problem she did? "Thank you, Bubba."
Amelia quickly ducks through the opening provided. A moment later, Her Majesty withdraws their tentacles and closes the door to Amelia's office.
They then scare Amelia again, though this time by offering her gun back to her, handle-first. Amelia stares at it, fear curling in her stomach. Surely this has to be a test, right? There's no way Her Majesty is returning her weapon to her after an incident like that.
"Detective, take the gun." Her Majesty orders softly.
She takes it and puts it back in its holster. Bubba huffs and nuzzles into her neck.
"Apologies for scaring you, Detective." Her Majesty hums. "Perhaps a bit of forewarning is in order in the future, but I must express my concern that your first response to surprise is to draw a weapon. You have the instincts of a soldier."
Amelia doesn't know if that's a compliment or an insult. She doesn't say anything and keeps her eyes fixed on the floor.
"That said, this is not America, Detective." Her Majesty says with very slight reproach in her tone. "I would like to think you need not fear a violent encounter unprovoked."
Amelia ducks her head even further in shame.
"And, if for some reason you do… please tell us. We can offer protection." Her Majesty continues, and claps her hands gently in front of her body. "Do try to restrain yourself in the future though. Drawing a weapon on someone unprovoked is a chargeable offense."
So she is in trouble. Her Majesty just wanted to scold her first, to drive in how much she's messed up, how she's ruined everything she had with a single overreaction. She's going to get charged with threatening the empress and spend the rest of her life in prison and-
"Of course, that requires there is another party that wishes to lay charges." Her Majesty hums. "So it is not the issue it could have been."
Amelia isn't a fool. She recognizes that warning for what it is: blackmail. At any point, Her Majesty could choose to hold this over her head to force compliance. Not that an Empress particularly needs leverage over her own subject. Amelia is entirely at her mercy already, but this ensures a less public form of control.
"Now, to business." Her Majesty says, gesturing for Am- The Detective, to take her seat. It doesn't feel right to sit when Her Majesty isn't, but she can't refuse the Empress; not with new blackmail hanging over her head. Bubba happily flutters off her shoulder and settles in her lap, which at least does a bit for calming her nerves.
Her Majesty makes themself a seat of tentacles and sits across from the Detective. They fold their hands in their lap and sit up straight. With a flick of a small tentacle, several papers- some individual and some stacks- appear on the desk next to the Detective.
"You can look them over later." Her Majesty says. "I figured you may want them for your records. They are investigation reports mostly, but even in merely a day the police managed to find some citizens willing to come forward with information, as well as some of the members of the clergy that were less on-board with their high priest's underhanded dealings."
"Efficient." The Detective thinks, glancing over one of the papers. She pushes aside her discomfort for a moment to do her job. "Perhaps because they know the Empress was interested? Either way, how have they been going about their investigations? Might have to jump back in time and tail that high priest to make sure she doesn't run."
"Care to share your thoughts, Detective?"
She swallows and returns her gaze to Her Majesty. "I was considering tailing the high priest to make sure she doesn't flee."
"Mmm, a fair worry." Her Majesty nods. "But please, Detective, let the police do their job. If your assistance is required, I shall alert you. Your energy is doubtless better spent elsewhere."
She nods. What choice does she have? The Empress is not to be disobeyed.
"There is one paper I would direct your attention to, however. If you would grab the leftmost paper from the desk…"
She does as instructed, finding that piece of paper to be an excerpt from a larger report.
"-found records indicating consistent buyers, including those matching the general profile of suspected local offshoots of, or perhaps lesser gangs supplying the London's Way smuggling ring-"
The Detective's lip curls instantly. She's had experience with London's Way before. More than one doomsday event has been supplied by their smuggling network, and she can never quite seem to chop off enough of it to do serious damage to the whole.
"You have had encounters with them in the past?"
"Unfortunately." The Detective says. "They've helped cause more than one of my special requests."
"So we are largely on the same page then." Her Majesty says. "Take the day to look over the papers. Perhaps you will see something the police have not. Now, I will be quite occupied, and Gura has some follow-up from yesterday to deal with, but we trust you can self-direct today. Feel free to make use of the teleportation pads if you need to return to Edinburgh. Please do send word to one of us if you plan on any… intrusive measures."
It's a gentle warning, but a warning nonetheless. The Detective nods mutely. She doesn't even know how to contact them, but-
"Wah!"
"No, no, shh Bubba." She thinks, slipping a hand over the takodachi's mouth.
Bubba gives a muffled "Wah!" against her hand.
"Ah, yes, thank you Bubba." Her Majesty hums. "Please, note down these phone numbers Detective. Text also works."
The Detective reluctantly notes down the phone numbers. Her Majesty gives her four. Two for business, which should be her usual contact points for work-related things, and two private numbers.
"For other things." Is all the explanation Her Majesty offers, as if The Detective or Amelia would ever have anything worth disturbing the Empress or Queen over. "And Detective…"
"Yes?"
"Please don't hesitate to call if you need help. Even if we are busy, we can always send or refer you to someone else."
Right. So she's never asking for help.
"WAH!" Bubba chirps, having gotten out from behind her hand. He brings a tentacle up to his head in a salute.
"Continue looking after the Detective, Bubba." Her Majesty smiles.
"Wah!"
With that, Her Majesty stands up, curls her tentacles around herself, and then tightens them until they cross and just… vanish? It's like watching a screen filter that mirrors the screen oppositely, so when both objects reach the end of the screen they 'merge' into each other and disappear, except this isn't a gimmick on a phone camera it's real life.
The Detective stares at that spot Her Majesty left from for a moment, then looks down at Bubba who wiggles his flaps happily as if that conversation went perfectly well and she didn't just hand the most powerful woman in the world blackmail to hang over her head.
Despite his usual proficiency at being extremely distracting, Bubba settles onto her desk and barely makes a noise as she starts shuffling through the papers and figuring out what she needs to look at.
The inventory reports go to one side. She already knows what was there when she investigated, so unless it's obviously relevant she's going to put that off until later. If the scythe was mentioned there she imagines it would have been brought up, so she's more interested in the clients at the moment.
She's not expecting to recognize names. She's more interested in the profiles attached to them.
The exact details are… muddy. These profile matches are tentative at best, and all the names in the church's transaction records are clearly aliases. That said, it gives a decent idea of what she's dealing with.
"Suspected robbers and some hucksters mostly." She mumbles to Bubba. Robbers refers to things a bit more serious than shoplifting. More… break into a store at night and steal their stuff. Hucksters are basically just people that buy stuff and then scam people on it for a higher price. Asshole salesmen, but more illegal. "Hucksters are a pain, but relatively harmless compared to the others. Gonna ignore them for now."
"Wah." Bubba says seriously, nodding his little head. His flaps are up and- while not quite stiff- not relaxed either. He's at attention. He points a tentacle to part of the page. "Wah?"
"Yeah, I was eyeing that too." She agrees. There's a few names split off from the others that are 'individuals of greater concern', mostly because they purchased actual weapons or living creatures. "Concealed lightning baton, nightmare, zombie creation ritual… I can understand the first and the last, but how do you hide a horse in a church?"
"WaAah." Bubba's body does a little wiggle, starting from both sides. A shrug maybe? And has Bubba's voice always had that much nuance to its inflection? Perhaps she's only noticing it now?
"Well, they don't have exact times, but they do have a date." The Detective muses. "So I guess a few stakeouts are in order; see if any of those 'concerning' individuals might give us a lead if I tail them."
"Wah wah?"
Sometimes she wishes she could understand Bubba rather than merely guessing at what he's saying. "I've done it before against much scarier people. Should be easy."
"Wah…" Bubba frowns thoughtfully, his flaps curling slightly. After a few moments, his flaps relax and he nods. "Wah!"
"Good. You should probably stay beh-"
"WAAAH!"
"-uh, come with me, I guess…" The Detective coughs. "Bubba, it might be dangerous."
"WAH." Bubba thumps his tentacles on the table.
"I can't risk you getting hurt Bubba."
Bubba's flaps curl indignantly, like she's just said something absurd.
"If I have to jump, I can't take you with me. My watch only works for one person." She whispers. "Please Bubba…"
"WaaAH!" Bubba shouts, thumping again. "Wah wah wah! Wah! WAH! Wah-wah! Wah-wah-wah wah!"
The Detective sucks in a breath, hating that she needs to put her foot down, but she can't have Bubba getting hurt. "Bubba. No."
"WAH."
"No!"
"WAAAH!"
"No." She says, lowering her voice. She won't get into a shouting match with him. "Bubba, I know you want to help, but I won't let you get hurt. I can time travel. I'm used to fighting. This isn't the most dangerous thing I've done. You are staying here, and that's final."
"WAH."
"I don't care if you don't like it, I'm going to keep you safe." The Detective scolds, trying to pretend like her voice isn't shaking. "You. Will. Stay."
Bubba flails his tentacles and his flaps curl into tight balls. He puffs up like a pufferfish, shouts, and even smacks her hand, but Amelia holds firm. It takes five minutes of him tantruming for him to wear himself out emotionally and quiet down.
"I know you don't like it Bubba, but it's my job to keep you safe." Amelia mumbles, scooping up the little tako in her hands. He mumbles something in return, flaps now pressed to the side of his head in sadness. Tentatively, because she's never done it before, she kisses the top of his head and strokes his face with her thumbs. "I never want to put you in a position where you have to go into a dangerous situation untrained. Maybe we can look into getting you… tako combat training or something, but right now, I'm going by myself, okay?"
"Wah…" Bubba whimpers, but he presses himself into her hands anyhow. "Wah."
She's not used to having someone be so concerned about her work. It makes her feel horrible, but also happy at the same time. It doesn't make any sense at all, but the fact that Bubba got mad about her doing this by herself was kinda nice.
(The Detective needs to spend a few minutes petting Bubba and wiping the tears that have started to form in the corner of her eyes before she's ready to leave.)