CHAPTER 11

Elissa and Nathaniel climbed the tower steps silently, pausing at the top only to hand a note to the guard with the royal seal attached. "We need privacy to speak with her. Can you please wait on the landing below? We will shout when we are done talking." The guard opened the note, looked at it to see that it looked genuine, then appraised both of them. He nodded and unlocked the door, then after they entered, shut it again and relocked it before heading down the stairs.

This certainly is a pretty prison. Nathaniel noted the luxurious furnishings, the expensive tapestries, and artwork and books throughout the room. Anora rose from her seat close to the door, placing a book on the low table in front of her sofa before rising and turning around to see her unexpected visitors. Her face was neutral looking at Nathaniel, but then she saw Elissa and scowled. "You." She said. "What could you possibly want to see me for?" Her voice held bitterness and anger. "You are the reason why I am locked up here instead of ruling this country like I should have been for the past year!"

Elissa rose an eyebrow, then crossed to where Anora was standing. "All right, we'll start by hashing out the Landsmeet first, if that's what you want." Her voice went cold and flat. "One. It was common knowledge that Rendon had sent his men to kill everyone at Highever, and you did nothing. Two. You, as Queen, allowed your father to declare himself Regent and take over control of the entire royal forces. Three. You allowed your father and Rendon to declare all Grey Wardens traitors to the throne, even though it made no sense that the only people to stop a blight would be the ones to allow your own husband and nearly all their numbers to fall at Ostagar. To darkspawn. Four. You never developed an ally network that would allow you to retake the throne on your own, so you attempted to manipulate me into doing your work for you and tried to use my good name to vault yourself back into power. This, after heedlessly giving your father unlimited power and then being upset when he didn't do what you wanted him to do." Elissa held up a hand when Anora started speaking, "I'm not finished yet."

She held up her other hand and started to list more points. "One. Alistair and I went through the entire war fighting darkspawn, bandits, bounty hunters, assassins, and everything else that got thrown at us by your complicity and Loghain and Rendon's plots. Which, if you are as clever as you seem, you would have been able to easily learn about. Two. We assembled an army on our own while having to raise enough money to help them prepare and train for battle. Three. Alistair always tried to find a solution that would involve saving the most lives and would follow the path that was right rather than what was convenient. Four. He made it a point to take me, and the rest of our group, to task if I had done something that he felt was not right or that would hurt people.

"Now, you can sit there and bathe in your self-righteous indignation that I chose to award the throne to someone who I thought would heal the country, rather than plunge it back into turmoil. You can certainly be angry that your life has changed. I get that it was a shock. But are you going to sit there in bitterness, holding on to your wounded pride, remaining part of the problems that caused the civil war in the first place? Or are you going to finally admit to yourself that you screwed up and that the man who now holds the throne is doing a good job? Because if you think that I personally fixed all those problems alone, that I led those people alone, you are sadly mistaken. I just happened to have the Cousland name and the training to lead. There was no way I would allow any of our companions, especially the heir to the throne, to go through all of that without each and every one of them being able to lead if I should die. And make no mistake, just because someone is agreeable does NOT make him biddable. Alistair's track record speaks for itself." Elissa's eyes flashed angrily as she sat down.

"Cailan was killed!" Anora shouted. "What was I supposed to do?"

Elissa looked at her, her eyes and voice going frosty. "You said yourself that you were the power behind the throne. And if you think you will gain sympathy from me or Alistair, think again. You lost a husband. I lost both parents, my sister in law, my nephew, all my friends, and I thought my brother. Alistair lost the only people who up to that point ever made him feel like he had a family. We both lost our homes and our reputations and had to start over completely. The next time you think you have it bad, just remember that you didn't have to look at your nephew's slashed and raped body," Anora gasped," and then fight for your life so it didn't happen to you too, then see evidence that everyone you knew had the same fate happen to them. You didn't have to watch as the first man you ever spent the night with ran to the door to act as a human blockade to buy you the five minutes you needed to escape. You didn't have to leave your mother behind, because she insisted that you get away to see justice done and keep the family name from dying, knowing that she would be tortured to death by the very man she called friend earlier that day. And Alistair and I fought every step of the day while dealing with that grief, and made all the hard choices, because you as Queen refused to."

Anora sat back down, her face going white. She went completely silent and looked down at her hands. "I see," she finally managed. "I .. I didn't know about all that."

"Yes, well, you could have if you had wanted to." Elissa's voice was tired now. "But if you want to know why I put him on the throne instead of you, all that is why." She rubbed her eyes. "Anora, you're in quite a situation here. Your stubbornness has left you here because you refuse to swear fealty to Alistair. And frankly, at this point if you did you would look phony and nobody would believe you anyway. You're ruining what little positive legacy your father has left by your inability to see the total picture. Alistair doesn't want to have you hanged, but you're leaving him with little choice." She looked at Anora calculatingly now. "How long ago did the death threats start, by the way?"

Anora started. "A couple of months ago, now. Nobody has acted on it yet, though."

Elissa stood again. "Actually, you're wrong about that. Someone tried to poison your food last week. It's why Alistair sent for me. His people are good, but even if they stop most of the attempts, it will only take one to bring you down." She looked at Anora appraisingly. "Have you ever learned any self-defense moves, at least?"

Anora paled. "I never had to," she said faintly. "I have always had guards around me to do that."

Elissa made a sound of frustration in her throat. "I just know I'm going to regret this," she muttered to herself. "I can teach you, if you are willing. And offer you slightly better protection than you have here. But there is … a catch. You would have to be willing to undergo the Joining and become a Grey Warden."

Anora stood up. "A WHAT? Are you crazy?"

Elissa nodded at her, "I probably am. But think of it. If Alistair exiles you, after having refused to swear fealty for so long, what do you do? If it were me in your position, I would probably try to drum up foreign help and start a war with Ferelden. If you stay here, Alistair might as well hang you tomorrow, rather than waste men and money trying to keep you safe for a few extra months until the assassins figure out how to get into the castle. If I take you, I can keep an eye on you and let Alistair do his work, I potentially gain the famous Mac Tir strategy brain, and I can teach you to defend yourself. Hopefully in enough time that when the assassins come for you, you can at least fight dirty and buy yourself enough time to have someone come save you. And for yourself, you give yourself a fighting chance, you can try to redeem yourself by joining an order that currently holds a lot of sway in this country, and you can give yourself a fresh start, a chance to prove yourself. Make no mistake, Anora – you will never hold a position of power in Ferelden again, and certainly not in the Wardens. Don't expect it. I am not about to create another Sophia Dryden." Elissa's eyes were sure and clear as she told Anora this. "But you could take a known death over an unknown one and choose your destiny. Even if you die at the Joining, you can die with honor."

"Why not just kill me yourself, and save everyone the trouble?" Anora put her face in her hands. "It's not like your reputation would take much damage. Why go through the Joining? Somehow I doubt you actually want me to be a Grey Warden."

Elissa looked at her. "I never make the offer to someone that I don't think has the potential to become a good Grey Warden. What makes a Warden good is not always her battle skill. I could use a Warden who has your knowledge of political channels and who has already established a good relationship with Empress Celene. While we try not to take sides politically, we have to navigate politics as much as anyone else, and usually with heads of state. I can do it, but I could use someone who understands it better than me." Elissa motioned to Nathaniel to call the guards back. "Think about it, Anora. You don't have a lot of time – I have to go back to Vigil's Keep to let my brother finally go home and take care of his own castle. But I will be here through the end of the day tomorrow. If you want to come with me, send me word by then and I will come back and collect you. Otherwise, you're on your own."

Anora nodded, her face still in her hands. Nathaniel called the guard and he and Elissa left her to think.

By the time Nathaniel and Elissa got back to the Gnawed Noble Tavern, it was lunchtime. There was no sign of Cauthrien or Alec, so Nathaniel suggested they relax and get some lunch, then go shopping themselves. Elissa readily agreed, so they sat at a table and ordered a light meal with some ale to wash it down.

"You like to live dangerously," Nathaniel joked. "First this Zevran character, then me, and now her?" He lowered his voice. "Are you sure this is a good idea? She could turn on us, assuming she even survives the Joining."

Elissa smiled tiredly and put her hand on Nathaniel's arm. He found he enjoyed the warmth of the gesture. "It is a gamble. I've made bigger gambles though, and if she decides that she is willing to work with me as her commander, she might turn out all right. I would much rather be sure of our recruits, but having her hang is a waste of her talents and training. We might as well get use of it. Besides, if she does die while under my care, Alistair will not lose face. He will look like a generous ruler who wields mercy instead." She leaned back and lifted her tankard, then set it back down after taking a generous drink. "The commander before me, Duncan, had apparently conscripted or otherwise recruited a number of people who had no other choice besides death. I think I see why. If the person has a good, useful skill set, but has nowhere to go, why not see if they are willing to put those skills to good use? It makes the Joining a little less hard if you can rationalize that the people you condemn to death would have faced it soon anyway."

Nathaniel thought about this, then nodded. "I see your point. Is that why you conscripted me?" He watched her face as she thought on her answer.

"Partly, yes. I was sure that you would have been lynched if I had let you go off on your own, and I certainly wasn't about to hang you for breaking and entering, even if you did try to goad me." Elissa smiled cautiously. "But knowing you now like I do, I think if I had to do it again I would have let you go and waited to see if you came back to join on your own. I feel badly that I condemned you to some of the darker parts of being a Warden when I didn't have to." Elissa looked a bit sad at this. "You were going to be all right no matter what, given enough time, but I forced you into this life without your consent. I'm sorry I took your choice away from you."

"Don't." It was Nathaniel's turn to put his hand on Elissa's arm for comfort. "I think that joining the
Wardens was the best thing to ever happen to me. I never had friends before coming back to Ferelden, and you gave me a chance when nobody else would have. After everything we've gone through together, I think of you as the family I always needed but never knew I wanted. There is nowhere else I would rather be. I mean it." He looked Elissa in the eye. "I would have come back, so you saved me some time is all."

Elissa smiled at Nathaniel gratefully. "Thank you."

Nathaniel smiled back at her and then changed the subject. "Are you all right with the wedding? You seem to be very fond of him still."

Elissa chuckled. "If you had asked me this question six months ago, the answer would have been a huge NO. But now..." she looked thoughtful. "When the blight was over, the only other person in all of Ferelden who had a chance of understanding who I was and what I had become had been crowned King. After telling me that we were not going to be able to be with each other. That's a particularly lonely feeling." She stopped for a moment, then smiled. "These past few months have really helped me get perspective. Alistair is a very good, decent man. And I will always think of him as one of my best friends. But with time, I have come to understand that he was not the person I was meant to be with. There are things we have never understood about each other that are too important to just accept without question." She smiled fully at Nathaniel now. "I know what you mean, what you said about family. I feel the same way about being a Warden. It makes everything else bearable."

Nathaniel smiled. "Glad to be of service, my lady. Shall we shop while we wait for our sword slingers to return?" He offered her a hand to help her rise.

Elissa laughed. "That sounds like an excellent plan." She accepted his hand and they walked out the door to spend a beautiful fall afternoon searching for things for the keep.