Thanks for the reviews. I know you're waiting on an update of Brother's Keeper, and I assure you that it's coming, but as usual, I'm struggling with the fluff (which lets face it, is basically all that fic is). In the mean time, you'll just have to make do with this. Also, before anyone else suggests it, Kate is not going to give birth to herself, because that would make Jack her father and I'd really rather not go there. ;)
Chapter 6.
"I don't like him," Jack announced as soon as the door closed behind them, leaving them alone on the porch.
Kate knew him well enough by now to recognise that tone: he was obsessing. "Jack." Sure some of the doctor's ideas were a little backwards, but for now, she was just grateful hearing that their baby was healthy after everything her body had been through since leaving L.A.
"What was he thinking, telling you you could've stayed at the motor pool?" he seethed, thundering down the steps into the courtyard.
She took them at a more measured pace to avoid tripping as she scurried along in his wake. "Would you just slow down?" she complained, struggling to keep up with his lengthy strides, but he didn't seem to hear her.
"Does he even know that consistent exposure to exhaust fumes can inhibit foetal growth?" he continued, making it difficult to tell if it was the doctor or the father in him that he was channelling. "Any kind of fumes," he amended, as if this part wasn't obvious, even to her. "There're studies that show it can reduce abdominal circumference, thighbone length, biparietal diameter – the baby could've been born with a small head or liver damage… And don't even get me started on the rest of what he said…" He shook his head in disgust.
"It's not like he suggested I take up smoking," she insisted, even though he might as well have for all the discouragement he'd given her. "Anyway, it doesn't matter, because I'm not going to do any of those things."
"That's not the point, Kate," he argued, rounding on her without warning so that she almost ran into his chest. "If he was wrong about that, what else is he wrong about?" He shook his head again, his jaw locking with determination. "I'm not taking that chance – with you, or our baby. I want a second opinion."
She should have known that this wasn't something that he could just let go. She sighed. "We're on an island in the middle of nowhere," she pointed out, in case this fact had slipped his mind. Where did he think they were going to go? It wasn't like they could get a referral.
"He's not the only person here with a medical degree," he reminded her.
Of course that was what he was getting at: he wanted to do more than sit on the sidelines and wait for her to give birth. "I know you hate being shut out of this, Jack," she told him, trying to be as gentle as she could, "but how much do you really know about pregnancy?" He wasn't a specialist: if something went wrong, would he be able to handle it?
"Not me – Juliet," he corrected her. "You said it yourself – she used to do this for a living."
"Used to, Jack," she repeated. "She's retired now." Whatever happened to keeping a low profile?
"She delivered Amy's baby," he insisted. "Why can't she deliver ours?"
Despite his more relaxed attitude to life, when it came to the people he cared about, he was as stubborn as ever. "All we can do is ask her," she told him, even though she still wasn't sure that Juliet would agree.
That night he was quieter than usual, combing his fingers through her hair in absent strokes as she lay with her head in his lap, pouring over the brochures the doctor had given her. They were full of black and white pictures of women with bangs and feathered hairstyles, dressed in unflattering smocks and oversized shirts that made her long for the maternity clothes that she'd seen in the stores back home.
"I wonder if the Dharma Initiative offers Lamaze classes," she mused, hoping that it would lighten the atmosphere between them, but he didn't even crack a smile, studying her with a distracted expression as though he were trying to figure something out.
"What?" she insisted when he opened his mouth and then closed it again, picking up one on nutrition. It was a lot shorter than she would have expected: just two double-sided pages; according to what she'd read earlier, there weren't many foods that she needed to avoid, including caffeine, which it claimed was unlikely to be harmful.
"Did you see anyone else? When we were apart?" he asked her after a moment. "It's okay if you did, I just… need to know."
She could tell from the way his voice wavered that he wasn't convinced of his words. "Is that what this is about?" she checked, sitting up, stunned by his question until she remembered her conversation with the doctor during her ultrasound. There was no way that he could understand why she was so reluctant to agree to the date of conception when they both knew that it was more than possible; it seemed that the only sense he could make of it was that she thought the baby might not be his.
She caught his hand where it had fallen back against the couch, taking it in both of hers. "I haven't been with another man in three years," she assured him, holding his gaze so he would know that for once, she wasn't lying to him. Not about that. "This baby is yours, Jack – I swear to you."
For a moment, she was afraid that he wouldn't accept this. "Then why does it feel like it isn't?" he insisted, stroking the back of her palm with his thumb.
It was a long time since she'd heard him sound this defeated; it was such a contrast to his outrage hours earlier. "What's going on?" she pressed, confused by his about turn. "This morning you couldn't wait to see it…"
"You saw the way he looked at me when I said I was your fiancé," he replied, staring straight ahead to avoid making eye contact with her, his voice low and unhappy. "As far as he was concerned, I shouldn't be there." He let out a bitter laugh. "I'm not your husband, so I don't have any rights – I'm just the guy who knocked you up."
His words struck a nerve with her; she was sure that he must have seen the pain in her expression at hearing it put into such crude terms. "What about you?" she asked him. "Do you really think that's true? That that's all you are?"
She should be asking herself the same question. What if she hadn't been able to forgive him, for stripping away her perfect life, first by leaving her, and then by making her give up her son? Would she still want him involved? Or would she be glad for the excuse to distance herself from him?
What if Sawyer was wrong, and the only reason she'd gone to him was because he was convenient? Because she knew that he wouldn't resist?
"You tell me," he said, breaking into her thoughts; she started, eyeing him with a fearful glance until she remembered that they were still talking about him.
"This is ridiculous, Jack," she insisted. "Of course you have rights." She shifted their hands to her belly, allowing him to feel the almost imperceptible bump pushing against the waistband of her jeans. So far, only a handful of people knew that she was pregnant, but in a few weeks that would change; as of a few days ago, she'd taken to leaving the top button undone to accommodate the extra weight. "I don't care what anyone says – this baby is as much yours as it is mine," she assured him.
He nodded, forcing a weak smile for her as he gave it an affectionate rub, but he didn't look any less miserable.
"Hey," she murmured, pressing a soft kiss to the side of his jaw. "What do I have to do to convince you that you're part of this family?"
"Marry me," he blurted out.
At first, she wasn't sure that she'd heard him right. "We already did this, Jack – twice," she reminded him with a wry grin, "and both times I said that I would."
"I'm not talking about eventually, Kate," he corrected her. "I'm saying we should get married now. Tonight…"
Next chapter: A (shotgun) wedding? ;)