"If you have tears prepare to shed them now."

WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE

Cupid's Chokehold; Chapter Nine. Bella.

For the second time in the past sixth months, I lost it. You would have thought that finding out my one best friend was a supernatural creature would have done it, you could have thought my truck breaking down would do it, you should have thought Victoria taking a teaching position at my school would have done it. But, no, seeing the knife slice through Jacob's hand and expecting to faint from the blood and not having that happen sent me over the edge.

Certainly, it was a combination of these things, but I'd like to think that if Jacob hadn't decided to attempt blood letting we could have passed today off as another Bella outburst and gone on with our slightly distorted perception of normalcy.

But, that didn't seem to be on the agenda. I stared at the fine, thin line on Jake's hand and let the tears flow down my cheeks. He wrapped his arms around me and I was comforted by the warmth I found there. Instead of resisting I stayed there and closed my eyes and cried. I had just cried, but this was different. There wasn't any sobbing or heavy breathing or moaning going on, just big, silent tears.

And it felt good. It felt so good that I didn't really feel like stopping.

I cried for the lies I had to tell to Charlie. In the past few months he had been so wonderful to me and listened and respected my decisions (no matter how poor they were) and now I was repaying him by lying to him. And no matter how important it was that I lie to him the guilt was still there.

I cried for my friends and classmates who were now in imminent danger 6 hours out of the day because of me. They were supposed to be able to enjoy their senior year, hell, they were supposed to be able to live through their senior year.

I cried for Jacob who was putting so much aside to help me out. I cried for Billy who was probably suffering because of me as well. I cried for Jacob's friends who were now working double time because of me.

And Jacob, sweet Jake, kind Jake, Jake who was far too good to even give me any sort of attention, held me during all of it. He didn't tell me to calm down, or to shush, he didn't console me with lies of how it would all work out and be okay. He didn't ask me if I wanted to sit down or if I needed water. He didn't ask if he could do anything to help me out, he just held me. And I was so thankful for that, because that was all I needed.

The crying slowed down eventually and I pulled back from Jacob, my knees popped from not moving for so long. The sun had gone down and the stove clock said that an hour had gone by since the slip of Jake's knife.

"I can cook dinner for you guys if you have any food."

&

Things improved the rest of the night as long as we ignored the pink polka-dotted elephant that followed us everywhere. And ignored its trumpeting.

The tow truck brought my own truck over and Jacob diagnosed it. He promised me that as soon as he ordered the parts we could begin working on it together, as long as I wasn't afraid of chipping a nail or getting dirty.

I held up my stubbly, square finger nails and smiled, "I think I'll be fine."

We worked on homework together for the rest of the night, which resulted in me explaining the themes of The Odyssey to Jake. I felt guilty, not only was I taking up his time by being a danger magnet, but I was also taking up his time by asking him to help me with the senior project. It was only fair that I help him out in return, I didn't want Jake to fail school on my account.

It was well into the night before I got home, I was ready to find Charlie worried and angry on the couch, instead I found a clean kitchen and Charlie upstairs already fast asleep.

&

I spent a lot of my time between sleeping and school at Jake's house. I was comfortable there, not only because Jake was a good friend but, because I knew I was safe there. And I knew that comforted Jake as well. I just had to trust that Charlie would be safe at work, Jake had told me that someone would be posted near the station just in case.

Deep down I was certain that wasn't necessary, Victoria wasn't after my family. She was after me. Of course, she could try and scare me by going through my family. I had to trust Jake and the pack. Who I had yet to meet face to face, Jacob promised me that I would soon. I suppose I had seen some of them at the party before school started but it wasn't like Jake was introducing them as a member of their wolf pack.

I opened the door to my last class of the day and the words on the board made my body go numb.

All seniors will report to the gym to discuss senior activities.

I had gone the entire week without having to run into Victoria. And I had held on to the thinnest strand of hope that she was just here to scare me and not massacre the entire Forks class of 2006. How silly of me, thinking positive, had I forgotten who I was?

I walked to the gym quickly and grabbed a seat in the far back, I was sitting near people I didn't know, but I didn't care. The farther away I was from Victoria the better off my mental state was. She didn't walk around campus like most of the other counselors did and I intended to keep any face to face contact with her to a bare minimum. I.E. these group meetings.

"Good afternoon, you happy souls," she started, her smile was bright and cheerful. Her teeth were gleaming, her hair was pulled back in a ponytail. Her clothes were simple, yet fashionable, drawing the students in, asking them to trust her, look up to her, see her as a friend. Only I could see past the gloss.

"I've been looking over your end-of-the-year activities and I was shocked to see that you guys don't have a grad nite. I remember loving mine so much and I just want you to all be able to have that same experience," it came to my attention that I knew nothing of her past. I couldn't help but wonder if maybe she did remember her own grad nite…. Either way she wasn't doing it for the memories this time. I couldn't fathom why she wanted to instill the grad nite tradition.

And I realized, maybe I didn't want to.

"I've talked to some of you and I've decided that a huge bon fire at the beach is just want you guys need after graduation. I'll pass out fliers at the end…."

Jacob was waiting by his car when I got out of the assembly, I made eye contact with him and his face brightened considerably. A tinge of guilt ran through me, Jake had entrusted me with his car, "You can walk, get a ride from Chief Swan… or borrow the Rabbit," his argument was undeniably good. But, I knew that because of this he was relying on other people for rides or running errands on foot. Whether he had gotten here by way of a ride or feet, I wasn't sure, but I was more worried about how he got here if he walked. Did he walk here in human form or his wolf form?

Which I had yet to see. I was desperately curious about what his wolf form looked like, was he a hideous werewolf like those seen in movies or did he look like a typical wolf? I knew all too well that Hollywood didn't always do their best at portraying mythical creatures in a real way.

I walked over to Jacob and tried to smile but it quickly melted off my face, I just couldn't keep up the façade. Not when it was so easy to let it all go with Jacob. And I did like that I could be honest with Jacob, it was just hard sometimes.

"I need to get some books out of my locker, walk with me?"

"Of course," he took my backpack from me and placed it in the car before taking his place beside me, "How was school?" he asked as I guided him towards my locker.

"School was okay, learning was no problem. It's what happened at the assembly that was terrible. Can we talk about it later?" I didn't want to break down again, not right now and not at school.

He looked ready to ask, but instead nodded his head. I grabbed my books and turned around, heading back to the car.

I was surprised when Jake stopped in front of my house, "Oh."

"What is it?"

I shifted, slightly uncomfortable, "I just figured we would be going to your house. I guess it was what I was used to," and it was true, even though I had only been going there on a daily basis for a little over a week it felt natural to be there. It felt like home.

"I just thought that maybe you'd want a change of pace, a change of scenery."

"Jacob, the only difference is that your place smells like sea salt," I smiled. He laughed, a throaty laugh that was true and made my smile grow more, "Actually, I wanted to start working on the senior project. Explain it more to you and maybe get working on the truck."

"Bella, I don't have the parts yet."

"Oh, I know. I figured that, but, Jake, I don't know much about cars. It took me two weeks to remember the break from the gas," he looked shocked and dismayed and I felt a little embarrassed. Was teaching me going to be more than he could handle? "You can still back out, of course."

"I would never back out on you Bella."

He started the car back up and drove us down to the res. He started by pointing out each part of the car and explaining briefly how they worked, it was hard at first but I just had to hope and pray that by the end I would have this down. Jake was a good teacher though and that definitely helped. He was infinitely patient, which was what I needed in a topic so over my head.

It wasn't until I was making dinner that I realized I had completely forgot about the danger Victoria imposed on the students at school.

AN: You guys are wonderful for waiting so long, expect an update on Thursday and Saturday. I love you all!