Something's gotta give me butterflies.
Something's gotta make me feel alive.
Something's gotta give me dreams at night.
I don't know where it is,
but something's gotta give.
LEANN RIMES, SOMETHING'S GOTTA GIVE

SATURDAY, APRIL 8

Cupid's Chokehold; Chapter Eleven. Bella.

The days passed by quickly and when Saturday came I quickly drove down to La Push, change of clothes in stow. My stomach was full of bubbles and butterflies and I had a hard time keeping the grip on the steering wheel steady. Jacob was waiting outside when I arrived, he wasn't smiling, but he had a towel in hand so I knew he wasn't going to change his mind and refuse me.

I felt very little guilt for using this whole imprint thing against him; it was the only way I was going to be able to test if I was over him. It was simple procedure. Jump, put myself in danger and see if I heard any voices. Well, one voice in particular—and that was Edward's. If I heard multiple voices I'd have bigger fish to fry than just yearning over my ex-boyfriend. If I didn't hear Edward's voice, maybe I could really recover from this profuse depression and be happy again. I could find someone else and maybe that someone else could be Jacob.

Jacob walked over and got into the car, he threw the towel into the back seat, "You look nice today." I scoffed, I looked down at my ensemble of sweat pants and an old t-shirt. "I mean you look better than you have the past few days," I raised my eyebrow, what made the lazy outfit I sported right now so different than my sweatshirt and jean combos from school days? "I mean," I looked over to Jacob again and he was blushing vividly, "you look healthier, happier. I don't know. Not so gloomy… just take the compliment."

I smiled and nodded, "Alright."

We drove closer towards the cliff and my nerves began to intensify. I wanted to chicken out, this was much bigger than talking to those strangers in the city or riding the motorcycles. Those things were unintentionally dangerous; I knew that this had a dangerous element to it. I could hit the water wrong and die, I could misjudge my step and not get far away enough from the cliff. Nothing good could come from this if things were to go wrong.

But on the other hand, there was the possibility that things could go wonderfully.

I pulled into the empty dirty lot that overlooked the scenic ocean, "No, Bella. You're not jumping from the top one, I'm not going to let you," Jake said in what he probably meant as enduring but what was really overbearing and controlling. I wasn't going to stand for it, I was tired of being controlled by other people and their decisions.

"You can't stop me," I got out of the car and walked over to the cliff. I looked down and I was gasped at the sight; it was a long way down and despite the nice weather the water was choppy. I heard the car door slam behind me.

"We'll go off the cliff below. We can climb up from the shore—"

"Jacob, I want to go off this cliff. If you don't let me we can go back now and work on my project and I can come back later without telling you and jump," I kicked a rock off the ledge and lost sight of it.

"You wouldn't be able to. You have to pass by my house, I'd be able to hear you. I'd stop you," he had placed his hand on my shoulder and I shrugged it off. I moved away from him and harrumphed. I just wanted to do what I wanted to do, what was the harm in that?

"Please, Jake?" I put on my best pout and pleading face. Jake's face was twisted mess of torture and pleasure, "It's not the Cliffs of Insanity or anything, just a cliff."

"Fine, we'll go at the same time," he gathered our shoes, my change of clothes and his shirt in the towel and tied a knot. I watched him throw them over and thud on the beach below us. It was a very long way down and I realized that if things didn't go very well we could end up like our belongings down on the beach. The knot had come undone and everything in the towel had been thrown around the sand.

Jake took my hand and we walked to the ledge, small pebbles fell off and got lost in the surf, "You're going to hold onto me, try and keep your legs straight. When we hit the water start kicking." I nodded and he faced me towards him and wrapped his arms under my own, I held tightly to his shoulders, "Ready?" I nodded again, it was really all I could manage at that point.

We took a step off the ledge and we were both flying through the air, I held onto him tighter than I thought I could. I let out a small scream, trying to contain my enthusiasm for Jacob's sake; my mouth was right next to his ear. Mixed in with the enthusiasm was a tinge of fear, I was falling hundreds of feet to the murky waters below.

"Hold your breath," I managed to gulp in air before we hit the water and immediately began kicking. It was struggle because instinct told me to use my arms but I did more harm to Jake's face than good to getting us closer to the surf. The salt was stinging my eyes and getting in my mouth through the clown-esque grin I had on my face, but I just couldn't help it. We popped up from the sea and I hugged Jacob close to me, I was laughing and crying at the same time. I could feel Jake kicking to keep us afloat, but I could also hear his laughter, "I'm glad you enjoyed it."

"You have no idea," Jake pushed me onto his back and began paddling towards the shore. I held on tight and closed my eyes against his bare back, I couldn't wipe the smile off my face even if I tried.

The enjoyment I had gotten out of jumping was surprise, my original intention of jumping was not to have fun, it was to hear Edward's voice. And I hadn't heard Edward's voice at all.

I felt my legs scrape against the sand and I stood up, I walked slowly to the shore. My muscles were tight from being so stiff on the way down and the waves kept pushing against me, Jacob held onto my back helping me make my way towards the shore. I fell down once the water was shallow enough and enjoyed the waves lapping at my legs and fingertips. Jake just sat there, completely bemused by my joy. I couldn't explain to him where this delirium was coming from, at least not yet.

But perhaps I could look forward to being happy again.

I sat up and leaned into Jake, we were facing opposite directions and my head was on his shoulder. The ocean seemed almost less impressive now that I jumped into it, but the sun still sparkled down on it causing a beautiful site. If the sky stayed clear the sunset would be impressive.

Jacob suddenly stiffened and pushed me behind him, "There's a vampire on the land," I turned around and peered over his shoulder. I was disappointed that I wasn't surprised by the red headed vampire making her way towards us from the woods that lines the beach.

"It's Victoria."

I was instantly torn, I wanted Jacob to stay here. I felt safe with him nearby, but I knew that he wanted to run and destroy her. I unwillingly let go of Jacob's arm but he made no attempt to move besides standing up, he brought his arms behind him and gestured for me to stand up. I obliged.

"You move on fast, Bella," she said in her sickly sweet voice, "I'm a little disappointed that you've been avoiding me at school. I think we'd have so much fun in counseling, you really have a lot of problems to work out. Get your, well, ex-boyfriend to kill my lover, ditch him and find a new and equally as dangerous one. I can nearly feel all the hate coming off from him," she gestured at Jacob, "If I didn't know any better I'd say you wanted me dead."

"I want you to leave me alone. I never meant to kill James. I didn't even do it. He attacked me, he tried to kill me. The Cullens only did what they thought was right. If he hadn't tried to kill me we wouldn't have any problems."

"Ce sera sera, you know?" she continued completely ignoring anything I had said, "Just know, I may not be stupid enough to harm you at school but I know where you live and I know where your friends live. Whether they live or die just depends on whether I want to draw this all out or not," I heard her blow a kiss into the wind, "Bye."

She was gone before I could let go of the breath I had been holding. Jacob walked away slowly, cussing and cursing into the wind. I sank to the ground crying. I had been so happy, I had thought that I could move on. Perhaps move on with Jacob, I knew he had feelings for me and I was quite certain that I was developing something beyond friendship. But if I stayed with Jake I would just be being dangerously selfish. I couldn't put Jacob in danger, even if it meant that I could be happy.

"Come on," Jacob was standing above me, holding out his hands. I pushed myself up from the sand and went to grab my clothes that were still strewn along the beach near the edge of the cliff. Jacob pulled the car around while I changed out of my wet clothes. The drive was silent on the way back with the only conversation coming from himself and all that conversation was being directed towards himself so I quickly tuned it out.

He invited me inside but I refused, "I can't come down here anymore, Jake. I think it would just be best if I called Charlie for a ride home and I think it would work out better if I did the senior project with him. I can take my truck over to the auto shop and have them fix it, thank you though."

I started walking down the road to the pay phone, I didn't want to give him time to respond, but despite his shock his speedy reflexes made up for it and he was in front of me before I had taken five steps, "No, you are not breaking up with me, Bella."

I pushed my hair out of my face, the salty drips were stingy my eyes. I walked around him and continued to the phone, "I'm not breaking up with you, Jake. You don't break up with friends. You do however protect them from dangers that they don't need to face. I'll figure out what to do with Victoria on my own, maybe I can get a hold of Alice and she can have Emmett and Jasper come down and take care of it," I left out the part where the Cullens had left no form of forwarding address, phone number or even email. But it couldn't be too terribly hard to google Carlisle's name. Surely a small town would be pleased enough to receive such a renowned doctor such as him that their paper would write an article or two on him, "Tell the rest of the pack thank you, but they can return to their regular programming."

"You don't understand, Bells! I can't leave you, I don't want to leave you. You're my imprint! I love you more than anything in the world. If saving you means that I have to die then I'm okay with that. You're more important than food and oxygen to me. Victoria came onto our land, she's a threat to us now. And now that the Cullen's are gone Forks is our territory as well, if she's in that town we have every right to protect it's citizens. Tough luck Bella, but you're stuck with me."

"I don't want to be stuck with you, if you stay with me you're either going to die or push me away when you're through. That's just how it works with me, spare me the pain, all right?"

I began walking away again but he swung me back, his grip on my arm was tight and gave me no room to move. I had no time to react, instead his lips were crushing my own. I gasped; they were so soft and gentle. His hands moved up to cup my face and I wrapped my hands around his wrists, I fully intended to push him away. Once I found the strength again. He pulled away and wiped the tears away from my face, he smiled, "It wasn't that bad."

No, dear God, it was wonderful.

"I can't do this, Jake. I'm not ready. I'll tell you when and if I'm ready. Maybe when Victoria's gone. We've been over this already," I couldn't look up at him, instead I stared down at the dirt road and my muddied feet. That kiss had felt wonderful and my mind had been Edward free when we were jumping.

I couldn't look him in the eye because I knew I was lying to him.

AN: haha! Did you guys actually think I would give you that quote and then let them have their happily ever after! Ha! Suckers! No, I'm kidding. It's getting closer to that, honest to blog (what movie's that from?).

Anyway, I realize I said I would update on Saturday, well I was at an amazing Writer's Conference and after I was critiqued by Catherine Ryan Hyde I pretty much lost my mind and went into crazy land because a published author said I was good. Yeah, my impending 19th birthday should bring on some maturity, I'm sure.

Update Tuesday night-ish, California time? Maybe. I have a big exam that I kinda have to pass but we all know how much I love procrastinating.

Also: No quote this time from the story, but I'll still send out the chapter quote if you guys review. (I realize I skipped some of you yesterday, again, I blame my psychotic happiness.)